4

votes

How do you do it when the other person in the house isn't helping?

Answered on September 12, 2014
Created October 26, 2011 at 2:04 AM

My boyfriend and I went Paleo at the same time, and he either gave up or just.. I don't know but he's ordering pizzas and we have bread in the house again and its driving me mad. I already eat too much, but with all the cookies and candy and crap coming to work now too it is very very very hard to do anything right.

It feels physically wrong if someone is eating and I am not doing the same so I can't skip dinner and if someone brings treats to work its really hard to say no. If we go out to a restaurant, even if I say "I'm not going to have that bread" I usually eat a piece anyway.

I think I'm heavier now than when I started. I haven't been to the gym in months. My commute is killing me. I still only get about 6 hours of sleep per night. It's going to start snowing soon so going outside is even less of a possibility.

How do you do it when you don't have support? Because he totally is not helping and its making me miserable and fat.

31381cfeb5d6da6fc75f80ab68e041ea

(560)

on May 06, 2012
at 11:03 AM

i think you hit the nail on the head, oranges. the problem is your guilt/self-loathing, not just your diet. heal your heart and your diet will follow. (easier said than done, but so, so worth it.)

13a44ea00b0c9af0b6d0f3d5f5c2cfca

(7223)

on November 30, 2011
at 03:16 AM

Luisa, no one is suggesting she needs a therapist to help her with her diet so their nutrition training--or lack thereof--is irrelevant. She should consider therapy because she is making excuses instead of making positive changes. That is absolutely something a therapist can help her with.

19acef0aed67ef8dc1118d8e74edb349

(2954)

on November 27, 2011
at 12:37 AM

I should add I don't think it's her boyfriend's fault. It's definitely her fault that she's eating things she shouldn't. But we all just need a helping hand once in a while... you know? Not everyone has ironclad will power. It's something to work towards, yes, but it's not just like turning on a light switch. Not that easy. Otherwise there would be no alcoholics.

19acef0aed67ef8dc1118d8e74edb349

(2954)

on November 27, 2011
at 12:31 AM

I don't think Orange needs therapy, I think she needs friendly guidance. Therapists aren't trained in nutrition (much less Paleo) and won't be able to help her through this.

19acef0aed67ef8dc1118d8e74edb349

(2954)

on November 27, 2011
at 12:30 AM

Hey Orange, I know this is an old thread. Do you have thyroid problems? No? How about cortisol/adrenal fatigue? Not being a morning person + never being tired at night time... sounds to me like adrenal fatigue. http://www.adrenalfatigue.org/take-the-adrenal-fatigue-quiz Hope you try the recommendation to eat a BIG protein breakfast as soon as possible after you wake up, even if it makes you feel sick just thinking about it. When you make dinner, make enough for 4 meals (dinner for 2, breakfast for 2). Then you don't have to get up early to cook.

19acef0aed67ef8dc1118d8e74edb349

(2954)

on November 27, 2011
at 12:21 AM

Great answer, now that I think about it, would it be OK if Orange was a recovering alcoholic, and her boyfriend kept drinking in front of her? It's not that easy to say no. A drink here, a drink there... and soon she'd be a drunkard again. :S

9aa2a816c61170cc0183a68be0386ba5

(1702)

on October 27, 2011
at 08:11 PM

I tell myself I love myself, but if something goes wrong, or I eat something I'm not supposed to I feel bad about it for the rest of the day. It's an evil snowball. Every time I clean a plate I PROMISED myself I'd only eat half of I beat myself up about it.

9aa2a816c61170cc0183a68be0386ba5

(1702)

on October 27, 2011
at 08:10 PM

Travis, its not so much the cold, its the slipping on ice and cracking my head open.

96bf58d8c6bd492dc5b8ae46203fe247

(37227)

on October 26, 2011
at 11:52 PM

My 17-yr-old grandson lives with me and he is not primal/paleo although he does love meat and fruit and a few veggies. I used him as an excuse for a while, but now I tell myself if primal is what I really want he has no power to sabotage me. If I cheat, it's because I really want to and I have to accept that about me.

Medium avatar

(39821)

on October 26, 2011
at 11:37 PM

Insult his manhood...tell him men eat meat and girly-men eat bread. As for your weight loss, you need to eat mostly lean meat, get a down jacket and go outside no matter how cold it is.

