3

votes

Dealing with Self Deprecting remarks politely....

Answered on September 12, 2014
Created March 03, 2011 at 6:45 PM

In the same sense as:

http://paleohacks.com/questions/25804/dealing-with-personal-remarks-politely#axzz1FXuKvGM5

How do you deal with others making self-deprecating remarks?

Example: At Lunch Today,

Me (looking at a lady with only a soda in hand): Hi, Whomever! are you going to eat lunch?

Soda Lady: Yes. My lunch is in the microwave. I never miss a meal, as you can tell!

Me: nervous laughter

77732bf6bf2b8a360f523ef87c3b7523

(6157)

on March 04, 2011
at 04:56 PM

"There's nothing you can do about [getting older]" or "It's all genetic, I'm doomed" -- these remarks annoy the hell out of me.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on March 04, 2011
at 02:19 AM

LOL Dexter. I wish it would just get through to her. I honestly don't talk nutrition to her very often anymore. It goes in one ear and out the other. She's watched me lose weight and get off my blood pressure meds, if anyone could see it is possible to fix yourself, she should. She lives with me!

E7a462d6e99fec7e8f0ddda11b34a770

(1638)

on March 03, 2011
at 11:51 PM

Well that's the thing isn't it Melissa? If they are going to comment about what I'm eating or what they should or should not be eating in front of me, then I usually consider that an invitation to comment back. Taking into account of course who the person is and what I know about how touchy they are ;p

06d21b99c58283ce575e36c4ecd4a458

(9948)

on March 03, 2011
at 10:27 PM

I guess even your MIL!

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:49 PM

Well, thanks you guys! I just don't tolerate that type of stuff very well anymore. If someone is going to comment about food or nutrition, they are going to get my thoughts. If they don't mention it, then I won't either.

Medium avatar

(12379)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:35 PM

i totally agree with you. hard drugs to kick

Aead76beb5fc7b762a6b4ddc234f6051

(15239)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:32 PM

that made me laugh, melissa- you are NOT a bitch! opinionated women are not always well received, but i happen to love it. keep it up. someone will hear you at some point and take it to heart. i tend to react in a similar way when people say, "oh i could never do xyz." i know it might be corny or worse, unwelcome, but i say, "why not? of course you can, but it wont be easy."

2507b557331c8a674bc81197531e609a

(4994)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:29 PM

Hehehe, how funny xD

77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:24 PM

A lot of people even know the food is bad but they are so addicted to it they can't give it up: The most addicting SAD foods are: processed sugar, MSG, gluten and casein(usually in lots of processed food). Not saying milk is bad, just that people are addicted to it and so seek out icecream and other trash. A drug contail would be cake made with sugar, gluten and milk. 3 drugs in one, it's hard to give up!

2507b557331c8a674bc81197531e609a

(4994)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:22 PM

You are a true warrior Melissa :D

Medium avatar

(12379)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:20 PM

I dont think how you would comment is bitchy at all. In fact I think it is tactful and caring.

2507b557331c8a674bc81197531e609a

(4994)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:20 PM

Yeah you are right, but sometimes it's like hitting your head on a brick wall, there's only so far you can go.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:13 PM

i hear you carly. you're 100% correct. but i believe a remark out of love like that, said in the right tone, is far better than laughing along with him, or encouraging him, or just 'sitting idly by'. sometimes people need to know that you care enough to be stronger. it takes some skill to do it without causing contention, but it's all about how you do it. i think in some cases, it's worth it.

2507b557331c8a674bc81197531e609a

(4994)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:09 PM

This could be a whole other question, there are people we (me and my other half) have "preached" to, members of the family we have tried to save but there's only so much you can say to those who don't want to listen.

A8d95f3744a7a0885894ee0731c9744c

(3761)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:06 PM

LOL! I know, right?? I don't want to say, "You're right. It's totally obvious that you never miss a meal, because you're crazy fat. I see what you did there!" But hey! If that's what they want.... ;-)

1acc4ee9381d9a8d998b59915b3f997e

(2099)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:02 PM

LOL...they'd shit a brick!

  • A8d95f3744a7a0885894ee0731c9744c

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5 Answers

8
7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

on March 03, 2011
at 07:16 PM

Apparently, I am just a bitch. If someone makes a comment like that I consider it "opening the door" to have a conversation about it.

I would probably tell her that it's not about missing meals, it's about eating the right food.

I guess it depends on the situation and who the person is.

I've worked here for 9 years and everyone at my company has watched my weight loss journey. If they comment to me about food, then they are going to hear my opinion on it. My family absolutely expects a remark if they make self-deprecating comments like that too. I don't take health and nutrition lightly. Strangers would not get the same treatment.

This morning one of my obese co-workers made a comment about his health and that he was getting older and said something like "there is nothing you can do about it". I informed him that I just came off my high blood pressure meds and water pills. I had an EKG this week and the results were great. My doctor called to tell me that everything looks good and I don't need to see her again for a year! That's shocking to me after checkups every 3-6 months for the last 9 years. So, I told him that and said I am healthier at almost 40 than I was at 30. You CAN fix it.

Medium avatar

(12379)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:20 PM

I dont think how you would comment is bitchy at all. In fact I think it is tactful and caring.

E7a462d6e99fec7e8f0ddda11b34a770

(1638)

on March 03, 2011
at 11:51 PM

Well that's the thing isn't it Melissa? If they are going to comment about what I'm eating or what they should or should not be eating in front of me, then I usually consider that an invitation to comment back. Taking into account of course who the person is and what I know about how touchy they are ;p

2507b557331c8a674bc81197531e609a

(4994)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:22 PM

You are a true warrior Melissa :D

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:49 PM

Well, thanks you guys! I just don't tolerate that type of stuff very well anymore. If someone is going to comment about food or nutrition, they are going to get my thoughts. If they don't mention it, then I won't either.

