3

votes

Would you choose your partner based on Paleo diet or not?

Answered on August 19, 2014
Created April 26, 2011 at 9:48 PM

This question is just my curiosity, as I'm married. When dating, do you put diet up there with religion and wanting or not wanting kids? Where does it belong? Would you or do you date non-Paleos?

My husband eats SAD (still!) and I would not have picked him if I was putting diet up there with religion (or whatever criteria). But that being said... our relationship works even with food differences. Luckily I'm the cook, so that probably has something to do with it.

Would love to hear your thoughts on how this question applies in your life, whether you are currently partnered or not.

84852b74f4c8085276a3773de3518c2e

(30)

on August 12, 2012
at 05:04 AM

Add to your list the fact that he has to be (abit) geeky, gyms and is gay, in my case

84852b74f4c8085276a3773de3518c2e

(30)

on August 12, 2012
at 05:03 AM

"hammer the nails to their own coffin every time they ate"; brilliant. I wonder if religious people feel the same way about non-believers...

6670b38baf0aae7f4d8ac2463ddc37c0

(3946)

on April 29, 2011
at 02:57 AM

Ali, I am so sorry that you are in a similar circumstance. I can't even imagine how frustrated you must be. I can tell you that these two friends of mine have been going round and round since getting married years ago. He was on high blood pressure and other meds when he finally had the stroke...it didn't happen over night, so there's always hope.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on April 28, 2011
at 11:05 PM

I shall never have the bikini body. Damn me for letting myself go all those years. My stomach is where all the loose skin decided to hang out. :(

1fc9c11cf23b2f62ac78979de933ad83

(2435)

on April 28, 2011
at 10:34 PM

I wish mine would find it disappointing. He still loves that crap. Though, today he did call me to thank me for the awesome salad I made him for lunch, and this morning kissed me when he finished his huge steak and eggs. If I could teach him to like coconut I might have hope yet. Ditching the diet cola will be the hardest part.

1fc9c11cf23b2f62ac78979de933ad83

(2435)

on April 28, 2011
at 10:31 PM

Sounds like we could hang out.

61b801de5dc345b557cd4623d4a4f26b

(2682)

on April 28, 2011
at 07:50 PM

I'm with you: the concern about health and the willingness to make changes would be something I looked for.

61b801de5dc345b557cd4623d4a4f26b

(2682)

on April 28, 2011
at 07:48 PM

Ah yes, the bikini body. I better start on my crunches 8)

61b801de5dc345b557cd4623d4a4f26b

(2682)

on April 28, 2011
at 07:47 PM

Same here: my husband had Burger King the other day and I was pleased to hear about how disappointing it was. 8)

61b801de5dc345b557cd4623d4a4f26b

(2682)

on April 28, 2011
at 07:44 PM

Annie, your explanation (esp the resentful part) is weighing heavily on me as I try to give my hubby freedom while thinking about how I may have to take care of him (physically and financially) as he degenerates.

B4ec9ce369e43ea83f06ee645169cee0

on April 28, 2011
at 03:19 PM

good answer! I hate the 'visible weight problem' thing... when others are possibly more unhealthy but they look 'good'. arrgh!

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on April 28, 2011
at 02:07 PM

Oooh, nicely done!

84666a86108dee8d11cbbc85b6382083

(2399)

on April 28, 2011
at 01:47 PM

PaleoDating.com is yet in the making.

84666a86108dee8d11cbbc85b6382083

(2399)

on April 28, 2011
at 01:47 PM

Explain when downvoting. Thank you.

7f4c64d6caca80c74a6c2d91efa3259b

(831)

on April 28, 2011
at 11:04 AM

That would have bothered me a while ago too, but now I can genuinely say that I couldn't give a (insert whatever word you like here!). Pizza, cake, pastries etc. just don't do it for me anymore.

B4ec9ce369e43ea83f06ee645169cee0

on April 27, 2011
at 02:31 PM

I agree it can wear on you. And your situation would be harder since she cooks. I only have to deal with them eating pizza in front of me on nights that I don't cook!