13a44ea00b0c9af0b6d0f3d5f5c2cfca

(7223)

on October 26, 2011
at 07:53 PM

Two: It sounds like you have some disordered thoughts about food. Temptation is always going to be around you and that is absolutely not your boyfriend's fault. The sooner you come to terms with that the better. I am not a mental health professional, so I would never presume to diagnose what's going on here, but I know enough about it to suggest you consider seeing a therapist who specializes in disordered eating. If that is not financially feasible, consider an OA support group.

13a44ea00b0c9af0b6d0f3d5f5c2cfca

(7223)

on October 26, 2011
at 07:49 PM

Two things jump out at me here: One, it sounds like you are making completely separate meals for each of you. I would not continue doing that. Make one meal you can both eat. He may have fallen off the paleo bandwagon, but unless he's gone vegetarian I don't understand why he would need a completely different meal. If he really feels like he needs a completely separate meal he can cook that himself.

145d4b0f988af15acc6b26eccc1f4895

(1932)

on October 26, 2011
at 07:10 PM

This. It's "hard," so what? In the end, it's necessary to decide whether or not you really want to do this, Oranges, and all of a sudden it becomes a LOT easier, whether the answer you decide on is "yes," or whether it's "no." OWN it! And then DO it. Quit passing it off to others to make your decisions for you.

F1b39d4f620876330312f4925bd51900

(4090)

on October 26, 2011
at 03:37 PM

Evelyn -Great suggestions! He needs to show that he cares about her- not by joining her -but making some concessions.

Af005ec9a8e028f2b04bf5367b64e0d6

(2797)

on October 26, 2011
at 03:36 PM

wait what? eating butter and oil by the spoonful at work is probably a major reason you aren't losing weight..

F1b39d4f620876330312f4925bd51900

(4090)

on October 26, 2011
at 03:35 PM

I agree with Honeybee: You have got to get some therapy.I think excuses are your answer for everything, and a therapist can help you get out of that mindset. Also they can teach you strategies of how to work with your strengths and downplay your weaknesses. For example: cook breakfast at night and then all you have to do is re-heat it, not get up early and slave over the stove.

9aa2a816c61170cc0183a68be0386ba5

(1702)

on October 26, 2011
at 03:17 PM

The problem is that we live together.

9aa2a816c61170cc0183a68be0386ba5

(1702)

on October 26, 2011
at 03:16 PM

It's a mental thing, he may as well be forcing food down my throat. I've tried eating something healthy before he gets home and then making dinner for him. But I end up just eating another meal. We go to a restaurant and I'm good and get a salad but I end up eating half the appetizer and the loaf of bread. Or even if my plate is full of good things like steak and veggies, I eat until the plate is empty even if I'm not hungry any more and there's still half the plate left. It's bad. Its very bad. And I don't know whats wrong with me.

9aa2a816c61170cc0183a68be0386ba5

(1702)

on October 26, 2011
at 03:12 PM

I can cook just fine! I just cook too much! And then I eat it all. We eat roasted chicken, steak, pork, ribs, all the time (we just bought a grill) but then recently he's been getting pizza or chinese food. I put too much on my plate and I clean it and then I feel sick and guilty and terrible that I ate so much food and I'm not losing weight.

9aa2a816c61170cc0183a68be0386ba5

(1702)

on October 26, 2011
at 03:07 PM

I am not a morning person, and I never get tired at night, which is one of the reasons that I don't sleep enough. Getting up at 6am when I go to bed at midnight is difficult enough as it is. Getting up *earlier* to make breakfast is extremely hard. I usually hit snooze 2 or 3 times and by that point I have to run out the door to get to work.

A968087cc1dd66d480749c02e4619ef4

(20436)

on October 26, 2011
at 01:06 PM

I have similar issues, but it's wife and kids. A bit difficult to dump them - lol. I slip up from time to time, but it is totally doable. Lately, my youngest daughter is baking 2 pies per week. I did have a bite of the pumpkin, but I avoided the rest. My house has bread, candy, chocolate (the crappy kind), pringles, cheeze-its, peanut butter, bagels, etc. I have my own corner with things like coconut oil and dark chocolate and my other stuff in the fridge/freezer (meat/fish/veg/butter). They actually support me telling me not to eat their pizza, but it still ain't easy. Gotta agree with Jay...

