2

votes

Significant others and Paleo: Ideas after you screwed it up

Answered on August 19, 2014
Created September 23, 2010 at 5:39 AM

Bottom line up front: Any ideas for healing over a relationship if you screwed up because of your primal success?

An earlier question got me thinking about my situation. I first played with Paleo in 2006 after reading Cordain's "Paleo Diet". I was turned on by an article in Runners World.

I was living as a geographic bachelor so it was fairly easy to be Paleo. When we began to live together again I fell of the wagon BIG TIME.

In January I made the decision to go back and I am committed that this is my life henceforth. My wife and I joke that we now have a "food divorce". Sadly I think I have blown it with her. My success, (lost 30 pounds and have better regulated moods) put her off because I frequently pontificate to those who have questions.

Further she chastises me because I believe that Paleo is the "only way to go". Any ideas?

828429fe885f42968c0519d5b84cec40

(608)

on November 15, 2010
at 07:40 PM

After my husband saw me fry my pork chops in lard and lather them in homemade mayo he said I was crazy. Once he saw me do it every day while maintaining a size 4, he said "Ok, where do I sign up!" We're both at good weights and strength and eat like little cave-piggies. Evidence > pontification (although I have also been known to do this ;)

5841391284e7af8c495c54bd90d3a795

(2764)

on September 30, 2010
at 06:15 AM

I think we're talking on different wavelengths, here.

65125edd5aafad39b3d5b3a8b4a36bb7

(6092)

on September 29, 2010
at 06:30 PM

Nobody should apologize for eating a healthy diet and answering questions when asked. If they feel bad, it's probably because of cognitive dissonance.

65125edd5aafad39b3d5b3a8b4a36bb7

(6092)

on September 29, 2010
at 06:23 PM

GGP: If health and fitness is important to you, it wouldn't make sense to date somebody whom you suspect will be diseased and crippled by their lifestyle by middle-age. The fact that some folks refuse to date or resolve issues with people that have opposing stances on health, is not silly. It means they wisely recognize that their relationship would likely be fraught with countless arguments and fights over lifestyle choices.

84666a86108dee8d11cbbc85b6382083

(2399)

on September 26, 2010
at 04:24 PM

GGP: Could you have a kid with someone who isn't near Paleo ? ?If so, how would you raise your kid (nutrition wise) ?

84666a86108dee8d11cbbc85b6382083

(2399)

on September 26, 2010
at 04:07 PM

GGP: Could you have a kid with someone who isn't near Paleo ? If so, how would you raise your kid (nutrition wise) ? It's not all black and white.

47a42b6be94caf700fce9509e38bb6a4

(9647)

on September 25, 2010
at 04:59 PM

@Stephen-Aegis, you can always copy the text of your comment, erase it, then make a new comment and paste it in -- and make the change. That's what I do when a mistake of mine grinders my gears.

5841391284e7af8c495c54bd90d3a795

(2764)

on September 25, 2010
at 06:34 AM

Dave S., insects are a part of this complete breakfast! Uh, actually, I haven't crossed that line yet (intentionally, anyway).

5841391284e7af8c495c54bd90d3a795

(2764)

on September 25, 2010
at 06:32 AM

How do you know that, Patrik? For me, apologizing isn't always for the person I'm apologizing to. Sometimes it's for me. Sometimes it's for my part in damage to a relationship. I'm *guessing* that's what the question was about. If a relationship is "screwed up" then there is probably plenty to apologize for from all parties. I have apologized for pontificating (or soap-boxing) to people who didn't want to hear it - wasted everybody's time.

37f4b3c51afbd92d259afaa171270874

(1219)

on September 25, 2010
at 05:19 AM

Well actually no, everyone doesn't know smoking is bad for you, LOL! http://nutrition-and-physical-regeneration.com/blog/2534/tobacco/reach-lucky-sweet/

0034e877123279fd4e16347f9829e514

on September 25, 2010
at 04:07 AM

Congrats Aaron. That sounds like a "replicable" solution.