66e6b190e62fb3bcf42d4c60801c7bf6

(12407)

on April 27, 2011
at 01:12 AM

Thanks, Melissa. She's starting to come around. funny how the first warm days will get women into going hard for that bikini body, haha.

D3ff004d4a0c42b67cc2c49a5ee9c0f3

(5801)

on April 26, 2011
at 11:57 PM

You're mixing sex with food - my two favorite things. If one is good I'll make sacrifices with the other.

B4ec9ce369e43ea83f06ee645169cee0

on April 26, 2011
at 10:37 PM

kind of like rolling with the punches, and finding someone willing to roll with you? Yeah I can see that.

B4ec9ce369e43ea83f06ee645169cee0

on April 26, 2011
at 10:34 PM

good point thanks for the opposite view as I think it's important to look at all sides...

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on April 26, 2011
at 10:29 PM

70% is pretty good! You've done amazing things for your friends and family.

6670b38baf0aae7f4d8ac2463ddc37c0

(3946)

on April 26, 2011
at 10:15 PM

For example, I have a friend who tries to eat "healthy" (even though she does SAD) and her husband does not. He just had a stroke at the age of 40. That is a game changer and no matter what anyone says, she will be very resentful that he probably could have prevented that stroke with his lifestyle. It is one thing when the unexpected happens no matter how careful we are. It is another to be blatantly careless.

Aead76beb5fc7b762a6b4ddc234f6051

(15239)

on April 26, 2011
at 10:11 PM

thanks ladies. i speak for all womankind!

B4ec9ce369e43ea83f06ee645169cee0

on April 26, 2011
at 10:11 PM

your ancestors would have eaten your partner?? lol!

B4ec9ce369e43ea83f06ee645169cee0

on April 26, 2011
at 10:09 PM

Yeah my husband is a Carl's Jr / McDonald's man. :( But I have noticed that he eats a lot less of that stuff since I went paleo! Maybe it's because I'm serving more meat at home.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on April 26, 2011
at 10:05 PM

I knew I loved you for a reason! Crocs are a total deal breaker! /o/\o\ High five!

Medium avatar

(12379)

on April 26, 2011
at 10:05 PM

ahahahahahaha...crocs definitely are a deal-breaker - especially when paired with socks!!!

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21 Answers

6
7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

on April 26, 2011
at 10:32 PM

Given the chance to do it all over again, I would change so many things about how I picked a partner for life.

If I was to start dating now, I think I would definitely look for someone that was concerned about health and fitness. I don't think his views would have to be the same as mine on everything. I have changed my nutrition plan quite a bit over the last 10 years, so I would want someone that was willing to learn and try new things.

B4ec9ce369e43ea83f06ee645169cee0

on April 26, 2011
at 10:37 PM

kind of like rolling with the punches, and finding someone willing to roll with you? Yeah I can see that.

61b801de5dc345b557cd4623d4a4f26b

(2682)

on April 28, 2011
at 07:50 PM

I'm with you: the concern about health and the willingness to make changes would be something I looked for.

6
Bcad307b240275ae3f5820ba6eb4a712

(923)

on April 26, 2011
at 09:56 PM

My girlfriend was vegan when we started dating, so that would be a no. She has been converted, however. Science is a cold, logical mistress. It cares not for ones silly, vegan superstitions.

5
Fa9f340eddbad9a544184c688fa4dcdd

(6433)

on April 26, 2011
at 10:25 PM

I agree with people talking about the importance of respect and tolerance, however if I were interested in someone as a life-long partner, who had a terrible SAD diet, I would feel as if I were watching them slowly hammer the nails into their own coffin every time that they ate. I don't mean to be melodramatic - ok, maybe just a little ;) - but it already drives me nuts to watch those I care about eroding their own health on a daily basis, so my own sense of self-preservation hinders me from becoming emotionally invested in someone engaging in self-destructive behaviour, be it smoking or living off frozen pizza and deep-fried Mars bars.