77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on October 26, 2011
at 11:54 AM

Mahaaaa... lets blame it on men! Maybe you women should go more on sports like men instead of watching "desperate house wifes" and shopping :P. My wife eats 300g of chocolate per day, bunch of fat and meat and she is closer to anorexic then overweight. I still managed to bring 20kg down with her around.

77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on October 26, 2011
at 11:52 AM

Mahaaaa... lets blame it on man! Maybe you woman should go more on sports like man instead of watching "desperate house wifes" and shopping :P

77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on October 26, 2011
at 11:50 AM

Great answer. I had the same thing with my wife, but now she does her things, I do mine, rarely I cross to her thing, and she often crosses to mine thing... so its doable.

77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on October 26, 2011
at 11:49 AM

You mean, hang out with different boyfriend, lol :)

24df4e0d0e7ce98963d4641fae1a60e5

on October 26, 2011
at 11:40 AM

@Oranges: Adjusting to life with a man is very difficult for most women weight-wise. On average they can just eat more, and they seem to get away with eating junk for more years before it catches up to them. Not fair but something you'll probably have to deal with no matter who the man you eventually live with is.

24df4e0d0e7ce98963d4641fae1a60e5

on October 26, 2011
at 11:34 AM

True Jay, but on the other hand, significant others can be saboteurs. One of the easier strategies for weight loss/healthy diet is not bringing certain foods into the house. If it's not there, you can't eat it. It is surprising how much this helps.

Aa69579f867333b08158c70e25f7daf1

(1826)

on October 26, 2011
at 08:22 AM

Exactly my thoughts here. My husband wasn't going to do this with me, and that sure as heck wasn't stopping me. (And after taking control of the kitchen, he is now paleo as well. He really can't cook and loves what I make him.)

5ef574d7893bc816ec52e04139e9bc09

(6097)

on October 26, 2011
at 03:52 AM

pretty easy: hang out with different people

Cc7381bd787721575ea9198048132adb

(5541)

on October 26, 2011
at 02:52 AM

And according to this comment you could definitely be more strict with your meals away from home. Get that under control first then tackle the issue at home.

Cc7381bd787721575ea9198048132adb

(5541)

on October 26, 2011
at 02:42 AM

Dammit Jay. You said what I wanted to in a lot less words. Stupid Occam's razor ;)

9d43f6873107e17ca4d1a5055aa7a2ad

on October 26, 2011
at 02:40 AM

Oranges, you should try butter tea :) My fav Tibetan appetite-killing drink.

Cc7381bd787721575ea9198048132adb

(5541)

on October 26, 2011
at 02:36 AM

Sucks to be broken and surrounded by people that aren't...yet. It seems like just about everyone eventually gets hit by something that can probably be remedied with a good diet, we just have more incentive than others.

41dfb1a4fecb38d24075ff52f13ccb28

on October 26, 2011
at 02:28 AM

I wish I could upvote this more than once.

9aa2a816c61170cc0183a68be0386ba5

(1702)

on October 26, 2011
at 02:20 AM

I bought a tub of butter + olive oil and have been eating it by the spoonful at work. To cut sugar cravings at home I've been literally eating mouthfuls of butter. And I AM the cook. My issue there is that I eat (well.. everywhere) until I burst. Stomach says its full but hand keeps moving. But we make a regular habit of eating out at least once a week and once on the weekends. And I'm being very very bad about eating out for lunch @ work. When I *remember* to bring something from home I usually don't feel like eating it when the time comes. And I never wake up in time to eat breakfast either.

9aa2a816c61170cc0183a68be0386ba5

(1702)

on October 26, 2011
at 02:16 AM

Well that's the super extra annoying part. He's been LOSING weight, or at least, not visibly gaining it.

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16 Answers

29
3846a3b61bc9051e4baebdef62e58c52

(18635)

on October 26, 2011
at 02:23 AM

Hate to say but "he" is not making you anything of the sort. We have to take responsibility for our own thoughts and actions. He can do as he wishes and so can you. Take control...recognize why you want to eat right and exercise...and if its not for yourself then you have to rethink why your doing things. Love yourself first and lead by example.

