31

votes

Any cult of Cthulhu paleos out there?

Answered on August 19, 2014
Created December 17, 2010 at 4:59 AM

With all these threads on religion, I felt rather left out :( So anyone out there who follows the great Elder gods? How do you deal with the prohibition on eating cephalopods? I miss calamari :(

What about the commandment to eat as many cute and cuddly animals as you possibly can? I have so much trouble with this one. Yesterday I ate 12 hamsters I stole from a crying preschooler and then devoured a small puppy, but then I remembered I also had a baby bunny wearing a polka dot bow to eat in the fridge. I just couldn't eat any more though.

I also have a lot of trouble finding virgin blood to drink. Maybe it's easier to find if you live near an engineering school? I am finding vegan blood a rather nice alternative, though some of the high priests of Chaos in my neighborhood said it's too low in Vitamin D and omega-3.

A968087cc1dd66d480749c02e4619ef4

(20436)

on November 22, 2011
at 04:04 PM

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"

C074eec3b3c0325ef3018a128111823a

(1012)

on April 06, 2011
at 11:21 AM

You have it all wrong! Just like Hindus do not eat the revered cow, we do not eat the noodly appendages.

4ff24fb9a7d48305681487dfb8040a5e

(383)

on February 01, 2011
at 07:21 PM

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

95601768ec9cb75cc3a9cbcd2271ed14

(2206)

on December 17, 2010
at 11:27 PM

Thanks for that link Melissa. It was nice to see this said in the comments for me: "One thing I have observed amongst those who claim to be atheist is that they often treat science and the scientific method with the same sort of religious zeal that you see amongst those who claim to have spirituality" because that is one of my turn-offs in lots of circle, including paleo. That blind zeal often precludes discussions of reverence, ethics, emotion or questioning the entrenched primacy of logic over bodily knowledge which are all really interesting to me.

211d4075d68b24cd0aa7ebfa94262bb9

on December 17, 2010
at 10:39 PM

Sorry, I misinterpreted your post. BTW that was a really interesting discussion over at healthcorrelator.

9d43f6873107e17ca4d1a5055aa7a2ad

on December 17, 2010
at 06:16 PM

I am not dismissive of religion and I share your opinions. Notably atheism is also a neolithic phenomenon. I hate how the atheist asshole brigade emerges whenever religion comes up, eager to dismiss other people's beliefs. http://healthcorrelator.blogspot.com/2010/05/atheism-is-recent-neolithic-invention.html

77732bf6bf2b8a360f523ef87c3b7523

(6157)

on December 17, 2010
at 05:14 PM

I'm with you, and this is why I think distinguishing between pseudoscience and religion is important. Unfortunately, the two often go hand in hand (e.g., Intelligent Design, belief in the medical efficacy of prayer) -- at least (or especially) in the US. In theory, it is possible to be religious without being pseudoscientific. In practice, it doesn't happen all that often, but that is mostly a sign that people often fail to be good skeptical empiricists. Much of our wiring makes it difficult for us to practice skeptical empiricism.

95601768ec9cb75cc3a9cbcd2271ed14

(2206)

on December 17, 2010
at 08:34 AM

Additionally, the Doctor's belief in regeneration is relying on woo-woo mysticism rather than acknowledging biological reality. Plus from 1985-1989 he was a vegetarian which obviously means my way of life, questionable in some aspects or no, is far better and I must plot to kill him and his kind.

4ff24fb9a7d48305681487dfb8040a5e

(383)

on December 17, 2010
at 07:29 AM

how can I convert to Cthulhu? Are there any churches around in my area? Very interested in

95601768ec9cb75cc3a9cbcd2271ed14

(2206)

on December 17, 2010
at 07:10 AM

@ScottMGS--according to this website (which is beyond reproach because writing in script fonts makes everything true) we might both be wrong. http://www.santharia.com/bestiary/unicorn.htm#Diet MY BELIEF SYSTEM IS CRUMBLING!

95601768ec9cb75cc3a9cbcd2271ed14

(2206)

on December 17, 2010
at 06:56 AM

Additionally, the Doctor's belief in regeneration is simply throwing woo-woo mysticism in the face of biological reality. Plus from 1985-1989 he was a vegetarian which obviously means my way of life, questionable in some aspects or no, is far better and I must plot to kill him and his kind.

