5

votes

When a friend asks how they can improve their health, then says it's 'too hard', how do you keep your mouth shut?

Answered on August 19, 2014
Created October 13, 2011 at 8:56 PM

Since going Paleo and experiencing huge turnarounds in my health and appearance, many of my friends have come to me asking for tips on how they can get healthy too. Most of them are very receptive, and some of them have joined me and are experiencing their own health renaissances (hooray!). However, it doesn't always go well.

It happened to me twice in the past week, with the second one being a recently diagnosed Type II diabetic. When I told him the steps to Paleo (making sure to let him know he can ease into it), he came back with 'I can't do that; it's too hard; I love pizza and ice cream; anyway I don't like to cook.'

Ok, so obviously, much like my alcoholic friend in my prior post, he doesn't really want to change. My question is, when you're confronted with this kind of thing, and you genuinely care about the other person, do you find it difficult not to lecture them out of sheer frustration? Do you just bite your tongue and walk away?

5e36f73c3f95eb4ea13a009f4936449f

(8280)

on October 14, 2011
at 10:30 PM

An interesting thought off what you said Ali. Tell them what you eat, they're not interested. SHOW them what you eat (phone camera FTW?) and they may think differently. Of course, you want to plate it well and make it look good. :)

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on October 14, 2011
at 07:09 PM

It is hard not to come across like the Food Nazi sometimes! (No pizza for YOU!) I was at a lot of corporate functions earlier this week and people kept offering me crap food. I told them there was nothing I could eat on the whole table. (It was assorted cake, cupcake, danish, doughnuts and other junk.) I know I offended some of them. Most of them know I lost a lot of weight, so they respect my decisions, but I got a lot more weird questions than I was used to answering lately. It made me defensive and that's not the best way to help teach people about Paleo.

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 06:58 PM

When I laid that one on him, he just said he knows. Which is likely what he told his doctor a few years ago when the doc said 'pre-diabetes...lay off the ice cream or your health is shot.' I wonder if I'll be able to convince him where the doc and subsequent full-blown T2D didn't. The fact that this WOE tends to speak for itself in the very short term is great, though. I'm hoping an emphasis on delicious steaks will draw him away from Dominoes Pizza. Thanks, Animalcule...and congrats on helping your friends along.

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 06:53 PM

Have you run into people frankly disbelieving that you don't miss certain things? People often believe that I must be depriving myself if I've gotten this healthy. I tell them, 'Only if a huge rare steak smothered in garlic butter is deprivation.' And they come back with 'but no dessert? you poor thing!" Eh? What?? Poor thing??? lol! :)

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 06:51 PM

Good idea! I don't want to seem like a naggy parent (tho that may be what he wants?), so that approach seems like a good way to tell him what's good for him by saying it's good for me. Thanks!

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 06:49 PM

Telling him that there's no such thing as 'no more ice cream ever' helped him relax just a touch. He has asked that I send him links and such, so I hope a light trickle of information will help nudge him. Thanks, Ali. :)

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 06:46 PM

Oh goodness! And insight I wish I'd gotten, and glad you gave it. Now that I've climbed out of my own pit of ill health, I seem to have forgotten some of the harder aspects of that journey. Fear of failure is certainly a valid response to huge life changes. Thank you, Kewpie. That's a wake up call; that will help with my impatience!

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 06:44 PM

lol! Elf-feet...I like it. :) :)

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 06:40 PM

This makes a lot of sense. The negative instead of the positive, I like that. I did tell him about 80/20; I hope he chews it over. I've also asked him to track his food (I did see that giving him a full meal plan, aside from taking time I don't really have, is him not wanting to be responsible for himself) for a week with Fitday or similar. If he does that, then I'll know he's serious. I do hope I can refrain from lecturing, though part of me feels like he's behaving in a childish manner (take care of me!) and thus wants to be treated like a child (eat your vegetables, young man!)

B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on October 14, 2011
at 04:14 PM

Sugar is a drug. It takes a long time to get clean. Don't forget a lot of people are not sick enough to get motivated enough.

