8

votes

Is it reasonably possible to find a healthy mate anymore? (for a paleo young person)

Answered on August 19, 2014
Created August 18, 2010 at 12:34 PM

My family including two young daughters (14 and 24 years old) are completely paleo-primal now. They are both very healthy, slim and curvy. They have lamented to me many times that there are almost no boys or young men that seem healthy and virile to them since most are eating SAD.

The rant goes like this, "They are always hugging and checking their hair. Plus most have moobs already and-or are skinny-fat. They are many times sick or just getting over being sick and generally look like crap most of the time. The few and far between decent young guys are already taken." end rant

So maybe it's a matter of a very small pool in their taste range. Anyway I kind of agree with them after observing the humanity when we go to the beach for a swim. They sometimes tease me that their 52yo dad is the hottest guy there at the time.
I hope this lifestyle goes more widespread, I'm genuinely worried about them finding a suitable mate and having a family.
Anyone else think about this? Or do I worry to much?
Thanks

PS I suppose this could apply for young paleo men looking for like-minded young women.

47a42b6be94caf700fce9509e38bb6a4

(9647)

on August 19, 2010
at 06:24 AM

@John R: not bad, not bad at all. They even encourage saturated fat. Look at this: "Q. How come you don't tell us to limit saturated fat? A. Simple: Saturated fat isn't unhealthy, particularly on a low-carb diet. Yes, this is hard to believe, but consider: 50 years ago the diet-heart hypothesis was created. This suggested that fat intake, and particularly, saturated fat intake, led to heart disease. Well guess what? Five decades later, it's still a hypothesis--meaning, it's never been proven, despite the fact that it's 'common knowledge.'" http://tinyurl.com/242x2ry

691f120a3e7a1a036845d105d86c99a3

(3641)

on August 19, 2010
at 01:34 AM

the bonus is your dude will lose his beer gut effortlessly if he goes with the paleo flow.

95ab15c8ef50ff0daf87ccbdd52cd3b8

(2384)

on August 19, 2010
at 12:43 AM

@WCC Paul: Google "Men's Health TNT Diet". You will be (pleasantly) surprised.

95ab15c8ef50ff0daf87ccbdd52cd3b8

(2384)

on August 19, 2010
at 12:43 AM

@WCC Paul: Google "Men's Health TNT Diet". You will be (pleasantly) surprised. – John R 0 secs ago

95ab15c8ef50ff0daf87ccbdd52cd3b8

(2384)

on August 19, 2010
at 12:43 AM

#WCC Paul: Google "Men's Health TNT Diet". You will be (pleasantly) surprised.

47a42b6be94caf700fce9509e38bb6a4

(9647)

on August 19, 2010
at 12:05 AM

I would guess that Men's Health would have the same thing I see all over the place now: refined grains and sugars are bad but *of course* whole grains are good for you, and don't think you can eat meat all the time, because if you do you're living in a fantasy world. So annoying.

07154e6d8e42065f230d06249700fe5b

(2057)

on August 18, 2010
at 09:44 PM

Really? Because all the women's health magazines seem to be going the low-fat mostly vegetarian route : /

Eccc8d3c5e6158bef35deef6c2149240

(99)

on August 18, 2010
at 09:15 PM

They are not shallow, elitist girls and we don't stand around blasting everyone on the beach. It's mostly musings and light discussion. I probably painted a more severe picture than is actual in my comments. They still are interested and still try. I'm the one that worries most hence my question to PH to see if anyone else thinks about it. (they are my babies after all!)

Eccc8d3c5e6158bef35deef6c2149240

(99)

on August 18, 2010
at 09:04 PM

Thank you for the heartfelt comment. If only your wonderful outcome could be the norm. The older girl hasn't been cutting herself off from all contact because of this. She's tried before but the point is there aren't that many choices and she says she just gets tired of trying after awhile. "Why should I start another uphill battle?"

