4

votes

hack my (excessive) sex drive

Answered on August 19, 2014
Created March 12, 2012 at 1:57 AM

i've seen a bunch of posts about decreased sex drive. sadly, i have the opposite problem.

i'm 33, female, been eating paleo for two months and my sex drive has really ramped up in the last month. i feel great, am in the best shape of my life, and i now understand how it feels to be a teenage boy. my husband, however, does not appreciate this and feels guilty and beleaguered. i feel like a weird cliche.

i have tried herbs to decrease my libido and they didn't work.

how can i make this stop? i now have so much sympathy for many of the men in the world.

9255d6163a7114b8392079bfb8fd6151

(216)

on September 07, 2013
at 01:28 AM

word. it sure is- but my guess is that most of these are 'first world problems'. your response was super helpful, thanks!

Dbd1e8fad5d4b47409d84bd6610020d5

(368)

on May 13, 2012
at 04:09 AM

I noticed the same thing and I've been jumping my man every opportunity that comes up and masturbate otherwise. Seriously, I probably end up masturbating 3-6 times per day, and I know that he is the same. Unfortunately, we have differing schedules and my sex drive often runs like a sinusoidal wave, where as his is more like cosine and about 30* behind me. Lame!

5ef574d7893bc816ec52e04139e9bc09

(6097)

on May 12, 2012
at 05:47 PM

You already seem to be an expert at masturbating your ego.

5ef574d7893bc816ec52e04139e9bc09

(6097)

on May 12, 2012
at 05:46 PM

I'm fairly positive that girls tend to have higher sex drives than guys. So maybe now you're just normal.

9b0a4701e373d4dd13831cfb9b13f42d

(1677)

on May 12, 2012
at 05:14 PM

Or start combing the high-schools...

1edb06ded9ccf098a4517ca4a7a34ebc

(14952)

on May 12, 2012
at 03:56 PM

So how seriously do you take that whole monogamy thing? JK, you can always masturbate. Or am I? JK. Maybe?

Cccb899526fb5908f64176e0a74ed2d9

(2801)

on May 12, 2012
at 03:12 PM

Stay wary, dee, this guy's Not a Doctor.

D45e43b08cd99a04f5d4294a871e1078

(1010)

on April 23, 2012
at 09:10 PM

^ When I want to be awake, like talking to a girl, I get immensly tired. when I want to rest, like laying in bed, I am wide awake. It's like narcalepsy, it's like another person is living in me trying to make everything go wrong.

97ffbac59e88bdff6495d0a9b6f70ff7

(555)

on April 22, 2012
at 12:40 AM

fatigued during the day and weird at night? I'm intrigued - could you explain more? anything you've done to fix this (I get daytime fatigue too fairly regularly...)

9255d6163a7114b8392079bfb8fd6151

(216)

on March 14, 2012
at 01:36 AM

masturbation isn't the issue- i do that plenty- i guess i just need to get over it- no one gets to have sex all the time, right?

9255d6163a7114b8392079bfb8fd6151

(216)

on March 14, 2012
at 01:34 AM

pretty high, actually. good point- even though i'm paleo i'm still eating liberal amounts of carbs. i'll try that- thank you!

9255d6163a7114b8392079bfb8fd6151

(216)

on March 14, 2012
at 01:32 AM

we are trying extra zinc and fats- and he is getting his testosterone levels checked. fapping to weird things? lol - maybe the shame of jerking it to 'weird things' will make me so disgusted with myself i'll get over it - thanks.

5514047f3281f61b1139fe6483ae6989

(315)

on March 13, 2012
at 06:23 PM

You've got our attention. Good job

518bce04b12cd77741237e1f61075194

(11577)

on March 13, 2012
at 06:21 PM

The thing is, some people just naturally have a lower libido, so unless something is interrupting his libido and he doesn't want to fix it, for most people it's a compromise between the differences of libidos.

218f4d92627e4289cc81178fce5b4d00

on March 13, 2012
at 01:30 PM

Have a child or two and watch that libido plummet...

0d0842381492a41b2173a04014aae810

(4875)

on March 13, 2012
at 04:04 AM

I need a paleo girlfriend. Badly.

Medium avatar

(39821)

on March 13, 2012
at 02:47 AM

Try being weird during the day and fatigued at night.

