8

votes

Sh*t Paleohackers Say

Answered on August 19, 2014
Created January 30, 2012 at 5:54 PM

Exact duplicate: http://paleohacks.com/questions/88128/can-we-make-a-sht-paleo-people-say-youtube-video/88160#88160

I know this meme has all but run it's course, but I thought this could be a funny thread. What are you quintessential "sh*t paleohackers say" quotes?

I'll start:

"Is this grass-fed?"

If anyone is good at directing/editing video, it would be awesome to see one of these on youtube. The vegans already have one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4U3bihiU2M

F92e4ca55291c3f3096a3d4d3d854986

(11698)

on September 07, 2013
at 01:28 AM

My butchers DO love me. The more fatty and obscure the item I ask for, the more flirtatious they seem to get.

3b3a449b6705e9ec8b141d0bd07c1a64

(1489)

on May 27, 2012
at 06:03 PM

(On the phone) Let's go out for dinner tonight? Where do you want to go? Well, I can't eat there... can you do a Churrascaria? Too much meat? How about a steakhouse? YES YES AND YES!

246ebf68e35743f62e5e187891b9cba0

(21430)

on May 17, 2012
at 12:56 PM

1. Paleo isn't expressly Low Carb. 2. Cider/Wine/Liquor usually tend to have the least inflammatory compounds in them, compared to beer. 3. Cider is fruit-based, and even though there is sugar, fruit is not expressly verboten in Paleo, although you should eat less if you only care about weight loss.

D613cc4b9409009d5735a23e9fec5886

(143)

on May 16, 2012
at 11:31 PM

Cider? I'm confused. Cigar = full of sugar...

15e5f57b981183b21fff26ce815bf93f

(444)

on May 16, 2012
at 04:57 PM

Omega 6 is a terse acronym?

7fb4e9fb1162999cdd5099fee49dd0a7

on May 16, 2012
at 01:52 PM

(To a co-worker) So I woke up this morning, and surprise! I can see my Abs! I'm intermittently fasting to celebrate. -- love this!

24fcc21452ebe39c032be6801d6bbadd

(9812)

on February 01, 2012
at 08:05 PM

Hehe, good one!

Medium avatar

(10611)

on February 01, 2012
at 06:50 PM

Asking questions like that gets around the rule for not repeating the same question. A commonly reworded theme is being on paleo for X time and not losing any weight.

2fd93e91bb14e641a2bac9c6033e84e2

(1614)

on February 01, 2012
at 06:15 PM

AMEN. Just because you switched to paleo AND got a cold doesn't mean the food made you sick!

7c9f81d68c78de1a31eab9c91c17b4b8

on February 01, 2012
at 06:06 PM

ahh ha ha ha. so true.

19acef0aed67ef8dc1118d8e74edb349

(2954)

on February 01, 2012
at 02:59 AM

Still alive. Google stock vs broth; different things :D

Medium avatar

(10611)

on January 31, 2012
at 05:57 PM

More or less true.

Medium avatar

(10611)

on January 31, 2012
at 01:19 PM

I didn't say I had a problem with it, only that it was funny. You do realize that a follower of the "paleo healthy UK diet" is PHUKD?

7841848bd0c27c64353c583fb7971242

(7275)

on January 31, 2012
at 01:07 PM

I'm a third year PhD student and I don't equate acronym use to undergraduates. It's reasonable within a community to use commonly understood acronyms/abbreviations. I don't understand why you have a problem with it, and what this has to do with "Shit Paleohackers Say".

6714718e2245e5190017d643a7614157

on January 31, 2012
at 02:50 AM

+1 for Jim Gaffigan. The only thing funnier than his bacon bit (pun intended) is his "Hot Pockets" bit. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-i9GXbptog

Medium avatar

(19479)

on January 31, 2012
at 01:02 AM

I IF every day for 8-9 hours, I just so happen to be in bed, at night, with my eyes closed, and unconscious, ...

F1b39d4f620876330312f4925bd51900

(4090)

on January 30, 2012
at 11:22 PM

Haha! I was thinking that first sentence the whole time my uncle was going on and on about how cheap and lean the ground beef he gets at our local chain grocer. And the third sentence when he was talking about the healthy whole grain bread that is his favorite. Sigh..

