9

votes

How do I keep from feeling upset with my girlfriend when she makes awful choices?

Answered on September 12, 2014
Created July 06, 2011 at 5:22 PM

We both have been at an unhealthy weight the past few years, but over the last 6 months or so have been losing it. I started with a lot of workouts, high-protein but still putting plenty of crap into my body, and counting calories (which was working for me, but was a lot of work) then I switched to Paleo, and since I tend to be the cook, my girlfriend has, for the most part, been doing it with me as well (except sometimes when she leaves the house, it seems).

Anyway, I come home after a weekend away and find a bunch of soda and juice bottles in the recycling. I wake up, she appears to be eating Kashi's version of cinnamon toast crunch (at least it's whole grain?) with some skim milk from a chain grocery.

I cook my natural uncured bacon and local free range eggs and head out.

Is there a book I should ask her to read or something? Her stomach can't handle too much red meat, so I'm trying to not eat grassfed beef every day (though I have plenty of it and probably would if I could). It just bums me out seeing her do this to herself but I'm not one to impose my views on other people.

6120c989fd5b69f42a0834b69b87955b

(24553)

on July 11, 2011
at 03:37 AM

I've been contemplating the nonfat milk and whole grain cereal thing you mentioned, and I'm wondering if maybe she thinks you're the one making bad decisions. Paleo food choices are still considered to be a bit, uh, fringe. You need to hide any and all "women's" magazines that may come in the mail, or she's gonna keep buying nonfat milk and cereal.

7d0c3ea9bf8be00b93e6433d8f125ac3

(7540)

on July 08, 2011
at 05:55 PM

haha cool. Yeah what can I say, it's easy to get a little carried away when arguing on the internet.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 08, 2011
at 03:35 PM

nope. no typos there. a good attitude in response to focused positive criticism always gets me.

6f2c00fcbf48c69f0ea212239b3e1178

on July 08, 2011
at 03:05 PM

Try to find somebody more eloquent than you to explain this stuff to him. In fact, why not start a thread here detailing this situation, if you haven't already. Sounds serious enough.

7d0c3ea9bf8be00b93e6433d8f125ac3

(7540)

on July 08, 2011
at 04:59 AM

wait, is that a typo?

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 08, 2011
at 04:55 AM

Olivia don't try to win me over by being cool about it because it will work.

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 08, 2011
at 01:31 AM

Nice answer, Jack. I really hope your MIL comes around

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on July 08, 2011
at 12:17 AM

I think this answer got so many upvotes because a lot of us that have had food and/or weight issues know what it's like when someone else (well meaning or not) gets too involved in your food choices. The decision to change has to come from within. No one can make you do it.

Medium avatar

(2169)

on July 08, 2011
at 12:11 AM

PALEO SWAGGER!!! I officially love you :) What could be more romantic than sucking the marrow out of the mammoth bone you just cracked open with a rock after chasing it down with spears? Maybe I was born in the wrong era?

62f89aa727cf3ce77c36651347cabc14

(884)

on July 08, 2011
at 12:08 AM

Either get her to read, or you should lose twenty pounds. Either will get the message across.

351cbf133b44fb7a1b90781e148d28d7

(597)

on July 07, 2011
at 10:03 PM

@Kelly - I'd expect to see a lot of people from some of the bigger cities like Columbus or Cleveland, but little ol' Canton? That's crazy! @Jack - Thanks. I have a hard time taking serious pictures of myself, so I make a lot of faces!

7d0c3ea9bf8be00b93e6433d8f125ac3

(7540)

on July 07, 2011
at 09:59 PM

No you're right. I'm not sure why I wrote that (except that I'm an idiot who shouldn't post at 2 am after work).

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 07, 2011
at 09:40 PM

minus one. i really don't like this answer. it makes no sense at all to me.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 07, 2011
at 09:38 PM

Olivia - what in the world are you reading that makes you think he is getting all up in her face? Please explain. I mean, seriously. Am I missing something here? I just re read the entire question and dakota's comments. I see none of that going on here. Good grief.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 07, 2011
at 09:24 PM

Some good nuggets here. I like what you have to say Gingernaut. And I like your pic choice.

226b10cbb6b1d3530b00d2d84a2dc86e

(3313)

on July 07, 2011
at 09:06 PM

What I'm saying Dakota is, you can easily make it easier for her to make GOOD choices.

50637dfd7dc7a7e811d82283f4f5fd10

(5838)

on July 07, 2011
at 08:08 PM

As always, well said Jack

7d0c3ea9bf8be00b93e6433d8f125ac3

(7540)

on July 07, 2011
at 07:35 PM

@WordVixen, excellent point.

7d0c3ea9bf8be00b93e6433d8f125ac3

(7540)

on July 07, 2011
at 07:35 PM

I forgot to add there is a giant chasm between "eating a bowl of cereal for breakfast one day" and "killing yourself slowly". FFS. It sounds like his girlfriend could be healthier but she doesn't exactly seem to be at imminent risk of death. SO, if he wants her to change, I think the best way is to lead by example (which he's doing) instead of getting all up in her face and being controlling about what she's eating.

226b10cbb6b1d3530b00d2d84a2dc86e

(3313)

on July 07, 2011
at 07:29 PM

Much easier Paleo time drag woman hair shove plate face say eat this NOW bizzatch. I'm totally kidding.

226b10cbb6b1d3530b00d2d84a2dc86e

(3313)

on July 07, 2011
at 07:20 PM

Look at the Paleo experience as the GATEWAY to romance and not a blockade. Receive the Earth in this way and you will pass through the gate together. That is my zen contribution for the day. It has been written...

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 07, 2011
at 07:13 PM

you are hilarious bambam. paleo swagger. that's good stuff right there.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 07, 2011
at 07:11 PM

this is a great discussion. some really great points from both sides. jess6, i really liked your comment.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 07, 2011
at 07:08 PM

very good answer melissa. i really like the thoughts to ponder in your opening paragraph.

E2b9c679315c7c9c7265783dde89f350

(1303)

on July 07, 2011
at 06:26 PM

Anonymous- I agree that dakotahjake wasn't asking how to make his girlfriend conform. He very specifically asked how he can keep from freaking out that she hasn't. However, your "but how does that imply that she can make her own food choices?" bothers me. Isn't this how we got into such an awful state to begin with? Aren't we all throwing fits because the FDA declared that we have no choice over what we eat? Because someone who can make laws declared that we're all nutritionally illiterate? That's why I upvoted Olivia. I agree that dakota is right to care but to control another person is wrong

8caffe4dea631347b447e9f4e12fb2da

(589)

on July 07, 2011
at 05:40 PM

flowers help too!

66e6b190e62fb3bcf42d4c60801c7bf6

(12407)

on July 07, 2011
at 05:11 PM

wow... there sure are alot of alphas on this board *snicker*

6a4fd73b4ae4761eefec8e0d38e6f224

(1008)

on July 07, 2011
at 05:06 PM

When I was younger my mother and grandmother pressured me, often harshly, to lose weight. The only thing it taught me was to hate my body. Gentle and unconditional support, on the other hand, was a great motivator. Ten years later - about half of them wasted on eating disorders - I react the same way to the little voice in my head that either scolds or encourages. Granted, my health was never in danger, but unless the wife & kid in question were sailing down the River Styx, I don't believe that kind of controlling behavior is healthy, even if it did achieve the desired result.

306aa57660d911781231f8090c2a5619

(3808)

on July 07, 2011
at 04:01 PM

The problem I'm seeing with this is that there are basically two possible responses: Conversion and "Yay, you saved me!" (which appears to be have been the case for you) or destroyed relationship, resentment, and likely greater resistance to the changes being requested. I'm glad it worked well for you, and presumably you knew them well enough that you knew how they'd react, and it was an educated decision. But for some people, finding a less extreme approach that isn't going to destroy the relationship and cause them to reject the whole thing is going to be the best option for their health.

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 07, 2011
at 03:53 PM

And what of ultimatums? What if it backfires? So say I tell my amazing mother that I will no longer eat at her house because she cooks lethal food and shes 45lbs overweight with health problems. By God I Am RIGHT and she is WRONG! Then she dies within the next 5 years and what have I gained? I can sit there smug in all my glory, saying "well I told her to eat healthier" but in the end I gained nothing-instead I lost irreplaceable family times in exchange for being right. No thanks, I will set an example for her and bring my own food or eat hers a few times a year and not sweat it.