Cc7381bd787721575ea9198048132adb

(5541)

on October 26, 2011
at 02:42 AM

Dammit Jay. You said what I wanted to in a lot less words. Stupid Occam's razor ;)

77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on October 26, 2011
at 11:50 AM

Great answer. I had the same thing with my wife, but now she does her things, I do mine, rarely I cross to her thing, and she often crosses to mine thing... so its doable.

96bf58d8c6bd492dc5b8ae46203fe247

(37227)

on October 26, 2011
at 11:52 PM

My 17-yr-old grandson lives with me and he is not primal/paleo although he does love meat and fruit and a few veggies. I used him as an excuse for a while, but now I tell myself if primal is what I really want he has no power to sabotage me. If I cheat, it's because I really want to and I have to accept that about me.

Aa69579f867333b08158c70e25f7daf1

(1826)

on October 26, 2011
at 08:22 AM

Exactly my thoughts here. My husband wasn't going to do this with me, and that sure as heck wasn't stopping me. (And after taking control of the kitchen, he is now paleo as well. He really can't cook and loves what I make him.)

41dfb1a4fecb38d24075ff52f13ccb28

on October 26, 2011
at 02:28 AM

I wish I could upvote this more than once.

24df4e0d0e7ce98963d4641fae1a60e5

on October 26, 2011
at 11:34 AM

True Jay, but on the other hand, significant others can be saboteurs. One of the easier strategies for weight loss/healthy diet is not bringing certain foods into the house. If it's not there, you can't eat it. It is surprising how much this helps.

9aa2a816c61170cc0183a68be0386ba5

(1702)

on October 27, 2011
at 08:11 PM

I tell myself I love myself, but if something goes wrong, or I eat something I'm not supposed to I feel bad about it for the rest of the day. It's an evil snowball. Every time I clean a plate I PROMISED myself I'd only eat half of I beat myself up about it.

31381cfeb5d6da6fc75f80ab68e041ea

(560)

on May 06, 2012
at 11:03 AM

i think you hit the nail on the head, oranges. the problem is your guilt/self-loathing, not just your diet. heal your heart and your diet will follow. (easier said than done, but so, so worth it.)

9
13a44ea00b0c9af0b6d0f3d5f5c2cfca

(7223)

on October 26, 2011
at 03:01 AM

I have seen similar complaints before and frankly I'm kind of baffled by them. Unless your boyfriend is forcing food down your throat while you are sleeping, this isn't his fault. He is an adult and he is free to decide what he wants to put into his own body--as are you.

My dh isn't paleo and it hasn't been an issue. At all. I do the cooking, so we eat paleo foods for dinner, but we have non-paleo foods in the house for his other meals or snacks. I simply don't eat them. I really don't think I have any kind of amazing willpower. I'm just committed to doing what is best for my body, so I don't find those foods tempting.

Make a commitment to take control of your life and your food choices and don't worry about what anyone else is doing.

13a44ea00b0c9af0b6d0f3d5f5c2cfca

(7223)

on October 26, 2011
at 07:53 PM

Two: It sounds like you have some disordered thoughts about food. Temptation is always going to be around you and that is absolutely not your boyfriend's fault. The sooner you come to terms with that the better. I am not a mental health professional, so I would never presume to diagnose what's going on here, but I know enough about it to suggest you consider seeing a therapist who specializes in disordered eating. If that is not financially feasible, consider an OA support group.

9aa2a816c61170cc0183a68be0386ba5

(1702)

on October 26, 2011
at 03:16 PM

It's a mental thing, he may as well be forcing food down my throat. I've tried eating something healthy before he gets home and then making dinner for him. But I end up just eating another meal. We go to a restaurant and I'm good and get a salad but I end up eating half the appetizer and the loaf of bread. Or even if my plate is full of good things like steak and veggies, I eat until the plate is empty even if I'm not hungry any more and there's still half the plate left. It's bad. Its very bad. And I don't know whats wrong with me.

