5

votes

HALP My Boyfriend is Extremely Picky

Answered on August 19, 2014
Created August 19, 2011 at 4:00 AM

So my boyfriend has been touting Paleo since we first got together, though he didn't actually follow it, and after I was diagnosed with Celiacs it was decided that we should do it. I've been doing all of our cooking since we moved in together 6 months ago and he's not big on complimenting food cooked by anyone other than his mother to start with. Which is fine, he'll usually eat his food and say, "This is okay." which is really the highest compliment you can get without having given birth to him. The problem is that since we dropped grains, dairy (he still eats dairy during the day claiming he "needs" it because he's an athlete) and salt nothing I cook is "ok". I've tried everything, I crawl paleo eating sites daily but none of the food ever seems to be good enough, in particular he can't stand eating meats with very little salt. We did a count in the car one day and there are only eleven vegetables that he will eat (kale, turnips, sweet potatoes, okra, cabbage, squash, bell peppers, spinach, lettuce, collard greens, and onions) This sadly leaves out all of my favorite vegetables of broccoli, brussel sprouts, asparagus, cauliflower, carrots, celery, and cucumbers. It's infuriating. If I make something he doesn't like he'll just not eat and spend the rest of the evening grazing on fruit, milk, and nut butter. It's really killing my desire to follow this diet, and furthermore it hurts my feelings. How can I convince him to eat the food that I cook? After-all didn't we decide to do this together?

559aa134ff5e6c8bcd608ba8dc505628

(3631)

on August 20, 2011
at 04:57 PM

@LenaHyena - most bodies are well equipped to regulate blood sodium levels. Good luck with the bf... salt or no salt, this sounds like an uphill battle!

F40555b9be81e12c2fc460e6fa7d097c

(692)

on August 20, 2011
at 01:44 AM

It's true. Despite having two physicians for parents he was never forced to eat the highly nutritious foods that my parents forced into my life with all the subtlety of a freight train (some of which have become favorites) I wish he'd just try some of these foods and be happy that he's being fed by someone that loves him.

F40555b9be81e12c2fc460e6fa7d097c

(692)

on August 20, 2011
at 01:37 AM

There is salt, there's just very little salt. I'm going by the Cordain version of Paleo and adding a lot of salt screws up your sodium/potassium balance and is bad for your body.

145d4b0f988af15acc6b26eccc1f4895

(1932)

on August 19, 2011
at 06:35 PM

I guarantee you that if he gets hungry enough, he'll eat. Either that or run home to momma. If you're lucky, he'll do the latter. I wasted 21 years on my momma's boy, and finally just sent him home to live with her. 19 years later, he still does, and in the meantime, I married myself an ADULT who has no issues with what I cook, but if for some reason he doesn't like it, he cooks his own!

7d0c3ea9bf8be00b93e6433d8f125ac3

(7540)

on August 19, 2011
at 05:46 PM

The Quilt, I agree. He sounds like a total manchild.

F1b39d4f620876330312f4925bd51900

(4090)

on August 19, 2011
at 04:29 PM

I would add to The Quilts comment, Mommy issues, you will always be second best! Do you want to cook for and try to please this 'boy' long term? UGH! Run!!

559aa134ff5e6c8bcd608ba8dc505628

(3631)

on August 19, 2011
at 03:43 PM

SALT FTW !

667f6c030b0245d71d8ef50c72b097dc

(15976)

on August 19, 2011
at 01:16 PM

dude just sounds a bit silly. use salt, no harm there.

E7a462d6e99fec7e8f0ddda11b34a770

(1638)

on August 19, 2011
at 01:09 PM

I don't understand why anyone would think that salt is not paleo. Even animals will go out of their way to obtain it and other necessary minerals. I would just suggest going for some type of sea salt rather than refined.

695b82d856d4bd9314b865864ff6df5e

on August 19, 2011
at 12:41 PM

that was the best answer by far. also... wanting salt ALL OF THE TIME could be thyroid related or another medical condition.

