I live in a cool dorm, not very expensive. There are three rooms, one is taken by me, the other by a couple. The third one is empty. I cook a lot, and the kitchen is reasonably dirty, but not extreme at all. My father is quite clean, and he told me the kitchen is completely normal.
But I'm getting phone calls constantly from the owner of the dorm, she tells me my neighbor (the girl in the couple) always tells her the kitchen is too dirty and she doesn't even wanna go there anymore. As she takes regular showers that take an hour, I take zero showers, and because of this the warm water is constantly gone (so I cannot even take an epsom salt bath or clean the dishes), I was really pissed. Since my testosterone level has gone up :), I told her that I didn't like it, but remained completely calm. 10 minutes later, she slams the door in front of my nose (which made me laugh because she slammed it too hard so it opened up again and she had to slam it again which looked kind of pathetic).
I was a bit weirded out by this? What the hell is wrong with her? Is it her time of the month, or am I doing something wrong? I have 8 university courses to succeed, she fucks up my flow.
So, can someone explain me what the effect of the menstrual cycle, hormones, ... are on a woman, and how I can deal with it?
I can't clean the kitchen 24/7, got work to do. I already gave up cooking veggies and meat because I'm afraid she's gonna bitch again (luckily it made me realize veggies make me bloated and muscle meat doesn't help). Her boyfriend apologized in her place, but that doesn't really help me out.
asked byKorion (8938)
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on April 28, 2012
at 12:44 PM
I don't know if my point of view will help, but this is my take on it:
Some people are naturally messy and some people are naturally neat. It is biological and it rarely can be changed. Whatever is "squeaky clean" to one person is "a pigsty" for another. So she might see the same situation in a different light.
One of the reasons I divorced my husband was that he was throwing his clothes and other items around and never cleaned up after himself. Little things matter for girls and they add up. His flowers and presents did not mean anything to me because when I had the "honor" of picking up his stuff on a daily basis, all I was thinking, "If he really loved me, he would not throw his stuff all over, knowing how much I hate doing this." The majority of our fights were about housework. This is why some marriages do not work out - people cannot reach a compromise on little things. You guys are not even related and you both had no choice when picking a roommate, as far as I understand.
Girls keep the score. Every time you do something, it counts as 1. If you wash dishes after yourself - that's 1. Clean refrigerator - another 1. Leave a clean kitchen after cooking - that's a major 1. Try to get to 100 - she will change her attitude towards you.
I am also going to share a trick with you. I learned this trick being so sick I could not clean up. When the kitchen is picked up (think of it as Japanese minimalism), people do not notice it is dirty. So pick up, hide or trash as many things as possible - you will achieve the "clean look" without actually cleaning anything.
Find a way to make friends with her. Girls are super easy. All you have to do is notice something nice about them. Say something charming. Smile at her. Give her some food. Remember her birthday. I know, I know - she is nobody to you and you hate her guts but she can make your life miserable (she is already doing it). So think of it as a game - like a challenge - can I turn her around? Think of it as a comedy/adventure movies being filmed and you are being one of the main actors. Just play your part.
Discuss things that bother her. Don't say anything, just ask friendly questions and tell her that you are sorry (even if you are not). But remember - you can only play "sorry" card if you are on friendly terms.
Funny you mentioned it, but a couple of days before my period starts I have a sudden urge to clean everything. Sometimes I even catch myself thinking, "I want to clean everything. I will have my period soon."
Above all, remember, you are a guy. And guys have to be cool. So be cool about her attitude. Do not let her get on your nerves. Just be nice and friendly to her and you will win in the end.
on April 28, 2012
at 02:13 PM
I know you are probably trying hard to understand her reaction, but I wanted to say that women in general don't really appreciate it when others attribute their anger or frustration to their menstrual cycles. It's true that many women suffer from PMS (including me) and may get more irritable or weepy at certain times of the month, but not all women have PMS, and there may be other very good reasons for a woman to be upset that are not menstruation-related. Your roommate might be stressed out about something else, or she might simply be a brat! But I would be careful of making any sweeping conclusions that because she's a woman, she is actually upset because of her menstrual cycle and not because you're not cleaning your dishes.
on April 28, 2012
at 03:43 PM
In spite of the cultural rhetoric that paints the menstrual cycle as some mysterious, magical, dangerous event (for the hapless men that have to deal with the wrath of the period), it seems to me that she's just reacting very strongly to you being a slob. Is it an overreaction? Possibly. Is it warranted? Only you can know that. But is it because of her menstrual cycle? That's something that none of us can possibly know and I find it disturbing that THAT'S the place you headed first for an explanation.