13a44ea00b0c9af0b6d0f3d5f5c2cfca

(7223)

on October 26, 2011
at 07:49 PM

Two things jump out at me here: One, it sounds like you are making completely separate meals for each of you. I would not continue doing that. Make one meal you can both eat. He may have fallen off the paleo bandwagon, but unless he's gone vegetarian I don't understand why he would need a completely different meal. If he really feels like he needs a completely separate meal he can cook that himself.

8
24df4e0d0e7ce98963d4641fae1a60e5

on October 26, 2011
at 11:52 AM

OK ... Have you asked for support? When I decided to lose the weight in 2007, I sat down with my husband and laid out some ground rules. Initially it was no crap in the house and I did "cheats" with him -- he could put in the request, I could say not today honey. He has ample opportunity to eat crap if he's going to when I'm not around. After a while I relaxed the junk-in-the-house rule because it just didn't appeal to me.

If your boyfriend cares about you, he should be willing to make some concessions to help you out, no? Even if that doesn't mean staying on the paleo train with you. Would it kill him to have the pizza for lunch at work? Night out with the guys? I'm seeing a lot of "don't blame him" and "take responsibility" here, and yes, ultimately those sentiments are true. However partnerships are about supporting each other in endeavors even if they're not our own, right? Silly as it may sound, your bf may not be aware of your struggling if you don't tell him. "Honey, you don't have to do this paleo thing with me, but I really want to do this for myself b/c it makes me feel good ... Do you think you could help me out by not bringing XYZ into the house and eating it in front of me?"

At the time I did VLC, and found VLC & "man meals" were actually highly compatible. I imagine paleo friendly is even easier to pull off. I used to make a protein and veggies for me, and then a starch side for him. How easy is that? Now I'll have some of the starch these days (I'm mostly PHD).

Good luck!

F1b39d4f620876330312f4925bd51900

(4090)

on October 26, 2011
at 03:37 PM

Evelyn -Great suggestions! He needs to show that he cares about her- not by joining her -but making some concessions.

19acef0aed67ef8dc1118d8e74edb349

(2954)

on November 27, 2011
at 12:21 AM

Great answer, now that I think about it, would it be OK if Orange was a recovering alcoholic, and her boyfriend kept drinking in front of her? It's not that easy to say no. A drink here, a drink there... and soon she'd be a drunkard again. :S

6
5139b8189a2286f2f69425128ccb764c

on October 26, 2011
at 10:47 AM

Oranges13: Not trying to dog you, but you seem basically conflicted about whether or not you want to change your habits. For example: you say you never wake up in time to eat breakfast. Why not? Do you really want to? If so, you simply set an alarm and get out of bed.

It's not "wrong"not to eat when someone else is eating, and it's not "wrong" to eat something different. It might be useful for you to examine your thoughts about this. It sounds like your personal boundaries could be more defined.

Maybe some congnitive-behavioral therapy would help you sort out your feelings and behavior. This would reap benefits that would extend beyond just your dietary choices.

9aa2a816c61170cc0183a68be0386ba5

(1702)

on October 26, 2011
at 03:07 PM

I am not a morning person, and I never get tired at night, which is one of the reasons that I don't sleep enough. Getting up at 6am when I go to bed at midnight is difficult enough as it is. Getting up *earlier* to make breakfast is extremely hard. I usually hit snooze 2 or 3 times and by that point I have to run out the door to get to work.

F1b39d4f620876330312f4925bd51900

(4090)

on October 26, 2011
at 03:35 PM

I agree with Honeybee: You have got to get some therapy.I think excuses are your answer for everything, and a therapist can help you get out of that mindset. Also they can teach you strategies of how to work with your strengths and downplay your weaknesses. For example: cook breakfast at night and then all you have to do is re-heat it, not get up early and slave over the stove.

19acef0aed67ef8dc1118d8e74edb349

(2954)

on November 27, 2011
at 12:30 AM

Hey Orange, I know this is an old thread. Do you have thyroid problems? No? How about cortisol/adrenal fatigue? Not being a morning person + never being tired at night time... sounds to me like adrenal fatigue. http://www.adrenalfatigue.org/take-the-adrenal-fatigue-quiz Hope you try the recommendation to eat a BIG protein breakfast as soon as possible after you wake up, even if it makes you feel sick just thinking about it. When you make dinner, make enough for 4 meals (dinner for 2, breakfast for 2). Then you don't have to get up early to cook.

