4

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Hack my ex-wife V2.0 - PaleoHacks.com safe...

Answered on September 12, 2014
Created November 29, 2011 at 7:33 AM

Hi

Posted a genuine question last night and awoke to find it closed, and torn to pieces by some, (sorry about causing your IQ to fall! The bit about "spot bulking my face" was a joke, my sense of humour obv. doesn't translate, maybe a helpful smiley emoticon afterwards would have helped? ;-) )

Thought I'd include my original post and then ask specific questions after:

Just received a text message from my ex-wife "Can you have a word with [our son] about his current diet fad - I agree he should avoid wheat at breakfast as it does not agree with him but his appetite is so big that I cannot meet his calorie needs without bread/pasta in his diet. You need to put on weight - you look ill - the kids commented on it after this weekend" My son is a very active, lean 14 year old (plays Rugby, Tae Kwon Do, skates...) and I've been talking about the paleo diet with him and his sister in general terms recently. They live with their Mum and I'm loathed to advise her on diet, and now she's kicking off. Also, a few people have commented that I look ill since I've been paleo. I feel great, and my body is pretty ripped, but I have lost weight from my face which makes me look drawn and, well, unwell I suppose. Any thoughts on spot-bulking my face? Laters

My questions are: 1) Could my sons incredible appetite be due to a gluten intolerence and be exacerbated by a large intake of wheat? He is skinny as a rake and incredibly active, with obv. issue with wheat i.e. bloating, esp. in the AM 2) Does anybody else have issues with people telling them they look ill, too skinny, drawn face, etc after losing weight on the paleo diet, despite feeling the best they've ever felt? 3) Advice on discussing the paleo diet with hostile Ex?

I'm a paleo newbie and I'm only just really learning about the finer points of the diet, so be nice.

FYI - No wheat, no dairy,no legumes, mainstream meats and fish.

Cheers

518bce04b12cd77741237e1f61075194

(11577)

on April 16, 2012
at 11:45 PM

Yeah, my grandma used to make 3 roast chickens for a family of five when they were all playing rugby, and my BF could put away easy 5 full meals a day when he was rowing + growing. I don't think it's unusual at all!

Ebcbbdcb8b727e69e06eaa102d49a84c

(1804)

on April 16, 2012
at 12:41 PM

Are you commenting in the right place?

Bbb65dfde2b925e334048eb6438b3950

on April 16, 2012
at 10:57 AM

This is my favorite video ever. The "prom queen" exersice just kills me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WOI1Ce5L4A

Bbb65dfde2b925e334048eb6438b3950

on April 16, 2012
at 10:55 AM

I get these comments too, although they are not about my face, and they are not very nice. I am in no way underweight, I think my BMI is around 20, and I am kind of skinny fat, because I have not yet incorporated working out into my lifestyle. I have heard that doing "facial yoga" or "facial exercises" will work, and I think it does. You can find tutorials on youtube. It tightens up muscles in your face and will fill your cheeks out a bit for sure. Give it a try. You will most likely laugh til you cry the first time you watch those videos though :)

685e3c967e63b4eacccf02628fd9a3ac

(1026)

on April 16, 2012
at 07:15 AM

The appetite is a high metabolism. I sometimes was able to eat 5-6000 kcal without getting fat. When suppressing my metabolism on a bread-only diet I became fat while eating 1500kcal a day. The body is so cool. I'd be very very happy if my son had such an appetite!

E35e3d76547b18096a59c90029e7e107

(15613)

on April 16, 2012
at 07:07 AM

Yeh, both me and one of my incredibly athletic friends have been told that we look "too thin" "malnourished" "anorexic" because of our faces at time when we've been in the best shape of our lives- and this wasn't a consequence of paleo, as it happens, just exercising 'too much' over the summer. In general it's worth remembering that lots of people seem to have completely crazy, unnatural ideas about appropriate bodyweight- I've had people suggest that if you can see your ribs (next to your abs) then that shows you're too thin.

306aa57660d911781231f8090c2a5619

(3808)

on December 03, 2011
at 01:28 AM

I'm aware that it's been used that way in the past. More often, it's used in reference to an idea or inanimate object ("Hack my smoothie", "Hack my bloodwork"). When it's used in a way that could be interpreted badly, there is often comment on the appropriateness. I'd suggest "Hack my ex-wife's attitude" or something similar for a less ambiguity. And yes, I know everyone here understands the appropriate context of the word "hack" and won't literally take such a topic as a request to perform violence, but I do feel that words matter in shaping societal attitudes.