0034e877123279fd4e16347f9829e514

on September 25, 2010
at 04:06 AM

Shilpa that is great advice thanks.

0034e877123279fd4e16347f9829e514

on September 25, 2010
at 04:04 AM

David an astute point.

0034e877123279fd4e16347f9829e514

on September 25, 2010
at 04:04 AM

No, too easy of a point. Food is a strong component in a relationship it just is. It also has direct influence on child rearing decisions. If you know that refined sugars and over loading carbohydrates are negative then do you allow your child to be raised on fruit juice and macaroni?

0034e877123279fd4e16347f9829e514

on September 25, 2010
at 04:02 AM

Stephen so true, if your significant other became a "smoker" you would have the world on your side. Every one knows that smoking is bad for you... Well I know gluten is as bad as cigarettes to me so...

0034e877123279fd4e16347f9829e514

on September 25, 2010
at 04:00 AM

And for your children, do you sit back and cheer for the macaroni and cheese?

93f44e8673d3ea2294cce085ebc96e13

(10502)

on September 25, 2010
at 03:59 AM

Could not disagree more in terms of "apologizing". You got nothing to apologize for.

1f70da0b737e9c6e7679a248f4228a01

on September 25, 2010
at 02:04 AM

So true! I have the same issue with some extended family members who feel like I'm judging their food choices and am somehow stopping them from enjoying their meal because I'm being "silently critical"! WTF?! I wouldn't even know what they were eating, let alone care! They make the choices they want to make. Whatever. They read my blog, they know the science, but in the end it's up to them. I'm sick of people passing along their insecurities and guilt onto those of us who stick with a healthier approach.

1f70da0b737e9c6e7679a248f4228a01

on September 25, 2010
at 01:59 AM

Exactly - if you treat Paleo like a religion, you're going to exclude and potentially offend people with different beliefs. So many Paleos say things like "Oh, I couldn't ever date someone who wasn't Paleo". How freaking sad. Are you really that close-minded that you refuse to socialise with people who eat grain and sugar? I find it difficult to converse with uber-religious fanatics who seem to work their theology into every conversation. I would hate to make other people feel the same way with my nutrition information, though I do catch myself working it into conversations a bit too often.

4b97e3bb2ee4a9588783f5d56d687da1

(22923)

on September 24, 2010
at 11:37 PM

Wish I could fix my comment above, should read ground not grinder

4b97e3bb2ee4a9588783f5d56d687da1

(22923)

on September 24, 2010
at 11:35 PM

Fixed spelling of Significant. Sorry, generally I don't like editing others posts, OCD took over.

5cc9908801b79ff820bbc1eb7ac01b8f

on September 24, 2010
at 10:22 PM

lololllol! "Also, another piece of advice for men everywhere, say you are sorry! (and learn how to say it properly without including a sentence about how it is part her fault or somesuch..)" Isn't that what this is really about? Who's right and wrong? I know what you mean.

5cc9908801b79ff820bbc1eb7ac01b8f

on September 24, 2010
at 10:22 PM

Totally. The opposite of perfect is good.

5cc9908801b79ff820bbc1eb7ac01b8f

on September 24, 2010
at 10:21 PM

I don't think the 30day "dare" would work. Paleo is something you have to fully commit to. Someone who's "forced" to go Paleo is just going to undermine the diet at every turn, with a lot of half-ass cheating.

5cc9908801b79ff820bbc1eb7ac01b8f

on September 24, 2010
at 10:18 PM

Good for you guys! My husband has the worst poker face, and I was always able to see him cringe when I ate garbage foods while he was going Paleo (before I did). I hated that he couldn't hide his disgust, but he got better at it, thankfully!

4b97e3bb2ee4a9588783f5d56d687da1

(22923)

on September 24, 2010
at 09:56 PM

If she doesn't see the results, you stop doing something that aggravates her. It's "prove me wrong" with the huge advantage of gambling while being able to see the cards.