Medium avatar

(10611)

on January 30, 2012
at 08:49 PM

If you call it stock you'll be shot at sunrise.

Medium avatar

(10611)

on January 30, 2012
at 08:47 PM

+1 for prankishness.

Medium avatar

(10611)

on January 30, 2012
at 08:46 PM

What did the gurus say about paleo food for pets?

Medium avatar

(10611)

on January 30, 2012
at 08:41 PM

Don't forget lifting heavy things.

Medium avatar

(10611)

on January 30, 2012
at 08:40 PM

Paleo is black and white, meaning of course that we're all bozos on this bus.

Medium avatar

(19479)

on January 30, 2012
at 08:39 PM

Good ol Bone Broth. It'll cure what ails ya!

Medium avatar

(10611)

on January 30, 2012
at 08:38 PM

That's IF, wink wink.

Bdf98e5a57befa6f0877f978ba09871c

on January 30, 2012
at 08:17 PM

heh, in my immediate family there are two celiacs. Our phrase is "I was wheated."

63479974b34930b7bedb12afa19083d3

on January 30, 2012
at 07:40 PM

Another two word answer for EVERY question: intermittent fasting.

956bcad1d462d433a4e1e22f6e3355d5

(1191)

on January 30, 2012
at 06:09 PM

http://paleohacks.com/questions/88128/can-we-make-a-sht-paleo-people-say-youtube-video/88160#88160?

778b36f4f699f202de135ef176fe9ab7

(1123)

on January 30, 2012
at 06:05 PM

Ooooo: I hate it when they lie!

96bf58d8c6bd492dc5b8ae46203fe247

(37227)

on January 30, 2012
at 06:01 PM

"Do you have real butter? Is your salad oil pure olive oil?" (Me at restaurants, over and over--and then they lie.)

Bdf98e5a57befa6f0877f978ba09871c

on January 30, 2012
at 05:59 PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaK9bjLy3v4 -- also amazing.

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30 Answers

21
246ebf68e35743f62e5e187891b9cba0

(21430)

on January 30, 2012
at 10:37 PM

Some of these are like-mindedly critical of our lifestyle, just as the other Sh*t __ say video series... if we can't laugh at ourselves...

(At a bar) No, I don't drink beer. I'd like a cider, and two bottles of water. No, it's not for my girlfriend.

(While reading a cookbook) Sounds delicious, if you took out all the crap and replaced it with bacon.

(To a co-worker) So I woke up this morning, and surprise! I can see my Abs! I'm intermittently fasting to celebrate.

(At a coffee shop) Excuse me, I ordered this iced green tea without sugar...

(At a restaurant) Can I get that steak medium-raw?

(At a restaurant) Make sure they don't cook my steak with any oil or margarine... butter is ok though... REAL butter... you don't have any? Here, I have some in my messenger bag.

I had a great workout last night until I got a ticket for trespassing at the Elementary school jungle gym.

(To a co-worker) I don't eat neolithic foods... except for vitamins... oh, and fish oil.

(On the phone) Let's go out for dinner tonight? Where do you want to go? Well, I can't eat there... can you do a Churrascaria? Too much meat? How about a steakhouse?

(On the phone) I can't believe she cheated on me! How did I find out? Yeah, there was an empty box of Captain Crunch in the trash compactor. Hell yea I did! Kicked her to the curb...

(To a vegan co-worker) I've got a great book to loan you, but you're gonna have to open your mind first... at least consider humanely raised meat...

(At a supermarket butcher shop) Was this pork loin locally sourced?

(At a supermarket butcher shop) Are there nitrates in your bacon?

(At a supermarket butcher shop) Do you have any other organ meats?

(At a supermarket produce section) Can you tell me where this spinach came from?

(On the phone) Wait, wait, wait... let me back up... back in 2002 this guy wrote about gluten sensitivity in non-celiacs. Wait, no, hold on... maybe it was 2000... anyway, he has a book, but I mostly got info from his blog...

D613cc4b9409009d5735a23e9fec5886

(143)

on May 16, 2012
at 11:31 PM

Cider? I'm confused. Cigar = full of sugar...

7fb4e9fb1162999cdd5099fee49dd0a7

on May 16, 2012
at 01:52 PM

(To a co-worker) So I woke up this morning, and surprise! I can see my Abs! I'm intermittently fasting to celebrate. -- love this!

