I was in Whole Food last night looking over some lovely chicken thighs. Next to me was an old crone, picking through the sad, denuded, flavorless chicken breasts. Glancing toward me, she espied my poultry choice and, lifting a bony finger she pointed the cursed digit at my selection. Her countenance twisted and her mouth curled as she hurled a filthy pox: "Full of fat! Full of fat," she shrieked, like the neolithic witch she was.
With my reflexes honed to a razor's edge, I took but an instant to reply, "Yes, that's why I'm buying them!" The hag recoiled speechless from this dazzling burst of reason and good sense, and hobbled off--no doubt to cook her fatless meat in a stinking cauldron--while I proceeded triumphantly to the cashier with my beautiful, fatty thighs (the chicken's, not mine).
What would you have said?
Btw, it's Friday afteroon. No one's around in my office and I'm feeling a little silly. Hope no one minds!
asked byGlenn (3268)
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on May 07, 2010
at 07:22 PM
Id have torn open that package right in front of her and then proceeded to tear at the skin and meat with my teeth while making caveman like grunting sounds. But thats just me.
on May 08, 2010
at 07:41 AM
Brilliant! Love your description!
It is amazing how interfering some people can be - and I'm glad it isn't only me who has people throwing up their hands in horror at the amount of fat I consume! "It's full of fat - you'll give yourself a heart attack" etc. Kind of them to be concerned!!!
on May 07, 2010
at 06:49 PM
The key is an emphasis on the "lish" syllable. Really freaks people out.
on November 22, 2010
at 12:48 PM
Woulda said, "I'll eat them with fava beans and a fine chianti" and hissed like Hannibal Lector.
on October 11, 2010
at 03:43 PM
I would have said, "Clearly, it does a body good! Besides, why else would you have tried to fattened up poor Hansel and Gretel?"