4359ded83fc58bdcf7f825a49d4e2bc8

(80)

on December 01, 2011
at 08:33 AM

Thank you for your post Jess, lots of good stuff in there. I was not insinuating violence, nor would I ever. Of course, I am aware of the many different meanings of the word "hack", and merely used it in a manner used many, many times by other members.

6120c989fd5b69f42a0834b69b87955b

(24553)

on November 30, 2011
at 01:57 AM

It actually takes me longer to open a bag of frozen french fries and prep them for the oven than it does to rinse off and stab a couple of holes in a potato and throw it in the oven, I think we've been brainwashed to think convenience requires a package.

306aa57660d911781231f8090c2a5619

(3808)

on November 29, 2011
at 07:19 PM

While I don't believe that anyone is literally requesting that violence be committed, I would be surprised if the OP was totally oblivious to the double meaning of the word "hack".

Medium avatar

(5639)

on November 29, 2011
at 06:40 PM

I don't think anyone was insinuating violence...

96440612cf0fcf366bf5ad8f776fca84

(19413)

on November 29, 2011
at 06:38 PM

Awesome on the chocolate/rice bit. But if anything the SAD crowd are on a 10,000 year fad diet. Us paleo folks are back to our original 1M-100,000 year old diet.

13a44ea00b0c9af0b6d0f3d5f5c2cfca

(7223)

on November 29, 2011
at 05:14 PM

If multiple people were telling me I looked ill, I don't think I'd automatically assume they are all jealous of my weight loss. I'm not saying the OP isn't healthy--I have no way of knowing that--but I don't think it's a good idea to dismiss multiple comments about a sickly appearance out of hand.

13a44ea00b0c9af0b6d0f3d5f5c2cfca

(7223)

on November 29, 2011
at 05:13 PM

If multiple people were telling me I looked ill, I don't think I'd automatically assume they are all jealous of my weight loss. I'm not saying the OP isn't healthy--I have no way of knowing that--but I don't think it's a good idea to dismiss multiple comments about the state of one's health out of hand.

27361737e33ba2f73ab3c25d2699ad61

(1880)

on November 29, 2011
at 04:36 PM

Are the people claiming you look ill fat? It's been my experience that the people who claim those who have lost weight look ill or sickly are usually too fat and feel bad about themselves so it makes them feel better to try to tear down someone else's weightloss success.

4359ded83fc58bdcf7f825a49d4e2bc8

(80)

on November 29, 2011
at 04:05 PM

Correct, "Kicking off" does indeed mean 'to become argumentative/aggressive'. She's definitely got the hump....

724ba4f39f7bbea7f74b45c0a79615f2

(1968)

on November 29, 2011
at 04:01 PM

Or, maybe grow a beard? Maybe people are just freaked out by the change -- that's always the big attention-getter, when someone loses weight/puffiness in their face, but it doesn't necessarily mean anything.

7d0c3ea9bf8be00b93e6433d8f125ac3

(7540)

on November 29, 2011
at 03:34 PM

Seriously. When he was seventeen it was not uncommon sometimes for my brother to eat three full-sized meals in the space of about three hours after sports practice, hahaha.

13a44ea00b0c9af0b6d0f3d5f5c2cfca

(7223)

on November 29, 2011
at 02:48 PM

I agree with Olivia. When my oldest was that age he ate everything that wasn't nailed down. He'd eat five meals a day and some of the those meals were large enough for a small family. He was extremely active and had very low body fat. Judging anecdotally from conversations with his friends' parents at the time, I'd say that's pretty normal for a teenage boy. Everyone was complaining about the higher grocery bills.

03fa485bfd54734522755f47a5e6597e

(3944)

on November 29, 2011
at 12:49 PM

Yep, potatoes are cheap, and easy to prepare. Of course, to keep them at all paleo, you have to actually buy raw potatoes, peel them, and cook them. Buying a bag of precooked fries that are coated with something and popping them in the microwave won't cut it. In my experience, when people are loathe to give up grain, it's more because of the convenience of all the grain-based processed foods than because of the price.

03fa485bfd54734522755f47a5e6597e

(3944)

on November 29, 2011
at 12:45 PM

In the USA, "kicking off" tends to be a euphemism for dying. I'm guessing in the UK it means becoming argumentative, or something like that?

Bf57bcbdc19d4f1728599053acd020ab

(5043)

on November 29, 2011
at 11:00 AM

Good idea! smoothies are something he can also learn to make himself with some frozen fruit, a ripe banana and some full-fat unsweetened yogurt and/or coconut milk. My teenage boys drink smoothies about twice a week for breakfast. I keep piles of frozen raspberries/blueberries in the freezer for that very purpose. (buy them when they go on sale).