246ebf68e35743f62e5e187891b9cba0

(21430)

on May 17, 2012
at 12:56 PM

1. Paleo isn't expressly Low Carb. 2. Cider/Wine/Liquor usually tend to have the least inflammatory compounds in them, compared to beer. 3. Cider is fruit-based, and even though there is sugar, fruit is not expressly verboten in Paleo, although you should eat less if you only care about weight loss.

3b3a449b6705e9ec8b141d0bd07c1a64

(1489)

on May 27, 2012
at 06:03 PM

(On the phone) Let's go out for dinner tonight? Where do you want to go? Well, I can't eat there... can you do a Churrascaria? Too much meat? How about a steakhouse? YES YES AND YES!

19
193b7fb0fec8913d5ebb3b99a04d21c6

(2918)

on February 01, 2012
at 05:45 PM

I like how a lot of paleohackers attribute anything and everything to diet.

"My hair is on fire. What in my diet do you think could have caused this?"

"My left toe fell off when a lion ate it. Do you think I'm getting too many carbs?"

2fd93e91bb14e641a2bac9c6033e84e2

(1614)

on February 01, 2012
at 06:15 PM

AMEN. Just because you switched to paleo AND got a cold doesn't mean the food made you sick!

Medium avatar

(10611)

on February 01, 2012
at 06:50 PM

Asking questions like that gets around the rule for not repeating the same question. A commonly reworded theme is being on paleo for X time and not losing any weight.

24fcc21452ebe39c032be6801d6bbadd

(9812)

on February 01, 2012
at 08:05 PM

Hehe, good one!

13
63479974b34930b7bedb12afa19083d3

on January 30, 2012
at 07:39 PM

Two word answer for EVERY question: coconut oil.

63479974b34930b7bedb12afa19083d3

on January 30, 2012
at 07:40 PM

Another two word answer for EVERY question: intermittent fasting.

Medium avatar

(10611)

on January 30, 2012
at 08:38 PM

That's IF, wink wink.

Medium avatar

(19479)

on January 31, 2012
at 01:02 AM

I IF every day for 8-9 hours, I just so happen to be in bed, at night, with my eyes closed, and unconscious, ...

13
9f195554233fa5599d595abaabd8ae34

on January 30, 2012
at 07:33 PM

Bone broth will fix that!

Medium avatar

(19479)

on January 30, 2012
at 08:39 PM

Good ol Bone Broth. It'll cure what ails ya!

Medium avatar

(10611)

on January 30, 2012
at 08:49 PM

If you call it stock you'll be shot at sunrise.

19acef0aed67ef8dc1118d8e74edb349

(2954)

on February 01, 2012
at 02:59 AM

Still alive. Google stock vs broth; different things :D

11
A727956fa3f943057c4edb08ad9e864e

on January 30, 2012
at 07:39 PM

"Robb Wolf says X and Paul Jaminet says Y but Kurt Harris says Z..I'm so confused!"

"Ugh, I feel like crap, must have gotten glutened."

"I'm strict paleo" followed by "I'm primal 'cos butter", followed by "I'm eating rice now", followed by "I eat ancient fermented grains, but that's like, sort of paleo."

Medium avatar

(10611)

on January 30, 2012
at 08:46 PM

What did the gurus say about paleo food for pets?

Bdf98e5a57befa6f0877f978ba09871c

on January 30, 2012
at 08:17 PM

heh, in my immediate family there are two celiacs. Our phrase is "I was wheated."

10
32f5749fa6cf7adbeb0b0b031ba82b46

(41747)

on January 30, 2012
at 06:15 PM

The answer to anything that ails you: "Eat more fat!"

See also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2LBICPEK6w

Medium avatar

(10611)

on January 30, 2012
at 08:41 PM

Don't forget lifting heavy things.

8
24fcc21452ebe39c032be6801d6bbadd

(9812)

on January 31, 2012
at 05:33 PM

Have you tried eating less carbs?

Have you tried eating more carbs?

Medium avatar

(10611)

on January 31, 2012
at 05:57 PM

More or less true.

7c9f81d68c78de1a31eab9c91c17b4b8

on February 01, 2012
at 06:06 PM

ahh ha ha ha. so true.