9ede249a740a4918c6d88c49846feb07

(20)

on August 18, 2010
at 07:11 PM

Todd, my daughter is in law school in LA and I have met many of her female classmates. They are all gorgeous and they eat red meat as if beef cattle were endagered species. That was a bit of a shock to me.

9ede249a740a4918c6d88c49846feb07

(20)

on August 18, 2010
at 07:07 PM

Beautifully said. Love, passion, friendship are the essential elements. Most other characteristics can be adjusted for and will change over time. That's not to say that there aren't deal-killers (smoking, dishonesty, drug abuse, dog fighting, eg) and passion is definitely affected by appearance and fitness. And who is to say that we are at a state of perfection with regard to our knowledge of health and nutrition that our choices will not adjust to new learning?

77732bf6bf2b8a360f523ef87c3b7523

(6157)

on August 18, 2010
at 06:06 PM

As far as nutrition goes, I'm not sure if you'll find more Paleo-minded men or women. But outside of that, I would think it's harder for us men... so many women are skinny-fat and are deathly afraid of lifting heavy things for fear of bulking up. At least most men want to gain muscle. Hey Patrik, start us up a Paleo dating site, please!

C8521a858edd480815a55f683afff86a

(2065)

on August 18, 2010
at 05:45 PM

I agree Eva, I always felt a bit um, dissatisfied with my options when I was younger.

9d43f6873107e17ca4d1a5055aa7a2ad

on August 18, 2010
at 05:17 PM

Based on gossip, I can tell you there is some monkey business going on at some Crossfit gyms :)

88905cfc5bb098ad3830671a1af373a8

(803)

on August 18, 2010
at 04:45 PM

It's already starting: Men's Health is one men's lifestyle rag that is already largely preaching the paleo and/or low-carb message a good amount of the time.

Eccc8d3c5e6158bef35deef6c2149240

(99)

on August 18, 2010
at 04:27 PM

We are really wary of the online dating thing but this group meetup thing might be something to look at. Probably the 14yo will need to wait a few years though. Thank you

Eccc8d3c5e6158bef35deef6c2149240

(99)

on August 18, 2010
at 04:25 PM

Good point. A lot of men, myself included (pre-paleo) will just eat what is put in front of them if they don't have to prepare it.

Eccc8d3c5e6158bef35deef6c2149240

(99)

on August 18, 2010
at 04:24 PM

I appreciate the suggestion and I have made it to them myself. The answer is "we don't want to do a rescue mission!" I told them they might have to take the chance and work at it if they really want it. I guess from a reality POV they may not have much choice.

691f120a3e7a1a036845d105d86c99a3

(3641)

on August 18, 2010
at 03:32 PM

Really side note - but anyone else wonder if our modern ability for internet connections/hookups are going to lead to the proliferation of Gluten intolerance genes? Not that there's anything wrong with that, hehe...

1471beca8e3adff4ae2f89d10e5f7acb

(6550)

on August 18, 2010
at 02:37 PM

Same boat here...my dude is just thrilled that his ladyfriend insists on a big honkin' steak dinner once a week, and he doesn't tease me too much about the wheat thing.

1f70da0b737e9c6e7679a248f4228a01

on August 18, 2010
at 01:54 PM

"Put another way, if your daughters want paleo-minded mates, they'll find them... even if it's by finding guys who are otherwise suitable and educating them." Amen. Young guys want to look hot. I teach the 15-18yr old age group primarily, and they are all obsessed with eating nutritious foods and working out. Even, secretly, the nerds. The pressure is on them as much as it is on young women. Once CrossFit & Paleo is the norm in men's lifestyle rags... Until then, just show prospectives pics of Art & Mark & Robb etc etc... Just don't nag, eh? ;)

154bf5c84f7bd9f52b361b45d05dbc3a

(1215)

on August 18, 2010
at 01:45 PM

Ok, ok, de volgende keer dat ik in Nederland ben zal ik er eentje organiseren. Translation: Ok, ok, next time I'm in the Netherlands I'll organise one.