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 07, 2011
at 03:42 PM

Melissa, I know right? :) I really don't intend to be argumentative, and I read Dr K's blog and do believe he has a lot to offer medically. But really, many people live long and somewhat healthy lives eating SAD. I think the "total perfection or you might as well just end your life now" attitude causes undue stress and could prevent people from eating healthier. Even a 50% reduction in SAD is better than nothing.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on July 07, 2011
at 03:00 PM

Girl, I might be a hooker for pop tarts! That's one item that I pick up again and again, read the label, shake my head and put them back on the shelf. I so want them to not be chemicals pressed into a tasty chocolate flavored shape, but they so are.

81f0fb141fef1cd2a59d614d654d8f28

(343)

on July 07, 2011
at 02:41 PM

Well my husband isn't Paleo, and he has ulcerative colitis. I try to get him to switch all the time. I ask him to only at least try it for 30 days. He still won't budge. We are paying so much money for his prescription medicine, and a possible VERY SERIOUS surgery in the near future if he doesn't get it under control. So, I am a little ticked that we are spending all this money on his condition (that could be cured by diet), when he won't even try and change his lifestyle. At some point it needs to change. If not, it could cost us our savings, and him his colon.

345c1755efe005edd162b770dc6fb821

(8767)

on July 07, 2011
at 01:51 PM

OMG your from Canton! I was raised there, graduated Jackson HS (but went to GlenOak up til 10th year)

345c1755efe005edd162b770dc6fb821

(8767)

on July 07, 2011
at 01:49 PM

nice! I like how you think!! Happy wife happy life!

351cbf133b44fb7a1b90781e148d28d7

(597)

on July 07, 2011
at 07:21 AM

We're sneaky folk.

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 07, 2011
at 05:35 AM

And thanks Akd! :)

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 07, 2011
at 05:34 AM

nobody ever got shot in a driveby at the ghetto pop tart house. We dont have an epidemic of hookers working for a pop tart fix No newborn babies were killed in a make shift pop tart lab. Geeeeeeezus it is food, a processed neo lethal piece of food, but a piece of food nonetheless. Context :p

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 07, 2011
at 03:55 AM

+1 for you AC .

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 07, 2011
at 02:36 AM

I don't think Quilt really would have kicked his family out into the street like homeless bums and watched them all starve just because he saw his daughter bit into a strawberry pop tart. That's a sensationalized piece of the story that can get blown out of proportion. There was likely a much bigger picture to see here and none of us can see it through these comments.

6f2c00fcbf48c69f0ea212239b3e1178

on July 07, 2011
at 02:34 AM

Yeah! Only bug her about it if it's at your $$$ expense! Seriously though, I have no idea why you're recommending this. I for one would be quite pissed if somebody close to me decided to hinge their decision of whether to try to help me stop destroying myself on whether my destructive lifestyle would cost them financial, whether or not they had some sort of mystical explanation for why it would be overstepping their bounds to get involved if they weren't paying for my mistakes.

6f2c00fcbf48c69f0ea212239b3e1178

on July 07, 2011
at 02:26 AM

I have no idea how this got nearly 20 upvotes. He didn't sound heated or anything like that. When did he say that she's "obligated" to go paleo? When was he policing her? Also, she might be an adult, but how does that imply that she can make her own food choices? I meet plenty of adults every day who are nutritionally illiterate and really have no idea what to do or why they fail so hard at life. And it's not his job? Well, he probably won't get paid for it, but he supposedly loves her, so I'd venture a guess that maybe it would be in his interests to try to help her out!

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 07, 2011
at 02:24 AM

Great point Gingernaut. That's basically what I am saying too. Just because The Quilt wants to stand by his point here, doesn't mean that the situation played out in that sort of controlling way. Sometimes when I am arguing a point, I sound way more harsh and staunch on my position than I really need to be. I think there is truth on both sides here. I agree with much of what Leah and akd are saying. But I would DEFINITELY put my foot down if they were crack whores. I mean, in that case, I call em in so I guess that's a wee bit different than drinking some soda pop.

531db50c958cf4d5605ee0c5ae8a57be

(8878)

on July 07, 2011
at 02:04 AM

Good answer. Didn't know there were any fellow Ohioans on this board!

351cbf133b44fb7a1b90781e148d28d7

(597)

on July 07, 2011
at 01:56 AM

The only thing I can say is simply this: just because something worked doesn't necessarily mean it was the most optimal way to go about things. Beyond that, no one here can make a judgement call, because none of us were present when the decision was made.

E2b9c679315c7c9c7265783dde89f350

(1303)

on July 07, 2011
at 12:10 AM

I've just got to ask- is this a regular pattern with her? Because I almost always indulge in something embarrassing when my husband is away. It used to be ice cream and fries, now it's bone marrow (he'd have a fit!). She may have just been craving soda and cereal, and took the opportunity to splurge while you were away. Just think of it as a cheat meal for now. Only worry if it becomes a daily pattern. BTW- if she's splurging BECAUSE you're away, you might want to work on how she thinks you perceive her. People who feel secure usually don't hide.

E2b9c679315c7c9c7265783dde89f350

(1303)

on July 06, 2011
at 11:57 PM

Happy- true that! Also, copious amounts of high quality fat helps to make the transition away from sugar. I always know when I haven't had enough fat, because I quickly begin to crave sugary things. And, if you can't find a paleo friendly nutritionist- look for a WAPF or Traditional Foods friendly one. There's a lot of cross over, and most who lean one way are open to the other.

7d0c3ea9bf8be00b93e6433d8f125ac3

(7540)

on July 06, 2011
at 11:57 PM

OK I agree I sounded kind of curt and mean. I didn't mean that, the OP sounds like a perfectly nice guy and loving boyfriend. But he did ask how could HE keep from feeling upset. I think your girlfriend eating a bowl of cereal is not something to get upset about and he should recognise that his problems with her diet are just that- his. I understand he loves her and wants her to make healthier choices but if she's going to change it'll be on her own time, and it'll be her decision. Nagging etc. will only breed resentment IMO.

E2b9c679315c7c9c7265783dde89f350

(1303)

on July 06, 2011
at 11:51 PM

I do understand ultimatums in extreme circumstances, and also how whacked out some stories sound from the outside compared to the reality from the inside. But. My husband insists that bacon and eggs will kill me, while I say his chugging sugar water and diet sodas will do the same. Now imagine if his convictions that fat + cholesterol = bad, that he tried to "save" me by kicking me out. Do think I'll go back and submit to being sick, tired, and miserable all the time? His intentions would be pure, after all. It goes both ways. Glad it worked for Q, but I hope others don't follow his footsteps.

Aead76beb5fc7b762a6b4ddc234f6051

(15239)

on July 06, 2011
at 10:59 PM

im with leah 110% here. i wouldnt put my family out if they were crack whores, let alone eating some damn granola. im pretty speechless that anyone would advocate that sort of behavior. and for sure if my husband ever closed the door on my children and i, i would have the cops kicking in the door so fast his head would spin. but then, hes my partner, and a Good Man. we are not each others property, and it would never even cross his mind and thats why i married him.

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 10:34 PM

actually you dont know that pop tarts is not equivalent to drug use.....the data is beginning to support that is does the exact same thing. I posted about that in my leptin sleep yoked post so I think you are over stepping your bounds. Both cause loss of hypocretin neurons. Emily Deans is now touching on the same issue. She even made a comment on my comment about it. It is real and it requires attention if your loved ones are clueless to it. For those who chose to ignore it that is their choice.

Ab19df3ededa28f7bf7daeba8435b205

(1471)

on July 06, 2011
at 10:23 PM

Keep doing what you are doing. Offer to make her lunch in order to keep her on track but only if she wants it. The more she sees your success she more she will probably have questions. Keep pluggin away are your body and more than likely she will follow suit.

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 06, 2011
at 10:19 PM

While neither is healthy, eating a pop-tart is not "akin" to shooting drugs. And I believe it is over zealous, self righteous and cultish to insist your child move out of your home because you and your wife disagreed over nutrition. I very happy your wife and child are happily stitching your quilt and I am sure they are better for it. What I am saying is that splitting up a family over adopting a new way of eating is ludicrous, no matter the happy outcome.

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 10:01 PM

plus one for the question

226b10cbb6b1d3530b00d2d84a2dc86e

(3313)

on July 06, 2011
at 09:48 PM

That's a great answer. As a future RD, how might I make myself visible as a "paleo friendly" RD? Where should this person look to find a trained professional with a Paleo slant?