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on August 19, 2011
at 12:07 PM

Olivia hit the mark bur I'd take it further. Dump the guy. Sounds like an ass

99a6e964584f20f3f69ad3a70a335353

(1334)

on August 19, 2011
at 12:02 PM

This. Either he eats what you cook, or he cooks his own food, or he doesn't eat.

6b8d12fc3e43179f9ae1765a4d1a9dc2

(5914)

on August 19, 2011
at 07:27 AM

Salt is essential to cooking and I am yet to be convinced that it is harmful. I would winge too if my food had no salt in it.

3fe2bf1367970868757ddf7ed7c62531

(817)

on August 19, 2011
at 06:29 AM

i agree, in our house we dont like all the same veggies.. so we separate and pick through to get what we want out of say a stir fry and then we get our own custom dish.

3fe2bf1367970868757ddf7ed7c62531

(817)

on August 19, 2011
at 06:27 AM

I agree, do what you need to do. Let him eat poorly.. he will see your results, progress, and energy.. maybe he will come around. Cook what you need for dinner, if he wants additions to it, have him make them. In our house my bf is not totally on board, but he is supportive. He makes his rice or potatoes if he wants it for dinner - however, we cook together most of the time. Also, he needs to know that he is offending you. You are going to get bitter toward him over this if you have not already.

7d0c3ea9bf8be00b93e6433d8f125ac3

(7540)

on August 19, 2011
at 06:13 AM

I agree too, salt is important for bringing out flavour. Maybe that's part of your boyfriend's problem.

B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on August 19, 2011
at 06:09 AM

I agree with ImRotu : why is there no salt?

91fe5b7e10068df9f147ee84320e38f7

(614)

on August 19, 2011
at 05:10 AM

Can't give an official answer, but I feel your pain, as I'm in a similar situation.... Umm, manboys, anyone? If you're Celiac, then do what you need to do, period. Full stop.

65430e39d7e9e9322718d016fe668051

(2944)

on August 19, 2011
at 05:02 AM

Use sea salt...

88905cfc5bb098ad3830671a1af373a8

(803)

on August 19, 2011
at 04:58 AM

salt is not paleo - but most ignore that one

218f4d92627e4289cc81178fce5b4d00

on August 19, 2011
at 04:57 AM

doesn't sound like much of guy at all, think how bitter and ungrateful he will be in 30 years...

4498698fa91a620e4ee5b618da71016a

(427)

on August 19, 2011
at 04:54 AM

Why is there no salt? Salt brings out the flavor of the world...

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8 Answers

12
7d0c3ea9bf8be00b93e6433d8f125ac3

(7540)

on August 19, 2011
at 05:04 AM

Tell him to cook his own dinner.

7d0c3ea9bf8be00b93e6433d8f125ac3

(7540)

on August 19, 2011
at 05:46 PM

The Quilt, I agree. He sounds like a total manchild.

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on August 19, 2011
at 12:07 PM

Olivia hit the mark bur I'd take it further. Dump the guy. Sounds like an ass

99a6e964584f20f3f69ad3a70a335353

(1334)

on August 19, 2011
at 12:02 PM

This. Either he eats what you cook, or he cooks his own food, or he doesn't eat.

F1b39d4f620876330312f4925bd51900

(4090)

on August 19, 2011
at 04:29 PM

I would add to The Quilts comment, Mommy issues, you will always be second best! Do you want to cook for and try to please this 'boy' long term? UGH! Run!!

7
88905cfc5bb098ad3830671a1af373a8

on August 19, 2011
at 04:58 AM

It's his idea to go paleo and he's surprised at what he has to go without in his dinners that he can't cook for himself?

DTMFA!

5
27e79ef3308bb5f2d7bd04ee7eea7b79

(2038)

on August 19, 2011
at 12:05 PM

I think you're asking the wrong question when you ask how to convince him to eat the food you cook. The question should be, "Should I convince him to eat the food I cook?"

I'm happy to answer that one. No. There are many, many threads on here about loved ones stubbornly sticking to the SAD. In every one of those threads, the most upvoted replies say "leave them alone, be a good model, and maybe they'll come around."

Leave your boyfriend alone. If he prefers to eat things that you don't want to eat instead of what you cook - let him. His commitment to/definition of Paleo might be different from yours and forcing your definition on him might make him want to give it up altogether.