7
Medium avatar

(19479)

on January 30, 2012
at 07:23 PM

"I think I'm leptin ____ "

"Is ___ paleo?" or the related "___ isn't paleo"

"I ate ___ will I be ok?"

"I've been paleo for ___ and I'm not losing weight, HELP!"

Medium avatar

(10611)

on January 30, 2012
at 08:40 PM

Paleo is black and white, meaning of course that we're all bozos on this bus.

7
6714718e2245e5190017d643a7614157

on January 30, 2012
at 07:07 PM

"Is this locally sourced and organically fed heritage bred cattle that is fed a soy free and gluten free diet?"

"Have you tried magnesium?"

"Grains are bad, mkay."

F1b39d4f620876330312f4925bd51900

(4090)

on January 30, 2012
at 11:22 PM

Haha! I was thinking that first sentence the whole time my uncle was going on and on about how cheap and lean the ground beef he gets at our local chain grocer. And the third sentence when he was talking about the healthy whole grain bread that is his favorite. Sigh..

6
Ec39179d4c06199471827a706adb2896

(242)

on January 31, 2012
at 05:47 PM

Can I replace the side of __ with vegetables?

5
B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on January 30, 2012
at 06:32 PM

Where's the fat?
My butcher loves me!
I love my butcher!

F92e4ca55291c3f3096a3d4d3d854986

(11698)

on September 07, 2013
at 01:28 AM

My butchers DO love me. The more fatty and obscure the item I ask for, the more flirtatious they seem to get.

4
D3f3b91d1dd9ce60865654faeb2ec809

on January 31, 2012
at 03:41 PM

"This could use more butter."

4
Cd7f36574ef26694787e20188396333c

(300)

on January 31, 2012
at 03:51 AM

WWMSD

WWW9D

WWRWD

...etc.

New person: Really? You don't eat grains??

Me: I'm gluten free.

New person: Seriously?

Me: No. It's just easier that way.

First date - So what kind of food do you like?

Meat.

...seriously, man. Get your head out of the gutter.

Mom: It's not healthy for you to be eating so many eggs. It's bad for your cholesterol!

Me: Eating cholesterol doesn't automatically give you cholesterol, Mom..GOD!

4
35ba1f50dad25c85ac1aa2599fe5c5cb

(2485)

on January 30, 2012
at 11:06 PM

"Oh wow, you're paying that much for grassfed ground beef? You gotta talk to the beef lady at my Farmer's Market... $1.50 less than Whole Foods."

3
778b36f4f699f202de135ef176fe9ab7

on January 30, 2012
at 06:06 PM

Does this contain added sugar?

Could I see the can/box/package this came in?

3
C4f1a0c70c4e0dea507c2e346c036bbd

on January 30, 2012
at 06:03 PM

Is there vegetable oil in that? Is there flour in that?

2
0daf6320dc6e899789163f3c0f179628

on May 16, 2012
at 04:44 AM

At the taco bar at my cafeteria at work yesterday:

Me: "I'd like basically a burrito, but without the wrap. No beans or rice. Lots of lettuce, though."

Cafe Employee: "Chips?"

Me: "No, thanks."

CE: "Chicken or beef?"

Me: "Is there any sugar added to the seasonings in either?"

CE: "Uh, well we don't add any sugar, but I don't know what's in the seasoning that we put on it. It's prepackaged." (Slightly irritated glare) "Do you want me to check the label for you?"

Me: "Would you mind? It would be really helpful..." ... CE: "I didn't see any sugar on the labels."

Me (Knowing full well that there probably are a thousand preservatives in it, but compromising anyway mostly for the sake of rapport with the staff): "Okay, I'll get the chicken. Can I have kind of a lot of it? I'll pay extra if I have to."

CE: "Cheese?"

Me: "No thanks"

CE: "Sour cream or avocado?"

Me: "Can I have both?"...

(As a side note, I'm lucky enough to work in Portland, OR at a major health institution where there are signs posted everywhere in the cafe about the free-range chicken and grass-fed beef served here. So there's another grok-ism for ya.)

2
7c9f81d68c78de1a31eab9c91c17b4b8

on February 01, 2012
at 06:06 PM

Do you have any grass-finished beef?

Do you think my cod liver oil has to be fermented to work?

Hmmm...I wonder if this classifies as "hyper-palatable?"

