1 week from the "last stage"- depressed at a life wasted

Answered on August 19, 2014
Created March 01, 2013 at 5:15 PM

so in exactly one week, i will be 3 months away from my 21st birthday. my true youth will be over forever

it looks like i have to accept the fact that my plan will not happen and has been a failure.

im am extremely depressed, anxious and frustrated and how things look to be turning out.

i hitched to L.A a year ago to start the hard rock revoluiton, inspired by guns n roses. Of course i should have left even earlier than that, but i didnt. my plan was to get famous i na street level hard rock band, and use fame/wealth to research technologies to radically extend humaN life soan.

i think those wasted years between 18 and te first half of 19 were my true opportunity- THOSE were the years where it should have happened. i cant help but feel that if i had left right after high school and gone into acting, i would be famous by now.

the truth is am in just an ugly loser firgin delusional nobody, and always will be

i dont listen to music anymore, its to depressing. its like when i listen to appetite for destruction, i think slash was younger than i am now when he was signed, and just a year older when the album was released.

it used to be whenever id listen to a certain song, or walk by a place in hollywood that had signifigance in guns n roses history, id sudden have this feeling like : "THATS what identify with! THATS what i want!" im so desperate for that life and that feeling!

i will NOT rise up to superfame in the hard rock revolution, i will NOT be a famous cultural icon, i will NOT become a figure in the transhumanist/life extension movement and become a hero of humanity.

instead of taking off like it was supposed to, my life is not coming down and beginning the final stages. my only hope is that radical anti-aging tecnologies in the future will allow me to be young again.

there are many things i regret. i regret missing on the girls.,..still a firgin obviously. its like when i see pretty blue eyed girls with slender bodies and revealing clothing its like GAAH YOU JUST PHUCKING WANT IT!! i just want to lick their klits and phinger their geespots. its like whenever i drive by the beach and see hot girls in bikinis i hit myself as punishment for looking, its like i dont deserve to look and they dont deserve to have a loser firgin look at them.

ive sort of pretend sex doesnt exist, like it just isnt a thing.

i still fantasize that somehow i will rise up and be famous, but i am beginning to accept that its all a delusion

im just sorry that i let so many people down. i was supposed to be the golden child , but i am nothing. my family, my friends, i owed so many so much, and now i am nothing

anyway you can contact me at billbailey777@gmail.com i live in hollywood california



on March 01, 2013
at 05:21 PM

i cannot just disappear forever. part of the fantasy of rising up is that i once known eerywhere as a loser, like a "rags to riches" story, like everyone at paleo hacks will see me when i am elite and a leader of humanity. te bipolar high allows me to believe that maybe someone here is an eccentric casting director or record label exec who will want to meet me



on March 01, 2013
at 05:17 PM

I thought we agreed that you would post this stuff on your blog.

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3 Answers


on March 01, 2013
at 05:24 PM

Have you talked to a therapist?

Try bright light therapy?



on March 01, 2013
at 05:23 PM

Cheer up, emo kid.



on March 01, 2013
at 05:46 PM

I get a feeling there is just one troll who writes on different boards. I don't know, maybe I am wrong, but it feels like the same person.

Can you please go and do something PRODUCTIVE for a change??? Something actually good for the environment? Stop that self-loathing stuff.

Go to a therapist or something.

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