6

votes

My wife is afraid she won't make enough breast milk and wants to use formula instead, how do I convince her of the safety of other options?

Answered on August 19, 2014
Created July 24, 2012 at 6:44 PM

She's going to "try" to pump, but doesn't think she'll be able to do much while working full time. I've suggested cow's milk and/ or donated breast milk, she thinks the antibodies from another woman's breast milk will hurt the baby and the baby may be allergic to cow's milk. She's also afraid of egg yolk as a first food for the same reason. What do I do? To me, it makes more sense to risk an allergic reaction to something a child CAN digest then to give them something they don't have the ability to digest. What do I do? Can you point me to some research that will make her less worried?

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on August 01, 2012
at 11:54 AM

judge you for not having the same convictions about things they find important too. I really wish moms would give each other a break.

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on August 01, 2012
at 11:49 AM

I don't think that "refusing to BF based on inconvenience" is a good thing, but it is none of my business and not my place to judge other moms. Every mom has strong convictions about something re: their own kids. For example, I have strong opinions on carseat safety. My kids rear-faced until 3 and 2.5yrs. I think it's just as important as BFing. I have friends who think keeping your kids rear-facing that long is stupid. My point is that not everyone thinks BFing is as important as you do. If they don't see it as important, they won't make it a priority and that's their prerogative. They might

4ef079c57d2140bba4dbf4e30240a645

(4413)

on August 01, 2012
at 07:19 AM

syrahna I have a strong suspicion that your friend would have happily been "inconvenienced" by the chance to breastfeed her daughter. Please note that my contention here is very specific... I am not generalizing to working mothers, or television or whether or not its a good idea to contaminate a newborn with Rx meds!

61844af1187e745e09bb394cbd28cf23

(11058)

on August 01, 2012
at 04:07 AM

Seriously? MEDICALLY necessary, syrahna. READ THE ACTUAL WORDS.

D5d982a898721d3392c85f951d0bf0aa

(2417)

on August 01, 2012
at 03:48 AM

So...my friend who couldn't go off her prescription meds and thus had to formula feed should have not had her gorgeous, absolutely adored, and remarkably well-socialized daughter? She wanted a child. She is giving her child SO MUCH MORE EFFORT than I see 99% of people give. I think she picked her battles wisely, myself.

D5d982a898721d3392c85f951d0bf0aa

(2417)

on August 01, 2012
at 03:37 AM

Me too. Sanity shall prevail!

61844af1187e745e09bb394cbd28cf23

(11058)

on July 31, 2012
at 08:59 PM

Mandy, expecting any parent to do things that are inconvenient is a no-brainer and isn't taking any power away from anyone. Inconvenience is a justifiable reason to go to the park near your home instead of the one across town. It is not a justifiable reason to use lab concocted formula on your defenseless baby.

4ef079c57d2140bba4dbf4e30240a645

(4413)

on July 31, 2012
at 07:10 PM

Mandy I think this will be a more meaningful dialogue if we stay on the one topic here - that of "refusing to breastfeed based on inconvenience" Those are your words, I think (?) and that whole notion is what I take issue with. I think anyone here who says they are not going to judge a woman who goes into pregnancy and parenthood with that mindset is not being honest.

4ef079c57d2140bba4dbf4e30240a645

(4413)

on July 31, 2012
at 07:08 PM

Many I think this will be a more meaningful dialogue to stay on the one topic here - that of "refusing to breastfeed based on inconvenience" Those are your words, I think (?) and that whole notion is what I take issue with. I think anyone here who says they are not going to judge a woman who goes into pregnancy and parenthood with that mindset is not being honest.

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on July 31, 2012
at 06:46 PM

You are all entitled to your opinions, and I respect them. I just think that it's a slippery slope to start judging other mothers on their parenting choices. Saying that a mother who doesn't want to breastfeed is ill-equipped to raise children is similar to saying that a mother who chooses to work outside of the home when it isn't a financial necessity, is ill-equipped. A mother who lets her kids watch TV before 2yrs in order to make dinner could be considered ill-equipped. This judgement gets women nowhere and it's dangerous. We all have our short-comings (unless you are perfect- I am not).

C8b2136ef95ba6aac211825ff38cc0e9

(971)

on July 31, 2012
at 03:21 AM

I wish I could upvote this twice.

4ef079c57d2140bba4dbf4e30240a645

(4413)

on July 30, 2012
at 10:29 PM

Jack you are right - this should all be discussed before having kids. I can only imagine the myriad of other disagreements and different philosophies a couple likely has if they disagree about breastfeeding. Helpppp I just cannot imagine...