Cbb1134f8e93067d1271c97bb2e15ef6

on March 13, 2012
at 02:17 AM

LOL @Travis!!!!

Medium avatar

(39821)

on March 12, 2012
at 11:52 PM

What exactly are you eating?

D10ca8d11301c2f4993ac2279ce4b930

(5242)

on March 12, 2012
at 08:40 PM

And seriously, as a student who gets burnt out sometimes (10 finals this week, but I'm presently doing fine) and sex then just doesn't feel desirable, don't force sex on someone without a sex drive. It's the worst. Help him rebuild his sex drive. Don't make him pretend.

D10ca8d11301c2f4993ac2279ce4b930

(5242)

on March 12, 2012
at 08:38 PM

I definitely can understand how this can be distracting and unwanted. Try some calming herbs like Kava kava, ashwagandha, or rhodiola. I'll have some more specific answers in a quarter or two after I take bot med.

Ce7e28769d92d5de5533e775b1de966e

on March 12, 2012
at 03:02 PM

Oh damn, that stinks. #1 do not change anything that you're doing for yourself as it's healthy and makes you feel good. #2 Have you tried to just curl up on the couch with your hubs and very gently and honestly talk about it? #3 When was the last time he had a physical and are there other things going on with him that are affecting the sexy times? His response makes it sound like something could be.. (not) up. #4 Have you tried some good old dirty makeouts? Get all sweaty in the car? #4 Add the JimmyJane vibrator to your "toolbox."

Ce7e28769d92d5de5533e775b1de966e

on March 12, 2012
at 03:01 PM

Oh pumpkin.. that sucks. #1 do not change anything that you're doing for yourself as it's healthy and makes you feel good. #2 Have you tried to just curl up on the couch with your hubs and very gently and honestly talk about it? #3 When was the last time he had a physical and are there other things going on with him that are affecting the sexy times? His response makes it sound like something could be.. (not) up. #4 Have you tried some good old dirty makeouts? Get all sweaty in the car? #4 Add the JimmyJane vibrator to your "toolbox."

9d43f6873107e17ca4d1a5055aa7a2ad

on March 12, 2012
at 02:00 PM

Maybe get him to go on the paleo diet?

667f6c030b0245d71d8ef50c72b097dc

(15976)

on March 12, 2012
at 01:39 PM

how in the world is this a problem

52af669cec3e4d2a2b414faea3de2877

(547)

on March 12, 2012
at 06:08 AM

... Melissa... REALLY?! Where are these drug stores?! o.O

6d06945c5244687be2f6a9ca731b9cc6

(405)

on March 12, 2012
at 04:36 AM

Haahahahaha! So strange. I felt like a teenage boy when I was a teenage girl, so it kind of became normalcy for me.

1586db0f16b2cef51ee4e71ab08ad1a2

(965)

on March 12, 2012
at 03:25 AM

I'd say masturbate. Start with twice a day, maybe up it to three or more if you find this blessing a burden. If you are worried at all about this offending your husband, talk to him about it. May be a slightly uncomfortable conversation, but there's a good chance it could also turn him on, to boot. No reason he couldn't watch/be there with you if he can't join ship. Anywho, all I've got for sex advice for now. Best of luck!

77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on March 12, 2012
at 02:58 AM

i am a woman and never found it to be a problem or burden.

3eca93d2e56dfcd768197dc5a50944f2

(11697)

on March 12, 2012
at 02:50 AM

Good advice, Ryan Gosling is super-hot...

41dfb1a4fecb38d24075ff52f13ccb28

on March 12, 2012
at 02:49 AM

... or "300" ...

9d43f6873107e17ca4d1a5055aa7a2ad

on March 12, 2012
at 02:44 AM

For women this can be a huge burden because our culture tells us that it's something abnormal for women and often women don't know about the "outlets" that men use or they are stigmatized for women. I think this is changing though. You can now buy a vibrator at nearly any drug store these days.

9140810eb28b318fb081c1f98c0989c8

(459)

on March 12, 2012
at 02:35 AM

Because her husband "feels guilty and beleaguered" I assume. Yes, pleasuring yourself is probably the best answer.

A089b683ee0498f2b21b7edfa300e405

(3895)

on March 12, 2012
at 02:23 AM

..and why would you want to "make this stop".?

