9

votes

shy, sick and unappreciative of where your at in life

Answered on August 19, 2014
Created August 23, 2011 at 4:07 PM

I???m 26 year old, male, single, have only had one partner in my life which didn???t last long and am chronically ill with numerous symptoms not really recognized by the mainstream. I???ve asked a few questions about the physical side of things which you can have a gander at if interested. Was more interested in getting my brain/life ???hacked???

  • I???m shy and lack confidence. I???m notably very bad at generating conversation, allot more so with the opposite sex and in quiet environments. Being ill and not having many ???adventures??? I usually feel myself being phased out of conversations and unable to contribute. A nasty spiral of being ill, therefore being unable to do much actively or socially, therefore having nothing to talk about when the situations do occur. Naturally I could ramble for hours on gut health and diet but that???s rarely a common interest.

  • I still seem to crave a lifestyle I will never have. That of a buff, healthy, confident man that can dazzle the opposite sex with humor and interesting conversation. I???m putting the work in in terms of health but I seem to always be striving to be something I???m not/will never be. This kind of ruins situations I find myself in, for example being around friends which is a rare and positive occurrence just to be out, but sabotaging any positivity with thoughts that I don???t have an interesting life, am not able to drink socially as part of the crowd, and struggle to meet new people. Is often tricky at things like weddings also. I wish I could experience what they do. I hate that I end up thinking this way. It feels so selfish. Deep down I have a desire to be noticed and appreciated.

  • I???ll often retreat to the computer, and have some bad habits. My job isn???t the most interesting but it???s very supportive when it comes to my health. I don???t feel I???m well enough to move jobs, and don???t have the energy, money or stress control to retrain in an area I might like. As its computer based, this means lots of random compulsive internet surfing which will often continue into the evening.

  • I???m pretty scared to be myself around others. I???ve just moved into a new rented house about 2 weeks ago and am petrified to do my standard chopping up and rendering of beef fat, due to how weird it would look to others. What further reduces the confidence in my dietary choices is that I am still sick, and therefore can???t validate my dietary and lifestyle choices with noticeable improvements.

  • Doesn???t help that I rarely view activities for what they are. I don???t really have the energy to do much, but if I were to for example take part in a acting class, it would all be about who was there, who I might meet, how I should appear rather than the activity itself.

I feel I should be grateful for what I do have, but am constantly haunted by what I don???t ??? health, a partner, a body, a job I love, friends.

Where could one start?

6120c989fd5b69f42a0834b69b87955b

(24553)

on August 23, 2011
at 11:33 PM

I think you might be overestimating the confidence of those around you, everyone gets nervous about doing new things or talking to new people. There is a huge meet and mate component to most extra-curricular classes. Every class I've ever taken was split between subject enthusiasts and cruisers, and that is okay. As it is commonly said "courage is not the opposite of fear". There are girls out there who totally geek out about gut health, you just need to be in the right place to meet them. Have you considered taking a class about psychogastroenterology? Bound to be a few there.

5266ac5977ec9d80ac8047697dbbe55b

(738)

on August 23, 2011
at 11:04 PM

I think that all of these answers, in concert with a paleo diet and lifestyle (safe to assume given the name of this website) are extremely appropriate and useful! What exactly disgusts you?

77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on August 23, 2011
at 10:36 PM

This is a socially accepted answer, I hate people on PH who still give these fake answers

77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on August 23, 2011
at 10:35 PM

Were you once not like this? You must have been a confident person a some point in your life, right?

Ec7cb2a7a68655954a01f03e95be1383

(1453)

on August 23, 2011
at 09:52 PM

I can confirm it. The book is great.

226b10cbb6b1d3530b00d2d84a2dc86e

(3313)

on August 23, 2011
at 05:43 PM

It changed my life.

226b10cbb6b1d3530b00d2d84a2dc86e

(3313)

on August 23, 2011
at 05:43 PM

Dr. Hyman prescribes an integrative approach to healing that involves proper sleep, exercise, meditation, sunshine, relaxation in addition to diet. He even suggests prescriptions for supplementation aimed specifically at neurotransmitter deficiencies. You need to focus on serotonin. Overall, this book teaches you how to nourish your body and mind so that it heals itself. The body has a tremendous capacity to heal itself if you provide it with the proper and essential ingredients. The book is very Paleo-friendly.