Ecb90bbbd5a15868b2592d517a4a5e82

(280)

on July 30, 2012
at 09:26 PM

"Many of the problems babies face from formula are because they are exclusively formula fed." Yes! The doctors convinced my mom to switch to formula for me, arguing it was "safer, more nutritious, healthier, and more modern." They basically told her in 1975 that breast-milk was a disgusting, dirty dangerous option. Sad. As a result, I ended up 2-in shorter than my siblings, with tummy aches & colic constantly as an infant, endless ear infections, & likely with less math skills compared to my siblings. My whole life I battled weight issues that no one else had. Why do this to your kid?

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 30, 2012
at 09:18 PM

*"Ultimately it's up to her. It's her body, her breasts."* well... yes, but what about the father's opinion, seeing how it is their child, not just hers. I mean... maybe all that should have been discussed before having a baby, but still... if I had a strong preference, I would hope that just because they are not my boobs that my opinion would still have some good weight to it, being the Daddy.

4ef079c57d2140bba4dbf4e30240a645

(4413)

on July 30, 2012
at 07:39 PM

Not for all women, always Karen.

4ef079c57d2140bba4dbf4e30240a645

(4413)

on July 30, 2012
at 07:28 PM

Mandy, If a woman is "refusing to breastfeed based on the fact that its too inconvenient" I have to wonder why she is having children. That sounds harsh yes but kids are one "inconvenience" after another for at least 18 years. I don't mean to sound self-righteous but let's be perfectly honest here - not everyone is cut out for the non-stop inconveniences of parenting & a women who "refuses to breastfeed because its inconvenient" sounds not well equipped to raise children. MAJOR RED FLAG. I would say men beware - if that is the stance the mother of your (future) children is taking. Yikes

4ef079c57d2140bba4dbf4e30240a645

(4413)

on July 30, 2012
at 07:20 PM

yeah breastfeeding can be difficult but so is parenting and if its hard work well - that's ok. If there are difficulties, that's OK too. Its not a reason to give up.

F9013a3c7944d40c983e955f3cc83627

(320)

on July 30, 2012
at 07:16 PM

+1 for ranting after all. :) i was feelin' the heat too.

6120c989fd5b69f42a0834b69b87955b

(24553)

on July 25, 2012
at 06:33 PM

And...if you do find yourself sent out on an errand to buy formula, I would suggest ANYTHING other than Similac (that is the one I saw the most reflux with). Earth's Best Organic still isn't fabulous, but I find its ingredient list to be far less offensive.

6120c989fd5b69f42a0834b69b87955b

(24553)

on July 25, 2012
at 06:27 PM

Another consideration, is how expensive formula really is, if your wife is working to bring in income, and not because she loves her job, unless she has a really high paying job, between daycare, formula, and extra sick days for both mom and baby from the depressed immune function from sleep deprivation and stress, it can be wash or less on the income front. I encourage people to take as much time as possible off because 3-6 months of nursing on demand at home will ensure a stronger milk supply and better let down when she wants to pump later.

6120c989fd5b69f42a0834b69b87955b

(24553)

on July 25, 2012
at 06:06 PM

Don't get me wrong, it is far from ideal, but formula was used almost exclusively by our parents' generation, and it saves the lives of infants where there is no other option. It can certainly cause reflux, lifelong digestive issues, and knocks a handful of IQ points off, but of all the children I have nannied and doula-ed who were formula only, none died or were even sickly other than reflux in few, which would have been the case if it was actually poison, they have all grown up to be strong, healthy, and beautiful children. The ones who were given the occasional formula, are also fine.

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on July 25, 2012
at 04:00 PM

The new US law says that employers must provide "reasonable" break time to pump breastmilk for up to 1 year. This law doesn't apply to companies with less than 50 employees. This is a step forward, but doesn't mean that all women who want to pump can, nor does it mean that they are going to get all the time they need to pump. Some states have laws that give more rights to lactating moms, my state does not.

5ccb98f6ae42ce87e206cf3f6a86039f

(11581)

on July 25, 2012
at 03:39 PM

A special bonus for nursing moms - it takes off pregnancy weight gain like you wouldn't believe.

D1908552223e8a97b17f02a90cf795bf

(487)

on July 25, 2012
at 03:26 PM

Where do you live that this is not allowed?

