6

votes

Cute girls get better spots?

Answered on August 19, 2014
Created August 31, 2011 at 10:15 PM

I was at my local Crossfit box last night. I've been going for about a month now. A lot of times I am one of the only people that show up for the latest evening class- with my work schedule, its the only I can get too. I usually go M-W-F, but thanks to Irene, I went on Tuesday, a day I've never been before.

I've been doing Paleo for about 5 weeks now. I love it, but I have yet to experience the dramatic weight loss and body composition shifts that others have. I've lost approx 5-8 pounds. Regardless, its not about the scale, right? When I looked in the mirror, I felt like I was looking better, which of course I was psyched about.. until Tuesday's class.

I walk in and there are all these Adonis-types milling around and talking after their WOD. Suddenly, I feel like the fat kid who's always picked last for dodgeball teams.

The worst part comes though when we are doing our strength skill- push press. Since I've only been going for about a month, this was my first time doing push press. The other chick working out with me- blonde & tan with the kind of perfect skin that only comes with youth, is about a month in to Crossfit as well. I, being a little older and working under fluorescent lights most of the day, am not so attractive. However, it seems to me that she is getting a much closer spot while lifting the heavy weight overhead then I am. In my head, I assumed that because she's much cuter, our male coach's natural inclination is to gravitate closer to her. Regardless of crazy non-realities in my head, my nervousness of pushing this heavy bar over my head and possibly dropping it on my head without a proper spot definitely affected my ability to do the lift.

My questions to you oh, PaleoHacks community, is how would you respond in this situation? Would you speak up? What would you say to address the possible issue without looking whiney and bizarrely jealous?

I can't be sure how much of this objective and what is subjective, filtered through my personal experiences and insecurities. What I do know though, was that last night was the first time I left the gym feeling less then awesome and not excited to go back. On the one hand, I feel like I should just keep this to myself and maybe my future therapist, but on the other hand, I feel like there is a safety issue that should be addressed and that I need to be able to speak up if I need a better spot for safety reasons. Thoughts?

Fa9f340eddbad9a544184c688fa4dcdd

(6433)

on September 01, 2011
at 06:29 PM

I agree, but that's why you gotta fake it till you make it. ;)

100fd85230060e754fc13394eee6d6f1

(18696)

on September 01, 2011
at 05:54 PM

I think you are right that the confidence is a huge part of it. It can be hard to fake if you aren't feeling cute, though.

7c9f81d68c78de1a31eab9c91c17b4b8

on September 01, 2011
at 02:53 PM

Ahhhh ha ha. Totally ok. I'm sure you are adorable anyway. I think I'm going to put Lady Gaga for mine.

F46d472ee4e097afd7e0081ed6f6ab21

(745)

on September 01, 2011
at 02:45 PM

FWIW folks, I kicked cute girl's booty on the WOD :-)

F46d472ee4e097afd7e0081ed6f6ab21

(745)

on September 01, 2011
at 02:43 PM

Sorry folks profile pic in NOT a portrait!!! :-(

6120c989fd5b69f42a0834b69b87955b

(24553)

on September 01, 2011
at 05:44 AM

Reminds me of "The Bubble" episode of 30 Rock, where Jon Hamm plays the guy who is so good looking he never learns how to do anything because his teachers are too enamored. I bet watching that episode would bring some comic relief to the whole situation.

7c9f81d68c78de1a31eab9c91c17b4b8

on September 01, 2011
at 02:43 AM

So true Annie. Plus it's true that my prettiest model-like looking friends are always way more insecure than my average looking friends.

E34fbfa1bca9ae970c9c7313bf9de9f8

(1436)

on September 01, 2011
at 01:37 AM

yeah, I find spotting a push press to be very strange. I am not sure how that would even be done safely for the spotter. Is there another affiliate near you that you can check out? I don't CF but I know some gyms are excellent and some... not so much.

E34fbfa1bca9ae970c9c7313bf9de9f8

(1436)

on September 01, 2011
at 01:35 AM

yeah, I found that really odd too.

9b9549fd9f3f63ae2639bc6de33385be

(65)

on September 01, 2011
at 12:39 AM

Who knows... The reality is though that many cf gyms operate differently and some without sound knowledge of weightlifting safely. Putting you under a load that feels too heavy to do on your own/ makes you uncomfortable sounds pretty dangerous. Be careful and yes, talk to the owner or head trainer.

7dc950fc76a046048e683d2a27dced37

on September 01, 2011
at 12:39 AM

I don't do Crossfit, so don't know for sure, just wondering whether she got the safer spot or whether she got the bordering on harassment spot.

Cbb1134f8e93067d1271c97bb2e15ef6

on September 01, 2011
at 12:00 AM

+1 - Good for you CaveBetty for bringing this question here.

Cbb1134f8e93067d1271c97bb2e15ef6

on August 31, 2011
at 11:59 PM

+! for speaking up and also for the reality based, experiential support.