662a4ea915eb7c758bdd797d77ead7b6

(656)

on July 06, 2011
at 09:40 PM

the thing that got me hooked and informed was the podcast Latest In Paleo. You can go to the website www.latestinpaleo.com this guy doesnt go into the science and technical stuff as much as Robb Wolf, and he really gives a lot of food for thought. Check it out if you can and see what you think

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 09:31 PM

There is no God complex here. When I know I can repair fix or change something or someone I am compelled to act. You clearly disagree.....and that is fine. My wife begs to differ. She knows I would never advocate her doing something that would hurt her or our kids or herself. It is akin to saying its Ok to drink or shoot drugs because its her choice and not mine. I guess you dont like AA, drug treatment centers, spousal abuse centers, or any other intervention strategy. Again the context I provided it was a necessary step I had to take in my opinion.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 06, 2011
at 08:55 PM

wait... but not "say it as is not sugar-coat it" for your loved ones who need to hear it? I don't get it.

66974b2cb291799dcd661b7dec99a9e2

(11121)

on July 06, 2011
at 08:33 PM

I agree w/ Olivia sometimes we need to deal with harsh reality, say it as it is not sugar-coat it.

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:52 PM

Jack-and I totally get the story about your father and his untimely death as well.

5e8a68beac4a9264bda5e83995cea382

(113)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:50 PM

She understands the premise of the diet and doesn't have any qualms with the science behind it (I've shared it with her). She hasn't read any full books on it yet, and the only one I've bought/could share is Cordain's (I think there are easier ways to ease people into it). Most of my paleoeducation has come from blogs and pod casts.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:48 PM

Let's just say that I would put relationship harmony ahead of dietary perfection in terms of priorities :-). - - THANK YOU!

5e8a68beac4a9264bda5e83995cea382

(113)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:43 PM

I haven't said anything yet (which is why I posted looking for advice), and I didn't intend to draw a line in the sand or anything. It's just a bummer to see a person that I love continue to make choices so harmful to themselves over time, and didn't know if/how to approach it. The selfish part of me remembers the way she looked when we first got together (maybe that makes me shallow, surely she has felt the same way, even if neither of us have expressed it overtly. I know I'm not alone here). When stuff like this happens all I see is setbacks to getting back to where we both want to be.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:40 PM

Leah - I totally understand. I think Quilt does too. Sometimes ultimatum's help other's along though. Overall, nobody likes to be judged. Nobody likes to be pressured. It rearely works anyway, right. We are all free to choose in life. But there is a fine line of what is acceptable on both ends of the scale. I think sometimes pressure (in love) does more good than harm. But delviery can be important. Everyone is different. I know I keep repeating that, but it's key. Your concerns about being controlled and your personal story of your father is valid. I get it.

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:32 PM

@Jack-maybe you are right and I am wrong. But anytime someone says "I made them do so and so..." usually indicates controlling behavior. Again, the best way to train children is to lead by example. My father would have never ever ever chosen to live one single solitary day away from me as a child over anything.

1fc9c11cf23b2f62ac78979de933ad83

(2435)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:31 PM

So, has she read up on anything? Does she even realize what you're doing? Maybe you should just leave this page open for her. Let her see how important her health is to you, yet how much you respect her choices.

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:29 PM

@Quilt-if you are talking to me,I did not mean to put words into your mouth-you said "I made my wife and daughter move out for a weekend"I am right there with you that you want the best for your family and would like to see them at their healthiest, but YOU ARE NOT GOD. Anyone can die, anytime, anyplace any cause. Yes it is better to be healthy and more fun too. Yet there are plenty of SAD eaters who will outlive some of us grass-fed Paleo folks, God-willing. And it is just plain self-righteousness to say"but I cant stand aside and watch them die" when you dont know when or how they willdie

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:28 PM

Im a surgeon......when a patient is bleeding out I fix it. I dont wait for them to come to the decision. That makes zero sense to me.....and even less when I love that person with all my heart. We will have to agree to disagree on this.

5e8a68beac4a9264bda5e83995cea382

(113)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:28 PM

I haven't said anything yet (which is why I posted looking for advice), and the way you put it is the approach that I have been taking. It's just a bummer to see a person that I love continue to make choices so harmful to themselves in the long run, and didn't know if/how to approach it. The selfish part of me remembers the way she looked when we first got together (surely she has felt the same way, even if neither of us have expressed it) and when stuff like this happens all I see is setbacks to getting back to where we both want to be.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:26 PM

And I also agree with that melissa.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:24 PM

It has everything to do with what's in your heart that drives the decisions. I'm sure that his wife and daughter knew what was going on there. You don't know the discussions that were held between them. He does. You don't know the passion with which he delivered his concerns. They do. Everyone has different scenarios to handle. I don't get the notion that Dr K did anything out of a desire to 'control' anyone.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:24 PM

I mostly agree with Quilt here. I don't know if a lead weight heavy hand is the best answer, but as for being the captain of the ship (as he put it)... as for being married and understanding that decisions affect one another, I am on board with that.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:21 PM

Allowing the people you love the ability to come to that decision themselves, rather than forcing it upon them shows more respect and love than removing them from your life unless they are compliant with your wishes.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:17 PM

The person has to want change absolutely. You can't force it.

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:15 PM

So you think that is why I did it? I just told you why I did and you now want to put words in my mouth. My family loves that I did it now. They understand that I did not want disease of death to come to them earlier than it must.

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:13 PM

It is one thing to be dating and have incompatible views on diet and health and decide that person is not for you. It is quite another to be married to someone already, change to paleo and then MAKE your wife and daughter MOVE OUT because they have not changed along with you.

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:12 PM

Annie great point. plus one.

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:11 PM

If I did not care about them I think I would have just let them keep eating wheat chex and granola.

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:10 PM

I never thought about it from that angle......interesting. Plus one.

Ffc7e0ecad8e8831b528c5d4921377cc

(942)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:09 PM

Yeah. Way too harsh.

6670b38baf0aae7f4d8ac2463ddc37c0

(3946)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:08 PM

It's all fun and games until one has a stroke and the other has to suffer along. That's when your unconditional love will be tested.

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:08 PM

I understand that some may think this is harsh or controlling but I felt I had to do something to get them both to realize what they were doing to them. I look at it like this.....if I am the captain of the Titanic and I see the iceberg early do I just rearrange deck chairs with music or do I try to get a maximal full reverse from the engine room? I made the decision I felt I had to to save them. If you think that is wrong that is your call......I dont.

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:03 PM

Sometimes leading by example is not enough. Then you need to have a new plan.

1ec4e7ca085b7f8d5821529653e1e35a

(5506)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:03 PM

I agree with Olivia. Present the idea of paleo but don't assume to be able to control anyone. People reject control and I guarantee that if you are a dick to her about eating it will create problems. If you feel stronger about your food than your relationship maybe it is time to reassess the relationship

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:02 PM

agree Jack. If you love someone you cant just let them die slowly At least I cant.

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:02 PM

Speechless. My dad would love me unconditionally even if I ate deep-fried newborn puppies for breakfast lunch and dinner. I wish I could downvote this twice. They way someone eats is not an indicator of their intelligence, superiority or pureness of heart.

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:00 PM

Gladly my wife doesnt look at marriage like you do. We believe we both need to be congruent for our kids to do the correct things and set examples. We also no longer believe that we each get to choose alone what we eat as a family. We share everything together since we became married and we look to help one another out to remain optimal. I respect your opinion but I would hope you would give me the same response. On July 4th she told the story to her friends on why she changed. That weekend woke her up and it was an eye opener for my daughter. Seeing my change was not enough for her.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on July 06, 2011
at 06:56 PM

I daresay, the first time my husband "made me move out" would be the LAST time. /o/\o\ Absolutely GHarkness!

145d4b0f988af15acc6b26eccc1f4895

(1932)

on July 06, 2011
at 06:53 PM

When I said "dumping her might be the best deal"....I mean **FOR HER.** I can't believe the level of control that is being advocated here (though I recognize that dakotajake says he doesn't want to 'impose his views'). – GHarkness 0 secs ago

145d4b0f988af15acc6b26eccc1f4895

(1932)

on July 06, 2011
at 06:53 PM

When I said "dumping her might be the best deal....I mean FOR HER." I can't believe the level of control that is being advocated here (though I recognize that dakotajake says he doesn't want to 'impose his views').

