7

votes

Parents are trying to make me fat... fml.

Answered on August 19, 2014
Created July 30, 2012 at 12:03 AM

Female, 20, going to school/working full time and still living at home. I'm a very fit healthy paleo individual. :)

But my parents, especially my mom almost seem to have this strange desire to fatten me up. No chance I'm ever going to let that happen, but it's supper annoying. My dad is fairly slim, mom is rather overweight.

I'm not preachy about my lifestyle/food choices, I cook and make my own food and say nothing of it. But for whatever reason my parents constantly push their junk food on me, even after I've already said "no thanks, not hungry". Additionally, they also try their best to discourage me from going to the gym by saying I'm already fit so there is no need. Umm what?

I've probably made it seem more mild than it actually is, but it's really difficult to deal with in the sense that my parents should want me to be healthy and happy. Why wouldn't they want to support my lifestyle choices when they are doing me nothing but good?

Anyone with a similar experience?

3b031bce7c181c10452ee202e2b54dc6

(803)

on February 19, 2013
at 08:45 PM

Same thing here. I worked really hard to cut down from 250 to 185. I got really sick and they thought I lost a lot of weight because of it. I continue to stay healthy but my overweight, diabetic mom won a battle by scaring me into thinking I had cancer so I binged on Ben and Jerry's as a way to buffer muscle loss if I had to go through chemo! Im glad I am almost out of college and on my own!

0a9ad4e577fe24a6b8aafa1dd7a50c79

(5150)

on July 30, 2012
at 05:17 PM

As sad as it sounds, Zombie is probably right. Humans have a weird urge to bring each other down, even when we care deeply for the other person.

49cc629452346e349e07aede2e92442f

(60)

on July 30, 2012
at 05:01 PM

@YongPaleoLover haha good choice on the not saying anything. I've learned the hard way with non-health related issues that I will never change my parents. not even a little. they will forever see me as a child who has nothing intellectually or otherwise to offer them. lol.

96440612cf0fcf366bf5ad8f776fca84

(19413)

on July 30, 2012
at 10:32 AM

That's the beauty of measuring, you have proof and you can show them the numbers.

93eea7754e6e94b6085dbabbb48c0bb7

on July 30, 2012
at 04:50 AM

Same here. Except my mom ridicule me of my diet in front of everyone they meet and they look at me like I'm crazy. I'd rather not say anything and let her stay fat... Sigh. She should at least respect my health!

61844af1187e745e09bb394cbd28cf23

(11058)

on July 30, 2012
at 02:21 AM

What does this have to do with the issues she's hving? Did you just read the title and forgo the rest?

C45d7e96acd83d3a6f58193dbc140e86

on July 30, 2012
at 02:04 AM

Agreed, but different macros can affect cravings and thus, by default, calorie intake.

F0119aaf2bbf794bdc0bd05136b8d604

(50)

on July 30, 2012
at 01:32 AM

Almost exactly the same. It's a nuisance.

49cc629452346e349e07aede2e92442f

(60)

on July 30, 2012
at 12:45 AM

Aahah what? I'm not worried about my weight, and my body comp is bomb.

95f4513b7d9deb9c3d5734709f3c5308

(182)

on July 30, 2012
at 12:45 AM

No problem, psmart!

1d0497f8781845ab371b479455bfee8e

(11157)

on July 30, 2012
at 12:38 AM

Subway is expensive, and full of empty carbs. The $6 for a sub IS better spent on fruit & veg.