2d372dd8feff8c88d788095011eebbfa

(293)

on August 18, 2010
at 01:41 PM

What about a Dutch paleo meetup?

154bf5c84f7bd9f52b361b45d05dbc3a

(1215)

on August 18, 2010
at 01:37 PM

Hey Sean, Sounds like a good idea. Btw, I've set up a Paleo / Primal FaceBook page which I'll also use to set up meetings: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/Primal-Palaeolithic-Life-Style/143982712289363

9d43f6873107e17ca4d1a5055aa7a2ad

on August 18, 2010
at 01:37 PM

Most to NYC. Our paleo meetup has plenty of single fit men.

Fcaeaac15cf6568f2825b230731d5a7d

(529)

on August 18, 2010
at 01:34 PM

I'm guessing there are more than a few paleo guys who would be interested in a curvy 20-something paleo gal. Have her get on facebook/twitter and throw up the paleo flag...she'll be found :).

B124653b19ee9dd438710a38954ed4a3

(1634)

on August 18, 2010
at 01:28 PM

Neil - I've been thinking the same thing about journaling and starting meetups. I'm also in London. Start it up on meetup.com. I'm happy to help. One group that already exists: http://www.meetup.com/London-Evolutionary-Fitness-Meetup-Group/

344102b6bc599c7c3f1f58ca0ac29513

(451)

on August 18, 2010
at 01:19 PM

If you organised Paleo meet ups in London I would fly over from the Netherlands especially for them! Seriously - keep me informed! :)

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11 Answers

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5
154bf5c84f7bd9f52b361b45d05dbc3a

(1215)

on August 18, 2010
at 12:49 PM

At the moment I can't be that choosy when dating. Simply because 99% of people eat non-paleo. That doesn't mean there aren't plenty of people who try to live a healthy life-style in their own way which I can meet.

I've decided I'm going to start blogging and organising local paleo meetups here in London as a way to get to know lots of paleo/primal people and shamelessly use it to also meet women who are into the same thing.

Maybe an idea for your daughters, start a blog about young people interested in nutrition, use it to organise meetups and discussion groups with other young people interested in the same thing. A good way to learn from eachother, socialise and meet people.

Eccc8d3c5e6158bef35deef6c2149240

(99)

on August 18, 2010
at 04:27 PM

We are really wary of the online dating thing but this group meetup thing might be something to look at. Probably the 14yo will need to wait a few years though. Thank you

154bf5c84f7bd9f52b361b45d05dbc3a

(1215)

on August 18, 2010
at 01:45 PM

Ok, ok, de volgende keer dat ik in Nederland ben zal ik er eentje organiseren. Translation: Ok, ok, next time I'm in the Netherlands I'll organise one.

344102b6bc599c7c3f1f58ca0ac29513

(451)

on August 18, 2010
at 01:19 PM

If you organised Paleo meet ups in London I would fly over from the Netherlands especially for them! Seriously - keep me informed! :)

2d372dd8feff8c88d788095011eebbfa

(293)

on August 18, 2010
at 01:41 PM

What about a Dutch paleo meetup?

154bf5c84f7bd9f52b361b45d05dbc3a

(1215)

on August 18, 2010
at 01:37 PM

Hey Sean, Sounds like a good idea. Btw, I've set up a Paleo / Primal FaceBook page which I'll also use to set up meetings: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/Primal-Palaeolithic-Life-Style/143982712289363

B124653b19ee9dd438710a38954ed4a3

(1634)

on August 18, 2010
at 01:28 PM

Neil - I've been thinking the same thing about journaling and starting meetups. I'm also in London. Start it up on meetup.com. I'm happy to help. One group that already exists: http://www.meetup.com/London-Evolutionary-Fitness-Meetup-Group/