B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on October 14, 2011
at 04:14 PM

I wish my mother would take k2, but she only listens to her doc when it comes to supps/pills. She already stopped the refined sugar a year ago (before me :) ) but doesn't wanna believe fructose is bad (she loves bananas). I don't know how to help her more.

B3c62d89cd47b7d7209b6a99243d0ded

(10778)

on October 14, 2011
at 03:26 PM

I think for quite a while, I'll be thinking of some modern medicine as 'little illusion pills' now.

B9cc28905ec54389c47cde031d709703

on October 14, 2011
at 03:08 PM

No problem Elfeat :)

13a44ea00b0c9af0b6d0f3d5f5c2cfca

(7223)

on October 14, 2011
at 02:32 PM

I don't really think asking them what kind of wake they'd like is helpful--nor will it be productive. Imagine this scenario: You catch up with an old friend who has lost weight and looks great. You ask them what they did and they say it's all thanks to their new vegetarian diet. You respond by saying you would never give up meat. They then ask you what kind of wake you'd like. Are you suddenly persuaded? Just because their initial response is one of skepticism doesn't mean you haven't planted a seed. Let it germinate for a while.

667f6c030b0245d71d8ef50c72b097dc

(15976)

on October 14, 2011
at 02:18 PM

can lead a horse to water but..

E06dcdb3f856057025e9776e038d8072

(305)

on October 14, 2011
at 12:47 PM

I recently had a similar conversation with a friend who literally said she'd rather die sooner than give up wheat. Kinda shut down that conversation, and what was frustrating was that she was the one asking me what I was doing because I looked "so amazing" (we now live in different states, so she hadn't seen me since going paleo). She's not ready to hear it; maybe she never will be, but I hope that changes. She's one of my closest friends and I don't want to, as Edward said, let her drown in her own vomit. Selfish I know, but I want my friend around in MY old age!

627cf3f5d1ddfb4c2f4c96169420f55f

(1621)

on October 14, 2011
at 07:25 AM

It's their choice. If they are sick then it's obvious that what they are currently doing is not working. Offer them help but if they want to continue to eat pizza and ice cream then there is not much you can do. If they are close to the end then I would do whatever it takes if you deeply care about them.

Ed983a42344945b1ff70fd9597a23493

on October 14, 2011
at 02:47 AM

People just don't want to think for themselves because they never have learned how to, and it's easier to stay unhealthy, right? It can't possibly be as easy as eating real food...we pay doctors to prescribe little magic pills for us to make it all better...only to discover often too late that the little magic pills were an illusion.

Ca1150430b1904659742ce2cad621c7d

(12540)

on October 14, 2011
at 02:38 AM

check out Nerd Fitness for some help with getting a nerd off hir caboose. It helped me.

1d0497f8781845ab371b479455bfee8e

(11157)

on October 14, 2011
at 02:31 AM

Just tell them, "You're the only one who can help yourself, guess you just don't care enough or about the people who care about you," and walk away.

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 12:45 AM

The sad thing is, as sick as he is, he'd rather pick pizza over his soon-to-be-born twins. He's that entrenched.

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 12:44 AM

I like that phrase 'until he values his healh more than he values pizza.' Yup.

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 12:43 AM

Yes! He actually wanted me to go so far as to make a daily meal plan for him, and tell him every little thing he could and couldn't eat. I wasn't comfortable with that level of control -- I mean, I have a life too, 3000 miles away -- and it was him saying 'I don't wanna, you do it for me.' Like if he had to work for it, psht, *forget it*.

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 12:39 AM

Good advice, Stabby; thank you. And I think vitamin supps sound like a really simple, easy way to start.

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 12:37 AM

I think this is spot on -- 'it's not fun.' Convince them it's fun...CrossFit and all that IS crazy fun! It's just like being a kid again, and playing. Hmm...how to get a video gamer to believe that moving your body might be fun?