5cc9908801b79ff820bbc1eb7ac01b8f

on September 24, 2010
at 09:44 PM

Good point: "This isn't about paleo. This is about how you two are interacting right now."

B3c62d89cd47b7d7209b6a99243d0ded

(10778)

on September 24, 2010
at 08:49 PM

Nasty moments there, a great way to get my goat (meaning I would be deeply irritated) would be to do exactly what she did, Ask my opinion, ignore it, and 'win' the argument by not only ignoring my opinion, but making sure that my suggestion could not be followed.

B3c62d89cd47b7d7209b6a99243d0ded

(10778)

on September 24, 2010
at 08:46 PM

While it think this is a great idea, I'm not sure that it would seem like a compromise to everyone. It seems one sided.

A89f9751a97c3082802dc0bcbe4e9208

(13978)

on September 24, 2010
at 08:34 PM

Oooo... I feel for you. That's rough.

65125edd5aafad39b3d5b3a8b4a36bb7

(6092)

on September 24, 2010
at 08:04 PM

Dude, your fiancee sounds awesome.

A968087cc1dd66d480749c02e4619ef4

(20436)

on September 23, 2010
at 06:07 PM

So, catching flies is... Paleo!

D738a5b2a67f3c36518a2ac9f32d27af

(821)

on September 23, 2010
at 02:17 PM

Excellent advice. For those who do therapy, we know that other people's feelings are not our problem, but I hate when people get defensive when talking about something *I* do for myself. I don't get why people think I am critiquing their diet when I describe mine, but it happens all too often. Accentuating the positive (not that I find not eating bread a negative) seems to be the way to go. I bet, however, if folks gave up grains their moods would improve and they wouldn't be so touchy. :)

691f120a3e7a1a036845d105d86c99a3

(3641)

on September 23, 2010
at 02:15 PM

my fiance just says i have advanced theories that science hasn't caught up with.

4b97e3bb2ee4a9588783f5d56d687da1

(22923)

on September 23, 2010
at 10:36 AM

Emotionally Compelling is a great point.

4b97e3bb2ee4a9588783f5d56d687da1

(22923)

on September 23, 2010
at 10:24 AM

Agreed, my gears are grinder when someone suggests our fad diet is opinion based

5841391284e7af8c495c54bd90d3a795

(2764)

on September 23, 2010
at 07:09 AM

Great point about learning more in the future.

5be844214037850c304c1e6a05dc5277

on September 23, 2010
at 06:21 AM

OK I just refreshed my memory on the definition of pontificate and I think im more of a soap box'er. I know where your coming from, sometimes I feel like many aspects of Paleo are more fact than opinion, and this can really get me going when people refer to the latter!

5be844214037850c304c1e6a05dc5277

on September 23, 2010
at 06:17 AM

Glad im not the only one guilty of pontification ;)

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11 Answers

10
5cc9908801b79ff820bbc1eb7ac01b8f

on September 24, 2010
at 10:16 PM

You might want to approach Paleo the same way as you would a religion. MikeD's point about how we're true believers leads me to observe that Paleo converts aren't much different in behavior from born-again Christians. We often incorrectly believe that given enough facts, figures, and scientific studies, that any person should follow the logic and convert to the Paleo Diet. But obviously it doesn't happen. Instead, what's actually happening is that you're attempting to change your wife's belief system: her beliefs about what is good and evil, in her food choices.

So put yourself in your wife's shoes: if your wife were trying to convert you to another religion and she talked about it constantly, and kept proclaiming how much better your life would be if you'd only convert, well, it's easy to imagine how irritated and resistant you'd be as well. Moreover, the implied sentiment behind the statement "Your life would be so much better" is that she is inferior to you for not choosing Paleo and more importantly, that you don't respect her decisions. And that will make her defensive and resistant.

What's the answer? It seems like the relationship is a little strained as a consequence. You need to take a good hard look at the way you feel about your wife in terms of her eating habits. Yes, you have great health, but your wife needs to know that you respect her beliefs and her decisions. More importantly, show her that you respect her decision to not go Paleo, even if you don't agree with the decision itself.