49cc629452346e349e07aede2e92442f

(60)

on July 30, 2012
at 12:31 AM

thanks lady!! good to know I'm not alone :)

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15 Answers

best answer

6
95f4513b7d9deb9c3d5734709f3c5308

(182)

on July 30, 2012
at 12:26 AM

First I'd like to start out by saying I COMPLETELY understand. I'm also a 20 yr old female full-time student living at home and it has most definitely been a process trying to get my parents to understand my choices and my reasoning behind them.Just recently, I have been able to get them to stop badgering me about why I go out and by organic fruits and vegetables when I could just "go to subway and order a sandwich for cheaper." I think the best advice I can give you is to just keep doing what you're doing and try to explain to them your reasoning behind doing what you are doing. I understand that you are not preachy about your lifestyle, but sometimes if you give them a reason, they understand a little bit better. My parents are not overweight or thin, but yet they are the type who believe in "everything in moderation." This is tough on birthdays and holidays especially because they will usually by something sweet and then try to make me feel bad by pressuring me into wanting to eat it. I just usually say, "no thank you :) I'd much rather have this nice juicy ripe [insert delightfully paleo fruit here]". Another thing I have encountered is "why do you exercise so much?" with my parents. I went through a stage (and I am not saying that this is what you have to do by any means) where I slowed down on my exercise, just to see what happens. I gain a few pounds and was no longer able to fit into my size 6 clothes. I complained and complained about needing to wear my sweatpants everywhere and how I needed to go shopping for new clothes until they finally understood that I needed to workout in order to be happy with MYSELF.

Sorry for the long response, but I really hope this helps! Hang in there, girl!

49cc629452346e349e07aede2e92442f

(60)

on July 30, 2012
at 12:31 AM

thanks lady!! good to know I'm not alone :)

1d0497f8781845ab371b479455bfee8e

(11157)

on July 30, 2012
at 12:38 AM

Subway is expensive, and full of empty carbs. The $6 for a sub IS better spent on fruit & veg.

95f4513b7d9deb9c3d5734709f3c5308

(182)

on July 30, 2012
at 12:45 AM

No problem, psmart!

best answer

2
Cd77fd01d8be999aa91b8678e262f419

(825)

on July 30, 2012
at 12:41 AM

I don't live with my parents any more, but I have similar problems when I do visit my parents (food, not so much exercise). I figured that the reason is to my mum, I am behaving really oddly when I refuse junk food. Most of my life I ate that stuff with them and mum would buy me special sweets for a treat--nowadays me coming to visit is a treat, so it's time to lay on the extra special junk! when I say no, I am really hurting my mum's feelings AND behaving unlike myself in her book. She doesn't see how much I change inside, especially when I am so far away most of the year.

I can handle this differently because it really is a one-off now, vs. living with them. A couple of thoughts though, have you tried explaining to them how you feel? I know it's often tough getting to that conversation.. perhaps cooking them one of your dinners, or talking to them about the workout you are doing and why it feels so great (I know my parents totally got on board with my exercise plan when I decided to run a marathon for my late grandfather's charity).

They also simply might not realise that their food is junk. Rather than going the preachy route, point out that you feel really sick when you eat processed carbs/oils/whatever other eww they are pushing. Hard to say that without sounding like a whiny teenager, but I assume it's a true statement which may make it easier.

best answer

-7
1c67bc28f4e44bbb8770b86df0463df3

on July 30, 2012
at 01:29 AM

Just remember this, it is very important. When it comes to gaining FAT, CALORIES MATTER MOST. You will NOT get fat if your eating under your TDEE regardless of what you are eating. Mix up macros however you like, its not going to happen.

C45d7e96acd83d3a6f58193dbc140e86

on July 30, 2012
at 02:04 AM

Agreed, but different macros can affect cravings and thus, by default, calorie intake.

61844af1187e745e09bb394cbd28cf23

(11058)

on July 30, 2012
at 02:21 AM

What does this have to do with the issues she's hving? Did you just read the title and forgo the rest?

best answer

12
8292546789ca48c32ead34c6e884d059

on July 30, 2012
at 03:11 AM

Misery tends to love company. Unconsciously she probably wants you to fail so she looks better. Most likely, she doesn't even know that's what she's doing.