12
C8521a858edd480815a55f683afff86a

(2065)

on August 18, 2010
at 05:42 PM

I would suggest encouraging your daughters not to worry so much about what potential dates are or aren't eating. If they concentrate too much on this one aspect they may miss out on a great emotional and mental connection. They are young and probably don't understand just how vital a mental connection/attraction is to a long lasting relationship. Obviously physical health is very important, but most people their ages are not so preoccupied with their health. Meeting someone who doesn't share their health values doesn't mean it has to be a rescue mission, it can be a natural, organic process. Once they have a serious potential mate, I'd be surprised if they weren't amenable to moving their diet and lifestyle patterns towards the paleo. I'm assuming when their Dad was their age, he was not a perfect example of health ;) Most of us weren't and you can't blame people for being uneducated about their health in this country. The paleo movement is still very fringe.

When I met my partner he was vegan and drank excessively. He was also extremely intelligent, creative, funny and as kind as people come with a heart of gold. Luckily I de-veganized him rather quickly (just wave bacon under their nose) and now he in better shape than most people our age, his health problems from being vegan are gone and he is just as interested in paleo lifestyle as I am. Never in the years we've been together did I feel like he was a rescue mission, it all happened naturally b/c we really loved each other. You could even argue that it adds something special to a relationship to go through such a change together. My advice for your daughters is not to focus on this one aspect of a potential partner, it's not healthy and it's not realistic. Relationships are hard and require work, I understand they don't find it appealing to have to "teach" potential mates how to be healthy, but if it's not that it will be something else. They might have to teach them how to have a sense of humor in bad situations, or how to express their emotions better, how to be a better listener, how to relax, or how to be more responsible. There is a whole slew of issues like this that come up in a relationship, and you can't always be forewarned of these things from the first few dates. This is a good opportunity to teach your daughters that there is no such thing as a "perfect" mate and finding someone who respects and loves them is priority. Most couple's lifestyles eventually synch up, don't worry about it.

9ede249a740a4918c6d88c49846feb07

(20)

on August 18, 2010
at 07:07 PM

Beautifully said. Love, passion, friendship are the essential elements. Most other characteristics can be adjusted for and will change over time. That's not to say that there aren't deal-killers (smoking, dishonesty, drug abuse, dog fighting, eg) and passion is definitely affected by appearance and fitness. And who is to say that we are at a state of perfection with regard to our knowledge of health and nutrition that our choices will not adjust to new learning?

Eccc8d3c5e6158bef35deef6c2149240

(99)

on August 18, 2010
at 09:04 PM

Thank you for the heartfelt comment. If only your wonderful outcome could be the norm. The older girl hasn't been cutting herself off from all contact because of this. She's tried before but the point is there aren't that many choices and she says she just gets tired of trying after awhile. "Why should I start another uphill battle?"

5
C53665c3f012fa1ede91033b08a8a6e7

(2269)

on August 20, 2010
at 01:51 AM

Oh whatever. Try being a gay man in his late 40s when most of your peers are either ill and obese, or obsessed with cardio, cholesterol, plastic surgery and desperately holding on to the last vestiges of youth, if there's any left, or hopped up on an assortment of powerful medications for no good reason other than their MDs are too lazy to find a cause and only know how to treat symptoms. Whee.

Also, I'm pretty appalled at how many people are on drugs for depression and anxiety. I guess all those TV ads really do work. Most of those meds have a negative effect on, um, male sexuality. Pretty sad when a hot 30yr-old can't get it up because he's on multiple anti-whatever drugs

4
95ab15c8ef50ff0daf87ccbdd52cd3b8

(2384)

on August 18, 2010
at 12:41 PM

I think the availability of information (like, say, here) makes it easier to address SAD-rooted problems than it was even 10 or 15 yrs ago. My children are younger than yours, but they're growing up knowing how food works and affects their bodies. What their adult bodies will be like is up to them, but if they're deconditioned/overweight/whatever it'll be because they've chosen to go a different route, not because of ignorance of the mechanisms involved.

Put another way, if your daughters want paleo-minded mates, they'll find them... even if it's by finding guys who are otherwise suitable and educating them.