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 12:33 AM

Thanks Edmond, for the thoughtful replies. I do appreciate it. :)

3846a3b61bc9051e4baebdef62e58c52

(18635)

on October 13, 2011
at 11:30 PM

I think what you hit on is personal responsibility...some people just do not want it. Its easier to delegate your health to someone else. Like this fella will go to his check-ups take his meds and rationalize that this IS healthy. He's doing what he's told right? And the fella giving me the drugs knows what he's doing right? Well he's the expert so if these drugs don't keep me alive then its his fault, not mine. Drug ads on TV with healthy active people popping pills probably doesn't have anything to do with this mentality though ;)

B9cc28905ec54389c47cde031d709703

on October 13, 2011
at 09:33 PM

The real question though is how far do you want to go to help your friend. And if you can't help him, how long will you be able to sit and watch.

B9cc28905ec54389c47cde031d709703

on October 13, 2011
at 09:31 PM

If you really want answers in dealing with the situation check out an Al-Anon meeting in your local area.

0bc6cbb653cdc5e82400f6da920f11eb

(19235)

on October 13, 2011
at 09:29 PM

Don't underestimate the power of pizza and ice cream...

B9cc28905ec54389c47cde031d709703

on October 13, 2011
at 09:28 PM

Or you could suggest eating clean on the weekdays and doing whatever on the weekends maybe he'll start to see the polarizing effects.

B9cc28905ec54389c47cde031d709703

on October 13, 2011
at 09:26 PM

Certainly not about being angry. But don't let it stress you and interfere with your own life. We all worry about our friends and loved ones. Sometimes the best approach in these cases in no approach at all.

3846a3b61bc9051e4baebdef62e58c52

(18635)

on October 13, 2011
at 09:24 PM

In the end you have to realize that you only have the power to effect yourself. We are all responsible for our own choices and as Travis so aptly put it in his comment "they have to want to live".

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 13, 2011
at 09:22 PM

I was angry enough to feel that way at first. He asked me; I wasn't selling it; to reject a way of eating because you can't have pizza every day when your doc told you years ago to quit or else diabetes...well, stupid, right? I really wish I could care less.

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 13, 2011
at 09:19 PM

That's a powerful analogy.

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 13, 2011
at 09:18 PM

I think these methods both work best when you're in physical proximity with the person, and you can be a team member. But what if your wife is your junk food enabler? I had to just shut my trap, though I *wanted* to tell him to wake up because he has twin daughters on the way, stop thinking of yourself, etc. Obviously that would have been counterproductive, but even telling him to take it slow had him retreating straight back to his junk food comfort zone. It's already made him seriously ill; all I can do is wonder why that wasn't enough. But social brainwashing is powerful stuff.

B9cc28905ec54389c47cde031d709703

on October 13, 2011
at 09:12 PM

You let them drown in their own vomit. Don't worry about people who need convincing to change when there are others out there willing to change.

Medium avatar

(39831)

on October 13, 2011
at 09:05 PM

It's a bit like trying to talk a jumper off the ledge. Ultimately, they have to want to live.

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12 Answers

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2
7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

on October 14, 2011
at 04:44 PM

Personally, I would take an entirely different tact at helping my friend. I just had someone ask me about Paleo this week and started with "What can't I eat?" and I told her it's not about what you can't eat, but all the awesome stuff that you CAN eat. That doesn't sound like it would work with this particular friend of yours, but in the future, make sure you are focusing on the positive aspects of Paleo eating when telling people about it.

With this friend of yours, let's not go "Paleo", but try and help him control his diabetes with nutrition instead of meds. So, he likes ice cream and pizza? That's why an 80 / 20 approach works. There are coconut milk ice creams and gluten free pizza crusts. I know these things are not OPTIMAL, but they are better for your friend than what he is currently putting in his body.

Rather than you make up an entire eating plan for him, which he won't follow after you put in the work, see if you can get him to track his food for ONE WEEK for you. Just one. His new babies should be worth that effort. Depending on how much you care about this person, he could also just text you his food and you could keep the log. Remember, it's just one week and this person is your friend, right?

