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Balancing sleep needs with partner's

Answered on September 12, 2014
Created January 04, 2013 at 5:44 PM

I'm looking for suggestions on how to strike a balance between my sleep needs and my partner's. I need around 8-8.5/ night, with at least 30 minutes between TV/ blue light and sleeping. I workout ~4 times a week. I wake up at 7 everyday for week and would prefer to be in bed by 10.30-11 PM each night in order to not feel super fatigued the next day. I start to get really tired around 9.30 PM. However, my partner, who wakes up at the same time as me and works out the same amount, does NOT want to go to sleep until 11.45 at the earliest and every evening turns into a struggle where I feel like I'm nagging him to sleep earlier but never succeeding. Our apartment is quite small and light shines into the bedroom under the door and even if I wear a blindfold at night, him coming in later wakes me up. He also takes it personally if I try to sleep before him. I'm not totally sure what's fueling his resistance, but he says that he's simply not tired and doesn't want to 'sleep his life away.' Suggestions???

30298f015ef8c9156389438d4e7b40c9

on January 07, 2013
at 04:20 AM

Seriously? Get a new relationship before getting a new apartment?

089dd41b18fbb95ebb5347cded708d98

(5635)

on January 05, 2013
at 04:59 AM

haha totally agree with mathgirl. my parents go to sleep at different times every night- sometimes not in the same room- and haven't killed each other over it.

61844af1187e745e09bb394cbd28cf23

(11058)

on January 04, 2013
at 10:13 PM

"He also takes it personally if I try to sleep before him." Either he is a manipulative ass or needy as hell. Cut and run, before it gets worse.

3327924660b1e2f8f8fc4ca27fedf2b2

(2919)

on January 04, 2013
at 08:04 PM

Have you tried a ketogenic diet? Many people on ketosis only need about 5-6 hours of sleep to feel fully rested.

3a21ac5f982d2d3c1b02a7f891d10ff5

(45)

on January 04, 2013
at 05:59 PM

At this time we only have one bedroom and that situation probably won't be changing anytime soon. I already sleep with earplugs.

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6 Answers

5
00cd3b6f51530a6832fcda1712edbec3

(2411)

on January 04, 2013
at 06:22 PM

Being well-rested should not be negotiable ??? it's part of the foundation of good health. If your BF and you are truly committed to each other, you need to agree on this point. Then, everything about how to be well-rested becomes negotiable. For instance, I recently began working evening shifts, and my wife of 7 years and I agreed that I'd sleep on an air bed in the living room on my work nights, because she sets an alarm, listens to the news for 30 minutes, and then gets up.

If you can't agree on the basic premise, then you need to re-evaluate the relationship itself.

30298f015ef8c9156389438d4e7b40c9

on January 07, 2013
at 04:20 AM

Seriously? Get a new relationship before getting a new apartment?

4
3ce6a0d24be025e2f2af534545bdd1d7

(26217)

on January 04, 2013
at 06:27 PM

This is not meant to be rude, but --

Hang a blackout curtain over your door to keep the light out. If your partner is so needy that he complains when you try to go to bed -- dump him. If you are so needy that you try to push him to go to be before he's ready -- get over it.

Everyone is different and should have the ability to do what works best for them. If you two cannot respect each others needs, you have bigger problems than what time you go to sleep. Sorry.

1
Dc6407193ba441d1438f6f0c06af872b

on January 04, 2013
at 08:39 PM

Not to be simplistic, but what if you both go to bed at 10? Your partner will up (without an alarm, since he doesn't need the sleep, right?) an hour or two earlier than you, but if he's quiet and if you roll over and fall back asleep when and if awakened, that should work.

1
30298f015ef8c9156389438d4e7b40c9

on January 04, 2013
at 08:20 PM

The best solution is to get a bigger apartment. The extra $200 a month or whatever will be well worth the expense.

I have a small place too, and my sleep needs were different from my partners. We eventually figured out we could convert this small storage room we had into a separate bedroom. But if we couldn't have done that, we would have moved to a new place and paid more.

Don't sacrifice your sleep OR your relationship to save a little bit of money!

0
B7e1ad6bb9ab814b8e90bdad4a472d5e

on January 05, 2013
at 02:08 PM

download f.lux and run movie off your PC or mac to your TV so the screen want have any blue light on it. Just watch netflix as normal. There are load of video on youtube on how to link your pc or mac to the tv it's very easy. for the light out side the door replace it with a low blue light.

0
97d98cdf2f18fa2c0bd8567ea1159609

on January 04, 2013
at 05:56 PM

Kendall, I personally do not quite have this issue, but my parents do. My Dad does shift work as a Police Officer, and every couple of months his hours change. My Mother has regular working hours. As a way to balance the need for sleep, they discussed their situation and came to an agreement that when my Father does not have regular working hours, he would sleep in the spare bedroom. It's nothing personal, my parents love one another dearly, but they had to be realistic for their health and sanity. When his shift goes back to the daytime, and on his days off, he goes back to sleeping in the same bed as my Mother.

Have you tried ear plugs or sleeping with a fan to block out the noise?

3a21ac5f982d2d3c1b02a7f891d10ff5

(45)

on January 04, 2013
at 05:59 PM

At this time we only have one bedroom and that situation probably won't be changing anytime soon. I already sleep with earplugs.

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