6b8d12fc3e43179f9ae1765a4d1a9dc2

(5914)

on November 29, 2011
at 10:47 AM

When I was 14 I used to eat everything. Seriously everything. Mum would come home from work and there would be no food, an I was as skinny as a rake.

A03f0d03067a43c61786481d91e5d3a0

(1078)

on November 29, 2011
at 10:22 AM

It sounds to me like your ex is saying it's too expensive/time-consuming to completely exclude wheat from your son's diet. Or am I misreading?

4359ded83fc58bdcf7f825a49d4e2bc8

(80)

on November 29, 2011
at 08:00 AM

He eats constantly, has no body fat. I was a teenage boy once and I'm sure I never ate as voraciously as him! It's a thing to behold, he's like a machine...

7d0c3ea9bf8be00b93e6433d8f125ac3

(7540)

on November 29, 2011
at 07:48 AM

I've gotta say I think your son's "incredible appetite" is probably due to him BEING A FOURTEEN YEAR-OLD BOY.Ever seen a teenage boy eat before?

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8 Answers

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1
306aa57660d911781231f8090c2a5619

(3808)

on November 29, 2011
at 06:32 PM

First off, can we declare a moratorium on the use of the word "Hack" in such a way that it could be considered a double entendre for violence against a person? I'm sure I'll be considered a humorless killjoy for this request, but I'm currently watching family members mourn the loss of a loved one due to domestic violence. That sort of wording is unnecessary, tasteless, and sends the wrong message.

I get the impression your ex doesn't really think that gluten causes any sort of long-term or cumulative harm, if any, and is perhaps just humoring you with her semi-agreement. Coming up with inexpensive alternatives is simply not that difficult, especially if you include non-gluten grains and potatoes. Sending a list of inexpensive alternate sources of calories may help if her problem truly is inability to think outside the box, but getting her on the same page as far as views on gluten is likely to be more helpful, though more difficult. I don't have any good suggestions there. It's difficult to challenge people's dietary paradigms when they aren't at a point where they're open to change, especially if the person suggesting it is someone they may have difficulty getting along with in general.

Wheat is an appetite stimulant. This is pretty well documented from non-paleo sources (including those who treat it as a benefit, which it can be in some situations). It's possible that, by eliminating it, he'll end up eating less overall calories, and therefore be less expensive to feed (does anyone believe that a teenager actually needs the calories they get when eating a whole pizza by themselves, regardless of how much they weigh?). If he's still meeting his actual caloric needs, that's not a problem, but he may need to make a conscious effort to eat enough if he starts losing weight.

I've gotten questions about my health from family, and comments on being skinny from random people (we moved in the past few years, and no one where I live now knew me before I lost weight). Fact is that while I have lost significant weight and am at the lower end of my ideal weight range, I'm still within that range, I haven't lost any further weight in several months (without conscious diet change - I've been eating to appetite the whole time), I have adequate energy to get through a 13 hour relatively active workday, and I've been sick once, despite working in an environment where I'm constantly exposed (and the one time I was sick is almost certainly related to increased dairy intake).

I think our society's perceptions of healthy weight and weight loss are skewed. Weight loss is seen as difficult, and a symptom of eating disorder and cancer, and therefore to be viewed with suspicion, especially if it continues past a midrange point or didn't involve being significantly overweight to begin with. I do see what looks like eating disordered tendencies in some of these posts, and I think we need to be honest with ourselves about our health and the appropriateness of our goals. But if you're feeling great and eating appropriately for your body, age, and activity level, I think it's ok to just disregard it. Working on building muscle mass and getting enough sunlight to give your skin some color (if it doesn't have it already) may help avoid some of the comments.

306aa57660d911781231f8090c2a5619

(3808)

on November 29, 2011
at 07:19 PM

While I don't believe that anyone is literally requesting that violence be committed, I would be surprised if the OP was totally oblivious to the double meaning of the word "hack".

Medium avatar

(5639)

on November 29, 2011
at 06:40 PM

I don't think anyone was insinuating violence...

4359ded83fc58bdcf7f825a49d4e2bc8

(80)

on December 01, 2011
at 08:33 AM

Thank you for your post Jess, lots of good stuff in there. I was not insinuating violence, nor would I ever. Of course, I am aware of the many different meanings of the word "hack", and merely used it in a manner used many, many times by other members.

