so in exactly one week, i will be 3 months away from my 21st birthday. my true youth will be over forever
it looks like i have to accept the fact that my plan will not happen and has been a failure.
im am extremely depressed, anxious and frustrated and how things look to be turning out.
i hitched to L.A a year ago to start the hard rock revoluiton, inspired by guns n roses. Of course i should have left even earlier than that, but i didnt. my plan was to get famous i na street level hard rock band, and use fame/wealth to research technologies to radically extend humaN life soan.
i think those wasted years between 18 and te first half of 19 were my true opportunity- THOSE were the years where it should have happened. i cant help but feel that if i had left right after high school and gone into acting, i would be famous by now.
the truth is am in just an ugly loser firgin delusional nobody, and always will be
i dont listen to music anymore, its to depressing. its like when i listen to appetite for destruction, i think slash was younger than i am now when he was signed, and just a year older when the album was released.
it used to be whenever id listen to a certain song, or walk by a place in hollywood that had signifigance in guns n roses history, id sudden have this feeling like : "THATS what identify with! THATS what i want!" im so desperate for that life and that feeling!
i will NOT rise up to superfame in the hard rock revolution, i will NOT be a famous cultural icon, i will NOT become a figure in the transhumanist/life extension movement and become a hero of humanity.
instead of taking off like it was supposed to, my life is not coming down and beginning the final stages. my only hope is that radical anti-aging tecnologies in the future will allow me to be young again.
there are many things i regret. i regret missing on the girls.,..still a firgin obviously. its like when i see pretty blue eyed girls with slender bodies and revealing clothing its like GAAH YOU JUST PHUCKING WANT IT!! i just want to lick their klits and phinger their geespots. its like whenever i drive by the beach and see hot girls in bikinis i hit myself as punishment for looking, its like i dont deserve to look and they dont deserve to have a loser firgin look at them.
ive sort of pretend sex doesnt exist, like it just isnt a thing.
i still fantasize that somehow i will rise up and be famous, but i am beginning to accept that its all a delusion
im just sorry that i let so many people down. i was supposed to be the golden child , but i am nothing. my family, my friends, i owed so many so much, and now i am nothing
anyway you can contact me at [email protected] i live in hollywood california
asked bypaleohacks (78467)
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on March 01, 2013
at 05:24 PM
Have you talked to a therapist?
Try bright light therapy?
on March 01, 2013
at 05:46 PM
I get a feeling there is just one troll who writes on different boards. I don't know, maybe I am wrong, but it feels like the same person.
Can you please go and do something PRODUCTIVE for a change??? Something actually good for the environment? Stop that self-loathing stuff.
Go to a therapist or something.