Eating disorder resurfacing?

Asked on April 20, 2011
Created April 20, 2011 at 7:24 AM

I was overweight growing up, not obese but "chubby" (especially compared to all the asians in Hawaii). In middle and high school I was anorexic and bulimic for six years... ended up gaining 30 lbs from it. 3 years ago I sort of overcame/ grew out of it myself due to several factors, including discovering low-carb eating (my own modified atkins) and I lost 50 lbs (exercising too) I've always had a hard time losing weight and did even then and I've gained about 20 lbs back when I started eating more than 20 carbs a day/stopped working out obsessively (I recently discovered I have a fatty liver which is why it's so hard for me to lose weight and why I gain so easily). Recently I've started working out more and eating a VLC diet again and I've found that I'm obsessive about it. This happened last summer too and I went through a "bulimic" phase again but it only went on for a couple weeks or so. I don't want to go back there but I feel fat when I eat and I never feel like I work out enough and feel the need to go to the gym 2 or 3 times a day like I used to. (I was in better shape then but still not as much as I should've been for how I was eating and the amount I was working out.) I feel like I spend so much time and effort and money eating healthy and working out and I can't get in shape. I was fat growing up and I'm sick of seeing everyone around me eating SAD or "fake healthy" or spend 20 mins on the elliptical etc and they're in such better shape than me. I know I should remember that I'm probably healthier than most people, but I'm sick of doing everything I possibly can and not seeing any results. It's so embarrassing when people ask me what I'm studying and I say nutrition... I see the look in their eyes as they look at me. Half the time I lie when I'm asked. I'm just sick of it. I want a doctor's help with my liver but I don't know where to start/what kind of doctor to see and who will be open to natural therapies, so I'm dealing with it on my own. Can someone give me an ounce of hope here?

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