0a9ad4e577fe24a6b8aafa1dd7a50c79

(5150)

on July 30, 2012
at 05:17 PM

As sad as it sounds, Zombie is probably right. Humans have a weird urge to bring each other down, even when we care deeply for the other person.

best answer

12
Bf57bcbdc19d4f1728599053acd020ab

(5043)

on July 30, 2012
at 06:27 AM

As a female who's probably about your mom's age, I'll add my 2 cents' worth... Here are three possible scenarios, as I see it:

  1. Your mom might be jealous. You are successful where she is not. She may be reacting to this unpleasant emotion subconsciously (or consciously) by trying to sabotage your efforts - i.e. If you're more like her, she'll feel better about herself.

  2. she (or they) may (again, subconsciously or not) read your rejection of their way of eating as a rejection of them and everything they've done for you. They may be trying to bring you back "into the fold" as a way of validating their approach to life and parenting.

  3. You didn't say anything about your actual body weight. If you are really thin (and from an objective outsider's viewpoint, not yours - say BMI under 19), they might just be worried about you.

So, what to do? If you think it's #1 or #2, I'd tell her that the food and exercise choices you've made are important to you because they make you feel good and alive, that you are not going to change those choices, and that it's important for you that they respect your choices as a fellow adult. "Mom (and dad), I appreciate all that you have done for me, - look! I'm happy and healthy. What more could you possibly want for your child? But please remember that I'm an adult now; I respect the choices you make, and I'm just asking that you do the same for me."

if it's #3, then you have to ease their worries and reassure them that you're not anorexic. Make sure you eat healthy food when they can see you doing it. Most parents of young women are scared to death of this.

best answer

7
0faecc3397025eab246241f4dcd81f5e

(2361)

on July 30, 2012
at 12:35 AM

As a mother probably your parents' age, I can say that most of what we do is fairly thoughtless when it comes to our growing children making their own choices. (I mean thoughtless, in that we don't always think of the effect of what we say has on our kids, however I always want the best for my kids, and what I say comes from my view of what I think they should be doing) For example, I badger my kids to eat more healthily. I whine at them to improve their behaviour, or I do things they don't like or agree with. (What parent doesn't?)

What makes the most difference from a parent's point of view, is having my teen talk to me in a mature, calm, non whiny, reasoned way. When she has a problem with something I think she should do, that she disagrees with, she sits me down and says - mum I want to talk to you about something that is important, can you please listen calmly and not react. And please try to understand my point of view and I would really appreciate if you didn't do ... any more. Etc

Always works for me.

9
Bd5f68adc20a1eef51aebe7ee0e619ae

(220)

on July 30, 2012
at 04:53 AM

I gave up alcohol. Tried for a year. The constant badgering was unbelievable. People always whip out the old "everything in moderation..."

So I always ask them to define moderation.

Is it once a month? Week? Day? Once a meal?

I finally cracked and had a few beers once night. Really wish I hadn't. A few people seemed pathetically pleased that I hadn't made it. My failure seemed to make them feel better about themselves.

Stick to your guns. In the end we have to live our lives for ourselves. You want to be happy and healthy so be happy and healthy. They're your parents. They love you. They want you to be happy. They just can't see why this makes you happy. That's all. Sometimes you just have to ignore what other people want if you know you're acting in your own best interests. And lets face it, our health and our body is our most valuable asset in life.

Stick to your guns.

5
9a5e2da94ad63ea3186dfa494e16a8d1

on July 30, 2012
at 04:49 AM

My mom had the food = love thing, and her way of expressing her love for me was to make food for me and the rest of the family and our friends. Looking back, she did not have a good grasp of nutrition, and also grew up in a hardscrabble environment where a solid meal was hard to come by. As a result, she tended to overdo the comfort foods and the quantities. In her mind, every meal might be your last for a week, so you'd better pack as many calories into it as possible. We used to joke that there was a calorie minium that you had to meet before leaving her house.

So while she was not specifically trying to make me fat, she was expressing her love in a way that overfed me and gave me poor eating habits. This might be in some ways similar to your experience. Your mother almost surely loves you and is doing her best to express it, though this might mean trying to force foods on you that you don't prefer. She might even be offering you foods "just in case", and if you refuse, that is ok.

I would just try to roll with it as much as you can, and make sure you are hungry when she is around...