145d4b0f988af15acc6b26eccc1f4895

(1932)

on July 06, 2011
at 06:49 PM

I daresay, the first time my husband "made me move out" would be the LAST time. As an adult, I have the right to decide what I eat, and so does my husband (children....that's a different story, because you both get input in that decision). Pressure is not the way to influence your girlfriend/wife/husband/so. Now, if you aren't marrried, then "dumping" her might be the best deal, especially if this is very important to you. But remember: we each get to choose what goes in our mouth....even if the other doesn't like it.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 06, 2011
at 06:31 PM

i think i lean more toward something like this. 'dump her' sounds hilarious. but better that and move on than deal with someone who stubbornly resists change in the name of 'not feeling pressured or judged'.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 06, 2011
at 06:28 PM

It's a very common problem that exists when people watch their loved ones choose to destroy themselves with silly decisions. I watched my father pound Tampico juice by the gallon daily. He died of heart disease and Type2 at 53.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 06, 2011
at 06:28 PM

"Maybe this sounds a little harsh". Yes, Olivia. I think it does. Dakota is bringing a valid concern to the table and I didn't get the notion that he needs to "Chill". If I had a girlfirend that continued to swallow buckets of soda I might question whether or not that relationship is going to work out in the long run. I would say the same thing about smoking. It doesn't matter if my opinion is offensive or not.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on July 06, 2011
at 06:12 PM

I agree and try really hard not to sound disapproving or talk down to her about her choices. Ignore them and keep doing what you are doing.

6670b38baf0aae7f4d8ac2463ddc37c0

(3946)

on July 06, 2011
at 05:49 PM

Great answer, though I would add that unlike politics and religion, food has a direct impact on our health. Therefore, it concerns those around us who love us. I know a couple who struggles with this same issue. He refused to eat "healthy" and ultimately had a stroke, which puts a burden on both of them. He still refuses to eat healthy even after the stroke and he is very rebelious if she tries to keep him from eating the wrong foods.

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21 Answers

best answer

9
Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 07, 2011
at 07:43 PM

Such a common issue. So many threads on this topic already, but each has its own spin. Each person has a different and unique scenario to work through.

First of all, great job on speaking up and asking what others think. Sometimes getting multiple perspectives really helps you understand how you can best help the situation for both you and your girlfriend.

I'm all over the comments here already, but I wanted to give my own fresh thoughts.

Is it best to let your loved ones do whatever they want? Does it matter if they are adults? Perhaps throw some comments out and she how she responds? Perhaps drop clues and hints and try to nudge her into more acute awareness of how her decisions may not be best for long term health? Is the 'heavy hand' approach applicable here? Is that too controlling? What if she feels judged?

When a person feels the need to give a loved one some advice, it can often be one of the most challenging and just downright difficult situations to work through. I think at the base of this is the human nature of feeling judged and controlled, combined with the need that most people have to feel accepted and to be heard. This can span across so many things that it's dizzying.

I have several of these type of scenarios going on in my life right now. How do I tell me mother-in-law that I don't want to eat the food she wants to cook for us? With some of the things she grew up eating... she thinks is good because well... "I'm still alive". is what she says. It's sort of a long term battle at the moment, but progess is being made all around. She is in our life forever, so we are choosing to massage the situation slowly, leading by example, showing her through continued practice that we do actually have some good insight to offer and that we're serious about it. Slowly but surely, she is beginning to understand.

When it comes to personal matters, it gets pretty dicey, which is most of the time. The topics that seem to spark the most controversy are religion, politics, sex, family, finance, and health.

In your case, I think you just care. I think you really love your girlfriend and want to continue to build a long term relationship, else it wouldn't make a lick of sense for you to come on here and seek help in this way. You'd have already 'dumped her' like Quilt says.

Badgering and pestering people almost never works, even with close family and friends. It violates too many aspects of human nature and people skills. Ever heard of the little ol' saying... "A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still."? Being judgemental or harsh with your approach also usually does not work, and can breed comtempt and jeopordize trust in the relationship. We are such tricky beings, us humans.

Personally, I have watched some of my closest people destroy their own health out of either ignorance, intentional poor decisions, or a combination of both. It's awful. It's awful enough to maybe make a person do something drastic out of love, like what Quilt describes.

Dakota - there's a lot of meat here to chew on from this community. I think leading by example, and explaining your concerns to her in an open, honest communicative way using whatever people skills you can muster will be your best approach. Then just keep the goal in mind and don't be dogmatic about what you think is best for her health. If, in all your efforts, you are seeing a bleak and discouraging road ahead of you, then you truly may want to consider the long term implications of a committed relationship when you believe that you may be at odds with each other on one of the key elements of daily life, health and wellness.

Best,

JK

50637dfd7dc7a7e811d82283f4f5fd10

(5838)

on July 07, 2011
at 08:08 PM

As always, well said Jack

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 08, 2011
at 01:31 AM

Nice answer, Jack. I really hope your MIL comes around

27
7d0c3ea9bf8be00b93e6433d8f125ac3

(7540)

on July 06, 2011
at 05:35 PM

Chill. She's an adult who can make her own food choices and it's really not your job at all to try and control that or police what she's eating. Just because you've gone paleo doesn't mean your girlfriend is obligated to as well...not sure why you feel that way. It sounds from your post like she never really explicitly decided to do paleo, just that she goes along with you when you're around. Given that I'm not sure why you're disappointed with her. You might see it as "I'm helping her get healthy" but she's more than likely going to see "my boyfriend is being an overbearing asshole". If she doesn't want to change, she won't. She'll just resent you.

Maybe this sounds a little harsh but I'm not trying to rip on you. I'm just trying to put myself in your girlfriend's shoes and imagine how I would feel if my boyfriend didn't "approve" of what I was eating, no matter how good his intentions were.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:26 PM

And I also agree with that melissa.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on July 06, 2011
at 06:12 PM

I agree and try really hard not to sound disapproving or talk down to her about her choices. Ignore them and keep doing what you are doing.

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:02 PM

agree Jack. If you love someone you cant just let them die slowly At least I cant.

66974b2cb291799dcd661b7dec99a9e2

(11121)

on July 06, 2011
at 08:33 PM

I agree w/ Olivia sometimes we need to deal with harsh reality, say it as it is not sugar-coat it.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 06, 2011
at 06:28 PM

"Maybe this sounds a little harsh". Yes, Olivia. I think it does. Dakota is bringing a valid concern to the table and I didn't get the notion that he needs to "Chill". If I had a girlfirend that continued to swallow buckets of soda I might question whether or not that relationship is going to work out in the long run. I would say the same thing about smoking. It doesn't matter if my opinion is offensive or not.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:17 PM

The person has to want change absolutely. You can't force it.

E2b9c679315c7c9c7265783dde89f350

(1303)

on July 07, 2011
at 06:26 PM

Anonymous- I agree that dakotahjake wasn't asking how to make his girlfriend conform. He very specifically asked how he can keep from freaking out that she hasn't. However, your "but how does that imply that she can make her own food choices?" bothers me. Isn't this how we got into such an awful state to begin with? Aren't we all throwing fits because the FDA declared that we have no choice over what we eat? Because someone who can make laws declared that we're all nutritionally illiterate? That's why I upvoted Olivia. I agree that dakota is right to care but to control another person is wrong

7d0c3ea9bf8be00b93e6433d8f125ac3

(7540)

on July 06, 2011
at 11:57 PM

OK I agree I sounded kind of curt and mean. I didn't mean that, the OP sounds like a perfectly nice guy and loving boyfriend. But he did ask how could HE keep from feeling upset. I think your girlfriend eating a bowl of cereal is not something to get upset about and he should recognise that his problems with her diet are just that- his. I understand he loves her and wants her to make healthier choices but if she's going to change it'll be on her own time, and it'll be her decision. Nagging etc. will only breed resentment IMO.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 06, 2011
at 06:28 PM

It's a very common problem that exists when people watch their loved ones choose to destroy themselves with silly decisions. I watched my father pound Tampico juice by the gallon daily. He died of heart disease and Type2 at 53.

5e8a68beac4a9264bda5e83995cea382

(113)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:28 PM

I haven't said anything yet (which is why I posted looking for advice), and the way you put it is the approach that I have been taking. It's just a bummer to see a person that I love continue to make choices so harmful to themselves in the long run, and didn't know if/how to approach it. The selfish part of me remembers the way she looked when we first got together (surely she has felt the same way, even if neither of us have expressed it) and when stuff like this happens all I see is setbacks to getting back to where we both want to be.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 06, 2011
at 08:55 PM

wait... but not "say it as is not sugar-coat it" for your loved ones who need to hear it? I don't get it.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 07, 2011
at 03:55 AM

+1 for you AC .

6f2c00fcbf48c69f0ea212239b3e1178

on July 07, 2011
at 02:26 AM

I have no idea how this got nearly 20 upvotes. He didn't sound heated or anything like that. When did he say that she's "obligated" to go paleo? When was he policing her? Also, she might be an adult, but how does that imply that she can make her own food choices? I meet plenty of adults every day who are nutritionally illiterate and really have no idea what to do or why they fail so hard at life. And it's not his job? Well, he probably won't get paid for it, but he supposedly loves her, so I'd venture a guess that maybe it would be in his interests to try to help her out!

