14

votes

Reply to meddlesome old woman?

Answered on August 19, 2014
Created May 07, 2010 at 6:30 PM

I was in Whole Food last night looking over some lovely chicken thighs. Next to me was an old crone, picking through the sad, denuded, flavorless chicken breasts. Glancing toward me, she espied my poultry choice and, lifting a bony finger she pointed the cursed digit at my selection. Her countenance twisted and her mouth curled as she hurled a filthy pox: "Full of fat! Full of fat," she shrieked, like the neolithic witch she was.

With my reflexes honed to a razor's edge, I took but an instant to reply, "Yes, that's why I'm buying them!" The hag recoiled speechless from this dazzling burst of reason and good sense, and hobbled off--no doubt to cook her fatless meat in a stinking cauldron--while I proceeded triumphantly to the cashier with my beautiful, fatty thighs (the chicken's, not mine).

What would you have said?


Btw, it's Friday afteroon. No one's around in my office and I'm feeling a little silly. Hope no one minds!

4ff24fb9a7d48305681487dfb8040a5e

(383)

on October 11, 2010
at 05:01 PM

That's awesome! :-)

9dce97b4c4762a78a577a11585eef8f2

(1239)

on August 03, 2010
at 06:04 AM

BTW, I LOVE this question.

9dce97b4c4762a78a577a11585eef8f2

(1239)

on August 03, 2010
at 06:03 AM

I would like to point out that there are plenty o' paleo witches out here lapping up the fat... ;)

03aeff8d87a3b53a449b5b8e9158da98

(3268)

on May 08, 2010
at 08:02 PM

Thanks everyone! PortlandAllan, did you catch a typo? (Btw, how do you edit other people's posts? I have a lot of points, yet as far as I know I don't have this power.)

65125edd5aafad39b3d5b3a8b4a36bb7

(6082)

on May 07, 2010
at 10:53 PM

Maybe flick your tongue a little bit Hannibal Lecter style while doing that, very effective.

A1a4882d31414600b2cab395a5b17161

(699)

on May 07, 2010
at 09:28 PM

Hilarious! I love your description: "lifting a bony finger she pointed the cursed digit at my selection"

23e12b6f370a326165c219ea46b06a18

(50)

on May 07, 2010
at 08:02 PM

You made my day! :)

A89f9751a97c3082802dc0bcbe4e9208

(13978)

on May 07, 2010
at 07:28 PM

I think your reply was perfect. :)

A89f9751a97c3082802dc0bcbe4e9208

(13978)

on May 07, 2010
at 07:27 PM

Aaron Griffin, for the win!

Fb8c98f7f07e4a9f5824a2f06e4965f0

(100)

on May 07, 2010
at 07:21 PM

Id have torn open that package right there in front of her and started ripping the skin off the flesh with my teeth and making caveman like grunting sounds. But thats just me.

  • 03aeff8d87a3b53a449b5b8e9158da98

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7 Answers

9
77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on May 07, 2010
at 07:11 PM

"So's your ass"

A89f9751a97c3082802dc0bcbe4e9208

(13978)

on May 07, 2010
at 07:27 PM

Aaron Griffin, for the win!

5
Fb8c98f7f07e4a9f5824a2f06e4965f0

(100)

on May 07, 2010
at 07:22 PM

Id have torn open that package right in front of her and then proceeded to tear at the skin and meat with my teeth while making caveman like grunting sounds. But thats just me.

2
4e184df9c1ed38f61febc5d6cf031921

(5005)

on May 08, 2010
at 07:41 AM

Brilliant! Love your description!

It is amazing how interfering some people can be - and I'm glad it isn't only me who has people throwing up their hands in horror at the amount of fat I consume! "It's full of fat - you'll give yourself a heart attack" etc. Kind of them to be concerned!!!

2
4145b36f1488224964edac6258b75aff

(7821)

on May 07, 2010
at 06:49 PM

"Delicious!"

The key is an emphasis on the "lish" syllable. Really freaks people out.

65125edd5aafad39b3d5b3a8b4a36bb7

(6082)

on May 07, 2010
at 10:53 PM

Maybe flick your tongue a little bit Hannibal Lecter style while doing that, very effective.

1
C0fcb48d7da4f76fac17318efd2cd6b8

on November 22, 2010
at 12:48 PM

Woulda said, "I'll eat them with fava beans and a fine chianti" and hissed like Hannibal Lector.

1
462a1b3d2bf9c8ad7340058eaf9ee881

on October 11, 2010
at 03:43 PM

I would have said, "Clearly, it does a body good! Besides, why else would you have tried to fattened up poor Hansel and Gretel?"

0
77877f762c40637911396daa19b53094

(78467)

on May 07, 2010
at 07:29 PM

You're right, they are full of fat and I'm going to cook them in even more fat. I plan to saute them in butter!

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