On the other hand, Paleo is very much a fringe movement (especially where I live) and I suspect that confessing to be Paleo outright would probably be the other person's a deal breaker on a first date. In short I would be very happy with someone who cared about their health (even if this manifested itself in eating the SAD version of a healthy diet), who was flexible enough to accommodate my food "eccentricities" and who was open-minded and scientifically-inclined enough to question conventional wisdom without his brains falling out in a mush of incoherent paranoia about chem trails and Elvis hiding behind the grassy knoll.

So, having decided on that, all that remains is to meet this rugged yet sensitive man of science...

84852b74f4c8085276a3773de3518c2e

(30)

on August 12, 2012
at 05:03 AM

"hammer the nails to their own coffin every time they ate"; brilliant. I wonder if religious people feel the same way about non-believers...

4
Aead76beb5fc7b762a6b4ddc234f6051

(15239)

on April 26, 2011
at 10:03 PM

when i met my now husband, i was vegetarian and he ate the frat-boy version of SAD, meaning a lot of meat sandwiches, favoring sausage, and beer. then i started to eat meat, favoring high quality stuff and he became vegetarian, then pescatarian. now im paleo and he is GF pescatarian who only eat meat from an animal he knows personally. relationships and diets evolve. its far more important to me what kind of shoes a dude wears. crocks are a deal-breaker.

ETA: i should say, that other than the very beginning of our relationship (frat-boy SAD), my husband has always been interested in healthy, good food and being politically and ethically responsible with where he puts his food dollars. the specifics of our diet have changed as we learn more and get older, but overall we both count food and diet as a Very Important Thing. food has always been such a big part of my life that i dont know if i could be in a long term relationship with someone who ate nothing but processed foods and/or was a very picky eater with bland tastes.

Medium avatar

(12379)

on April 26, 2011
at 10:05 PM

ahahahahahaha...crocs definitely are a deal-breaker - especially when paired with socks!!!

Aead76beb5fc7b762a6b4ddc234f6051

(15239)

on April 26, 2011
at 10:11 PM

thanks ladies. i speak for all womankind!

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on April 26, 2011
at 10:05 PM

I knew I loved you for a reason! Crocs are a total deal breaker! /o/\o\ High five!

3
6670b38baf0aae7f4d8ac2463ddc37c0

(3946)

on April 26, 2011
at 09:59 PM

I consider Paleo a lifestyle, so yes, it would be very important to me if I were chosing a partner.

6670b38baf0aae7f4d8ac2463ddc37c0

(3946)

on April 26, 2011
at 10:15 PM

For example, I have a friend who tries to eat "healthy" (even though she does SAD) and her husband does not. He just had a stroke at the age of 40. That is a game changer and no matter what anyone says, she will be very resentful that he probably could have prevented that stroke with his lifestyle. It is one thing when the unexpected happens no matter how careful we are. It is another to be blatantly careless.

B4ec9ce369e43ea83f06ee645169cee0

on April 26, 2011
at 10:34 PM

good point thanks for the opposite view as I think it's important to look at all sides...

6670b38baf0aae7f4d8ac2463ddc37c0

(3946)

on April 29, 2011
at 02:57 AM

Ali, I am so sorry that you are in a similar circumstance. I can't even imagine how frustrated you must be. I can tell you that these two friends of mine have been going round and round since getting married years ago. He was on high blood pressure and other meds when he finally had the stroke...it didn't happen over night, so there's always hope.

61b801de5dc345b557cd4623d4a4f26b

(2682)

on April 28, 2011
at 07:44 PM

Annie, your explanation (esp the resentful part) is weighing heavily on me as I try to give my hubby freedom while thinking about how I may have to take care of him (physically and financially) as he degenerates.

3
2193cb1eca1a0eda4b2cad910074634e

on April 26, 2011
at 09:58 PM

Great question!