Cbb1134f8e93067d1271c97bb2e15ef6

on August 31, 2011
at 11:57 PM

+1 -Great observations and suggestions.

Cbb1134f8e93067d1271c97bb2e15ef6

on August 31, 2011
at 11:57 PM

+1 - great psych!

Cbb1134f8e93067d1271c97bb2e15ef6

on August 31, 2011
at 11:56 PM

+1 - Nice one, both reality based and encouraging, with the extra positive addition of your own experience.

Cbb1134f8e93067d1271c97bb2e15ef6

on August 31, 2011
at 11:54 PM

Bravo, FED. nice, clean, objective response.

Medium avatar

(19469)

on August 31, 2011
at 11:51 PM

I think that the "cute girl effect" is pretty widespread. Crossfit boxes are no exception. If you're committed to getting into shape, however, you'll need to take matters into your own hands and let the trainer know that you need help.

Medium avatar

(39831)

on August 31, 2011
at 11:51 PM

Maybe it's not that she seemed cuter and thus deserved the spot, it's that she seemed dumber and thus likely needed it more.

742ff8ba4ff55e84593ede14ac1c3cab

(3536)

on August 31, 2011
at 11:14 PM

You're thinking too much.

F46d472ee4e097afd7e0081ed6f6ab21

(745)

on August 31, 2011
at 10:42 PM

I can understand that. But if a spot for push press is weird/unnecessary, why would the coach be all over her?? Seriously, every time I looked over, he was standing like right behind her. If I haven't witnessed him be awkwardly close with other folks, I'd be inclined to think something was up...

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9 Answers

12
A968087cc1dd66d480749c02e4619ef4

(20436)

on August 31, 2011
at 10:25 PM

Speak up. But don't make it about you .vs. cute. Make it about you being nervous about lifting the weight and can you get a better spot. If not, find another box.

10
34a367e60db77270bd7096dc04270fdc

(4171)

on August 31, 2011
at 10:25 PM

Well first if it is your first time doing the lift and not everyone knows that, you might need to speak up. Second, in a CrossFit gym they should be showing you how to properly drop weight if it's too heavy and you can't successfully complete the lift. Learning to do that correctly is just as important as learning the lift. Regardless, I know what you're saying and I've been in your shoes. It's human nature especially with men that if there is a 20 year old hard body, they're going to be all over it. It doesn't mean you're less than awesome, it just means men are well, men.

Cbb1134f8e93067d1271c97bb2e15ef6

on August 31, 2011
at 11:59 PM

+! for speaking up and also for the reality based, experiential support.

6
Ce7e28769d92d5de5533e775b1de966e

on August 31, 2011
at 11:37 PM

I'm going to give you the straightest best answer which my CF box owner said to me: "Never hesitate to ask the coaches anything - you're paying us. We're not paying you."

Don't be shy. Be confident and own your WOD's, ask questions and voice any concerns. You're feeling good, looking good, and are awesome for getting into the box, so keep a positive attitude and that chin up and I swear you'll feel better. Make friends with the girl they paired you with, be friendly.. ask her how long she's been a CF'er, etc. You two will probably be paired up quite a bit, I'm always with the same chicks, so break that ice and you'll have a friend. Everyone had to start with that 15lb barbell at one point, right? Right. :)

Cbb1134f8e93067d1271c97bb2e15ef6

on August 31, 2011
at 11:57 PM

+1 -Great observations and suggestions.

4
6670b38baf0aae7f4d8ac2463ddc37c0

(3946)

on September 01, 2011
at 01:38 AM

It's been my experience that the cute girl thing only goes so far. Men appreciate hard work and dedication from females just as well as they do from other males. If you ask for help without whining and you show your dedication and willingness to tough it out, you will get all the help you need, as well as admiration for your attitude. Hang in there!

7c9f81d68c78de1a31eab9c91c17b4b8

on September 01, 2011
at 02:43 AM

So true Annie. Plus it's true that my prettiest model-like looking friends are always way more insecure than my average looking friends.

4
9b9549fd9f3f63ae2639bc6de33385be

(65)

on August 31, 2011
at 10:30 PM

A spot for a push press is really weird/unnecessary. You probably shouldnt be doing anything thats so heavy you need a spot during your first month anyway... Even more so being its your first TIME ever doing this movement. I own a CrossFit facility and I would say you might wanna look into another box that wont get you injured.

E34fbfa1bca9ae970c9c7313bf9de9f8

(1436)

on September 01, 2011
at 01:37 AM

yeah, I find spotting a push press to be very strange. I am not sure how that would even be done safely for the spotter. Is there another affiliate near you that you can check out? I don't CF but I know some gyms are excellent and some... not so much.

F46d472ee4e097afd7e0081ed6f6ab21

(745)

on August 31, 2011
at 10:42 PM

I can understand that. But if a spot for push press is weird/unnecessary, why would the coach be all over her?? Seriously, every time I looked over, he was standing like right behind her. If I haven't witnessed him be awkwardly close with other folks, I'd be inclined to think something was up...