9d43f6873107e17ca4d1a5055aa7a2ad

on March 12, 2012
at 02:08 AM

Men seem to deal with this by pleasing themselves. It works for women too...

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17 Answers

12
D10ca8d11301c2f4993ac2279ce4b930

(5242)

on March 12, 2012
at 05:53 AM

what do you need me to do?

Cccb899526fb5908f64176e0a74ed2d9

(2801)

on May 12, 2012
at 03:12 PM

Stay wary, dee, this guy's Not a Doctor.

11
A96720eb77be29f27f198654fecd8f3c

(824)

on March 12, 2012
at 02:25 AM

This is an odd post. Maybe I should start a post with the title

  • Hack my (excessive) strength gains

  • Hack my (excessive) well-being

  • Hack my (excessive) fat loss and lean muscle gain

  • Hack my successful reversal of (insert auto-immune disease)

Just saying.....

6d06945c5244687be2f6a9ca731b9cc6

(405)

on March 12, 2012
at 04:36 AM

Haahahahaha! So strange. I felt like a teenage boy when I was a teenage girl, so it kind of became normalcy for me.

9d43f6873107e17ca4d1a5055aa7a2ad

on March 12, 2012
at 02:44 AM

For women this can be a huge burden because our culture tells us that it's something abnormal for women and often women don't know about the "outlets" that men use or they are stigmatized for women. I think this is changing though. You can now buy a vibrator at nearly any drug store these days.

77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on March 12, 2012
at 02:58 AM

i am a woman and never found it to be a problem or burden.

52af669cec3e4d2a2b414faea3de2877

(547)

on March 12, 2012
at 06:08 AM

... Melissa... REALLY?! Where are these drug stores?! o.O

8
F92e4ca55291c3f3096a3d4d3d854986

(11698)

on March 12, 2012
at 02:44 AM

Sounds like the problem isn't your sex drive itself but rather its disparity with your husband's. Can you two come to a compromise about a frequency that you can both live with? And the rest of the time, just rent Drive and masturbate.

41dfb1a4fecb38d24075ff52f13ccb28

on March 12, 2012
at 02:49 AM

... or "300" ...

3eca93d2e56dfcd768197dc5a50944f2

(11697)

on March 12, 2012
at 02:50 AM

Good advice, Ryan Gosling is super-hot...

5
B1859f696e88d25460a6b8a333412ea3

on March 12, 2012
at 05:38 AM

What exactly is excessive? 3 times a week? 3 times a day?

3
9255d6163a7114b8392079bfb8fd6151

(216)

on March 12, 2012
at 01:22 PM

i do masturbate, usually once or twice a day. it still doesn't stop me from wanting to have sex when my man's around. i like both! :) having sex once a day would be perfect, but i'd be happy with 3-4 times a week.

he feels like i need to get over it and stop thinking about it so much. i would honestly love to do that if it were that easy.

there is also a 17 year age difference between us, so maybe the issue is more about his lack of it than mine being excessive.

Ce7e28769d92d5de5533e775b1de966e

on March 12, 2012
at 03:02 PM

Oh damn, that stinks. #1 do not change anything that you're doing for yourself as it's healthy and makes you feel good. #2 Have you tried to just curl up on the couch with your hubs and very gently and honestly talk about it? #3 When was the last time he had a physical and are there other things going on with him that are affecting the sexy times? His response makes it sound like something could be.. (not) up. #4 Have you tried some good old dirty makeouts? Get all sweaty in the car? #4 Add the JimmyJane vibrator to your "toolbox."

9d43f6873107e17ca4d1a5055aa7a2ad

on March 12, 2012
at 02:00 PM

Maybe get him to go on the paleo diet?

Ce7e28769d92d5de5533e775b1de966e

on March 12, 2012
at 03:01 PM

Oh pumpkin.. that sucks. #1 do not change anything that you're doing for yourself as it's healthy and makes you feel good. #2 Have you tried to just curl up on the couch with your hubs and very gently and honestly talk about it? #3 When was the last time he had a physical and are there other things going on with him that are affecting the sexy times? His response makes it sound like something could be.. (not) up. #4 Have you tried some good old dirty makeouts? Get all sweaty in the car? #4 Add the JimmyJane vibrator to your "toolbox."