I was vegetarian for over 20 years and dated many carivores so it wasn't an issue for me. My partner is a hunter however he eats SAD. :-(

I think what is important is tolerance and respect for the other person verses only being with someone who eats the way I do.

2
9722850c9a1c47b79edf7c4233040248

(1276)

on April 28, 2011
at 06:49 PM

Paleo is not a deal-breaker, but health-consciousness is. My mom is from a family of 12 and all but two of them are now diabetic or prediabetic, and don't care to do anything about it. Half are morbidly obese. The two who aren't diabetic or obese are only marginally healthy because they run an hour every single day and pack on belly weight the minute they get off the treadmill. The summer before I met my husband I witnessed my uncle going into a diabetic coma, twice. Makes you think about what you want to watch your loved ones go through. Makes you want to choose a man who cares enough about you to do everything in his power to avoid putting you through late-night dramatic hospital scenes. Also that whole family goes through extreme blood sugar fluctuations - pre-meal times get downright nasty in their households!

2
21fd060d0796fdb8a4a990441e08eae7

(24543)

on April 28, 2011
at 02:02 PM

I would much rather that my partner is not paleo. That way I could impress her with my knowledge while on dates.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on April 28, 2011
at 02:07 PM

Oooh, nicely done!

2
Bc762105fbdc6694dc6dd316840846a7

(65)

on April 28, 2011
at 01:34 PM

I wish my husband was more concerned about his own health and fitness. He eats what I cook but he makes SAD choices for meals and snacks he does on his own. He is definitely skinny-fat, but since he doesn't have a visible weight problem or any autoimmune/allergy issues, it's impossible to convince him that his diet is affecting his health.

He supports me by never questioning the family meals I prepare and not trying to sabotage me or criticize my choices, but I have the visible weight problem and the autoimmune issue plus metabolic disorder. So it's like I need the "special diet" and he doesn't.

That said, I don't think I could've chosen a better partner for emotional and mental connection, he's so kind and loving and genuinely interested in just about everything I have to say, and he's an excellent, engaged father. I'm not a perfect wife, and I know don't give him 100% of all he could wish for in that perfect wife.

I guess like anything you have to determine your deal breakers. Given all his pros, the con of fitness and diet isn't enough for me to feel we're not compatible. Plus I have this never-ending hope that I can eventually convert him!

1fc9c11cf23b2f62ac78979de933ad83

(2435)

on April 28, 2011
at 10:31 PM

Sounds like we could hang out.

B4ec9ce369e43ea83f06ee645169cee0

on April 28, 2011
at 03:19 PM

good answer! I hate the 'visible weight problem' thing... when others are possibly more unhealthy but they look 'good'. arrgh!

2
7f4c64d6caca80c74a6c2d91efa3259b

(831)

on April 27, 2011
at 09:20 AM

I've only recently been introduced to the paleo way of life (since the beginning of Feb, loving it and feeling good) and have been married for quite a while now. My wife is one of those annoying people who can eat anything and not put on an ounce. She loves baking and cooks fantastic 'traditional' meals using fresh ingredients so I have no cause for complaints there - in fact, it's part of the reason I'm like I am now.

However, there is a total non-acceptance of the ethos of the paleo way. All the usual statements are rolled out (you've all heard them) and I'm constantly reminded that once I've reached my target weight she'll be glad that I'll be back to eating 'normally'. The other day I even got "it's a diet not a lifestyle change"!

Now, don't get me wrong, I love her but it does get mighty wearing. So, if I were to be looking around now, then yes I probably would put more emphasis on their views of diet and health being more aligned with mine.

B4ec9ce369e43ea83f06ee645169cee0

on April 27, 2011
at 02:31 PM

I agree it can wear on you. And your situation would be harder since she cooks. I only have to deal with them eating pizza in front of me on nights that I don't cook!