So once you get the food logs for a week, make suggested tweaks to his meals. Don't tell him, he's doing it wrong, but be supportive. Even if you can improve his diet just a little, it's likely you've helped him. If he's smart, he'll notice the difference and improve things from there on his own. If he's not really interested in doing anything except talking about being healthier, you've wasted some time, but not alienated your friend.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on October 14, 2011
at 07:09 PM

It is hard not to come across like the Food Nazi sometimes! (No pizza for YOU!) I was at a lot of corporate functions earlier this week and people kept offering me crap food. I told them there was nothing I could eat on the whole table. (It was assorted cake, cupcake, danish, doughnuts and other junk.) I know I offended some of them. Most of them know I lost a lot of weight, so they respect my decisions, but I got a lot more weird questions than I was used to answering lately. It made me defensive and that's not the best way to help teach people about Paleo.

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 06:40 PM

This makes a lot of sense. The negative instead of the positive, I like that. I did tell him about 80/20; I hope he chews it over. I've also asked him to track his food (I did see that giving him a full meal plan, aside from taking time I don't really have, is him not wanting to be responsible for himself) for a week with Fitday or similar. If he does that, then I'll know he's serious. I do hope I can refrain from lecturing, though part of me feels like he's behaving in a childish manner (take care of me!) and thus wants to be treated like a child (eat your vegetables, young man!)

6
Be1dbd31e4a3fccd4394494aa5db256d

(17969)

on October 13, 2011
at 11:15 PM

I don't keep my mouth shut, I just try to meet them in the middle. People are going to be a lot more adverse to giving up something that they like as opposed to putting in a little extra effort for a positive benefit. I usually say that they should supplement with vitamin d, magnesium, and vitamin k2, which is pretty cheap all together, and they will feel healthier. And people have, and they said that "yeah, you were right, these things are great!" and then they want to know more. The door has been opened.

It is easy to forget sometimes that some people have no idea how healthy they could be, or how unhealthy they will be, and that will make them resistant to big changes that they don't know will benefit them. I partially blame the USDA food pyramid for being so ineffective at steering people towards good health. I tried that crap once and all I got was hungry and irritable.

I like Robb Wolf and Whole30 for saying "give it a month and if you don't like what you see then you don't have to do it", that sort of comprehensive health turnaround is going to make more of an impact than some vague advice to reduce consumption of junk food.

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 12:39 AM

Good advice, Stabby; thank you. And I think vitamin supps sound like a really simple, easy way to start.

B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on October 14, 2011
at 04:14 PM

I wish my mother would take k2, but she only listens to her doc when it comes to supps/pills. She already stopped the refined sugar a year ago (before me :) ) but doesn't wanna believe fructose is bad (she loves bananas). I don't know how to help her more.

4
5e36f73c3f95eb4ea13a009f4936449f

(8280)

on October 13, 2011
at 10:45 PM

As the others have said, you can't change a person that doesn't want to change. Any extensive attempts to try will most likely destroy your friendship and cause high mental stress for you. Lay it out like it is, and leave it at that. Until he values his health more than he values his pizza, he won't change.

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 12:44 AM

I like that phrase 'until he values his healh more than he values pizza.' Yup.

4
Ed983a42344945b1ff70fd9597a23493

on October 13, 2011
at 09:31 PM

I've learned over the years that when people really want to change, they will seek me out for advice. Our culture is very encouraging of the attitude you described your friend having, and I see this all the time. I've had people come to me as clients, saying they don't want to die young, they want to feel good, and then basically give up before they even give it a go at all. I don't relate to this personally...when I have a health issue, I experiment on myself until I feel better...I am willing to try a lot of things and make a lot of changes...I used to think this was because I suffer from migraines, and that not suffering from migraines is very motivating...but, it's more than that. I've had clients with, imo, way more debilitating issues than mine, but still make every excuse to stay right in the unhealthy life that they live. It's comfortable in that dysfunctional familiar way, and change takes a lot of energy and presence...have compassion for friends who aren't really ready for change, and hopefully, one day, they will come to you truly ready to do the work.