306aa57660d911781231f8090c2a5619

(3808)

on December 03, 2011
at 01:28 AM

I'm aware that it's been used that way in the past. More often, it's used in reference to an idea or inanimate object ("Hack my smoothie", "Hack my bloodwork"). When it's used in a way that could be interpreted badly, there is often comment on the appropriateness. I'd suggest "Hack my ex-wife's attitude" or something similar for a less ambiguity. And yes, I know everyone here understands the appropriate context of the word "hack" and won't literally take such a topic as a request to perform violence, but I do feel that words matter in shaping societal attitudes.

15
6120c989fd5b69f42a0834b69b87955b

(24553)

on November 29, 2011
at 10:34 AM

No need for wheat filler to save money: rice, potatoes, and sweet potatoes can all be gotten quite inexpensively, especially if you buy them in bulk. Eggs are relatively inexpensive too.

I know it isn't your responsibility to feed your son when he's at your ex's house, but if you were to buy part of cow in bulk and send him over there armed with a big bag of meat to chow on it would probably save money for the family in general, and save some argument induced headaches on your part.

03fa485bfd54734522755f47a5e6597e

(3944)

on November 29, 2011
at 12:49 PM

Yep, potatoes are cheap, and easy to prepare. Of course, to keep them at all paleo, you have to actually buy raw potatoes, peel them, and cook them. Buying a bag of precooked fries that are coated with something and popping them in the microwave won't cut it. In my experience, when people are loathe to give up grain, it's more because of the convenience of all the grain-based processed foods than because of the price.

6120c989fd5b69f42a0834b69b87955b

(24553)

on November 30, 2011
at 01:57 AM

It actually takes me longer to open a bag of frozen french fries and prep them for the oven than it does to rinse off and stab a couple of holes in a potato and throw it in the oven, I think we've been brainwashed to think convenience requires a package.

10
4f7ccde03addfc07a66a21a77b0a46c8

on November 29, 2011
at 10:03 AM

Bread and pasta are not going to meet his caloric needs in a way that will satisfy him and/or make him feel healthy, obviously. So in response to your ex's excuse that she can't keep him full without it, I would suggest he start incorporating more fat in his diet. Fat = satiety, and can be bought pretty cheaply in the form of coconut milk. Your son could have, for example, a smoothie for breakfast consisting of a can of coconut milk, some fruit, and some ice, in addition to whatever he would normally have (eggs, bacon, whatever). Eggs are also fairly inexpensive, and what's to stop him from eating half a dozen in one meal? Also, I don't understand why the ex would say she agrees he should avoid wheat at breakfast because it doesnt agree with him, but then stuff him full of it later in the day. If it's bad for him, then it's bad for him 24hrs a day! lol And if he had Celiac's then yes the wheat would definitely exacerbate any ill-health and make it hard for him to put on weight because he would be malnourished, as he wouldnt be absorbing his food properly. If you wanted to discuss the paleo diet with your ex, you could explain it to her the way you explained it to your son, mention that it was his decision to give it a go, and offer some books and websites she can check out if she wants to read for herself that it's a safe, healthy way of eating.

As for people commenting that you look 'ill' Just ignore it. Most people don't know what 'healthy' looks like, so why the hell do they think they know what 'ill' looks like? If they knew, they'd recognise it in the mirror everyday!

PS- maybe face implants to bulk out? lol

Bf57bcbdc19d4f1728599053acd020ab

(5043)

on November 29, 2011
at 11:00 AM

Good idea! smoothies are something he can also learn to make himself with some frozen fruit, a ripe banana and some full-fat unsweetened yogurt and/or coconut milk. My teenage boys drink smoothies about twice a week for breakfast. I keep piles of frozen raspberries/blueberries in the freezer for that very purpose. (buy them when they go on sale).

724ba4f39f7bbea7f74b45c0a79615f2

(1968)

on November 29, 2011
at 04:01 PM

Or, maybe grow a beard? Maybe people are just freaked out by the change -- that's always the big attention-getter, when someone loses weight/puffiness in their face, but it doesn't necessarily mean anything.

27361737e33ba2f73ab3c25d2699ad61

(1880)

on November 29, 2011
at 04:36 PM

Are the people claiming you look ill fat? It's been my experience that the people who claim those who have lost weight look ill or sickly are usually too fat and feel bad about themselves so it makes them feel better to try to tear down someone else's weightloss success.