5841391284e7af8c495c54bd90d3a795

(2764)

on December 17, 2010
at 06:54 AM

Grass is *NOT* the natural diet of the unicorn - they *only* eat the petals of flowers!!!

95601768ec9cb75cc3a9cbcd2271ed14

(2206)

on December 17, 2010
at 06:28 AM

Davros is wicked into science and therefore Paleo.

1c4ada15ca0635582c77dbd9b1317dbf

(2614)

on December 17, 2010
at 06:13 AM

Wow - bringing Doctor Who into this raises the debate to a whole new level! :)

95601768ec9cb75cc3a9cbcd2271ed14

(2206)

on December 17, 2010
at 06:00 AM

@gilliebean--is it grass-fed unicorn? i find the conventional stuff affects me in really adverse ways, mostly digestive and inflammatory wise.

A89f9751a97c3082802dc0bcbe4e9208

(13978)

on December 17, 2010
at 05:50 AM

I'm converting tomorrow. I have leftover unicorn meat in my freezer. ;)

21fd060d0796fdb8a4a990441e08eae7

(24543)

on December 17, 2010
at 05:32 AM

Is that in the King James version?!?

9d43f6873107e17ca4d1a5055aa7a2ad

on December 17, 2010
at 05:23 AM

Don't forget about Leviticus 129:29.4 which says "Woe befall upon ye who posteth folly upon the great and might domain of Melissa the Paleohacks moderator. She shall arrive home full of several excellent cocktails and proceed with mockery upon your house and all generations that proceed from ye."

21fd060d0796fdb8a4a990441e08eae7

(24543)

on December 17, 2010
at 05:22 AM

Anyways, on a more serious note...coconut oil maintains the lustre of my long greasy black hair, and I regularly suck marrow out bones (in order to refill them with the blood of virgin grass-fed cows).

21fd060d0796fdb8a4a990441e08eae7

(24543)

on December 17, 2010
at 05:19 AM

This is ALL your fault Jae. Leviticus 20:3 says "He who incites doubt about the bounty provided by the Lord shall be punished by farcical paleohacks."

62ed65f3596aa2f62fa1d58a0c09f8c3

(20807)

on December 17, 2010
at 05:14 AM

Vegan blood? Come on peeps, everyone here should know by now that you should not consume sick animals!

61852721b5ff3613f56f043fe890a679

(1172)

on December 17, 2010
at 05:14 AM

Sincerity is overrated.

9d43f6873107e17ca4d1a5055aa7a2ad

on December 17, 2010
at 05:11 AM

Haha, I ain't given you s*** for the pagan q haig. Pagan is a religion too.

77732bf6bf2b8a360f523ef87c3b7523

(6157)

on December 17, 2010
at 05:11 AM

What... have... we... done?! Kamal, you are also partly to blame for this! =)

3020fb359dfbedaf90f1611b036d3432

(1138)

on December 17, 2010
at 05:10 AM

I admire Lovecraft, and find this question amusing, but if I'm getting shit for asking the Pagan question why should you get a pass? At least I attempted to be sincere.

9d43f6873107e17ca4d1a5055aa7a2ad

on December 17, 2010
at 05:09 AM

I EXPECT you to use the CREATIVE WRITIN ABILITIES Y'ALL haz been squandering on the Christian thread to answer this one.

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8 Answers

15
5e36f73c3f95eb4ea13a009f4936449f

(8280)

on December 17, 2010
at 05:55 AM

I used to follow the great noodly one. Unfortunately I was excommunicated when I started going low carb. It didn't appreciate me cutting back on spaghetti.

C074eec3b3c0325ef3018a128111823a

(1012)

on April 06, 2011
at 11:21 AM

You have it all wrong! Just like Hindus do not eat the revered cow, we do not eat the noodly appendages.

7
211d4075d68b24cd0aa7ebfa94262bb9

on December 17, 2010
at 04:15 PM

I wouldn't be so dismissive of religion if I were you.

Irrespective of their particular religious faith, studies have shown that religious people tend to be healthier, happier, and more charitable (even when you consider non-religious charitable donations such as donating blood) than non-believers. Religious people also live longer, commit less crime, perform better academically, have better self-control, are less likely to cheat on their spouse, and are less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol as compared to nonreligious individuals.

Although I personally am an atheist I'm also pro-religion.