3846a3b61bc9051e4baebdef62e58c52

(18635)

on October 13, 2011
at 11:30 PM

I think what you hit on is personal responsibility...some people just do not want it. Its easier to delegate your health to someone else. Like this fella will go to his check-ups take his meds and rationalize that this IS healthy. He's doing what he's told right? And the fella giving me the drugs knows what he's doing right? Well he's the expert so if these drugs don't keep me alive then its his fault, not mine. Drug ads on TV with healthy active people popping pills probably doesn't have anything to do with this mentality though ;)

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 12:43 AM

Yes! He actually wanted me to go so far as to make a daily meal plan for him, and tell him every little thing he could and couldn't eat. I wasn't comfortable with that level of control -- I mean, I have a life too, 3000 miles away -- and it was him saying 'I don't wanna, you do it for me.' Like if he had to work for it, psht, *forget it*.

Ed983a42344945b1ff70fd9597a23493

on October 14, 2011
at 02:47 AM

People just don't want to think for themselves because they never have learned how to, and it's easier to stay unhealthy, right? It can't possibly be as easy as eating real food...we pay doctors to prescribe little magic pills for us to make it all better...only to discover often too late that the little magic pills were an illusion.

B3c62d89cd47b7d7209b6a99243d0ded

(10778)

on October 14, 2011
at 03:26 PM

I think for quite a while, I'll be thinking of some modern medicine as 'little illusion pills' now.

3
3846a3b61bc9051e4baebdef62e58c52

(18635)

on October 13, 2011
at 09:05 PM

Sad fact is many people are brainwashed. Its tough to get through to them. There are usually two methods....one is the 30 day challenge type....the other is baby steps, where you add before you take away. In the second step you may say just add walking for a couple of weeks. Then just add some fresh vegetables to every meal...and so on and so forth till you displace all their most of their worst habits (like wheat, sugar). I feel like the better someone feels the more motivated they become. Its like a snowball effect of health.

3846a3b61bc9051e4baebdef62e58c52

(18635)

on October 13, 2011
at 09:24 PM

In the end you have to realize that you only have the power to effect yourself. We are all responsible for our own choices and as Travis so aptly put it in his comment "they have to want to live".

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 13, 2011
at 09:18 PM

I think these methods both work best when you're in physical proximity with the person, and you can be a team member. But what if your wife is your junk food enabler? I had to just shut my trap, though I *wanted* to tell him to wake up because he has twin daughters on the way, stop thinking of yourself, etc. Obviously that would have been counterproductive, but even telling him to take it slow had him retreating straight back to his junk food comfort zone. It's already made him seriously ill; all I can do is wonder why that wasn't enough. But social brainwashing is powerful stuff.

2
03fa485bfd54734522755f47a5e6597e

(3944)

on October 14, 2011
at 04:04 PM

Keep it about yourself, so they don't feel like you're lecturing them. "Yeah, it was hard giving up XYZ. I missed it a lot, and fell off the wagon several times, but once I managed to stick to it, I felt so much better that it just doesn't appeal to me now."

Also, if it's something like bread or pasta that they use in a lot of recipes: "It is inconvenient sometimes, but once I found some good recipes and learned to cook without that, I discovered that I wasn't missing much."

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 06:51 PM

Good idea! I don't want to seem like a naggy parent (tho that may be what he wants?), so that approach seems like a good way to tell him what's good for him by saying it's good for me. Thanks!

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 06:53 PM

Have you run into people frankly disbelieving that you don't miss certain things? People often believe that I must be depriving myself if I've gotten this healthy. I tell them, 'Only if a huge rare steak smothered in garlic butter is deprivation.' And they come back with 'but no dessert? you poor thing!" Eh? What?? Poor thing??? lol! :)

2
13a44ea00b0c9af0b6d0f3d5f5c2cfca

(7223)

on October 14, 2011
at 02:16 PM

I think the other thing you have to consider is your friend's fear of failure. How many of us who have/had weight problems have seen other people lose weight on all kinds of different (often unhealthy) diet plans, but when we tried them we failed to get the same results? If he has a history failed diet attempts, it might be even harder for him to be willing to try something you have been so successful with because he's afraid it won't actually work for him.