2
Medium avatar

(10611)

on January 30, 2012
at 08:33 PM

When I wrote my master's thesis my advisor told me that it was barely readable, and needed a sort of decompression from science-ese to something a normal person could read.

And with that 25 pages became 75 pages, the degree was granted, and I was outta there.

So I always get a laugh out of terse acronyms here such as SAD, IF, PUFA, Omega 6, etc. It's a tip-off that the writer might just be an undergrad. Sophomoric for sure.

7841848bd0c27c64353c583fb7971242

(7275)

on January 31, 2012
at 01:07 PM

I'm a third year PhD student and I don't equate acronym use to undergraduates. It's reasonable within a community to use commonly understood acronyms/abbreviations. I don't understand why you have a problem with it, and what this has to do with "Shit Paleohackers Say".

Medium avatar

(10611)

on January 31, 2012
at 01:19 PM

I didn't say I had a problem with it, only that it was funny. You do realize that a follower of the "paleo healthy UK diet" is PHUKD?

15e5f57b981183b21fff26ce815bf93f

(444)

on May 16, 2012
at 04:57 PM

Omega 6 is a terse acronym?

1
F92e4ca55291c3f3096a3d4d3d854986

(11698)

on January 30, 2012
at 09:19 PM

yada yada yada LEPTIN RESET yada yada.

Or maybe that's just how I read it anyway.

1
Bdf98e5a57befa6f0877f978ba09871c

on January 30, 2012
at 05:58 PM

I have two.

"So easy a caveman could do it!"

and

"Man, I love bacon. Can we include some bacon?"

Bdf98e5a57befa6f0877f978ba09871c

on January 30, 2012
at 05:59 PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaK9bjLy3v4 -- also amazing.

778b36f4f699f202de135ef176fe9ab7

(1123)

on January 30, 2012
at 06:05 PM

Ooooo: I hate it when they lie!

96bf58d8c6bd492dc5b8ae46203fe247

(37227)

on January 30, 2012
at 06:01 PM

"Do you have real butter? Is your salad oil pure olive oil?" (Me at restaurants, over and over--and then they lie.)

6714718e2245e5190017d643a7614157

on January 31, 2012
at 02:50 AM

+1 for Jim Gaffigan. The only thing funnier than his bacon bit (pun intended) is his "Hot Pockets" bit. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-i9GXbptog

0
2006ccb2b60f9cc5ba5e8eff8a7abc46

on June 11, 2012
at 11:07 PM

hyper-palatable..........

0
A994080d499afca98cdc9de896701ebd

on May 16, 2012
at 05:03 PM

at a restaurant with friends; eating a sausage and suddenly biting on a bit of cartilage/conjunctive tissue:

"oh awesome, some extra crunch. and it's so good, for anything, really! joints and skin especially. btw you should start adding gelatine to your tea or something... actually, start drinking bone broth, too! without it, you'll eventually die of mineral depletion.

0
7fb4e9fb1162999cdd5099fee49dd0a7

on May 16, 2012
at 02:03 PM

"...but how local?"
"Paleo-lithic not neo-lithic. What's that, like 5000 years? Pffft..."
"Hello! It's a nightshade!"
(choosing berries) "Mexico is way closer than New Zealand - zarzamoras it is!"

0
16b9ed892e2691cebbe74625c75797c9

on May 16, 2012
at 06:12 AM

Drown it in butter.

0
77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on May 16, 2012
at 05:37 AM

"paleo leaders" etc. Rolls eyes

0
273729a18d2f18903815d2644a4d64de

(1683)

on January 31, 2012
at 03:16 PM

We should make a Paleo "Beggin Strips" commercial...

if you havent seen it heres the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHgGo5dNgeg

0
Ce41c230e8c2a4295db31aec3ef4b2ab

(32564)

on January 30, 2012
at 09:22 PM

I'm out of magnesium.....I am so constipated...

How many carbs in that?

Where's the bacon?

0
0df0b1c6ae16bbb75b4a5efa3d876765

(2240)

on January 30, 2012
at 08:26 PM

Excuse me...this (meat, produce) has a sticker that says 'local'. What farm did it come from?

0
Ac7edffeaea00e2076762ea16d19c239

(192)

on January 30, 2012
at 07:18 PM

"We are out of bacon?!" "Oh, the horror!"

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