D10ca8d11301c2f4993ac2279ce4b930

(5242)

on March 12, 2012
at 08:38 PM

I definitely can understand how this can be distracting and unwanted. Try some calming herbs like Kava kava, ashwagandha, or rhodiola. I'll have some more specific answers in a quarter or two after I take bot med.

D10ca8d11301c2f4993ac2279ce4b930

(5242)

on March 12, 2012
at 08:40 PM

And seriously, as a student who gets burnt out sometimes (10 finals this week, but I'm presently doing fine) and sex then just doesn't feel desirable, don't force sex on someone without a sex drive. It's the worst. Help him rebuild his sex drive. Don't make him pretend.

2
3f3236d1f951d4b4c25eff387699a905

(554)

on March 13, 2012
at 11:50 AM

Masturbate! It's impossible to always have sex. Enjoy it and masturbate as much as you can. A man cannot and should not be expected to always satisfy you. I think it's fantastic and I'm quite jealous actually :D So don't put pressure on him and just take care of it yourself. There is no rule saying that you have to stop masturbating just because you're in a relationship.

9255d6163a7114b8392079bfb8fd6151

(216)

on March 14, 2012
at 01:36 AM

masturbation isn't the issue- i do that plenty- i guess i just need to get over it- no one gets to have sex all the time, right?

2
D45e43b08cd99a04f5d4294a871e1078

(1010)

on March 13, 2012
at 02:15 AM

A. You're the only woman I've ever heard say they have this problem. I wish I could marry you. I think all women are missing a sex hormone.

B. My sex drive is way off the charts, but I'm too fatigued during the day, and weird at night to attract any girls.

Medium avatar

(39821)

on March 13, 2012
at 02:47 AM

Try being weird during the day and fatigued at night.

97ffbac59e88bdff6495d0a9b6f70ff7

(555)

on April 22, 2012
at 12:40 AM

fatigued during the day and weird at night? I'm intrigued - could you explain more? anything you've done to fix this (I get daytime fatigue too fairly regularly...)

D45e43b08cd99a04f5d4294a871e1078

(1010)

on April 23, 2012
at 09:10 PM

^ When I want to be awake, like talking to a girl, I get immensly tired. when I want to rest, like laying in bed, I am wide awake. It's like narcalepsy, it's like another person is living in me trying to make everything go wrong.

1
1edb06ded9ccf098a4517ca4a7a34ebc

on May 12, 2012
at 03:58 PM

So how seriously do you take that whole monogamy thing? Jk, you can always resort to masturbation. Or am I? Just kidding. Maybe?

It's not a problem though, take it as a sign of vitality and self awareness.

9b0a4701e373d4dd13831cfb9b13f42d

(1677)

on May 12, 2012
at 05:14 PM

Or start combing the high-schools...

1
A3bb2c70384b0664a933b45739bac32c

on March 13, 2012
at 05:25 PM

I had the same problem, at first. I went from 0 drive to "any time is a good time" over night. While my wife enjoyed it at first, it got old for her after a while. We sat down and had many discussions about it and settled on terms of frequency and in the process discovered more about what we liked and didn't like. So, in other words, I agree with the others who suggested talking it out.

Another suggestion is looking into something like Tantra or sexual kung fu. It could be beneficial for both of you. You would learn how to better manage your urges and he would learn how to rise to the occasion. It helped me a lot.

good luck.

1
0266737ea1782946902fd3f8e60fa0b9

(2504)

on March 13, 2012
at 05:43 AM

I don't know that either of you are doing something so terrible. Sometimes the person we love is different from us in an important way. Your husband's less intense sex drive doesn't mean anything is wrong with him, just as your more intense drive doesn't mean anything is wrong with you.

I guess what I'd suggest is more conversation (it's the shrink in me!). What if you discussed what seems like a fair solution to this problem. If it's viewed as a shared problem --that you have differing sex drives, rather than that one of you has something abnormal or wrong, perhaps you can approach it in a more open way.

Is there a frequency that seems reasonable to both of you? Could you live with twice per week? Would physical contact such as massage help you tolerate less sex? Could it make him feel more sexually inclined? Is there any issue of erectile difficulty for him? Is there something you could do (clothing, behavior, etc.) that could make sex more enticing for him?