There is a new diet plan every day and nearly all of them work--at least temporarily--for some people. We all know paleo/primal is the real deal, but it's not surprising someone who has tried several bad diets would be skeptical.

What he is saying is "I could never give up pizza" and that could be what he means, but he might also mean "I don't want to fail again--especially when someone else I know has succeeded".

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 06:46 PM

Oh goodness! And insight I wish I'd gotten, and glad you gave it. Now that I've climbed out of my own pit of ill health, I seem to have forgotten some of the harder aspects of that journey. Fear of failure is certainly a valid response to huge life changes. Thank you, Kewpie. That's a wake up call; that will help with my impatience!

2
C3edabc6267abec9b5f8178e5d73552c

(725)

on October 14, 2011
at 12:29 AM

Saying "it's too hard" really means "it's not fun." People have come to associate exercise with slogging away on the treadmill like a hamster on a wheel. Instinctively, pushing ourselves to our limits is fun.. remember saying "wanna race?" to your friends back in the day. Your friend needs to get back to the point where it is fun.. this could be anything from passing a frisbee to a dog, to swimming, to joining a crossfit class. Find something that is fun for him, and the enjoyment and competitiveness that we all have inside ourselves will come out.

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 12:37 AM

I think this is spot on -- 'it's not fun.' Convince them it's fun...CrossFit and all that IS crazy fun! It's just like being a kid again, and playing. Hmm...how to get a video gamer to believe that moving your body might be fun?

Ca1150430b1904659742ce2cad621c7d

(12540)

on October 14, 2011
at 02:38 AM

check out Nerd Fitness for some help with getting a nerd off hir caboose. It helped me.

1
26b7615ef542394102785a67a2786867

on October 14, 2011
at 04:37 PM

My stock response is 'you have to make up your mind which is worse - the effort in changing your habits and eating less of some foods you enjoy, or the health repercussions of not doing so'.

People who have 'comfort foods', even those without weight problems, are both physically and emotionally addicted and can become VERY stressed at even the idea of not eating these things. For them the black and white approach is a bad idea. It's better to encourage them to eat MORE of other delicious things - like a great steak, etc - and maximize nutrient-dense foods... if they do that, most will end up eating less pizza, etc by default.

A lot of people I know ask me about how I eat, and I've convinced a lot of them with health and/or weight problems, in my 2 years eating this way. Not usually to entirely switch over to committed 'paleo' (only one of my friends has actually but he's more strict than I am now) but to an understanding that natural fats aren't bad, lots of animal products, vegetables and other 'whole foods' are good, too many carbs can cause a lot of problems, and that if you have digestive problems grains and shitty vegetable oils are very often the main culprits. They're at different degrees of committing to sweeping changes, but every single one of them has seen big improvements in problems they were having just by eating according to primal/Archevore principles a little bit more, and I consider that success.

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 06:58 PM

When I laid that one on him, he just said he knows. Which is likely what he told his doctor a few years ago when the doc said 'pre-diabetes...lay off the ice cream or your health is shot.' I wonder if I'll be able to convince him where the doc and subsequent full-blown T2D didn't. The fact that this WOE tends to speak for itself in the very short term is great, though. I'm hoping an emphasis on delicious steaks will draw him away from Dominoes Pizza. Thanks, Animalcule...and congrats on helping your friends along.

1
61b801de5dc345b557cd4623d4a4f26b

(2682)

on October 14, 2011
at 02:26 PM

If your friend has one or two items that "can't" be given up, maybe a step-by-step approach would work better. He won't see awesome results right away, but it might get him on the right path. See if your friend will agree to cut down on his vices, say, have one vice every couple weeks instead of having it all the time.

I've told people about how I eat and they are completely disinterested...but I will send them a link or two and let them do their own research. A lot of times when they read about it, it sinks in a little more. It's no longer just me telling them my opinion. They see that others are also seeing huge changes. Sometimes people need more than "n=1" to convince them. 8)

Besides that, as others have commented, it's up to your friend to make those decisions. If he asks and then still rejects your suggestions, that is on him. He has the knowledge now and has to choose whether or not to use it.