226b10cbb6b1d3530b00d2d84a2dc86e

(3313)

on August 23, 2011
at 05:39 PM

This book's subtitle is "Fix your broken brain by healing your body first". Check it out at your local library. If they don't have a copy on hand, do an inter-library loan where they order it from a different library system, in-state or out-of-state.http://www.google.com/products/catalog?client=safari&rls=en&oe=UTF-8&q=ultramind+solution&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=1465316201689238826&sa=X&ei=ceVTTqalKu-GsAL-jrW9Bw&ved=0CCsQ8wIwAw#ps-sellers

226b10cbb6b1d3530b00d2d84a2dc86e

(3313)

on August 23, 2011
at 05:37 PM

Matt. The main thing to understand is that you were made to be healthy and happy throughout life and especially at age 26. Therefore your current condition is temporary. You need to discover how to heal yourself with foods. When you heal your body, your mind will follow because the entire body is a complex miracle of interconnected parts, right down to the harmonious electron clouds floating around molecules that make up cells. At first glance, I suspect the number 1 nutrient deficiency behind your symptoms is lack of Vitamin D. Be in the sun. Read "Ultramind Solution" by Mark Hyman MD

D10ca8d11301c2f4993ac2279ce4b930

(5242)

on August 23, 2011
at 04:51 PM

@Chris - go merrell barefoot and avoid the strange looks with all the 5finger benefits (unless the strange looks are a benefit to you) ... http://www.merrell.com/US/en/Barefoot

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9 Answers

3
A968087cc1dd66d480749c02e4619ef4

(20436)

on August 23, 2011
at 04:35 PM

Most people love to talk about themselves. Use that to your advantage. Ask them open-ended questions and be interested in them. People just love it when a person is interested in what they have to say. You might even find that there is a lot more common ground than you thought. After all, we are not all that different. Everyone experiences loneliness, regrets and grief at various points in life. I suggest you watch the movie Harold & Maude - or take Jay's advice.

3
3846a3b61bc9051e4baebdef62e58c52

(18635)

on August 23, 2011
at 04:21 PM

A psychologist might be your best place to start. Not being mean, but beyond self help books and such you have to recognize your own worth before others will notice it. You seem to have some serious self esteem issues at the base of all your problems. Maybe acting classes, sports, organized activities could help, but might not if your head isn't in the right place first.

77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on August 23, 2011
at 10:36 PM

This is a socially accepted answer, I hate people on PH who still give these fake answers

2
55e7283c3c0ad478ef34c866b7bd2853

on August 23, 2011
at 04:39 PM

I have been where you were at one time. I felt that I didn't have anything to offer and was very shy. However, I decided that enough was enough. I started working out, and joined a gym and they had a beginners group I joined and started getting comfortable with the staff there.

Are you eating Paleo? Are you being strick Paleo or just "kinda doing it?" The reason why I ask is you sound kinda "wishy washy". You have the idea of what you want you life to be but are afraid of what people will think. Really I have found that people really don't think anything. Just tell yourself and others "this is what I do, it works for me". People respect that.

I also have found if you join a group that has to do with an interest you have and you really participate (everyone has an interest in something) and be able to admit that you want to learn more about said group, people will not cast you aside as not knowing anything. It just take the ability to say something. I joined a school board for my daughter's charter school because I wanted to learn more about that charter. My strength is I work for the school district and feel strongly for the education of children.

Just decide what it is you want in life and do it. Hey, I am thinking about getting some Vibram Five Fingers to wear to work, think I will get some strange looks? Probably, but with the information on how much better my body will feel, I'll have something to say when I get a funny look (after all they are funny looking). I guess you need to know WHY you are doing something to have the confidence to do it.

D10ca8d11301c2f4993ac2279ce4b930

(5242)

on August 23, 2011
at 04:51 PM

@Chris - go merrell barefoot and avoid the strange looks with all the 5finger benefits (unless the strange looks are a benefit to you) ... http://www.merrell.com/US/en/Barefoot

1
Dc6407193ba441d1438f6f0c06af872b

on August 23, 2011
at 11:08 PM

I felt very similar about myself despite being well and strong. I had other disadvantages to obsess on. But here's the truth: there are people every bit as sick as yourself who are full of confidence and life. And there are people who have everything and are miserable. I'm not at all dismissing your issues. I'm just saying that you can strive to be happy regardless. I second the notion of seeing a psychiatrist (or maybe a psychologist). Finding an introductory book on (non-religious, non-supernatural, western-style) Buddhism, such as "Full Catastrophe Living" might give you some perspective.

