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I Want to Understand the Menstrual Cycle!

Answered on September 12, 2014
Created April 28, 2012 at 10:16 AM

I live in a cool dorm, not very expensive. There are three rooms, one is taken by me, the other by a couple. The third one is empty. I cook a lot, and the kitchen is reasonably dirty, but not extreme at all. My father is quite clean, and he told me the kitchen is completely normal.

But I'm getting phone calls constantly from the owner of the dorm, she tells me my neighbor (the girl in the couple) always tells her the kitchen is too dirty and she doesn't even wanna go there anymore. As she takes regular showers that take an hour, I take zero showers, and because of this the warm water is constantly gone (so I cannot even take an epsom salt bath or clean the dishes), I was really pissed. Since my testosterone level has gone up :), I told her that I didn't like it, but remained completely calm. 10 minutes later, she slams the door in front of my nose (which made me laugh because she slammed it too hard so it opened up again and she had to slam it again which looked kind of pathetic).

I was a bit weirded out by this? What the hell is wrong with her? Is it her time of the month, or am I doing something wrong? I have 8 university courses to succeed, she fucks up my flow.

So, can someone explain me what the effect of the menstrual cycle, hormones, ... are on a woman, and how I can deal with it?

I can't clean the kitchen 24/7, got work to do. I already gave up cooking veggies and meat because I'm afraid she's gonna bitch again (luckily it made me realize veggies make me bloated and muscle meat doesn't help). Her boyfriend apologized in her place, but that doesn't really help me out.

E68bdbd83e45fd5be130e393ace9c9a9

(2063)

on September 07, 2013
at 01:28 AM

It does sound like a frustrating situation -- and it would definitely be annoying to always find new rules posted everywhere (especially if she doesn't even follow them herself!) Sometimes I think its impossible to avoid roommate conflict... the best we can hope to do is manage it, not avoid it. It seems like you're trying to hard to manage the situation responsibly.

F5a0ddffcf9ef5beca864050f090a790

(15515)

on April 28, 2012
at 07:17 PM

Good for you!!! She is lucky to have you as a room-mate! I actually thought I was too blunt with you and happy you did not misunderstand my intentions. Keep it up - I know it is probably tough, but you can do it!!!

E68bdbd83e45fd5be130e393ace9c9a9

(2063)

on April 28, 2012
at 05:55 PM

that should have been "trying hard to manage" whoops

7841848bd0c27c64353c583fb7971242

(7275)

on April 28, 2012
at 05:05 PM

There should be a badge for closing your own question. :)

B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on April 28, 2012
at 04:50 PM

No, but there is something that *might* explain some of it : she ate eggs before that, cooked in PUFA-loaded stuff with bacon. Now if there's one thing I get hypoglycemic from, its eggs.

1a98a40ba8ffdc5aa28d1324d01c6c9f

(20378)

on April 28, 2012
at 04:19 PM

Is the person a vegetarian?

B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on April 28, 2012
at 04:08 PM

Good point. Can you vote to close this question? I kinda got annoyed, so I think I asked this stupid question while being upset.

B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on April 28, 2012
at 03:39 PM

Just vote to close.

7841848bd0c27c64353c583fb7971242

(7275)

on April 28, 2012
at 02:52 PM

The question you're asking with your title and the bolded part are different from the question you seem to be asking with the rest of the post.

B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on April 28, 2012
at 02:34 PM

I think I just got upset. I work all day long for school because I failed lots of exams last year due to being sick on a raw vegan diet, and if someone tells me I don't work hard enough (eg. I don't clean enough) I get pissed pretty quickly. I think she is a brat too, btw :D. She lies a lot, and she puts papers on all the walls in the kitchen with rules she made up herself. Sometimes she even ignores her own rules then she bitches at me for not following them. Thanks Violet!

B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on April 28, 2012
at 01:01 PM

Thanks a lot VB, great answer!