1ec4e7ca085b7f8d5821529653e1e35a

(5506)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:03 PM

I agree with Olivia. Present the idea of paleo but don't assume to be able to control anyone. People reject control and I guarantee that if you are a dick to her about eating it will create problems. If you feel stronger about your food than your relationship maybe it is time to reassess the relationship

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 07, 2011
at 09:40 PM

minus one. i really don't like this answer. it makes no sense at all to me.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on July 08, 2011
at 12:17 AM

I think this answer got so many upvotes because a lot of us that have had food and/or weight issues know what it's like when someone else (well meaning or not) gets too involved in your food choices. The decision to change has to come from within. No one can make you do it.

7d0c3ea9bf8be00b93e6433d8f125ac3

(7540)

on July 07, 2011
at 09:59 PM

No you're right. I'm not sure why I wrote that (except that I'm an idiot who shouldn't post at 2 am after work).

7d0c3ea9bf8be00b93e6433d8f125ac3

(7540)

on July 08, 2011
at 04:59 AM

wait, is that a typo?

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 08, 2011
at 03:35 PM

nope. no typos there. a good attitude in response to focused positive criticism always gets me.

7d0c3ea9bf8be00b93e6433d8f125ac3

(7540)

on July 08, 2011
at 05:55 PM

haha cool. Yeah what can I say, it's easy to get a little carried away when arguing on the internet.

7d0c3ea9bf8be00b93e6433d8f125ac3

(7540)

on July 07, 2011
at 07:35 PM

I forgot to add there is a giant chasm between "eating a bowl of cereal for breakfast one day" and "killing yourself slowly". FFS. It sounds like his girlfriend could be healthier but she doesn't exactly seem to be at imminent risk of death. SO, if he wants her to change, I think the best way is to lead by example (which he's doing) instead of getting all up in her face and being controlling about what she's eating.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 07, 2011
at 09:38 PM

Olivia - what in the world are you reading that makes you think he is getting all up in her face? Please explain. I mean, seriously. Am I missing something here? I just re read the entire question and dakota's comments. I see none of that going on here. Good grief.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 08, 2011
at 04:55 AM

Olivia don't try to win me over by being cool about it because it will work.

18
8caffe4dea631347b447e9f4e12fb2da

(589)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:34 PM

My wife will not go Paleo, but since I cook she eats grass fed meats, lots of veggies and fish which she loves. But there are days when she wants rice or some type of pasta to go with what I make she makes that. She makes extra and reheats it a couple times a week. It keeps her happy, when we go out for dinner or travel she makes sure that I can eat Paleo as much as possible. We always try to respect each others needs, might be why we are married 32 years and are very happy. You need to ask yourself are you happy and is she happy. If you both are except for Paleo work with each other not against. A great other half is hard to find.

8caffe4dea631347b447e9f4e12fb2da

(589)

on July 07, 2011
at 05:40 PM

flowers help too!

345c1755efe005edd162b770dc6fb821

(8767)

on July 07, 2011
at 01:49 PM

nice! I like how you think!! Happy wife happy life!

18
22212e9ba2a041e6da6c963d4d41615a

(5773)

on July 06, 2011
at 05:36 PM

One of the most difficult things a couple can go through is change, but the difficult part is if you don't change together. Let me start out by saying what not to do. Do not pressure, insult, or harass her for not eating the way you do. This is a sure fire way to put a wedge in between your relationship. Food, like politics and religion, is a very personal issue and should be treated as such.

I suggested first lead by example. She will see you drop the weight and feel better quickly and that may be a enough to approach you for help, instead of you pushing it on her. Second, offer to do the cooking. I'm not sure how good of a cook you are, but I started doing all the cooking in my house, for everyone. I now wake up 15 minutes earlier and cook my wife and 2 sons eggs, bacon and some fruit in the morning before we are of to work and school. I pack all of their lunches and cook most of the dinners. Maybe try waking up one day earlier than her a cook her a nice breakfast in bed. Lastly, be encouraging. I'm not sure how your girlfriend is but my wife likes to hear encouraging words when she makes good choices. We as humans tend to focus to much on the negative and forget the positive.

Good luck it is certainly not an easy thing to tackle.

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:03 PM

Sometimes leading by example is not enough. Then you need to have a new plan.

6670b38baf0aae7f4d8ac2463ddc37c0

(3946)

on July 06, 2011
at 05:49 PM

Great answer, though I would add that unlike politics and religion, food has a direct impact on our health. Therefore, it concerns those around us who love us. I know a couple who struggles with this same issue. He refused to eat "healthy" and ultimately had a stroke, which puts a burden on both of them. He still refuses to eat healthy even after the stroke and he is very rebelious if she tries to keep him from eating the wrong foods.

12
9a5e2da94ad63ea3186dfa494e16a8d1

on July 06, 2011
at 07:45 PM

After being married for 10 years, I can say that sometimes one of the hardest people to take advice from is your SO / spouse, when ironically they're often the best person to give you advice.

Let's just say that I would put relationship harmony ahead of dietary perfection in terms of priorities :-). People have to be in a certain frame of mind in order to take on the challenge of changing their diet and exercise patterns, and trying to hit someone with what might be good suggestions at the wrong time is not likely to get anywhere.

If she's open to learning more about it, you could bring it up as a way to inform her rather than criticize. If she isn't really interested... you might just impress her with your own improvements and see if she catches on.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:48 PM

Let's just say that I would put relationship harmony ahead of dietary perfection in terms of priorities :-). - - THANK YOU!

11
6120c989fd5b69f42a0834b69b87955b

(24553)

on July 06, 2011
at 06:55 PM

If she's not ready, she's not ready. Lead by example, keep cooking meals, and she may eventually notice the difference in how she feels. If it really matters to you, let her know that you are afraid that if you make this change without her it will eventually drive you apart. It doesn't have to drive you apart though. My husband doesn't do paleo and I don't try to push it on him, his family seems to be able to tolerate the SAD, and live to be quite old and healthy. He does however eat paleo by default at home most of the time because I've taken over the shopping and cooking. I think I did a little too much eye rolling and lecturing when we'd go grocery shopping together. We had A LOT of friction over this until I learned: don't lecture, just do.

After a lifetime of eating crap food, she may not internally be equipped with right gut flora to go straight into a paleo diet. "Needing" all that sugary stuff makes me think that systemic candida could be an issue, and even if she wanted to she would have a hard time avoiding sugar. Get some high quality probiotics and natural soil organisms into that girl pronto. It took me a full two months with some really high quality probiotics, but those little voices that "made" me buy donuts just went away one day, and it has been so quiet inside my head ever since. She may also have low stomach acid if she can't tolerate much red meat. When she is ready you could start seeing a paleo friendly nutritionist as a couple. It is amazing how much more receptive partners can be to info when it comes from someone outside the relationship.

226b10cbb6b1d3530b00d2d84a2dc86e

(3313)

on July 06, 2011
at 09:48 PM

That's a great answer. As a future RD, how might I make myself visible as a "paleo friendly" RD? Where should this person look to find a trained professional with a Paleo slant?

E2b9c679315c7c9c7265783dde89f350

(1303)

on July 06, 2011
at 11:57 PM

Happy- true that! Also, copious amounts of high quality fat helps to make the transition away from sugar. I always know when I haven't had enough fat, because I quickly begin to crave sugary things. And, if you can't find a paleo friendly nutritionist- look for a WAPF or Traditional Foods friendly one. There's a lot of cross over, and most who lean one way are open to the other.

6120c989fd5b69f42a0834b69b87955b

(24553)

on July 11, 2011
at 03:37 AM

I've been contemplating the nonfat milk and whole grain cereal thing you mentioned, and I'm wondering if maybe she thinks you're the one making bad decisions. Paleo food choices are still considered to be a bit, uh, fringe. You need to hide any and all "women's" magazines that may come in the mail, or she's gonna keep buying nonfat milk and cereal.

9
724f0f45eb53919b8c617c3c1ec5fbc5

(830)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:44 PM

To answer your question "How do keep from feeling upset...."

I would say that it's natural for you to have feelings, bad or good, about your partner and her choices. But I'd also say that your feelings about how she eats are not her problem - your feelings=your problem.

On the other hand, if you feel upset and then act like a jerk to her, that becomes her problem. So don't act like a jerk! (And if you haven't already been kind of a jerk by bugging her about this stuff- don't start!)

Can you focus on your own stuff and let her focus on her own stuff?