211d4075d68b24cd0aa7ebfa94262bb9

on December 17, 2010
at 10:39 PM

Sorry, I misinterpreted your post. BTW that was a really interesting discussion over at healthcorrelator.

9d43f6873107e17ca4d1a5055aa7a2ad

on December 17, 2010
at 06:16 PM

I am not dismissive of religion and I share your opinions. Notably atheism is also a neolithic phenomenon. I hate how the atheist asshole brigade emerges whenever religion comes up, eager to dismiss other people's beliefs. http://healthcorrelator.blogspot.com/2010/05/atheism-is-recent-neolithic-invention.html

77732bf6bf2b8a360f523ef87c3b7523

(6157)

on December 17, 2010
at 05:14 PM

I'm with you, and this is why I think distinguishing between pseudoscience and religion is important. Unfortunately, the two often go hand in hand (e.g., Intelligent Design, belief in the medical efficacy of prayer) -- at least (or especially) in the US. In theory, it is possible to be religious without being pseudoscientific. In practice, it doesn't happen all that often, but that is mostly a sign that people often fail to be good skeptical empiricists. Much of our wiring makes it difficult for us to practice skeptical empiricism.

95601768ec9cb75cc3a9cbcd2271ed14

(2206)

on December 17, 2010
at 11:27 PM

Thanks for that link Melissa. It was nice to see this said in the comments for me: "One thing I have observed amongst those who claim to be atheist is that they often treat science and the scientific method with the same sort of religious zeal that you see amongst those who claim to have spirituality" because that is one of my turn-offs in lots of circle, including paleo. That blind zeal often precludes discussions of reverence, ethics, emotion or questioning the entrenched primacy of logic over bodily knowledge which are all really interesting to me.

6
Fe535c4994ac6176f76e1ff6d29eb08a

on February 01, 2011
at 05:35 PM

any-cult-of-cthulhu-paleos-out-there?

4ff24fb9a7d48305681487dfb8040a5e

(383)

on February 01, 2011
at 07:21 PM

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

6
95601768ec9cb75cc3a9cbcd2271ed14

(2206)

on December 17, 2010
at 05:40 AM

I cannot make this claim, however on a tangentially related note, I can say I am a Paleo member of The Cult of Skaro. Studying evolution in order to advance my program of manipulating DNA to evolve my species into a superior one is actually how I got into Paleo. I think the hardest part about reconciling my spiritual beliefs with my WOE is resisting the urge to turn the Pig-slaves I need to help carry out this work into a whole bunch of bacon.

95601768ec9cb75cc3a9cbcd2271ed14

(2206)

on December 17, 2010
at 06:28 AM

Davros is wicked into science and therefore Paleo.

1c4ada15ca0635582c77dbd9b1317dbf

(2614)

on December 17, 2010
at 06:13 AM

Wow - bringing Doctor Who into this raises the debate to a whole new level! :)

95601768ec9cb75cc3a9cbcd2271ed14

(2206)

on December 17, 2010
at 08:34 AM

Additionally, the Doctor's belief in regeneration is relying on woo-woo mysticism rather than acknowledging biological reality. Plus from 1985-1989 he was a vegetarian which obviously means my way of life, questionable in some aspects or no, is far better and I must plot to kill him and his kind.

95601768ec9cb75cc3a9cbcd2271ed14

(2206)

on December 17, 2010
at 06:56 AM

Additionally, the Doctor's belief in regeneration is simply throwing woo-woo mysticism in the face of biological reality. Plus from 1985-1989 he was a vegetarian which obviously means my way of life, questionable in some aspects or no, is far better and I must plot to kill him and his kind.

1
Ce0b5fd94b1034e96cf710b6f138c29d

on December 18, 2010
at 12:56 AM

Ia! Ia! Cthulhu ftaghn!

0
95eda9fa0cec952b482e869c34a566b6

on February 01, 2011
at 09:43 PM

Yes, every day, I face "The Thing That Should Not Be".

0
Ac1e55cf06c2180f4008ff01953d10dd

on December 17, 2010
at 04:57 PM

I have never found any, but I have met quite a few believers in the sect of Abaddon, who seem to be rather obscure people....

0
89e238284ccb95b439edcff9e123671e

(10299)

on December 17, 2010
at 04:28 PM

I think I am not a normal member of the cult. I think I'm a preacher and a missionary. Always converting. Where do I apply? I want to convert the bushmen and the pygmees to this cult.

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