So take Paleo off the table. Stop talking about it with your friends, with her. And stop with the food divorce; you both are isolating yourselves during what is a quintessential human experience: the preparing and eating of food with loved ones. This isolation basically reinforces the sentiment "You're on your own; do what you want." That's not a good sentiment in any aspect of a marriage, which should be about teamwork. So show in your actions that you support her decision by helping her prepare her half of the meal ("Want me to boil up some pasta for you?), and ask for her help in preparing yours ("Can you help me out by chopping up some asparagus?"). Then when you eat, offer her bites off your plate and have bites off her plate, YES, even the pasta! If you're taking one for the team to show her you care, it's not a hard sacrifice to make.

I hope that helps. My husband was the first to convert to Paleo and it wasn't until he took Paleo off the table, that I became interested and willing to learn.

0034e877123279fd4e16347f9829e514

on September 25, 2010
at 04:06 AM

Shilpa that is great advice thanks.

84666a86108dee8d11cbbc85b6382083

(2399)

on September 26, 2010
at 04:07 PM

GGP: Could you have a kid with someone who isn't near Paleo ? If so, how would you raise your kid (nutrition wise) ? It's not all black and white.

1f70da0b737e9c6e7679a248f4228a01

on September 25, 2010
at 01:59 AM

Exactly - if you treat Paleo like a religion, you're going to exclude and potentially offend people with different beliefs. So many Paleos say things like "Oh, I couldn't ever date someone who wasn't Paleo". How freaking sad. Are you really that close-minded that you refuse to socialise with people who eat grain and sugar? I find it difficult to converse with uber-religious fanatics who seem to work their theology into every conversation. I would hate to make other people feel the same way with my nutrition information, though I do catch myself working it into conversations a bit too often.

65125edd5aafad39b3d5b3a8b4a36bb7

(6092)

on September 29, 2010
at 06:23 PM

GGP: If health and fitness is important to you, it wouldn't make sense to date somebody whom you suspect will be diseased and crippled by their lifestyle by middle-age. The fact that some folks refuse to date or resolve issues with people that have opposing stances on health, is not silly. It means they wisely recognize that their relationship would likely be fraught with countless arguments and fights over lifestyle choices.

84666a86108dee8d11cbbc85b6382083

(2399)

on September 26, 2010
at 04:24 PM

GGP: Could you have a kid with someone who isn't near Paleo ? ?If so, how would you raise your kid (nutrition wise) ?

8
A8d95f3744a7a0885894ee0731c9744c

(3761)

on September 23, 2010
at 12:34 PM

I had a similar experience with my wife. Simply put, she thought that because I'm so strict, and can be a little soapbox-y that I was judging her. I think it's important to help your significant other understand that you don't want to force them into anything they don't want to do, that you don't judge them, that you love them the way they are, and want what is best for them. I had to learn how to not treat her like everyone else; she is special, and deserves to be set apart (especially from my paleo food "suggestions"!).

For us, I just have to make sure that she feels loved and valued despite any dietary decisions she makes- No judgment at home!

1f70da0b737e9c6e7679a248f4228a01

on September 25, 2010
at 02:04 AM

So true! I have the same issue with some extended family members who feel like I'm judging their food choices and am somehow stopping them from enjoying their meal because I'm being "silently critical"! WTF?! I wouldn't even know what they were eating, let alone care! They make the choices they want to make. Whatever. They read my blog, they know the science, but in the end it's up to them. I'm sick of people passing along their insecurities and guilt onto those of us who stick with a healthier approach.

0034e877123279fd4e16347f9829e514

on September 25, 2010
at 04:00 AM

And for your children, do you sit back and cheer for the macaroni and cheese?

6
Fe33d1321dad116f6fedd60266d0498b

on September 23, 2010
at 04:31 PM

I would absolutely not go with Stephen-Aegis' answer. If my SO tried that with me- nuh-uh, nothing doing. I'd feel offended that my SO missed the point so blatantly.