19acef0aed67ef8dc1118d8e74edb349

(2954)

on November 27, 2011
at 12:37 AM

I should add I don't think it's her boyfriend's fault. It's definitely her fault that she's eating things she shouldn't. But we all just need a helping hand once in a while... you know? Not everyone has ironclad will power. It's something to work towards, yes, but it's not just like turning on a light switch. Not that easy. Otherwise there would be no alcoholics.

19acef0aed67ef8dc1118d8e74edb349

(2954)

on November 27, 2011
at 12:31 AM

I don't think Orange needs therapy, I think she needs friendly guidance. Therapists aren't trained in nutrition (much less Paleo) and won't be able to help her through this.

13a44ea00b0c9af0b6d0f3d5f5c2cfca

(7223)

on November 30, 2011
at 03:16 AM

Luisa, no one is suggesting she needs a therapist to help her with her diet so their nutrition training--or lack thereof--is irrelevant. She should consider therapy because she is making excuses instead of making positive changes. That is absolutely something a therapist can help her with.

4
Bf57bcbdc19d4f1728599053acd020ab

(5043)

on October 26, 2011
at 10:48 AM

I feel bad for you, Oranges! You're beating yourself up. It also sounds like you're conditioned to not rock the boat, and to put a priority on pleasing everyone else around you, even if it's to the detriment of what is good for you (is this a female thing?). And then when you don't meet your own tough standards, you hate yourself, on top of all that. You said:

It feels physically wrong if someone is eating and I am not doing the same so I can't skip dinner and if someone brings treats to work its really hard to say no.

hate to break it to you but there will ALWAYS be people eating when you're not hungry, people offering you stuff you shouldn't eat, adverse weather, etc. If you've got a solid inner sense of what matters to you, you have a rock to stand on and you can live your life by your own rules. But if you place a higher priority on pleasing other people and fitting in, you'll be swayed by every little breeze that comes along and spiral down with it. I don't think you need more willpower work - I think you need more self-confidence, dare I say self-love work. Make YOU the priority in your own life - and then I think the rest will follow. Easier said than done, maybe...

4
Medium avatar

on October 26, 2011
at 03:02 AM

I. Would. Take. This. To. My. Therapist.

4
9d43f6873107e17ca4d1a5055aa7a2ad

on October 26, 2011
at 02:10 AM

I think the only solution in this case is to be able to be satisfied with less than perfect. For example, I'm in the midst of moving now. My entire apartment is in boxes. So no, I'm not cooking perfect paleo meals every night. I'm doing second tier though and I'm feeling fine. Second tier means I'm eating the salads at Chipotle (with extra meat) and Thai takeout (mostly Thai salads, but also a little rice) quite a bit. I have gained absolutely no weight.

I would also make sure you are bringing your own snacks at work and at a restaurant order a paleo appetizer so you can have a nibble when the bread comes.

But having a boyfriend who is lousy support really is tough. I think in the past I've been able to do it by building up contempt for the food so I just won't touch it, but then it would spill over into contempt for him, particularly when he started putting on weight. It definitely contributed to breaking up. Have you talked to him about it?

24df4e0d0e7ce98963d4641fae1a60e5

on October 26, 2011
at 11:40 AM

@Oranges: Adjusting to life with a man is very difficult for most women weight-wise. On average they can just eat more, and they seem to get away with eating junk for more years before it catches up to them. Not fair but something you'll probably have to deal with no matter who the man you eventually live with is.

9aa2a816c61170cc0183a68be0386ba5

(1702)

on October 26, 2011
at 02:16 AM

Well that's the super extra annoying part. He's been LOSING weight, or at least, not visibly gaining it.

Cc7381bd787721575ea9198048132adb

(5541)

on October 26, 2011
at 02:36 AM

Sucks to be broken and surrounded by people that aren't...yet. It seems like just about everyone eventually gets hit by something that can probably be remedied with a good diet, we just have more incentive than others.

77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on October 26, 2011
at 11:54 AM

Mahaaaa... lets blame it on men! Maybe you women should go more on sports like men instead of watching "desperate house wifes" and shopping :P. My wife eats 300g of chocolate per day, bunch of fat and meat and she is closer to anorexic then overweight. I still managed to bring 20kg down with her around.