B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on April 28, 2012
at 01:01 PM

I just cleaned the whole kitchen like crazy and am even cleaning my room :) The fact my father called the owner autistic made me happy though, especially since I'm supposed to be the autist in the house :).

B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on April 28, 2012
at 12:59 PM

The simple fact that she didn't say a word to me, but immediately contacted the owner of our house, is what bothers me. Don't tell me that's normal?

B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on April 28, 2012
at 12:58 PM

Yeah, it started when I came out of the shower and saw I had irritated skin all over. Since then, combined with all the work I have to do (cooking + studying like crazy) I just didn't make the effort anymore. I don't smell, asked tons of people, and don't look dirty as far as I know, but I might be wrong :)

93eea7754e6e94b6085dbabbb48c0bb7

on April 28, 2012
at 12:55 PM

Wait what do you mean you haven't showered in a year? Women just pay more attention to detail and get OCD about being clean---after all they were the ones cleaning the hut millions of years ago ;)

B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on April 28, 2012
at 12:40 PM

She even told me I used up the garbage bags she bought, claiming I was costing her money, though I bought 30 bags and used maybe 5. Well hell, I might be crazy, but nobody ever moaned at me when I was living with 9 other people in house with a kitchen 3 times as small.

B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on April 28, 2012
at 12:39 PM

I do clean the dishes, when there is enough water. I haven't taken a shower for a year, yet she only started moaning last week. You should see the kitchen. You can lick the floor if you want to. I clean as I go. Her boyfriend apologized to me. Why would he do that if I am doing something wrong?

Fc5280d15710453f8b78b507113c5080

on April 28, 2012
at 12:13 PM

If your just a single guy cooking just for yourself whats the big deal with cleaning as you go?? I suspect there is more to the story......

1edb06ded9ccf098a4517ca4a7a34ebc

(14952)

on April 28, 2012
at 11:33 AM

I doubt she is delusional and is making up that you are leaving a mess. Add it up: you don't take showers, you admitted the kitchen is "reasonably dirty" and that you don't clean the dishes- you're probably leaving a mess. You don't have to clean the kitchen 24/7. All you have to do is clean up after yourself.

B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on April 28, 2012
at 10:19 AM

I almost asked her "is it your time of the month?". Man I'm glad I didn't, you should have seen the hate in her face. It's been a while since someone got that mad at me. Turns me on :D.

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4 Answers

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4
F5a0ddffcf9ef5beca864050f090a790

(15515)

on April 28, 2012
at 12:44 PM

I don't know if my point of view will help, but this is my take on it:

EXPLANATION:

Some people are naturally messy and some people are naturally neat. It is biological and it rarely can be changed. Whatever is "squeaky clean" to one person is "a pigsty" for another. So she might see the same situation in a different light.

One of the reasons I divorced my husband was that he was throwing his clothes and other items around and never cleaned up after himself. Little things matter for girls and they add up. His flowers and presents did not mean anything to me because when I had the "honor" of picking up his stuff on a daily basis, all I was thinking, "If he really loved me, he would not throw his stuff all over, knowing how much I hate doing this." The majority of our fights were about housework. This is why some marriages do not work out - people cannot reach a compromise on little things. You guys are not even related and you both had no choice when picking a roommate, as far as I understand.

SUGGESTIONS:

  1. Girls keep the score. Every time you do something, it counts as 1. If you wash dishes after yourself - that's 1. Clean refrigerator - another 1. Leave a clean kitchen after cooking - that's a major 1. Try to get to 100 - she will change her attitude towards you.

  2. I am also going to share a trick with you. I learned this trick being so sick I could not clean up. When the kitchen is picked up (think of it as Japanese minimalism), people do not notice it is dirty. So pick up, hide or trash as many things as possible - you will achieve the "clean look" without actually cleaning anything.

  3. Find a way to make friends with her. Girls are super easy. All you have to do is notice something nice about them. Say something charming. Smile at her. Give her some food. Remember her birthday. I know, I know - she is nobody to you and you hate her guts but she can make your life miserable (she is already doing it). So think of it as a game - like a challenge - can I turn her around? Think of it as a comedy/adventure movies being filmed and you are being one of the main actors. Just play your part.