I don't think that what you're going through is about paleo, per se. It's about her reaction to your new lifestyle. Sure, jealousy might play a part of it, but it's probably as much the fact that she might feel preached to, or that you're "spoiling" social interactions (either through your pontification, or refusing certain foods/drinks/activities, etc).

Sit down and talk with her about how she feels. Be honest about how you feel- emotionally and physically. If it helps (you or her) reframe it- how would you feel if she suddenly picked up a religion that significantly changed her (looks, behavior, social interactions)? How would you feel if she got into doing raw vegan, and it did for her what it did for you?

This isn't about paleo. This is about how you two are interacting right now.

5cc9908801b79ff820bbc1eb7ac01b8f

on September 24, 2010
at 09:44 PM

Good point: "This isn't about paleo. This is about how you two are interacting right now."

0034e877123279fd4e16347f9829e514

on September 25, 2010
at 04:04 AM

No, too easy of a point. Food is a strong component in a relationship it just is. It also has direct influence on child rearing decisions. If you know that refined sugars and over loading carbohydrates are negative then do you allow your child to be raised on fruit juice and macaroni?

6
5841391284e7af8c495c54bd90d3a795

(2764)

on September 23, 2010
at 07:15 AM

First, apologize sincerely (as Eva said). Be nice, be gracious, be polite. Answer questions only to the level appropriate to the questioner and only when they ask. I would think it would be okay when apologizing to offer a short (elevator-speech-length) explanation of why you eat what you do eat. However, I would avoid saying why you don't eat what you don't eat since this is where I think most people start to feel defensive.

Remember, honey is paleo, vinegar is neo. :-)

D738a5b2a67f3c36518a2ac9f32d27af

(821)

on September 23, 2010
at 02:17 PM

Excellent advice. For those who do therapy, we know that other people's feelings are not our problem, but I hate when people get defensive when talking about something *I* do for myself. I don't get why people think I am critiquing their diet when I describe mine, but it happens all too often. Accentuating the positive (not that I find not eating bread a negative) seems to be the way to go. I bet, however, if folks gave up grains their moods would improve and they wouldn't be so touchy. :)

5841391284e7af8c495c54bd90d3a795

(2764)

on September 25, 2010
at 06:34 AM

Dave S., insects are a part of this complete breakfast! Uh, actually, I haven't crossed that line yet (intentionally, anyway).

93f44e8673d3ea2294cce085ebc96e13

(10502)

on September 25, 2010
at 03:59 AM

Could not disagree more in terms of "apologizing". You got nothing to apologize for.

A968087cc1dd66d480749c02e4619ef4

(20436)

on September 23, 2010
at 06:07 PM

So, catching flies is... Paleo!

5841391284e7af8c495c54bd90d3a795

(2764)

on September 25, 2010
at 06:32 AM

How do you know that, Patrik? For me, apologizing isn't always for the person I'm apologizing to. Sometimes it's for me. Sometimes it's for my part in damage to a relationship. I'm *guessing* that's what the question was about. If a relationship is "screwed up" then there is probably plenty to apologize for from all parties. I have apologized for pontificating (or soap-boxing) to people who didn't want to hear it - wasted everybody's time.

65125edd5aafad39b3d5b3a8b4a36bb7

(6092)

on September 29, 2010
at 06:30 PM

Nobody should apologize for eating a healthy diet and answering questions when asked. If they feel bad, it's probably because of cognitive dissonance.

5841391284e7af8c495c54bd90d3a795

(2764)

on September 30, 2010
at 06:15 AM

I think we're talking on different wavelengths, here.

5
62ed65f3596aa2f62fa1d58a0c09f8c3

(20807)

on September 23, 2010
at 06:20 AM

I know it's hard not to pontificate. But try. Also helps if you are not a nazi about every little thing. A spoonful of ranch with canola oil is not THAT big a deal. It's probably fairly easy for most people to do 80% paleo. Try for that instead of diehard perfection. Emphasize the positive. Do not harp on the negative. Also remember, we don't know everything yet. Even paleo eaters will probably learn more and tweak the diet in the future. Also, another piece of advice for men everywhere, say you are sorry! (and learn how to say it properly without including a sentence about how it is part her fault or somesuch..)