Or is her eating differently from you a dealbreaker? What if she stays overweight forever? Is that a dealbreaker? If it's not, you better figure out a way to let her live her life without making your feelings her problem.

You say you're overweight yourself - if your experience is anything like mine, I'm guessing that having people on your case about your "health" wasn't too motivating. People don't change until they're ready to change.

7
351cbf133b44fb7a1b90781e148d28d7

on July 07, 2011
at 01:36 AM

I used to smoke, and my boyfriend at the time used to nag me insistently about it, and all it did was create resentment. I knew it wasn't healthy habit - as it happens, I'm a pretty smart cookie - but at the end of the day, all he managed to do was make me feel incapable of making healthy decisions for myself. That I needed to have my hand held. I understand that he was concerned for my health, I appreciated the concern, but his methods were found lacking.

As it happens, I did quit, by myself, after I ended my relationship with him (and not just because of the whole smoking thing, I assure you). I did it because I wanted to, not to appease someone else. That makes a world of difference.

Ultimately, no one here can give you THE foolproof way to handle this little roadbump. After all, we're not the ones who have to deal with the consequences, and we're not her. Nor do we know her. At best, I can say to just keep eating the way you're eating, and when she gets curious, answer her questions, or slip a book or URL her way. Don't let it eat away at you. While her decisions may frustrate you, that doesn't change the fact that it's ultimately her problem, and not yours. Other people here have said it, but it's worth repeating: you can't help her if she's not willing to help herself.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 07, 2011
at 09:24 PM

Some good nuggets here. I like what you have to say Gingernaut. And I like your pic choice.

351cbf133b44fb7a1b90781e148d28d7

(597)

on July 07, 2011
at 07:21 AM

We're sneaky folk.

345c1755efe005edd162b770dc6fb821

(8767)

on July 07, 2011
at 01:51 PM

OMG your from Canton! I was raised there, graduated Jackson HS (but went to GlenOak up til 10th year)

531db50c958cf4d5605ee0c5ae8a57be

(8878)

on July 07, 2011
at 02:04 AM

Good answer. Didn't know there were any fellow Ohioans on this board!

351cbf133b44fb7a1b90781e148d28d7

(597)

on July 07, 2011
at 10:03 PM

@Kelly - I'd expect to see a lot of people from some of the bigger cities like Columbus or Cleveland, but little ol' Canton? That's crazy! @Jack - Thanks. I have a hard time taking serious pictures of myself, so I make a lot of faces!

6
226b10cbb6b1d3530b00d2d84a2dc86e

(3313)

on July 06, 2011
at 10:11 PM

One of the more romantic realms of human life involves shared activities centered on food - growing it, harvesting it, hunting it, fishing for it, preparing it, cooking it, eating it, digesting it, even shopping can be an intimate experience. Try to find foods (WITHIN Paleo parameters) you can BOTH agree on. There are probably elements of the Paleo experience that she can indulge in and relish with the same fervor as you do!

So just sit down together, let her know you want to spoil her more often. Then, start to do more to make dining together a more romantic, mutually shared experience. Design a menu TOGETHER.

From there, take it a step further. Give her full body massages after meals as you rest and digest. Be spontaneous with your rewards but center the romance on the intimate experience that can be achieved through your connection with the extravagant offerings of the Earth.

Conversely, if you look at your diet as some sort of limitation, so will she. Paleo removes 2 food groups - true. But your choices from there are unlimited. Look at the diet as an opportunity for growth, revival, EVOLUTION and delicious taste.

You can learn to cook Paleo meals together and do everything from shopping for the elusive primal ingredients to licking clean her last spoonful.

The Paleo Diet is rich, flavorful and romantic.

Put your PALEO SWAGGER into it and you can make it that way for yourself and for HER.

Work it.

Work it.

UH!

(DISCLAIMER: I am highly manipulative but try to reserve these powers for the betterment of humankind).

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 07, 2011
at 07:13 PM

you are hilarious bambam. paleo swagger. that's good stuff right there.

Medium avatar

(2169)

on July 08, 2011
at 12:11 AM

PALEO SWAGGER!!! I officially love you :) What could be more romantic than sucking the marrow out of the mammoth bone you just cracked open with a rock after chasing it down with spears? Maybe I was born in the wrong era?

226b10cbb6b1d3530b00d2d84a2dc86e

(3313)

on July 07, 2011
at 07:29 PM

Much easier Paleo time drag woman hair shove plate face say eat this NOW bizzatch. I'm totally kidding.

5
9d43f6873107e17ca4d1a5055aa7a2ad

on July 06, 2011
at 10:15 PM

This was an issue for me too. My ex and I had both lost weight, but he started lapsing and regaining. I admit it was somewhat emasculating when I'd see all the sugary crap he was eating and drinking after all the work he had done to slim down. It wasn't why we broke up, but it might have contributed. To be honest it was even harder because I knew that he knew better and was being self-destructive. Maybe your GF doesn't know? Maybe you need to consider the long-term outlook? Do you want to raise children? Do you want to raise children with someone who eats badly? Do you think this will affect your future love life (as noble as we try to be, we can't beat biology!!!)?

You aren't married yet, so you still have a chance to make these decisions now.

In terms of family/spouses, you can't do that. With those people I've just tried to share and not be coercive. They've seen what the diet does for me and some of them have followed suit. You can also offer to make breakfast, maybe offer her some paleo breakfast in bed? I mean, there is hope, because Kashi is a hellofalot better than her eating Lucky Charms and Koolaid!

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 07, 2011
at 07:08 PM

very good answer melissa. i really like the thoughts to ponder in your opening paragraph.

4
306aa57660d911781231f8090c2a5619

(3808)

on July 07, 2011
at 12:24 AM

First, recognize that she is most likely suffering from addictions - society-sanctioned addictions that are very difficult to recognize or imagine life without when you're in the middle of them. When you're in the middle of this, the idea of going paleo can feel like someone is asking you to give up everything that makes life worth living, and that paleo is only for people who really like veggies and liver, or who have more willpower. People in the middle of SAD addiction aren't easily able to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I know that for me, I can look at people saying "I'd love to lose weight/have more energy/get rid of my autoimmune condition/whatever, but I could never give up bread/pastries/rice/peanut butter/sugar!" and think they're totally crazy for preferring to continue in pain than to even try. But when I stop and look back at where I used to be.. if you'd told me a year ago that I'd pass up free cookies and not feel the least bit deprived or regretful about it, I never would have believed you. But it was a series of baby steps that got me here, not a sudden leap.

Things that might help:

Ask her for help with your own diet. Say that you don't want to restrict what she eats, but that having it around the house makes it hard for you, so could she please just eat that stuff out of the house. (This works best if you're sincere about it and the stuff really is a temptation for you - if you're just saying it, it may come across as coercive.)

Focus on one issue at a time. See if she's willing to give gluten-free a try, and don't worry about carbs or other grains for the time being. Have good, appealing gluten-free food around - if it's paleo, all the better, but you might try Puffins cereal or something in place of the Kashi, for example. Look at dessert and treat recipes. Overcoming one hurdle, and learning to think outside the SAD box about food can make the rest seem more realistic.

Then, when she's ready, try dropping the grains and/or legumes. Or the processed food. Or HFCS. Or some other baby step. Or toss it up entirely and eliminate the processed food first, but continue with WAPF-style soaked/sprouted grains for a while. Focus on what she is willing to change, rather than trying to dump it all on her at once.

GAPS and SCD can be less intimidating than full-on paleo.

And, as others have said, just lead by example. Enjoy your improving health without being obnoxious about it. Make yummy paleo meals that you both enjoy. Share info with her if/when she's receptive. Enjoy your life and don't dwell on things you can't control.

4
Cc7381bd787721575ea9198048132adb

on July 06, 2011
at 09:00 PM

This sounds like an image thing and that's it. Even if you looked like Brad Pitt in Fight Club you wouldn't have enough justification to come down on her like that about her diet. If you think the grass is greener, you need to re-evaluate your relationship, learn to deal with it or let it stress you out.

Lead by example and cook for her. Now that I'm getting better at cooking paleo and not just grubbing sardines with a side of ground beef for dinner, people are much more responsive to the diet. A salad with 10 delicious paleo toppings is a little extra work but now I can spark people's interest in paleo with one meal.

Focus on getting to your own goal weight first and when she sees you reach your goal, she might be more interested in joining you.

4
332d9f75d1077abafff6887681f6b130

on July 06, 2011
at 06:19 PM

This might be of use. I've been trying to get my wife to go paleo for a while now. She still hasn't. But the thread has a similar theme to yours, and a lot of good info in there.