If your boyfriend says he prefers that dishes taste like x, y, and z, offer to pick up the ingredients for xyz so he can cook them exactly the way he likes, either for the two of you or for himself if there are ingredients that you can't eat.

If your boyfriend demands that you cook things the way he likes them, collect two pictures. Point to one and say "This is me." Point to the second and say "This is your mother. We are different people." Inform him that he is free to live with his mother if he wants his exacting standards to be met.

695b82d856d4bd9314b865864ff6df5e

on August 19, 2011
at 12:41 PM

that was the best answer by far. also... wanting salt ALL OF THE TIME could be thyroid related or another medical condition.

2
E35e3d76547b18096a59c90029e7e107

(15613)

on August 19, 2011
at 08:48 AM

It sounds like it's not your food that is the problem, but that your boyfriend has, to put it rather condescendingly, childish taste in food. That is, he likes simple, highly palatable foods- milk, nut butter and fruit- and doesn't sound particularly interested in anything more complex or challenging. (My grandmother is precisely the same). Of course, I could be wrong, and it might be that he's only eating those foods because there's nothing else around and his finely honed palate finds your pate to lack some of the subtlety of his mother's, but I think it's more likely that he has very fixed and, shall we say, simple tastes. Thus it's not that your food isn't 'good enough,' but that whatever real food you serve him, he'd rather down some milk and nut butter. I'm perplexed as to how he could be dissatisfied with your, presumably meat-centric, cooking anyway; pretty much all the men I know are very easily satisfied with a huge lump of steak. I wouldn't take it personally if he ate and enjoyed the meat but refused to eat the vegetables, which is fairly standard behaviour.

Also my two cents on dairy and salt are that no-one needs dairy, you can get protein from other sources. As to salt, while there's some reason to think that it's not as bad as previously thought, in that the real problem is hyper-insulinemia, rather than salt per se, a paleo-precautionary principle still suggests that adding any sodium is going to be a bad thing (unless you're VLC), given that most people's ratios are so skewed towards sodium and away from potassium anyway. Using sea salt instead will definitely not make any significant difference.

F40555b9be81e12c2fc460e6fa7d097c

(692)

on August 20, 2011
at 01:44 AM

It's true. Despite having two physicians for parents he was never forced to eat the highly nutritious foods that my parents forced into my life with all the subtlety of a freight train (some of which have become favorites) I wish he'd just try some of these foods and be happy that he's being fed by someone that loves him.

1
0a2dd50f2d3951bf3fb83fc4638c9512

(1960)

on August 19, 2011
at 05:50 AM

Make stuff you like, too. No reason you both have to eat the same thing all the time.

3fe2bf1367970868757ddf7ed7c62531

(817)

on August 19, 2011
at 06:29 AM

i agree, in our house we dont like all the same veggies.. so we separate and pick through to get what we want out of say a stir fry and then we get our own custom dish.

0
B14dc4aa1ddefbec3bc09550428ee493

on August 19, 2011
at 07:15 AM

If you really want to please him you'll probably have to cook to his taste rather than yours. Use the veggies he likes, allow him to season to his taste (you need a certain amount of sodium and his needs may well be higher than yours). I really don't think you're going to get big compliments from him if he is eating things he doesn't like, no matter how well you prepare them. Maybe make a couple of veggies for meals? Something you like and something he likes?

0
1a98a40ba8ffdc5aa28d1324d01c6c9f

(20378)

on August 19, 2011
at 06:10 AM

I really like a roast in the pressure cooker. With onions and potatoes.

I think if you keep the meat and veggies seperate he could skip the veggies at times...

Kabobs on the grill would be a good choice...

0
002d074ab094fefc344bf0d1f36091ec

on August 19, 2011
at 05:15 AM

Dinner time rules in our house are the same for my husband as it is for our daughter. If you don't eat what I cook, then you don't eat. Of course I try to make things they would find appealing. Is he entirely opposed to hopping into the kitchen to cook with you? Maybe if he is involved in the process, he will be less critical.

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