5841391284e7af8c495c54bd90d3a795

(2764)

on September 23, 2010
at 07:09 AM

Great point about learning more in the future.

5cc9908801b79ff820bbc1eb7ac01b8f

on September 24, 2010
at 10:22 PM

Totally. The opposite of perfect is good.

5cc9908801b79ff820bbc1eb7ac01b8f

on September 24, 2010
at 10:22 PM

lololllol! "Also, another piece of advice for men everywhere, say you are sorry! (and learn how to say it properly without including a sentence about how it is part her fault or somesuch..)" Isn't that what this is really about? Who's right and wrong? I know what you mean.

4
37f4b3c51afbd92d259afaa171270874

on September 23, 2010
at 05:58 AM

You might find a series I wrote called Winning The War On Good Food helpful.

Good luck!

4b97e3bb2ee4a9588783f5d56d687da1

(22923)

on September 23, 2010
at 10:36 AM

Emotionally Compelling is a great point.

3
Eedf46c82d0356d1d46dda5f9782ef36

(4464)

on September 24, 2010
at 09:00 PM

Been there.

My sudden switch to paleo initially caused a very negative reaction from my wife. In her defense - I caused the situation. From the time we first met neither of us ever gave much thought to food quality - SAD and SADder... I went from running to Taco Bell to get us a bunch of tacos and two large Mt. Dews to strict paleo pretty much over one weekend. I also suddenly didn't want any of the pasta, rice, or other side-dishes she'd customarily cook. I started down a path of trying to get her to join me and I hit the same problem I think you're facing. The pressure pushed her farther from my position than closer.

So I stopped. I accepted a temporary "food divorce" as you put it. I did my thing, she ate whatever she wanted and I tried not to make faces when she'd continue drinking Mt. Dews (not easy).

Six months later she started coming around. She's now about 80% paleo - not as strict as I am but WAY better than the way she was eating. Not surprisingly, she's dropped about 25lbs now (2-3 months later) and she's starting to appreciate the changes.

Good ideas are hard to resist long term if they aren't shoved down our throats (no pun intended). Don't add pressure, that will only slow things down.

0034e877123279fd4e16347f9829e514

on September 25, 2010
at 04:07 AM

Congrats Aaron. That sounds like a "replicable" solution.

5cc9908801b79ff820bbc1eb7ac01b8f

on September 24, 2010
at 10:18 PM

Good for you guys! My husband has the worst poker face, and I was always able to see him cringe when I ate garbage foods while he was going Paleo (before I did). I hated that he couldn't hide his disgust, but he got better at it, thankfully!

3
65125edd5aafad39b3d5b3a8b4a36bb7

on September 24, 2010
at 08:09 PM

This is going to be tough.

For people into health and fitness, lifestyle choices are a big deal. It's not comforting to spend a lot of your effort on being healthy, and then watch your spouse or mate do the opposite. You start to wonder, 40 years form now when I look like Art De Vany and enjoy being healthy and active, will my significant other be terribly ill and sedentary?

I think your only hope is to gradually convince them to see things your way and maybe "convert" them in a manner of speaking.

I hate to say it, but something like this can be as difficult, like with people having very difficult religious beliefs trying to work it out. And some people practically worship bread.

0034e877123279fd4e16347f9829e514

on September 25, 2010
at 04:04 AM

David an astute point.

3
4b97e3bb2ee4a9588783f5d56d687da1

on September 23, 2010
at 10:32 AM

I personally would be unable to live with someone eating a toxic diet. Not only having to put up with that, but having to watch a loved one slowly poison themselves and know that I'm likely going to outlive them.

If you want to keep the relationship regardless, I'd suggest a 30 day compromise.