77732bf6bf2b8a360f523ef87c3b7523

(6157)

on March 04, 2011
at 04:56 PM

"There's nothing you can do about [getting older]" or "It's all genetic, I'm doomed" -- these remarks annoy the hell out of me.

06d21b99c58283ce575e36c4ecd4a458

(9948)

on March 03, 2011
at 10:27 PM

I guess even your MIL!

Aead76beb5fc7b762a6b4ddc234f6051

(15239)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:32 PM

that made me laugh, melissa- you are NOT a bitch! opinionated women are not always well received, but i happen to love it. keep it up. someone will hear you at some point and take it to heart. i tend to react in a similar way when people say, "oh i could never do xyz." i know it might be corny or worse, unwelcome, but i say, "why not? of course you can, but it wont be easy."

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on March 04, 2011
at 02:19 AM

LOL Dexter. I wish it would just get through to her. I honestly don't talk nutrition to her very often anymore. It goes in one ear and out the other. She's watched me lose weight and get off my blood pressure meds, if anyone could see it is possible to fix yourself, she should. She lives with me!

4
Medium avatar

(12379)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:07 PM

I think how you deal with this is situation dependant. Being over-weight is hard to deal with, and everyone has different reasons for it. People make remarks like the lady above for so many reasons, and I think it is up to you to judge what the appropriate response is.

It's so easy to pick on people for what we may see as poor food choices. If they are not ready to hear why the food choice is bad they wont hear it. In fact they wont hear anything you have to say except 'blah blah blah you are fat and unhealthy' - which is in no way going to help them change, it will probably just make them hate you and go home and eat a chocolate bar and bag of chips.

I think it's best to keep any opinions to yourself unless you are sought out and asked. And as for the self-deprecating remarks - I think total avoidance is the best. What you did was appropriate. If it persists and makes you more uncomfortable maybe say so delicately.

77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:24 PM

A lot of people even know the food is bad but they are so addicted to it they can't give it up: The most addicting SAD foods are: processed sugar, MSG, gluten and casein(usually in lots of processed food). Not saying milk is bad, just that people are addicted to it and so seek out icecream and other trash. A drug contail would be cake made with sugar, gluten and milk. 3 drugs in one, it's hard to give up!

Medium avatar

(12379)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:35 PM

i totally agree with you. hard drugs to kick

3
Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:03 PM

It's like when big Uncle Bill comes over for dinner and eats like a horse, then afterward is about to shovel a piece of cheesecake into his mouth and says (laughing) right before taking a bite.. "Oh man I really shouldn't eat this".

Me: "Then don't Uncle Bill"

Plain and simple, because I care, just like Travis.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:13 PM

i hear you carly. you're 100% correct. but i believe a remark out of love like that, said in the right tone, is far better than laughing along with him, or encouraging him, or just 'sitting idly by'. sometimes people need to know that you care enough to be stronger. it takes some skill to do it without causing contention, but it's all about how you do it. i think in some cases, it's worth it.

2507b557331c8a674bc81197531e609a

(4994)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:09 PM

This could be a whole other question, there are people we (me and my other half) have "preached" to, members of the family we have tried to save but there's only so much you can say to those who don't want to listen.

2507b557331c8a674bc81197531e609a

(4994)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:20 PM

Yeah you are right, but sometimes it's like hitting your head on a brick wall, there's only so far you can go.

2
2507b557331c8a674bc81197531e609a

(4994)

on March 03, 2011
at 06:56 PM

Haha! Yes I know exactly what you mean! Certain relatives and friends constantly moan about how fat they are and because I take care of my health they always try to get eye contact with me for a reaction! I just, like you, do the little nervous laugh and look at the floor! I hate those situations I feel so awkward like they think I'm judging them but I'm really not! What do they want you to say? "Yes you are fat, cor blimey put that doughnut back in it's box", can you imagine how shocked they would be if you did agree with them! haha :D

1acc4ee9381d9a8d998b59915b3f997e

(2099)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:02 PM

LOL...they'd shit a brick!

2507b557331c8a674bc81197531e609a

(4994)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:29 PM

Hehehe, how funny xD

A8d95f3744a7a0885894ee0731c9744c

(3761)

on March 03, 2011
at 07:06 PM

LOL! I know, right?? I don't want to say, "You're right. It's totally obvious that you never miss a meal, because you're crazy fat. I see what you did there!" But hey! If that's what they want.... ;-)

0
62ed65f3596aa2f62fa1d58a0c09f8c3

(20807)

on March 04, 2011
at 06:35 PM

I agree, excessive preaching in the wrong situation can actually cause them to mentally block the information. It's all about emotions. What I like to do is emphasize all the yummy foods I get to eat on my 'diet.' That gives it a positive spin. So one thing I can say is, "Yeah, one thing I really like about this paleo diet thing is all the tasty things I can still eat regularly." If they become more interested, then I later add the part about having to give up some things as well. But they already knew they would have to give up some things. Another tactic is to suggest one main change, like giving up sugar/fructose only. I think this is a good tactic for those trying to lose weight. Most bad food is loaded with sugar. But they could still eat taters with butter and parmesan cheese! For some people, that alone would be enough to lose weight and feel a lot better. I'd say to give up wheat first, but that is more controversial and also the sugar thing might be more helpful for weight loss. As any advertiser knows, it's not so much the message as how you present it.

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