7f4c64d6caca80c74a6c2d91efa3259b

(831)

on April 28, 2011
at 11:04 AM

That would have bothered me a while ago too, but now I can genuinely say that I couldn't give a (insert whatever word you like here!). Pizza, cake, pastries etc. just don't do it for me anymore.

2
002d074ab094fefc344bf0d1f36091ec

on April 27, 2011
at 02:17 AM

I have been married for almost 4 years now-- long before I turned Paleo. I think, that having an open mind and a willingness to try something at least once is much more desirable a quality. I am a pretty organized (read: control freak) person, so it was important that I found someone who was also somewhat structured. I suppose that is why I married a military man. :)

Seeing the changes that I have undergone not only physically, but mentally and emotionally.. my husband has certainly become a believer in the paleo lifestyle, and is now giving it a try for himself. Compromise can be a wonderful thing, and doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice getting what you want to be with a person. Sometimes you have to be creative or flexible to make both situations work. :)

2
C1c86f42410cd4788bd9c5cf801dcd8f

(2246)

on April 27, 2011
at 12:40 AM

Yes...

I have several key points that must be hit (I honestly thought I would never find anyone)

  1. Must be Paleo (don't care what variation but food quality had to be there)
  2. Must not smoke/drugs
  3. Must Do CrossFit (or some other type of functional training)

There is a long list of other things that kind of fall into as well but honestly I don't think I could do without the above. My girlfriend falls into all of those and it rocks.

84852b74f4c8085276a3773de3518c2e

(30)

on August 12, 2012
at 05:04 AM

Add to your list the fact that he has to be (abit) geeky, gyms and is gay, in my case

2
74f5d2ff6567edd456d31dfb9b92af61

(5227)

on April 26, 2011
at 10:27 PM

My fella and I have been together for almost three and a half years, and he's seen me go from restrictive-type bulimia to vegetarian to Paleo. I'm very glad that he didn't decide to ditch me for not conforming to his SAD diet. ;)

Yes, I'm concerned about his health. I think, if his diet was of great issue to me, that would be the motivating factor to not pursue the relationship. I would hesitate to date a chain-smoking, non-seatbelt-wearing, corpulent alcoholic, just because I'd be worried about longevity (and yeah, I guess the attraction thing plays a part, too >.>), and I regard SAD on about the same level. However, I love him, not the food he eats.

While his diet isn't a definitely not a deal-breaker, I'm still taking measures to improve his health, though, just because it is important to me. I'm currently trying to ease him off gluten. I'm not nagging him or making a big deal about it; I simply haven't prepared him any meals with gluten in it for over a month now (and not necessarily on purpose or deliberately deceptively, either; I merely do not regard gluten as food, and therefore do not cook with it). I finally pointed it out to him about a week ago, and he seemed pleasantly surprised and said he loves the food I make for him. I was also thrilled when I looked back and realized he had eaten entirely Paleo on Sunday without even trying. It just happened spontaneously, which is how it should be. :)

2
66e6b190e62fb3bcf42d4c60801c7bf6

on April 26, 2011
at 10:26 PM

i love my gf but me being paleo is a point of contention at times. i guess she's at about 70%. but with her being severely gluten-intolerant and having some signs of auto-immunity i've been trying to get her to go with the full buy-in. her response is that my food isn't "fun". sigh... the struggle continues.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on April 26, 2011
at 10:29 PM

70% is pretty good! You've done amazing things for your friends and family.

66e6b190e62fb3bcf42d4c60801c7bf6

(12407)

on April 27, 2011
at 01:12 AM

Thanks, Melissa. She's starting to come around. funny how the first warm days will get women into going hard for that bikini body, haha.

61b801de5dc345b557cd4623d4a4f26b

(2682)

on April 28, 2011
at 07:48 PM

Ah yes, the bikini body. I better start on my crunches 8)

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on April 28, 2011
at 11:05 PM

I shall never have the bikini body. Damn me for letting myself go all those years. My stomach is where all the loose skin decided to hang out. :(

2
C2ad96801ec1e22d2bf62475b6e52751

(1416)

on April 26, 2011
at 10:08 PM

Absolutely. I'm very strict Paleo, so I would only choose a partner that our ancestors would have eaten.