95ab15c8ef50ff0daf87ccbdd52cd3b8

(2384)

on August 19, 2010
at 12:43 AM

@WCC Paul: Google "Men's Health TNT Diet". You will be (pleasantly) surprised. – John R 0 secs ago

Eccc8d3c5e6158bef35deef6c2149240

(99)

on August 18, 2010
at 04:24 PM

I appreciate the suggestion and I have made it to them myself. The answer is "we don't want to do a rescue mission!" I told them they might have to take the chance and work at it if they really want it. I guess from a reality POV they may not have much choice.

07154e6d8e42065f230d06249700fe5b

(2057)

on August 18, 2010
at 09:44 PM

Really? Because all the women's health magazines seem to be going the low-fat mostly vegetarian route : /

88905cfc5bb098ad3830671a1af373a8

(803)

on August 18, 2010
at 04:45 PM

It's already starting: Men's Health is one men's lifestyle rag that is already largely preaching the paleo and/or low-carb message a good amount of the time.

47a42b6be94caf700fce9509e38bb6a4

(9647)

on August 19, 2010
at 12:05 AM

I would guess that Men's Health would have the same thing I see all over the place now: refined grains and sugars are bad but *of course* whole grains are good for you, and don't think you can eat meat all the time, because if you do you're living in a fantasy world. So annoying.

47a42b6be94caf700fce9509e38bb6a4

(9647)

on August 19, 2010
at 06:24 AM

@John R: not bad, not bad at all. They even encourage saturated fat. Look at this: "Q. How come you don't tell us to limit saturated fat? A. Simple: Saturated fat isn't unhealthy, particularly on a low-carb diet. Yes, this is hard to believe, but consider: 50 years ago the diet-heart hypothesis was created. This suggested that fat intake, and particularly, saturated fat intake, led to heart disease. Well guess what? Five decades later, it's still a hypothesis--meaning, it's never been proven, despite the fact that it's 'common knowledge.'" http://tinyurl.com/242x2ry

1f70da0b737e9c6e7679a248f4228a01

on August 18, 2010
at 01:54 PM

"Put another way, if your daughters want paleo-minded mates, they'll find them... even if it's by finding guys who are otherwise suitable and educating them." Amen. Young guys want to look hot. I teach the 15-18yr old age group primarily, and they are all obsessed with eating nutritious foods and working out. Even, secretly, the nerds. The pressure is on them as much as it is on young women. Once CrossFit & Paleo is the norm in men's lifestyle rags... Until then, just show prospectives pics of Art & Mark & Robb etc etc... Just don't nag, eh? ;)

95ab15c8ef50ff0daf87ccbdd52cd3b8

(2384)

on August 19, 2010
at 12:43 AM

@WCC Paul: Google "Men's Health TNT Diet". You will be (pleasantly) surprised.

95ab15c8ef50ff0daf87ccbdd52cd3b8

(2384)

on August 19, 2010
at 12:43 AM

#WCC Paul: Google "Men's Health TNT Diet". You will be (pleasantly) surprised.

3
D30ff86ad2c1f3b43b99aed213bcf461

on August 18, 2010
at 02:01 PM

It may be a small comfort, but as a primal gal married to an primal-"agnostic", he still eats primally 80-90% of the time just because that's what I've cooked for dinner or sent with him for lunch. So, if your daughters find otherwise lovely mates, they may not even have to make a full conversion, as long as they're generally happy to go with the flow of what's on the menu. :)

(But really, any man worth his salt should know how to prepare scrambled eggs and [uncured] bacon, and grill meats and veggies. But that's just my opinion. ;-p)

691f120a3e7a1a036845d105d86c99a3

(3641)

on August 19, 2010
at 01:34 AM

the bonus is your dude will lose his beer gut effortlessly if he goes with the paleo flow.

1471beca8e3adff4ae2f89d10e5f7acb

(6550)

on August 18, 2010
at 02:37 PM

Same boat here...my dude is just thrilled that his ladyfriend insists on a big honkin' steak dinner once a week, and he doesn't tease me too much about the wheat thing.