  4. Discuss things that bother her. Don't say anything, just ask friendly questions and tell her that you are sorry (even if you are not). But remember - you can only play "sorry" card if you are on friendly terms.

  5. Funny you mentioned it, but a couple of days before my period starts I have a sudden urge to clean everything. Sometimes I even catch myself thinking, "I want to clean everything. I will have my period soon."

  6. Above all, remember, you are a guy. And guys have to be cool. So be cool about her attitude. Do not let her get on your nerves. Just be nice and friendly to her and you will win in the end.

Good luck!

B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on April 28, 2012
at 01:01 PM

Thanks a lot VB, great answer!

F5a0ddffcf9ef5beca864050f090a790

(15515)

on April 28, 2012
at 07:17 PM

Good for you!!! She is lucky to have you as a room-mate! I actually thought I was too blunt with you and happy you did not misunderstand my intentions. Keep it up - I know it is probably tough, but you can do it!!!

B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on April 28, 2012
at 01:01 PM

I just cleaned the whole kitchen like crazy and am even cleaning my room :) The fact my father called the owner autistic made me happy though, especially since I'm supposed to be the autist in the house :).

4
E68bdbd83e45fd5be130e393ace9c9a9

(2063)

on April 28, 2012
at 02:13 PM

I know you are probably trying hard to understand her reaction, but I wanted to say that women in general don't really appreciate it when others attribute their anger or frustration to their menstrual cycles. It's true that many women suffer from PMS (including me) and may get more irritable or weepy at certain times of the month, but not all women have PMS, and there may be other very good reasons for a woman to be upset that are not menstruation-related. Your roommate might be stressed out about something else, or she might simply be a brat! But I would be careful of making any sweeping conclusions that because she's a woman, she is actually upset because of her menstrual cycle and not because you're not cleaning your dishes.

E68bdbd83e45fd5be130e393ace9c9a9

(2063)

on April 28, 2012
at 05:55 PM

that should have been "trying hard to manage" whoops

B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on April 28, 2012
at 02:34 PM

I think I just got upset. I work all day long for school because I failed lots of exams last year due to being sick on a raw vegan diet, and if someone tells me I don't work hard enough (eg. I don't clean enough) I get pissed pretty quickly. I think she is a brat too, btw :D. She lies a lot, and she puts papers on all the walls in the kitchen with rules she made up herself. Sometimes she even ignores her own rules then she bitches at me for not following them. Thanks Violet!

E68bdbd83e45fd5be130e393ace9c9a9

(2063)

on September 07, 2013
at 01:28 AM

It does sound like a frustrating situation -- and it would definitely be annoying to always find new rules posted everywhere (especially if she doesn't even follow them herself!) Sometimes I think its impossible to avoid roommate conflict... the best we can hope to do is manage it, not avoid it. It seems like you're trying to hard to manage the situation responsibly.

3
4b05d725a8332e8e917a4ca58b6e8a1e

(1239)

on April 28, 2012
at 03:43 PM

In spite of the cultural rhetoric that paints the menstrual cycle as some mysterious, magical, dangerous event (for the hapless men that have to deal with the wrath of the period), it seems to me that she's just reacting very strongly to you being a slob. Is it an overreaction? Possibly. Is it warranted? Only you can know that. But is it because of her menstrual cycle? That's something that none of us can possibly know and I find it disturbing that THAT'S the place you headed first for an explanation.

B0fe7b5a9a197cd293978150cbd9055f

(8938)

on April 28, 2012
at 04:08 PM

Good point. Can you vote to close this question? I kinda got annoyed, so I think I asked this stupid question while being upset.

3
C112290e31f4104e23b4f47c474316b9

(30)

on April 28, 2012
at 10:36 AM

Well, why don't you start charting her cycle in your iPhone? 28+ days later and same blow up, you've got her figured. If not, there is more to it my friend :)

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