61844af1187e745e09bb394cbd28cf23

(11058)

on July 25, 2012
at 01:24 PM

Dad feeling good about helping out and feeling hurt because his tits don't produce milk for feeding are two VERY different topics.

61844af1187e745e09bb394cbd28cf23

(11058)

on July 25, 2012
at 01:23 PM

You are entitled to your opinion, as am I. For the first 6 months or so, there is no baby food to make OUTSIDE of the woman's body. Hubby can help with diapering, bathing, etc, and should be part of the feeding decision. We're clearly never going to agree on this topic.

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on July 25, 2012
at 12:58 PM

If it's a matter of life or death for that baby that's another story. I've seen several moms try their hardest (myself included) to be perfect, breastfeed, baby-wearing, homemade baby food, cloth diaper, clean house, wholesome meal. It is EXHAUSTING! This can easily contribute to all sorts of postpartum or perinatal disorders. If a mom makes the choice not to breastfeed, I firmly believe it is important to respect her decision and have faith that she is the best person to make those decisions based on her limits. Until my husband can find a way to BF and give birth, I'll make those decisions!

61844af1187e745e09bb394cbd28cf23

(11058)

on July 25, 2012
at 12:32 PM

It isn't her decision to make on her own. I'm sick of the "a woman has the right to decide EVERYTHING for her own body" rhetoric when it involves another human being that didn't ask to be brought into this world. It took two to make that baby.

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on July 25, 2012
at 12:27 PM

This is a very good way to take power away from women. A woman absolutely has the right to refuse to breastfeed based on the fact that it's too inconvenient. We need to be confident in the fact that a woman is smart enough and knows herself well enough to make those decisions for herself. Give a woman all the BFing info to be successful at it and then let her make her own decisions! I'm a huge supporter of BFing, but even more so, a supporter of empowering women to make the decisions that are right for them.

1da74185531d6d4c7182fb9ee417f97f

(10904)

on July 25, 2012
at 12:15 PM

I disagree. Conventional formula, as in anything other than donor milk or a home made formula IS poison it has more AGE's in it than a McDonalds big Mac meal. That's not even counting the GMO dha, the gmo corn syrup, or the artificial, un-absorbable forms of minerals and vitamins in it like iron, that just feed pathogenic gut bacteria. Breastmilk is not ideal. It is not ideal. It's normal. Formula is a processed, powdered food substance. Let's not be anything but honest here. Not making people feel guilty is screwing with the greatest tool we have for fundamental change.

1da74185531d6d4c7182fb9ee417f97f

(10904)

on July 25, 2012
at 12:09 PM

This right here is it ^^

61844af1187e745e09bb394cbd28cf23

(11058)

on July 25, 2012
at 12:00 PM

"Sanity" falls into the physical/medical reasons for not breast feeding. The health of the child should come before Mom's "don't think I can do it/it's too inconvenient" attitude.

6120c989fd5b69f42a0834b69b87955b

(24553)

on July 25, 2012
at 04:36 AM

Agreed on the ear infection thing. I think the breastmilk is protective against ear infection statements are a bit overblown, we still had four in the first year.

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on July 25, 2012
at 01:52 AM

Besides that, sometimes all they provide is a bathroom stall.

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on July 25, 2012
at 01:52 AM

Not where I live!

510bdda8988ed0d4b0ec0b738b4edb73

(20888)

on July 25, 2012
at 01:28 AM

Actually it's federal law that your employer provide you time and space to pump until your child is 2yrs old.

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on July 25, 2012
at 01:25 AM

Not everyone has the luxury of pumping in an office or in a hospital where there is plenty of room to set up a pumping station and store milk. Pumping at work should be commended, but it isn't just difficult for some women, it's impossible.

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on July 25, 2012
at 01:10 AM

I answered below, but also wanted to comment that there is a lot of fear surrounding pregnancy and childbirth for new and experienced moms. She might just be trying to express some fears with you. Could it be possible that she just needs a sympathetic ear, not suggestions?

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on July 25, 2012
at 12:59 AM

What a wonderful answer. Well said.

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on July 25, 2012
at 12:56 AM

You're right, "her breasts, her decision" is bullshit. It should be "her breasts, her body, her health, her sanity, her decision."

98bf2ca7f8778c79cd3f6c962011cfdc

(24286)

on July 24, 2012
at 11:39 PM

+! for the links to the homemade formula. I hope the OP will try it.