B4ec9ce369e43ea83f06ee645169cee0

on April 26, 2011
at 10:11 PM

your ancestors would have eaten your partner?? lol!

1
77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on April 27, 2011
at 05:08 AM

It would be fun to have like minded paleo relationship

84666a86108dee8d11cbbc85b6382083

(2399)

on April 28, 2011
at 01:47 PM

PaleoDating.com is yet in the making.

1
98bf2ca7f8778c79cd3f6c962011cfdc

on April 26, 2011
at 10:47 PM

I don't see it as an issue of respect or tolerance. I respect and tolerate anyone's choices to put whatever they like into their mouths. They just can't do it in my house. I'm well past my 20's where experimenting with foods is so common. I've been low carb and nearly gluten free for over 15 years now and paleo for the last couple of years. While I do expect and look forward to continuing to refine my food choices and beliefs I'm pretty sure I'll be a meat-eating, grain-free, high fat sort of eater all the rest of my days.

For a partner I wouldn't demand paleo per se but no vegetarians or vegans/no low-fat believers and certainly no SAD eaters. With my food and weight history my house needs to be completely clean and it will be. No crap in my house. Not now. Not ever. Now if my partner wanted to go eat a twinkie out on his own that would be o.k. with me. I have no desire to be anyone's mother and I won't be a nag. An 80/20-type person would be fine. Just don't even think about bringing it near me.

And I wonder why I'm still single, lol.

1
1fc9c11cf23b2f62ac78979de933ad83

(2435)

on April 26, 2011
at 10:05 PM

I wasn't Paleo when I got married, but had much higher food standards than my husband. I look at them as part of the give and take of our relationship. Also, he'll eat Paleo when at home, if I'm cooking it. I get really discouraged making him these dinners knowing he stopped through the BK drive thru for lunch, though.

B4ec9ce369e43ea83f06ee645169cee0

on April 26, 2011
at 10:09 PM

Yeah my husband is a Carl's Jr / McDonald's man. :( But I have noticed that he eats a lot less of that stuff since I went paleo! Maybe it's because I'm serving more meat at home.

61b801de5dc345b557cd4623d4a4f26b

(2682)

on April 28, 2011
at 07:47 PM

Same here: my husband had Burger King the other day and I was pleased to hear about how disappointing it was. 8)

1fc9c11cf23b2f62ac78979de933ad83

(2435)

on April 28, 2011
at 10:34 PM

I wish mine would find it disappointing. He still loves that crap. Though, today he did call me to thank me for the awesome salad I made him for lunch, and this morning kissed me when he finished his huge steak and eggs. If I could teach him to like coconut I might have hope yet. Ditching the diet cola will be the hardest part.

1
Medium avatar

(12379)

on April 26, 2011
at 10:03 PM

Great Question Kim!!

I had partnered up long before going paleo. I chose the paleo diet and converted our household - it was met with "really - no more sandwiches - no pizza - awww...c'mon Bree please". My partner lost 40 lbs in 3 months. He will never second guess anything that I suggest - ever again!

Had he not been so successful or receptive I don't think it would be a deal-breaker, but it would be much more difficult. Food i my household is almost a ritual and is definitely a gathering, so if everyone was eating differently it would change the household dynamic a lot.

0
Acfd35c9e350bb4c0c17810af4decd95

on April 28, 2011
at 06:57 PM

Nah, back when I was dating I was only interested in her politics. Being a liberal was a sure sign of mental retardation.

0
Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25477)

on April 27, 2011
at 02:02 AM

Yes. And I have. The paradox of life is we need to be congruent with thoughts.

84666a86108dee8d11cbbc85b6382083

(2399)

on April 28, 2011
at 01:47 PM

Explain when downvoting. Thank you.

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