TL;DR You can't make her change, you can't make her healthy, and you can't make her make healthy choices. Lead by example and hope she chooses to follow.

4
345c1755efe005edd162b770dc6fb821

(8767)

on July 06, 2011
at 06:17 PM

the old saying is so true,..."You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink!"

As other have said best thing to do is by example. Over time perhaps she'll pick up some cues from you and eventually just slide into your good habits. But, even I have found, that you can talk until your green in the face, they won't make changes until they want to. It has to come from them and perhaps even be their idea.

Just keep doing what you are doing and hopefully it doesn't cause any real issues between you. There are times to 'pick your battles'.....I personally don't care for excessive drinking so thats where I draw the line in the sand and dig in.

3
81f0fb141fef1cd2a59d614d654d8f28

on July 06, 2011
at 06:16 PM

This is how I would look at it: If you're not paying for her health insurance, then let her be. If you are paying for her health insurance, then you have a say in it. The more unhealthy you are the higher potential for medical problems. So just stop paying it. A lot of companies are now only hiring those who do not smoke, because they will pay less in their health insurance in the long run.

It's hard to get people to change. They have to make the choice themselves, not someone else. They have to hit "rock bottom" before they want to get help for themselves. Maybe she's fine with the way she lives/eats/feels. It's going to be hard to change that.

Good luck!

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:10 PM

I never thought about it from that angle......interesting. Plus one.

6f2c00fcbf48c69f0ea212239b3e1178

on July 08, 2011
at 03:05 PM

Try to find somebody more eloquent than you to explain this stuff to him. In fact, why not start a thread here detailing this situation, if you haven't already. Sounds serious enough.

81f0fb141fef1cd2a59d614d654d8f28

(343)

on July 07, 2011
at 02:41 PM

Well my husband isn't Paleo, and he has ulcerative colitis. I try to get him to switch all the time. I ask him to only at least try it for 30 days. He still won't budge. We are paying so much money for his prescription medicine, and a possible VERY SERIOUS surgery in the near future if he doesn't get it under control. So, I am a little ticked that we are spending all this money on his condition (that could be cured by diet), when he won't even try and change his lifestyle. At some point it needs to change. If not, it could cost us our savings, and him his colon.

6f2c00fcbf48c69f0ea212239b3e1178

on July 07, 2011
at 02:34 AM

Yeah! Only bug her about it if it's at your $$$ expense! Seriously though, I have no idea why you're recommending this. I for one would be quite pissed if somebody close to me decided to hinge their decision of whether to try to help me stop destroying myself on whether my destructive lifestyle would cost them financial, whether or not they had some sort of mystical explanation for why it would be overstepping their bounds to get involved if they weren't paying for my mistakes.

3
Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 06:07 PM

This may sound harsh......but if youre not married......dump her. It may get her to realize how important it is for you and for her. I was married and made my wife and daughter move out for a weekend about three years ago. And it worked. Now they both say that if I did not go that extreme they would have never thought about changing themselves.

Since I was tied to them both maybe this was more effective but if she loves you she may realize that this is a big deal to your future together.

I know this may sound harsh to many but I felt I had to do something when I saw my family slowly dying in front of me.

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:29 PM

@Quilt-if you are talking to me,I did not mean to put words into your mouth-you said "I made my wife and daughter move out for a weekend"I am right there with you that you want the best for your family and would like to see them at their healthiest, but YOU ARE NOT GOD. Anyone can die, anytime, anyplace any cause. Yes it is better to be healthy and more fun too. Yet there are plenty of SAD eaters who will outlive some of us grass-fed Paleo folks, God-willing. And it is just plain self-righteousness to say"but I cant stand aside and watch them die" when you dont know when or how they willdie

6670b38baf0aae7f4d8ac2463ddc37c0

(3946)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:08 PM

It's all fun and games until one has a stroke and the other has to suffer along. That's when your unconditional love will be tested.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on July 06, 2011
at 06:56 PM

I daresay, the first time my husband "made me move out" would be the LAST time. /o/\o\ Absolutely GHarkness!

145d4b0f988af15acc6b26eccc1f4895

(1932)

on July 06, 2011
at 06:53 PM

When I said "dumping her might be the best deal"....I mean **FOR HER.** I can't believe the level of control that is being advocated here (though I recognize that dakotajake says he doesn't want to 'impose his views'). – GHarkness 0 secs ago

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:11 PM

If I did not care about them I think I would have just let them keep eating wheat chex and granola.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:40 PM

Leah - I totally understand. I think Quilt does too. Sometimes ultimatum's help other's along though. Overall, nobody likes to be judged. Nobody likes to be pressured. It rearely works anyway, right. We are all free to choose in life. But there is a fine line of what is acceptable on both ends of the scale. I think sometimes pressure (in love) does more good than harm. But delviery can be important. Everyone is different. I know I keep repeating that, but it's key. Your concerns about being controlled and your personal story of your father is valid. I get it.

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 07, 2011
at 05:35 AM

And thanks Akd! :)

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:08 PM

I understand that some may think this is harsh or controlling but I felt I had to do something to get them both to realize what they were doing to them. I look at it like this.....if I am the captain of the Titanic and I see the iceberg early do I just rearrange deck chairs with music or do I try to get a maximal full reverse from the engine room? I made the decision I felt I had to to save them. If you think that is wrong that is your call......I dont.

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:15 PM

So you think that is why I did it? I just told you why I did and you now want to put words in my mouth. My family loves that I did it now. They understand that I did not want disease of death to come to them earlier than it must.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:24 PM

It has everything to do with what's in your heart that drives the decisions. I'm sure that his wife and daughter knew what was going on there. You don't know the discussions that were held between them. He does. You don't know the passion with which he delivered his concerns. They do. Everyone has different scenarios to handle. I don't get the notion that Dr K did anything out of a desire to 'control' anyone.

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 09:31 PM

There is no God complex here. When I know I can repair fix or change something or someone I am compelled to act. You clearly disagree.....and that is fine. My wife begs to differ. She knows I would never advocate her doing something that would hurt her or our kids or herself. It is akin to saying its Ok to drink or shoot drugs because its her choice and not mine. I guess you dont like AA, drug treatment centers, spousal abuse centers, or any other intervention strategy. Again the context I provided it was a necessary step I had to take in my opinion.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 06, 2011
at 06:31 PM

i think i lean more toward something like this. 'dump her' sounds hilarious. but better that and move on than deal with someone who stubbornly resists change in the name of 'not feeling pressured or judged'.

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 07, 2011
at 03:53 PM

And what of ultimatums? What if it backfires? So say I tell my amazing mother that I will no longer eat at her house because she cooks lethal food and shes 45lbs overweight with health problems. By God I Am RIGHT and she is WRONG! Then she dies within the next 5 years and what have I gained? I can sit there smug in all my glory, saying "well I told her to eat healthier" but in the end I gained nothing-instead I lost irreplaceable family times in exchange for being right. No thanks, I will set an example for her and bring my own food or eat hers a few times a year and not sweat it.

Ffc7e0ecad8e8831b528c5d4921377cc

(942)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:09 PM

Yeah. Way too harsh.

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:28 PM

Im a surgeon......when a patient is bleeding out I fix it. I dont wait for them to come to the decision. That makes zero sense to me.....and even less when I love that person with all my heart. We will have to agree to disagree on this.

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:12 PM

Annie great point. plus one.

351cbf133b44fb7a1b90781e148d28d7

(597)

on July 07, 2011
at 01:56 AM

The only thing I can say is simply this: just because something worked doesn't necessarily mean it was the most optimal way to go about things. Beyond that, no one here can make a judgement call, because none of us were present when the decision was made.

145d4b0f988af15acc6b26eccc1f4895

(1932)

on July 06, 2011
at 06:53 PM

When I said "dumping her might be the best deal....I mean FOR HER." I can't believe the level of control that is being advocated here (though I recognize that dakotajake says he doesn't want to 'impose his views').

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:13 PM

It is one thing to be dating and have incompatible views on diet and health and decide that person is not for you. It is quite another to be married to someone already, change to paleo and then MAKE your wife and daughter MOVE OUT because they have not changed along with you.

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:02 PM

Speechless. My dad would love me unconditionally even if I ate deep-fried newborn puppies for breakfast lunch and dinner. I wish I could downvote this twice. They way someone eats is not an indicator of their intelligence, superiority or pureness of heart.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:21 PM

Allowing the people you love the ability to come to that decision themselves, rather than forcing it upon them shows more respect and love than removing them from your life unless they are compliant with your wishes.