Eccc8d3c5e6158bef35deef6c2149240

(99)

on August 18, 2010
at 04:25 PM

Good point. A lot of men, myself included (pre-paleo) will just eat what is put in front of them if they don't have to prepare it.

1
8d979bd4cf7036400254a9417638616d

on August 20, 2010
at 07:04 PM

Well I'm a young guy focusing on a paleo diet but huh I think your exaggerating. I suppose you live in America? Here in Canada the average young person looks "ok". Like, sure I have more energy in general but in terms of looks theirs not that many fat/chubby people (unlike when I went to the states which might be where your from).

I guess what I'm saying is yes, if all else fails just move out of the US and their chances will increase. I don't think it's cause for concern. As more studies come out proving paleo is the way to go more will convert anyway.

1
2b8c327d1296a96ad64cdadc7dffa72d

on August 18, 2010
at 07:50 PM

If you only concentrate on what ISN'T there, that's what you'll find. Instead of complaining about the boys they are NOT interested in, have them just make a plan to not castigate anyone for how they look (they don't know their full story, only what they see and then interpret.), and instead look for the good.

If your daughters want to attract completely healthy boys/men, then they need to be completely healthy - and that includes their attitude. I know it is frustrating. Been there, done that. When I started projected 100% health (mental, spiritual, physical, financial, etc.),I started attracting more of those people in my life.

It sounds woo - woo, I know. So try this then "birds of a feather flock together". Might be worthwhile for them to find a new tree to perch in.

Eccc8d3c5e6158bef35deef6c2149240

(99)

on August 18, 2010
at 09:15 PM

They are not shallow, elitist girls and we don't stand around blasting everyone on the beach. It's mostly musings and light discussion. I probably painted a more severe picture than is actual in my comments. They still are interested and still try. I'm the one that worries most hence my question to PH to see if anyone else thinks about it. (they are my babies after all!)

1
62ed65f3596aa2f62fa1d58a0c09f8c3

(20807)

on August 18, 2010
at 03:42 PM

She could get involved with a group of weightlifters. Most lifters already know about lowcarbing and eating healthy so they would be more open to the general concepts. She would just have to target only those that do not take chemicals.

But the fact is, women mature faster than men. It's normal and common for more mature young women to be rather disappointed with options among same age/opposite sex. That is why women often date older men. I think this is just an extension of an age old problem! -Eva

9d43f6873107e17ca4d1a5055aa7a2ad

on August 18, 2010
at 05:17 PM

Based on gossip, I can tell you there is some monkey business going on at some Crossfit gyms :)

C8521a858edd480815a55f683afff86a

(2065)

on August 18, 2010
at 05:45 PM

I agree Eva, I always felt a bit um, dissatisfied with my options when I was younger.

0
Ae011d9f1c8654ea66854ca2a977c397

(1165)

on August 18, 2010
at 08:33 PM

It's becasue they are in the age range of Hipsters. Hipsters love to drink cheap beer, it's cool to be really skinny and the only exercise is chronic cardio on a road bike. Have them join Crossfit or move to a beach town when they're ready to date. I used to live in San Diego and people are built down there.

0
50637dfd7dc7a7e811d82283f4f5fd10

(5838)

on August 18, 2010
at 03:22 PM

It is definitely difficult. I am a 27 yr old male, in Southern California (an above-average "healthy" area) and I have a very hard time finding anyone even slightly interested in my paleo/primal lifestyle. Im not overly down with the online meetup community, so I guess I will have to keep my fingers crossed that I bump into a steak eating princess lol

9ede249a740a4918c6d88c49846feb07

(20)

on August 18, 2010
at 07:11 PM

Todd, my daughter is in law school in LA and I have met many of her female classmates. They are all gorgeous and they eat red meat as if beef cattle were endagered species. That was a bit of a shock to me.

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