77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on October 26, 2011
at 11:52 AM

Mahaaaa... lets blame it on man! Maybe you woman should go more on sports like man instead of watching "desperate house wifes" and shopping :P

3
74e853d880d6eae55a19d038a6b50fd7

(250)

on October 27, 2011
at 02:03 AM

Own your shit and take responsibility for what you're putting in your body. Sorry to be so harsh, but it's true. If you really think that you have a food dependency issue then check out an OA meeting- they have them online 24 hours per day.

3
Ca1150430b1904659742ce2cad621c7d

(12540)

on October 26, 2011
at 12:14 PM

In the end, hon, you have to be doing this because you want to do it. You're not ignoring other people, you're making healthy, non-destructive choices for yourself.

I've been walking the 'ancestral nutrition' road for about 2 years now, without my companion of 15 years, and having to cook two separate meals for most of it, because she had no interest in making the change. I stuck with it for myself -- because it felt right to me. My body changed with it, and she got to see that, and in the end, it was my persistence -without- her that gave her the courage to try this as well... that, and the knowledge that I wasn't going to abandon her if she decided it wasn't the right place for her.

As far as work -- I've started 'countering' the swell of "holiday foods" by bringing in my own treats and even sharing them about. Same goes for the upcoming 'potluck' holiday celebrations. I'll be bringing food I know that I can eat -- and if there isn't anything else on the buffet that I will put into my body, at least I'll be able to share a meal and conversation with my co-workers without worrying about whether I'm going to feel crappy either.

Just informationally, my step-daughter has major allergies -- so she goes through this every time she goes to eat out with friends. It's all in your perspective. If you want to do this for yourself, then you'll realize that you have the ability and the right to make choices that work for you, and you'll make them when you choose to, without needing to lay blame if you make a different choice now and again -- you'll just recognize how you feel about it, and if you don't like that choice, make a different one the next time the option arises.

2
Cc7381bd787721575ea9198048132adb

on October 26, 2011
at 02:34 AM

I'm in the same boat, the best thing I did for myself is to stop stressing about the situation. That stress will kill you and rip your relationship apart.

It's going to be a shit ton harder to stay strong while your partner isn't paleo but I've come to realize that some people just don't have to eat strictly paleo to be "healthy." It's harder for them to realize how important our way of eating is to us and we can't really hold that against them.

Take control of the kitchen and make paleo food, if he doesn't want it then he can fend for himself. If you honestly can't have a relationship with a non-paleo person then you need to re-evaluate the position you're in because he isn't going to change unless he gets hit with health problems like most of us here have or realizes that he might lose you if he doesn't.

Either way, the one thing you can't do is guilt him into being paleo because he'll always resent you for it. My girlfriend is paleoish but still doesn't realize that more than a day of eating the way I used to is going to completely tear me up. It's rough but I love her and it's going to take more than a diet to change that. I was really frustrated at first too but it gets easier, I just had to build more self control and discipline to not cave in and eat the SAD food she keeps at my place. Stay strong.

1
Medium avatar

(3259)

on October 26, 2011
at 12:43 PM

You're right...it is hard to say no. Those of us who decide to say it make progress. It's pretty simple.

145d4b0f988af15acc6b26eccc1f4895

(1932)

on October 26, 2011
at 07:10 PM

This. It's "hard," so what? In the end, it's necessary to decide whether or not you really want to do this, Oranges, and all of a sudden it becomes a LOT easier, whether the answer you decide on is "yes," or whether it's "no." OWN it! And then DO it. Quit passing it off to others to make your decisions for you.

0
77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on October 27, 2011
at 02:09 AM

Get clear about your blood type, genotyoe etc. Decide who you are and what is important. Peter D'Adamo is the only one who correctly explains this. I lived for years with an A and didn't eat meat so I wouldn't upset the delicate balance of the household. I listened to all his blood type A worldview crap and didn't exercise. Years later when my health was ruined I moved out and he called me average. Beware. Maybe it's a sign you're not meant to be together. These past few years I fell off the wagon, started eating pizza and this jerk who doesn't even exercise or eat right started using the fat gain against me. Some people don't get nutrition because it isn't their "thing". Maybe ask yourself what your boyfriend's "thing" is then take notes on that and make your plans. Why the hell live with someone who won't eat right? I personally won't ever live with a stir fry book readin liberal ever again.

