went out to the grove today, on fairfax and third in L.A.
it was a bright, sunny spring day, and i saw the people- normal people- people who are healthy, happy and enjoying life. people who arent ruining their lives and wasting their youth. people who arent killing themselves a little bit everyday.
i am not one of these people. i am one of "them". i am one of the people parents steer their kids aay from when they walk by. I'm one of the people store owners get nervous when they see me enter. I am one of those seen as an "outsider"
i feed like i am not part of the world. i feel like i am not part of life.
in 2 months, 3 weeks and 4 days, i will turn 21 and my youth will be lost forever.
i hitch hiked here as a teenager to kickstart the hard rock revolution. i had a brilliant idea. i myself was brilliant.
and then started the destruction.
the grove, sunny hollywood at its finest. so many pretty, slender girls wit. but they never look at me. im nothing to them. im on the ignored ones. i dont look at pretty girls anymore. im not allowed to. ugly freaks like me should be bothering them, they dont deserve that. i used to hit myself whenever i did. now i dont. i dont have to. it doesnt exist to me anymore.
i saw friends together talking and laughing, i saw people interacting without worrying about if they looked scary, homeless or dangerous, and without fearing and whether people would notice the pindot pupils. of course, i did not interact with these people. i dont remember how
i could be. i cold be young, sharp, vibrant, energetic. i could even be rich, famous, a revolutionary. someone who really matters.
but no, because heres me. a 20 year old 2 gallon a day vodka drinker and speedball pusher, barely avoiding homelessness, . heres me, ugly, dirty, 20 years old but looks 30,
heres me, the golden child, living on the streets.heres me, the one with every opportunity wasting h
im tired of being one of the ignored ones. im tired of wasting my life. im tired of being one of lifes losers, tired of seeing the pretty girls walk by without a glance, tired of thinking "what could be"
things are changing. tomorrow, im starting a 2 week water fast to change my life.
i WILL change. i WILL be the person i was supposed to be. i WILL rise up to superfame. i WILL kickstart the hard rock revolution and bring radical life extension technology to the world.
asked bypaleohacks (78467)
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on March 10, 2013
at 11:08 PM
lol he needs a trolleotomy