6

votes

What are the best smarmy, flippant, or humorous retorts to nonsense sound bites?

Answered on August 19, 2014
Created September 10, 2011 at 3:02 AM

We all hear the thoughtless comments people make regurgitating crap that lets them do whatever they like. I mean comments like "Everything in moderation!" I want to hear your best smarmy flippant or humorous retorts to poke back with.

Post a comment you hear people make a lot like "eating fat is what makes you fat" and your best, ideally funniest remark that crushes it.

Fd70d71f4f8195c3a098eda4fc817d4f

(8014)

on December 13, 2012
at 09:35 PM

HA! *That* is a good one!

194d8e8140425057fe06202e1e5822a7

(3979)

on November 29, 2012
at 08:09 PM

Actually, arsenic is found in moderate, sub-toxic amounts in various foods, and is found to be slightly beneficial, actually.

194d8e8140425057fe06202e1e5822a7

(3979)

on November 29, 2012
at 08:09 PM

Actually, arsenic is found in moderate, sub-toxic amounts in various foods.

Fa9f340eddbad9a544184c688fa4dcdd

(6433)

on September 10, 2011
at 08:54 PM

Oh no, insinuations of homosexuality - possibly the greatest insult known to bro-kind. What could possibly be worse? Perhaps the implication that someone is providing women with the necessary health care to which they are fully legally entitled?

3aea514b680d01bfd7573d74517946a7

(11996)

on September 10, 2011
at 02:55 PM

My feelings exactly. Sad thing is, some people do tell that to alcoholics.

3aea514b680d01bfd7573d74517946a7

(11996)

on September 10, 2011
at 02:50 PM

*snork*........

22212e9ba2a041e6da6c963d4d41615a

(5773)

on September 10, 2011
at 11:58 AM

I got a good laugh out of this one!

6b8d12fc3e43179f9ae1765a4d1a9dc2

(5914)

on September 10, 2011
at 06:55 AM

My thoughts are along the same line, but would include something even more toxic. "Everything in moderation, hey? Here, have this arsenic. It's only a moderate amount"

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11 Answers

14
3aea514b680d01bfd7573d74517946a7

(11996)

on September 10, 2011
at 02:54 PM

Know-It-All: "Carbohydrate is burned first; that's how we know it's the body's preferred fuel."

Me: "Actually, alcohol is burned even before carbohydrate. You're going to need a lot more whiskey, friend."

Fd70d71f4f8195c3a098eda4fc817d4f

(8014)

on December 13, 2012
at 09:35 PM

HA! *That* is a good one!

11
396679d1e1357eb7e9397ca34c8773ea

on September 10, 2011
at 05:58 AM

Usually in response to the ever so popular "everything in moderation!", I like to pick up a piece of plastic and attempt to eat it. When I get a stare and a blank look I calmly inform them that it's ok because I'm not overeating it.

6b8d12fc3e43179f9ae1765a4d1a9dc2

(5914)

on September 10, 2011
at 06:55 AM

My thoughts are along the same line, but would include something even more toxic. "Everything in moderation, hey? Here, have this arsenic. It's only a moderate amount"

194d8e8140425057fe06202e1e5822a7

(3979)

on November 29, 2012
at 08:09 PM

Actually, arsenic is found in moderate, sub-toxic amounts in various foods, and is found to be slightly beneficial, actually.

194d8e8140425057fe06202e1e5822a7

(3979)

on November 29, 2012
at 08:09 PM

Actually, arsenic is found in moderate, sub-toxic amounts in various foods.

7
76f3ead3aa977d876bcf3331d35a36e9

(4620)

on September 10, 2011
at 03:29 PM

Eating bananas is what makes you a banana.

3
7c9f81d68c78de1a31eab9c91c17b4b8

on September 10, 2011
at 02:37 PM

"Everybody knows bacon is bad for you." Then just eat a pound of bacon right in front of them.

3aea514b680d01bfd7573d74517946a7

(11996)

on September 10, 2011
at 02:50 PM

*snork*........

3
100fd85230060e754fc13394eee6d6f1

(18696)

on September 10, 2011
at 02:27 PM

Not really humorous, but I tend to say "tell that to an alcoholic."

3aea514b680d01bfd7573d74517946a7

(11996)

on September 10, 2011
at 02:55 PM

My feelings exactly. Sad thing is, some people do tell that to alcoholics.

3
6426d61a13689f8f651164b10f121d64

(11488)

on September 10, 2011
at 11:35 AM

In reply to "eating fat is what makes you fat," you can reply "eat sh*t and die!"

22212e9ba2a041e6da6c963d4d41615a

(5773)

on September 10, 2011
at 11:58 AM

I got a good laugh out of this one!

3
2507b557331c8a674bc81197531e609a

(4994)

on September 10, 2011
at 10:22 AM

When people say "everything is moderation" or "a little of what you fancy does you good" I have been known to say, "look around you, does it look like everything in moderatioon works?" or "I'm sorry but it looks to me that it's really not the case that people are having a "little" of what they fancy"

1
1e58ba5c171a122541d8b4873f604327

on November 29, 2012
at 07:50 PM

"everything in moderation" ---- "have you had your arsenic today.... just a little bit"

"eating fat makes you fat" ---- does eating protein make you protein?

my personal favorite "there is no conclusive scientific evidence that (insert theory here) is bad for you"----- "there are no studies showing that eating rocks is bad for you.... just because no one has done a study on it doesn't make it false."

This last one is in fact my biggest pet peeve. People think they are being logical and scientific, and confuse lack of evidence with proof of the contrary.

1
149af6e19a06675614dfbb6838a7d7c0

on September 10, 2011
at 07:28 PM

"Everything in moderation"...including moderation. "Everything in moderation"... then have sex with a smaller penis. "Eating fat makes you fat...I am not fat, so eat me..."Gorillas are big and strong so eat like a gorilla"...eat like a gorilla, fart like a gorilla...'Veggies are micronutrient dense"..eat vegetables, think like a vegetable..."death begins in the colon"...only if your nose is there..."Vegeterians live longer"...but all of that extra time is spent cutting lettuce..."Gandhi was a vegeterian"...so was Hitler..."You should work out every day"...When I feel athletic, I go to a sports bar..."I am a fruititarian"...I would eat fruit too except I am not gay..."I am a fruititarian"...Fruit is the plant's baby, so you're an abortionist.

Fa9f340eddbad9a544184c688fa4dcdd

(6433)

on September 10, 2011
at 08:54 PM

Oh no, insinuations of homosexuality - possibly the greatest insult known to bro-kind. What could possibly be worse? Perhaps the implication that someone is providing women with the necessary health care to which they are fully legally entitled?

1
Medium avatar

(10611)

on September 10, 2011
at 03:53 PM

Thanks for sharing something special about yourself.

0
3fc95bca9e723edfbbb72b172798ab49

(1354)

on November 29, 2012
at 09:04 PM

"You know, there are lot of people who would disagree with you..."

"And there are a lot of people who would agree."

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