E2b9c679315c7c9c7265783dde89f350

(1303)

on July 06, 2011
at 11:51 PM

I do understand ultimatums in extreme circumstances, and also how whacked out some stories sound from the outside compared to the reality from the inside. But. My husband insists that bacon and eggs will kill me, while I say his chugging sugar water and diet sodas will do the same. Now imagine if his convictions that fat + cholesterol = bad, that he tried to "save" me by kicking me out. Do think I'll go back and submit to being sick, tired, and miserable all the time? His intentions would be pure, after all. It goes both ways. Glad it worked for Q, but I hope others don't follow his footsteps.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 07, 2011
at 07:11 PM

this is a great discussion. some really great points from both sides. jess6, i really liked your comment.

145d4b0f988af15acc6b26eccc1f4895

(1932)

on July 06, 2011
at 06:49 PM

I daresay, the first time my husband "made me move out" would be the LAST time. As an adult, I have the right to decide what I eat, and so does my husband (children....that's a different story, because you both get input in that decision). Pressure is not the way to influence your girlfriend/wife/husband/so. Now, if you aren't marrried, then "dumping" her might be the best deal, especially if this is very important to you. But remember: we each get to choose what goes in our mouth....even if the other doesn't like it.

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:00 PM

Gladly my wife doesnt look at marriage like you do. We believe we both need to be congruent for our kids to do the correct things and set examples. We also no longer believe that we each get to choose alone what we eat as a family. We share everything together since we became married and we look to help one another out to remain optimal. I respect your opinion but I would hope you would give me the same response. On July 4th she told the story to her friends on why she changed. That weekend woke her up and it was an eye opener for my daughter. Seeing my change was not enough for her.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 07, 2011
at 02:24 AM

Great point Gingernaut. That's basically what I am saying too. Just because The Quilt wants to stand by his point here, doesn't mean that the situation played out in that sort of controlling way. Sometimes when I am arguing a point, I sound way more harsh and staunch on my position than I really need to be. I think there is truth on both sides here. I agree with much of what Leah and akd are saying. But I would DEFINITELY put my foot down if they were crack whores. I mean, in that case, I call em in so I guess that's a wee bit different than drinking some soda pop.

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:32 PM

@Jack-maybe you are right and I am wrong. But anytime someone says "I made them do so and so..." usually indicates controlling behavior. Again, the best way to train children is to lead by example. My father would have never ever ever chosen to live one single solitary day away from me as a child over anything.

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:52 PM

Jack-and I totally get the story about your father and his untimely death as well.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:24 PM

I mostly agree with Quilt here. I don't know if a lead weight heavy hand is the best answer, but as for being the captain of the ship (as he put it)... as for being married and understanding that decisions affect one another, I am on board with that.

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 06, 2011
at 10:19 PM

While neither is healthy, eating a pop-tart is not "akin" to shooting drugs. And I believe it is over zealous, self righteous and cultish to insist your child move out of your home because you and your wife disagreed over nutrition. I very happy your wife and child are happily stitching your quilt and I am sure they are better for it. What I am saying is that splitting up a family over adopting a new way of eating is ludicrous, no matter the happy outcome.

Ed71ab1c75c6a9bd217a599db0a3e117

(25472)

on July 06, 2011
at 10:34 PM

actually you dont know that pop tarts is not equivalent to drug use.....the data is beginning to support that is does the exact same thing. I posted about that in my leptin sleep yoked post so I think you are over stepping your bounds. Both cause loss of hypocretin neurons. Emily Deans is now touching on the same issue. She even made a comment on my comment about it. It is real and it requires attention if your loved ones are clueless to it. For those who chose to ignore it that is their choice.

Aead76beb5fc7b762a6b4ddc234f6051

(15239)

on July 06, 2011
at 10:59 PM

im with leah 110% here. i wouldnt put my family out if they were crack whores, let alone eating some damn granola. im pretty speechless that anyone would advocate that sort of behavior. and for sure if my husband ever closed the door on my children and i, i would have the cops kicking in the door so fast his head would spin. but then, hes my partner, and a Good Man. we are not each others property, and it would never even cross his mind and thats why i married him.

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 07, 2011
at 02:36 AM

I don't think Quilt really would have kicked his family out into the street like homeless bums and watched them all starve just because he saw his daughter bit into a strawberry pop tart. That's a sensationalized piece of the story that can get blown out of proportion. There was likely a much bigger picture to see here and none of us can see it through these comments.

66e6b190e62fb3bcf42d4c60801c7bf6

(12407)

on July 07, 2011
at 05:11 PM

wow... there sure are alot of alphas on this board *snicker*

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 07, 2011
at 03:42 PM

Melissa, I know right? :) I really don't intend to be argumentative, and I read Dr K's blog and do believe he has a lot to offer medically. But really, many people live long and somewhat healthy lives eating SAD. I think the "total perfection or you might as well just end your life now" attitude causes undue stress and could prevent people from eating healthier. Even a 50% reduction in SAD is better than nothing.

D67e7b481854b02110d5a5b21d6789b1

(4111)

on July 07, 2011
at 05:34 AM

nobody ever got shot in a driveby at the ghetto pop tart house. We dont have an epidemic of hookers working for a pop tart fix No newborn babies were killed in a make shift pop tart lab. Geeeeeeezus it is food, a processed neo lethal piece of food, but a piece of food nonetheless. Context :p

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on July 07, 2011
at 03:00 PM

Girl, I might be a hooker for pop tarts! That's one item that I pick up again and again, read the label, shake my head and put them back on the shelf. I so want them to not be chemicals pressed into a tasty chocolate flavored shape, but they so are.

306aa57660d911781231f8090c2a5619

(3808)

on July 07, 2011
at 04:01 PM

The problem I'm seeing with this is that there are basically two possible responses: Conversion and "Yay, you saved me!" (which appears to be have been the case for you) or destroyed relationship, resentment, and likely greater resistance to the changes being requested. I'm glad it worked well for you, and presumably you knew them well enough that you knew how they'd react, and it was an educated decision. But for some people, finding a less extreme approach that isn't going to destroy the relationship and cause them to reject the whole thing is going to be the best option for their health.

6a4fd73b4ae4761eefec8e0d38e6f224

(1008)

on July 07, 2011
at 05:06 PM

When I was younger my mother and grandmother pressured me, often harshly, to lose weight. The only thing it taught me was to hate my body. Gentle and unconditional support, on the other hand, was a great motivator. Ten years later - about half of them wasted on eating disorders - I react the same way to the little voice in my head that either scolds or encourages. Granted, my health was never in danger, but unless the wife & kid in question were sailing down the River Styx, I don't believe that kind of controlling behavior is healthy, even if it did achieve the desired result.

2
Fac1af832cc3c6a20059c41411fd0f6b

(1548)

on July 07, 2011
at 01:14 AM

My wife and I are a team. We have a goal: Better. We might not have known how the heck to do it but we have gotten this far. I would not want to waste my precious time on this earth with someone who didn't feel the same way.

1
B96486cc39cf24fdf259424f833a5d5b

(493)

on July 06, 2011
at 08:45 PM

Definitely consider buying "The Primal Blueprint" by Mark Sisson, which is Paleo to a lesser extent. It could help her bridge that gap between needing starchy foods and knowing that less is best. A little rice now and then is fine on Primal, as are yams and the less starchy potatoes, but we're talking once or twice a month at most. Or just very small (1/4 c or less) amounts once a week. As long as she keeps her fat intake highest (and protein higher than carb), she'll still benefit.

It's also one of those "things" that takes awhile before it really sinks in. People who aren't ready will fight tooth and nail to keep their sugar and carb addictions satisfied. Just keep going with what you're doing, be a good example to her, and when it's your turn to make dinner or whatever - don't cow-tow to her addictions, make the choices for her. She'll eventually come around, unless she's so sugar-laden that she goes the other way and plays to your emotions (the old "you don't love me anymore" ploy). Then it's time for her to get a reality check.

I used to be her. :) I speak from experience.

1
Ffc7e0ecad8e8831b528c5d4921377cc

(942)

on July 06, 2011
at 07:13 PM

My take on the subject. It specifically refers to Primal but applicable to Paleo in general.

0
62f89aa727cf3ce77c36651347cabc14

(884)

on July 07, 2011
at 04:41 PM

Doing a half-hearted paleo can be worse than none at all, as you're generally upping caloric density while maintaining a broken metabolism.

If she won't go whole hog, ask her not to eat what you cook.

-3
77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on July 07, 2011
at 11:48 PM

"We both have been at an unhealthy weight" - - - how is it possible for anyone who is "at an unhealthy weight" to have boy/girlfriend in the first place?

feel upset?: you can just tell her that you'd quit the relationship until she is down to a certain body fat %

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