In any case, many say that phychological symptoms are markedly improved with Paleo living. Given that some of your illness may eventually respond to Paleo as well, Paleo may give you a double-win.

1
22424c9eef944ade83d4e4ffda907056

(1402)

on August 23, 2011
at 05:28 PM

  1. The biggest thing hindering your happiness is being sick. People can be happy while lacking pretty much anything except their health.

  2. You may think that your life experiences, or particularly the lacking of certain experiences, is hindering your happiness. And maybe it will require attaining those experiences to realize it, but you don't need them. Because the only real function that setting and reaching these life experience goals has is to allow you to love yourself.

I believe that we all live pretty similar lives as felt in feelings. And there's really no other legitimate measure of life than feelings. There's a scene in I Heart Huckabees where Dustin Hoffman is describing this way of viewing the world as bloops under a blanket and he says "When you get the blanket thing you can relax because everything you could ever want or be you already have and are."

I used to focus on acquiring experiences and accomplishments. My years were defined by how many stories it added to my collection. How many places did I go? How many crazy nights did I have? And the one thing that really changed when I transitioned away from that is that I stopped caring so much about pictures. I used to always try to mark occasions and have something to show for my experiences. I don't care about my pictures anymore. When I move, I'm not going to have pictures up on my walls like I have for the past 3 years and the last 3 rooms I've lived in. I guess when you realize the measures that everyone has for success have very little to do with real happiness, you stop caring about them.

1
669790861549f3c6d54d88a65296ed19

(452)

on August 23, 2011
at 05:26 PM

Hi Matt, I can totally relate to your problems as I'm struck with chronic illness (Lyme Disease) too and have my own share of social issues,wishes&issues regarding lifestyle etc. Do you have a FB account?Maybe we can chat a bit:)....or mail or whatever,if you feel like it:)

1
67460907f9d818f56e1ef4c846317386

on August 23, 2011
at 04:43 PM

Start doing things that can lead to an increase in confidence. I've been in a similar situation myself, and it is usually a disconnect between thinking about something and actually doing something that is the problem. So stop thinking and start doing!

For example, it sounds like you need more human interaction and outdoor exposure (both necessary elements to ANY human's happiness FYI). Go to meetup.com and find a hiking group in the area. Sign up for a hike in the area and go! Don't worry about what you'll look like or what could happen, just do it and see for yourself. If you're diet is good and your still unhealthy some sun and human interaction may do just the trick! It is also a great place to start so that you have some adventurous stories, everyone loves the outdoors :). You could also try taking up surfing, skiing, climbing, whatever! Just as long as it is outdoors and/or social and you may start feeling better.

Being sociable is just like anything else, it takes practice, the more you participate the better you'll get. The human body is very adaptive. If you don't start feeling better after getting more human and outdoor exposure I'd suggest professional help as others have suggested. But start here first and try not to think about it too much!

0
5266ac5977ec9d80ac8047697dbbe55b

(738)

on August 23, 2011
at 11:08 PM

Tune into what Nora Gedgaudas has to say. Check her out at the AHS, on her podcast, and in her book, Primal Body Primal Mind. I am currently reading her book...her story is very inspiring and she provides some very unique and solid recommendations for improving mental health vis-a-vis a paleo lifestyle. Sounds like lifting the mood and gaining some confidence could be a great starting point for you. Good luck - keep us posted!

0
77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on August 23, 2011
at 10:39 PM

Wow. I'm so disgusted at these answers I'm reading. No one gets cured from taking up on all this inspirational bullshit. Depression isn't something you can just change on your own, it all comes from the gut.

If you are caffeine free, eating strict Paleo, then I don't think there's any hope besides taking these people's advice.

5266ac5977ec9d80ac8047697dbbe55b

(738)

on August 23, 2011
at 11:04 PM

I think that all of these answers, in concert with a paleo diet and lifestyle (safe to assume given the name of this website) are extremely appropriate and useful! What exactly disgusts you?

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