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 06:49 PM

Telling him that there's no such thing as 'no more ice cream ever' helped him relax just a touch. He has asked that I send him links and such, so I hope a light trickle of information will help nudge him. Thanks, Ali. :)

5e36f73c3f95eb4ea13a009f4936449f

(8280)

on October 14, 2011
at 10:30 PM

An interesting thought off what you said Ali. Tell them what you eat, they're not interested. SHOW them what you eat (phone camera FTW?) and they may think differently. Of course, you want to plate it well and make it look good. :)

1
B9cc28905ec54389c47cde031d709703

on October 13, 2011
at 09:13 PM

You let them drown in their own vomit. Don't worry about people who need convincing to change when there are others out there willing to change.

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 06:44 PM

lol! Elf-feet...I like it. :) :)

B9cc28905ec54389c47cde031d709703

on October 13, 2011
at 09:26 PM

Certainly not about being angry. But don't let it stress you and interfere with your own life. We all worry about our friends and loved ones. Sometimes the best approach in these cases in no approach at all.

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 13, 2011
at 09:22 PM

I was angry enough to feel that way at first. He asked me; I wasn't selling it; to reject a way of eating because you can't have pizza every day when your doc told you years ago to quit or else diabetes...well, stupid, right? I really wish I could care less.

B9cc28905ec54389c47cde031d709703

on October 13, 2011
at 09:33 PM

The real question though is how far do you want to go to help your friend. And if you can't help him, how long will you be able to sit and watch.

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 12:33 AM

Thanks Edmond, for the thoughtful replies. I do appreciate it. :)

B9cc28905ec54389c47cde031d709703

on October 13, 2011
at 09:31 PM

If you really want answers in dealing with the situation check out an Al-Anon meeting in your local area.

B9cc28905ec54389c47cde031d709703

on October 14, 2011
at 03:08 PM

No problem Elfeat :)

B9cc28905ec54389c47cde031d709703

on October 13, 2011
at 09:28 PM

Or you could suggest eating clean on the weekdays and doing whatever on the weekends maybe he'll start to see the polarizing effects.

0
B3c62d89cd47b7d7209b6a99243d0ded

on October 13, 2011
at 09:32 PM

Ask them what kind of wake they'd like or what they'd like you to do or their funereal. Barring accidents, you'll be around long after they go.

Tell them that'l youll miss them when they are gone... tho, it is true we all go someday, why accelerate it with wheat?

After all, that's what it is... their choice, their life, and their funereal.

E06dcdb3f856057025e9776e038d8072

(305)

on October 14, 2011
at 12:47 PM

I recently had a similar conversation with a friend who literally said she'd rather die sooner than give up wheat. Kinda shut down that conversation, and what was frustrating was that she was the one asking me what I was doing because I looked "so amazing" (we now live in different states, so she hadn't seen me since going paleo). She's not ready to hear it; maybe she never will be, but I hope that changes. She's one of my closest friends and I don't want to, as Edward said, let her drown in her own vomit. Selfish I know, but I want my friend around in MY old age!

13a44ea00b0c9af0b6d0f3d5f5c2cfca

(7223)

on October 14, 2011
at 02:32 PM

I don't really think asking them what kind of wake they'd like is helpful--nor will it be productive. Imagine this scenario: You catch up with an old friend who has lost weight and looks great. You ask them what they did and they say it's all thanks to their new vegetarian diet. You respond by saying you would never give up meat. They then ask you what kind of wake you'd like. Are you suddenly persuaded? Just because their initial response is one of skepticism doesn't mean you haven't planted a seed. Let it germinate for a while.

Fb67dc30cead043d1d13ea503a3044dc

(3280)

on October 14, 2011
at 12:45 AM

The sad thing is, as sick as he is, he'd rather pick pizza over his soon-to-be-born twins. He's that entrenched.

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