1
0850f19449822d8989e708a748b54feb

on February 19, 2013
at 07:21 PM

I get this. Today my mother brought home my old favourite kind of donuts - the problem = I haven't even craved donuts for months and she hates donuts so I know she's going to expect me to eat some. This time it is only four, but just a week ago she bought a dozen telling me to eat them before they went off! I made my way through three (and the taste was just no longer appealing) and put my foot down - I said no more donuts, and put them in the freezer so she wouldn't guilt me from throwing out food she had bought. Fast forward to today - still no donut cravings. I figure I'll leave it a couple days then put them in the freezer. Eventually she might get the message. I'm just hoping that she doesn't cut off my fruit - I think that would be the only way I'd go back to junk food because I use it as a substitute. I'd choose pineapple over junk food any day.

1
96440612cf0fcf366bf5ad8f776fca84

(19413)

on July 30, 2012
at 12:39 AM

You're no longer a minor, you don't have to listen to their advice. That said, worry more about body composition, than weight.

Normally folks here will tell you to smash your scale, but you can get one that can measure percentages of water, muscle, fat, and bone, those are a much better measure.

You can play the game too, you can push your food on them. i.e. if you can either wake up early or get home early and make them paleo breakfasts/dinners. Push your food on them with the same tenacity that they use, until they complain, and when they do, tell them that's exactly how you feel when they push bread on you.

49cc629452346e349e07aede2e92442f

(60)

on July 30, 2012
at 12:45 AM

Aahah what? I'm not worried about my weight, and my body comp is bomb.

96440612cf0fcf366bf5ad8f776fca84

(19413)

on July 30, 2012
at 10:32 AM

That's the beauty of measuring, you have proof and you can show them the numbers.

0
79850813c5cfc0a089e1060ef9b6ed27

on February 19, 2013
at 10:20 PM

I'll adopt you! I'm thinking that your parents are set in their ways and probably won't change. Some posters have suggested that you just explain to them that you are happy and healthy - I agree. If they don't listen to you after that then just ignore them. Move out on your own and enjoy your freedom :)

0
Bfddc0ab925c8ea0e0c2e87198514907

on February 19, 2013
at 09:42 PM

"Mum, why do you want me to eat junk?"

0
089dd41b18fbb95ebb5347cded708d98

(5635)

on February 19, 2013
at 09:31 PM

story of my life. my parents are always pushing there crap food at me and saying I don't need to work out. they are both very unhealthy and overweight/obese. I don't listen to them obviously because I don't want to end up like them. just keep doing what you're doing and don't let their negative attitudes get in the way of your success.

0
30fe014b1e0ea9a3de2875706ba477e6

(135)

on February 19, 2013
at 09:28 PM

You are messing with her reality.

It is like saying to someone that she has lived her whole life in freaking lie and nonsence. People want certainty - they always want to think that they know how things are (even if that "truth" is freaking lie). If you try to point it out they often get angry and defend their opinion because else they would lose a part of their ego. This could be good reason if your change seems radical to her.

People like homeostasis, they do not want to change because that is in our genes. Your only real option is to continue living the same way and RESPONG WITH NO ANGER TO HER NONSENCE, CALM DOWN WHEN SHE TRIES TO MESS WITH YOU. It can mess with her reality so hard that she might get it.

She might also just have success barriers and messed up beliefs, but mainly it is just something that is outside of her "reality" so she resists it.

Or maybe she just feels bad because she has shitty life and you point it out in her face pretty well.

Or you ate her cookies once when you were twelve.

0
6dc767a3b94cb0133601caf6c39ea218

(330)

on February 19, 2013
at 08:31 PM

I know how you feel. Not so much with the food, but with the working out. I am married with a 2-year old and i work out 4 days/ week. my mom laid the guilt-trip on me about working out vs. spending more time with my son since i also work full time. when i work out, it's only for an hour, so i still see my son! besides, i have to be healthy for me, my son, and my family! i think it's the "old-fashioned" thinking of putting yourself last on your priorities so everyone else is happy. UGH!

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