For 30 days, she eats strict paleo(not fruitsugar faleo either), for those same 30 days you don't talk about it at all except to help her stay the course.

If after 30 days she doesn't look and feel better. Have a concession about talking about it in front of her. If she does look/feel better(as the greater majority of SAD humans do) then win win

37f4b3c51afbd92d259afaa171270874

(1219)

on September 25, 2010
at 05:19 AM

Well actually no, everyone doesn't know smoking is bad for you, LOL! http://nutrition-and-physical-regeneration.com/blog/2534/tobacco/reach-lucky-sweet/

B3c62d89cd47b7d7209b6a99243d0ded

(10778)

on September 24, 2010
at 08:46 PM

While it think this is a great idea, I'm not sure that it would seem like a compromise to everyone. It seems one sided.

4b97e3bb2ee4a9588783f5d56d687da1

(22923)

on September 24, 2010
at 09:56 PM

If she doesn't see the results, you stop doing something that aggravates her. It's "prove me wrong" with the huge advantage of gambling while being able to see the cards.

0034e877123279fd4e16347f9829e514

on September 25, 2010
at 04:02 AM

Stephen so true, if your significant other became a "smoker" you would have the world on your side. Every one knows that smoking is bad for you... Well I know gluten is as bad as cigarettes to me so...

5cc9908801b79ff820bbc1eb7ac01b8f

on September 24, 2010
at 10:21 PM

I don't think the 30day "dare" would work. Paleo is something you have to fully commit to. Someone who's "forced" to go Paleo is just going to undermine the diet at every turn, with a lot of half-ass cheating.

2
Ef228708abd5f082f633b1cd1d64eee1

(892)

on September 24, 2010
at 08:01 PM

Luckily my husband is at least supportive. My mother on the other hand... she approves of whole food, but thinks saturated fat is evil and beans are wonderful. I spent the week with her at a family vacation a month ago, and we argued non-stop on the cooking. We had been given some venison meat from a hunter relative, and she promptly threw it into a chili with tons of beans. >:| Later in the week she relented enough to buy me some sweet potatoes, so I made us some hash browns. She came in to help, turned the stove on, asked what oil I wanted to use. I said either butter or olive oil (the best options in the house) she goes, "oh don't be silly," and pours CORN OIL in, and dumps my lovely grated sweet potatoes in before I can even start arguing. :*( Anyway, sorry this is more of a vent than an actual answer. I guess it's different when you aren't living with a person year-round, but my best success was with simple statements rather than holier-than-thou arguments... like pointing out that beans have lectins in them and are bad for rheumatoid arthritis, and letting her do the follow up if she so desired. The snarky comments ("How do you squeeze OIL out of CORN?") seemed less successful, though they made me feel better.

A89f9751a97c3082802dc0bcbe4e9208

(13978)

on September 24, 2010
at 08:34 PM

Oooo... I feel for you. That's rough.

B3c62d89cd47b7d7209b6a99243d0ded

(10778)

on September 24, 2010
at 08:49 PM

Nasty moments there, a great way to get my goat (meaning I would be deeply irritated) would be to do exactly what she did, Ask my opinion, ignore it, and 'win' the argument by not only ignoring my opinion, but making sure that my suggestion could not be followed.

1
691f120a3e7a1a036845d105d86c99a3

(3641)

on September 23, 2010
at 02:22 PM

I think part of the issue is we are true believers. We've accepted paleo, we've done it, we've seen the insane results. People who don't want to accept the evidence and the science behind it find our knowledge and success a bit intimidating. To top that off because we are so pro-paleo we love to tell people about it--hell we need to because we imagine a world where no one has to eat unhealthy food or be struck by the diseases of civilization.

Rant over: I agree with Stephen-Aegis, 30 trial might be good, plus if some of her 'put-off'ness (who could be put off by their SO losing their beer belly?) stems from insecurity over your own transformation and her own difficulties, adopting paleo might lead to understanding as well as new found confidence for her!

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