I guess what i'm suggesting is a good old fashioned brain storming session, done with lots of love and creativity, and without judgment. This may have not so much to do with paleo as with relationship changes with time, and the challenge is finding a way to grow together even as you may change.

1
Medium avatar

(2923)

on March 13, 2012
at 05:28 AM

I'm voting with the consensus here. Bring your husband up to your level. Don't drag yourself down to his level ...

518bce04b12cd77741237e1f61075194

(11577)

on March 13, 2012
at 06:21 PM

The thing is, some people just naturally have a lower libido, so unless something is interrupting his libido and he doesn't want to fix it, for most people it's a compromise between the differences of libidos.

1
C4f1a0c70c4e0dea507c2e346c036bbd

on March 13, 2012
at 03:57 AM

You could always try fapping to weird things. That might kill the drive. Maybe try to become a swinger with your husband and get him extra zinc and fats.

9255d6163a7114b8392079bfb8fd6151

(216)

on March 14, 2012
at 01:32 AM

we are trying extra zinc and fats- and he is getting his testosterone levels checked. fapping to weird things? lol - maybe the shame of jerking it to 'weird things' will make me so disgusted with myself i'll get over it - thanks.

1
77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on March 12, 2012
at 02:56 AM

Well, actually, with or without paleo...you and your hubby should better get used to it. A couple of decades ago medical establishment said that women would sexually peak in their thirties. They upgraded it to women in fourties now. I have no doubt that men's libido is at its peak in their late teens/early twenties, on the other hand... So, take care of yourself at the rate and frequency you need and meet with the hubby at the common denominator...Your hubby should grow up and be grateful instead of making you feel the way you do. Well, and you should take charge of your own pleasure and not feel guilty about it! When it comes to society...and stigmas etc, for people who are on a paleo diet, i would think you'd have more social or stigma problems just due to diet...eh. Nobody needs to know your bedroom. I found this question REALLY odd, btw.

0
1edb06ded9ccf098a4517ca4a7a34ebc

on May 12, 2012
at 03:30 PM

I am prepared for the down votes, but how strict are you about that whole monogamy thing?

masturbation and having more sex are two options to deal with it.

BTW I was kidding about the first question. Or was I? Just kidding. maybe?

0
7cf9f5b08a41ecf2a2d2bc0b31ea6fa0

on May 12, 2012
at 02:49 PM

Hack my first world problem

9255d6163a7114b8392079bfb8fd6151

(216)

on September 07, 2013
at 01:28 AM

word. it sure is- but my guess is that most of these are 'first world problems'. your response was super helpful, thanks!

0
518bce04b12cd77741237e1f61075194

(11577)

on March 13, 2012
at 06:19 PM

Okay, unless your are obsessed with sex and it is interrupting your day-to-day life, your sex drive is NORMAL. You a once-a-week-er?? You masturbate multiple times a day?? Either way there is NOTHING wrong with you, but I agree that it can cause some tensions in a couple if your libido doesn't match up. Two solutions:

1) Masturbate. Lots of women know how to masturbate, some are seasoned masters, but lots of ladies that experience continued sexual frustration haven't tried out all their options or really practiced enough. Buy a vibrator, search it on the internet, buy a book, set aside some alone time. If you think your husband will feel "threatened", have a proper conversation about it. If you are weirded out masturbating while other people are home (ladies are more paranoid about this in general, thanks society), make sure your vibrator is water proof and have a long shower. No body will know if you don't want them to, and you will feel better.

2) Talk to your husband and work out something for both of you. Hubby have a hard time having sex because he is tired in the evening? Both of you commit to getting more sleep, or give morning sex a whirl. Does stress stand in the way of sex? Communicate to each other when you feel like it's just "too much" so that neither of you feel offended. Try exercising or a way to relax together. Do your libidos just not match up? This can happen- not everyone wants sex the same amount, there is NO "normal amount of sex". See how much would work for him, then make up the difference with my first point.

0
D4d83e7981ca572aaaa19fc620bb54f1

(467)

on March 12, 2012
at 10:27 PM

I have read in this same forum people saying that their sex drive lowered when they lowered their carbs. What's your carb intake?

9255d6163a7114b8392079bfb8fd6151

(216)

on March 14, 2012
at 01:34 AM

pretty high, actually. good point- even though i'm paleo i'm still eating liberal amounts of carbs. i'll try that- thank you!

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