6
4a015899134e8660d46d9dfbcf7373bc

on November 29, 2011
at 01:10 PM

I have 2 boys aged 16 and 15. All I can say is Thank God I ordered that quarter of a cow! They are both on the crew team and the amount of food that disappears from my fridge is incredible. After discussing it with the family, we switched everyone over to primarily paleo over the summer and yes, my grocery bills have increased but in total we spend a lot less on crap. No soda, cookies, or chips in the house makes my pantry very orderly. I do have to cook a lot but that would have been true whether we ate paleo or not. Teenage boys are hungry! Expecting my second cow quarter, grass feed naturally, this week. To save me trips to the store I went ahead and ordered part of a pig too. Now all I need is a chicken supplier and a fish monger and we might make it through the winter. Winter workouts with crew last over 2 hours. I can get used to the amount of food I need to make but the smell still leaves me gasping!

518bce04b12cd77741237e1f61075194

(11577)

on April 16, 2012
at 11:45 PM

Yeah, my grandma used to make 3 roast chickens for a family of five when they were all playing rugby, and my BF could put away easy 5 full meals a day when he was rowing + growing. I don't think it's unusual at all!

5
9d43f6873107e17ca4d1a5055aa7a2ad

on November 29, 2011
at 05:38 PM

I'm pretty evil about this. Because I eat a small amount of rice and other non-gluten grains, I can deflect any criticism from relatives. "So you are on a fad diet?" "No, I'm not! Look at that rice I just ate." A dark chocolate bar works for this trick too.

But in all seriousness, I've found that a rice cooker is a life-saver when I'm trying to feed men. I am just not used to cooking large portions for myself and it costs a lot of money. So I put some haiga rice and stock in the rice cooker, flip the switch, and I have a relatively benign source of calories for hungry men.

96440612cf0fcf366bf5ad8f776fca84

(19413)

on November 29, 2011
at 06:38 PM

Awesome on the chocolate/rice bit. But if anything the SAD crowd are on a 10,000 year fad diet. Us paleo folks are back to our original 1M-100,000 year old diet.

1
1820e2a8a435da2339593485379bb50d

on November 29, 2011
at 04:59 PM

Teenagers are naturally hungry anyway, but yes, in my experience extreme hunger comes from not dealing well with carbs - I was that hungry teenager once, and that hunger has followed me almost to my 30's, but now Im Paleo its vanished - it must have been the carbs all along.

Dont worry about the haters - I find anyone trying to tell you you look ill/too skinny or to eat something is jealous - end of story.

Ive found the Paleo diet is best described to a 'non-believer' in installments - it can be hard to hear that grains/dairy and sugar are not allowed all in one go, but I find that once people understand the health benefits behind everything they can usually accept it.

Good luck!

13a44ea00b0c9af0b6d0f3d5f5c2cfca

(7223)

on November 29, 2011
at 05:14 PM

If multiple people were telling me I looked ill, I don't think I'd automatically assume they are all jealous of my weight loss. I'm not saying the OP isn't healthy--I have no way of knowing that--but I don't think it's a good idea to dismiss multiple comments about a sickly appearance out of hand.

13a44ea00b0c9af0b6d0f3d5f5c2cfca

(7223)

on November 29, 2011
at 05:13 PM

If multiple people were telling me I looked ill, I don't think I'd automatically assume they are all jealous of my weight loss. I'm not saying the OP isn't healthy--I have no way of knowing that--but I don't think it's a good idea to dismiss multiple comments about the state of one's health out of hand.

0
1edb06ded9ccf098a4517ca4a7a34ebc

on April 16, 2012
at 12:59 PM

Your child is a 14 year old growing boy. He needs a lot calories. Sure, having him avoid wheat is helpful, probably, but cutting his calories is not. Let him eat as much as he wants so long as it is from healthful foods.

Also, since you look unhealthy, I would add that maybe you are doing something wrong, and that it might not be such a good idea to have your son follow in your footsteps. Looking emaciated in the face, despite being "well ripped" is not healthy. If you are lean and shredded but have an unsunken face with a glow- that is healthy. My guess is that you are VLC and high fat.

-2
77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on April 16, 2012
at 06:02 AM

???Hi Dr. Gboco, your spells really helped me! I???ve been doing the same diet than before but with your spell it really worked and I already lost 6lbs in 1 week! I feel like a new woman and my male colleagues start to talk to me again! Even that cute guy at the accountancy I mentioned before! You changed my life and fulfilled all my dreams! Thank you so much. [email protected]

Ebcbbdcb8b727e69e06eaa102d49a84c

(1804)

on April 16, 2012
at 12:41 PM

Are you commenting in the right place?

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