0
3f3236d1f951d4b4c25eff387699a905

(554)

on October 26, 2011
at 11:33 PM

Try doing the 50g of protein for breakfast. It has helped me tremendously. I've been known for going on extensive binges every day before I started the BAB.

0
F009a38e075dc8b2cd76e849eb505063

on October 26, 2011
at 01:16 PM

try to think of something to motivate you!!! I felt physically bad before I started this Paleo diet, so I'm MOTIVATED. Plus I tell myself, I ate that food, (cookies, bread, etc.), my whole life and I can ALWAYS eat it again but I'm CHOOSING not to eat it now. But I have to admit, my husband is on board because he just found out about high blood pressure, high cholesterol and clogged arteries, (he's only 44). Maybe your boyfriend could get a doctor's physical? Well, HANG IN THERE. Warmly....

0
77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on October 26, 2011
at 12:00 PM

You should learn to cook woman. Your man can't order pizza everyday and during time he will grow fonder to your perfect paleo meal [looking at Melissa]. Its easy, because perfect paleo meal includes lots of meat and saturated fat and men like those far more then cookies [you can bet on that, unless you have a man with more female horrmones].

Since one of the major problems is that "it feels physically wrong if someone is eating and I am not doing the same" I can solve this one pretty fast for you - if it feels wrong, then you eat it too, just don't eat the same stuff - while he eats pizza, you can eat bacon or almonds. Thats one of the points of restoran hang out, people do not typically order the same thing.

The added side benefit of cooking is that you can control your man via kitchen. So its WIN WIN combination IMO.

9aa2a816c61170cc0183a68be0386ba5

(1702)

on October 26, 2011
at 03:12 PM

I can cook just fine! I just cook too much! And then I eat it all. We eat roasted chicken, steak, pork, ribs, all the time (we just bought a grill) but then recently he's been getting pizza or chinese food. I put too much on my plate and I clean it and then I feel sick and guilty and terrible that I ate so much food and I'm not losing weight.

0
Cc49234f065a33c763ab09fa234d08eb

(292)

on October 26, 2011
at 02:15 AM

My boyfriend is not on board either and though we don't live together yet, it's coming up soon. That being said, I feel that the best way to take control is to be the cook. For the first week or so it's a little hard adjusting to using up so much time to make your own food, but once you get to feeling better and having more energy, I find it becomes much easier. If your boyfriend doesn't want to eat what you cook, fine! more for you! leftovers! If he decides to order something else that isn't paleo, you two can still eat together, you just need to make sure your food IS paleo. After a while he'll get the picture and he'll learn not to ask/offer pizza and other non-paleo stuff.

In regards to eating the snacks and stuff that come into work, I have that issue too. I really have to make sure I don't see it so I won't be tempted. Try to stay away from whatever might be taunting you and eat some coconut oil! I find that it fills me up and mixed with just a smidge of honey it satisfies my sweet cravings too.

9d43f6873107e17ca4d1a5055aa7a2ad

on October 26, 2011
at 02:40 AM

Oranges, you should try butter tea :) My fav Tibetan appetite-killing drink.

Cc7381bd787721575ea9198048132adb

(5541)

on October 26, 2011
at 02:52 AM

And according to this comment you could definitely be more strict with your meals away from home. Get that under control first then tackle the issue at home.

9aa2a816c61170cc0183a68be0386ba5

(1702)

on October 26, 2011
at 02:20 AM

I bought a tub of butter + olive oil and have been eating it by the spoonful at work. To cut sugar cravings at home I've been literally eating mouthfuls of butter. And I AM the cook. My issue there is that I eat (well.. everywhere) until I burst. Stomach says its full but hand keeps moving. But we make a regular habit of eating out at least once a week and once on the weekends. And I'm being very very bad about eating out for lunch @ work. When I *remember* to bring something from home I usually don't feel like eating it when the time comes. And I never wake up in time to eat breakfast either.

Af005ec9a8e028f2b04bf5367b64e0d6

(2797)

on October 26, 2011
at 03:36 PM

wait what? eating butter and oil by the spoonful at work is probably a major reason you aren't losing weight..

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