E34fbfa1bca9ae970c9c7313bf9de9f8

(1436)

on September 01, 2011
at 01:35 AM

yeah, I found that really odd too.

9b9549fd9f3f63ae2639bc6de33385be

(65)

on September 01, 2011
at 12:39 AM

Who knows... The reality is though that many cf gyms operate differently and some without sound knowledge of weightlifting safely. Putting you under a load that feels too heavy to do on your own/ makes you uncomfortable sounds pretty dangerous. Be careful and yes, talk to the owner or head trainer.

3
Fa9f340eddbad9a544184c688fa4dcdd

(6433)

on August 31, 2011
at 10:50 PM

First things first: don't let it get to you or undermine how much you enjoy Crossfitting as something that makes you feel good about yourself.

Whilst it's true that sociological studies show that attractive people tend to be treated with preference, from higher salaries to lighter court sentences (so no, I don't think that you're crazy to entertain the possibility of this), the jury is still out on how much of this is due to the natural self-confidence that stems from this attractiveness (and how people in turn respond to it).

Start thinking and acting as though you feel you have this "attractiveness birthright", and you will be able to approach the trainer in a confident and adult way. (Just don't mention that you suspect this is related to physical attractiveness!).

If it helps, I would have thought that you were the young, blond cutie judging by your profile picture. ;)

Fa9f340eddbad9a544184c688fa4dcdd

(6433)

on September 01, 2011
at 06:29 PM

I agree, but that's why you gotta fake it till you make it. ;)

100fd85230060e754fc13394eee6d6f1

(18696)

on September 01, 2011
at 05:54 PM

I think you are right that the confidence is a huge part of it. It can be hard to fake if you aren't feeling cute, though.

Cbb1134f8e93067d1271c97bb2e15ef6

on August 31, 2011
at 11:57 PM

+1 - great psych!

6120c989fd5b69f42a0834b69b87955b

(24553)

on September 01, 2011
at 05:44 AM

Reminds me of "The Bubble" episode of 30 Rock, where Jon Hamm plays the guy who is so good looking he never learns how to do anything because his teachers are too enamored. I bet watching that episode would bring some comic relief to the whole situation.

2
F40555b9be81e12c2fc460e6fa7d097c

on August 31, 2011
at 10:44 PM

Insecurities are tough. I've struggled with my weight all my life, mostly due to Celiacs that wasn't diagnosed until 7 months ago, but you can't let that make you feel ostracized at the gym. Be approachable, be friendly, don't assume that everyone gravitates towards "cute girl" because she's cute. Maybe she's really nice and outgoing. Also, if you're uncomfortable with a movement, especially if new ASK THE TRAINERS they are there to help you. At my box we have "open gym" twice a week were you can come in and ask any of the trainers for extra help on movements you're having trouble with. Ask your trainer if anything like this is available to get you more comfortable with your lifts. Don't worry about other people, and don't compare yourself to them. Just enjoy the awesome mind-clearing, mood-lifting powers of a good workout and interact with the people around you. On that note, dicks be dicks and they come from every activity and every walk of life, but you have the choice to avoid people who make you feel shoddy and to spend more time with people who make you feel good. You are awesome for taking this step! Welcome to CrossFit, chica!

Cbb1134f8e93067d1271c97bb2e15ef6

on August 31, 2011
at 11:56 PM

+1 - Nice one, both reality based and encouraging, with the extra positive addition of your own experience.

1
7c9f81d68c78de1a31eab9c91c17b4b8

on September 01, 2011
at 02:32 AM

CB you are just adorable and I don't know of anyone that can balance an apple on top of the head. Here's the deal...

First be proud of yourself that you are poking your head in a still male dominated venue. That in and of itself takes a lot of courage. When I walk over to do my squats I just try to pretend I'm a bad-ass even if I'm not. I do that because if I stopped to look at the twenty somethings or the frat boys I'll freak and mess up my set. So I say to first give yourself the bad ass mentality in your own head and keep your mind off others.

Second...yes do ask for help. Ask as often as you need to in order to meet your goals. The bottom line is...at the end of the day YOU did the work. I guarantee if you knew that girl or guy well there are some things they have insecurities about as well. You might even end up being an inspiration to them or somebody else watching you.

Keep at it and rock it out.

7c9f81d68c78de1a31eab9c91c17b4b8

on September 01, 2011
at 02:53 PM

Ahhhh ha ha. Totally ok. I'm sure you are adorable anyway. I think I'm going to put Lady Gaga for mine.

F46d472ee4e097afd7e0081ed6f6ab21

(745)

on September 01, 2011
at 02:43 PM

Sorry folks profile pic in NOT a portrait!!! :-(

0
22e9f1dabb279c620977403789aef7dd

(160)

on September 01, 2011
at 12:03 AM

I would agree to ask for help. Maybe the "cute girl" had asked for help in a previous class, so the trainer wanted to be near to give more confidence.

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