Cfe88f41d0f90c6355a58eddbe78c9f8

(868)

on July 24, 2012
at 11:30 PM

What about mom feeling broken down and physically ill and sleep-deprived and nauseous and an emotional wreck because she's being bombarded by well-intentioned nurses who tell her to 'just keep trying' and 'you're doing everything right, just push through it', while dad wonders if there's anything he can do to help? I'm just saying, formula has its place. Many people breastfeed with relatively few difficulties, but there are some for whom the experience is quite far from the idealized image on promotional posters. Dad feeling good for being able to help out is just a small plus.

61844af1187e745e09bb394cbd28cf23

(11058)

on July 24, 2012
at 11:14 PM

Dad feeling left out because Mom is breast feeding is NOT a good reason to use formula and jeopardize baby's health. If there is a medical or physical reason, fine. Otherwise, Dad needs to put his big boy panties on and get over it.

20aee218ca5bce816122348144db9792

(122)

on July 24, 2012
at 09:11 PM

Hmmm.... I agree with Mark, she doesn't seem willing and that's a shame. Breastfeeding is really the best way to feed and bond with your baby. Maybe you could convince her to meet with a lactation consultant so she can lay all her fears on the table and have a professional respond to them. Or maybe talk with a pediatrician?

B885dc10c6263f5a4492205d50560bee

(401)

on July 24, 2012
at 08:15 PM

I can't provide you with any more information than what has been given in the comments, but I just want to say THANK YOU for being so concerned about this issue. Thank you for not being a sheep, thank you for being concerned about your baby's health, thank you for trying to help your wife; thank you, thank you, thank you. The world needs more dads like you.

81fca18329e68e227cdfef3857bfef96

(1320)

on July 24, 2012
at 08:03 PM

The fact that you put 'try' in quotes is telling. She does not want to do it. She will make a token effort and then come up with a plethora of reasons why she can't. Good luck to you on this battle.

81fca18329e68e227cdfef3857bfef96

(1320)

on July 24, 2012
at 08:00 PM

I had a coworker who fed her infant breast milk and worked full time. She just closed the door to her office and pumped away. When she was done, she would put the milk in the refrigerator. She carried a cooler on her at all times. In the end, it seemed like a small inconvenience and a minor disruption compared to the overall benefit.

3846a3b61bc9051e4baebdef62e58c52

(18635)

on July 24, 2012
at 06:59 PM

Ditto. It takes effort, but she really needs to put it in. My wife worked full time night shift as a nurse AND pumped for a year so that I could feed our son while she was at work through the night. Tell her to "suck it up buttercup"....;)

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16 Answers

18
5ccb98f6ae42ce87e206cf3f6a86039f

(11581)

on July 24, 2012
at 07:44 PM

Ultimately it's up to her. It's her body, her breasts.

However I'm afraid that as a grandmother of 2 breastfed kids and as a mother who breastfed, I have little patience with mothers who won't even give it a shot. I'll resist that rant because you don't need to hear it.

Breastfeeding is undoubtedly one of the best things a mother can give to her child to ensure improved health and even intelligence.

Even a few weeks will greatly improve the child's chances to thrive. It's always better to at least try. Most mothers succeed with no problems. The La Leche League is a great resource for help with nursing and also for information on the benefits of breastfeeding. They extend even beyond the baby's health to the mothers health.

Added: I worked for a number of years with a woman who was breastfeeding her son when she started work. She pumped twice a day during work, and even pumped ahead when she had to travel for work. She later had another child and continued to work and pump as needed for more than a year. My sister-in-law, a working nurse, breast fed her 3 kids until they were each over 2 years old. There is no reason that a mother who wants to shouldn't at least try to breastfeed while working.

I generally consider myself an old-school feminist, but kids health is something that I don't compromise on. This really isn't a women's right* issue, but a child health issue. If you decide to have a kid, you owe them the best start possible. Obviously I ranted after all. Let the flames begin.

*unless an employer or other entity is trying to mess with a woman's right to breast feed.

4ef079c57d2140bba4dbf4e30240a645

(4413)

on July 30, 2012
at 10:29 PM

Jack you are right - this should all be discussed before having kids. I can only imagine the myriad of other disagreements and different philosophies a couple likely has if they disagree about breastfeeding. Helpppp I just cannot imagine...

Af1d286f0fd5c3949f59b4edf4d892f5

(18472)

on July 30, 2012
at 09:18 PM

*"Ultimately it's up to her. It's her body, her breasts."* well... yes, but what about the father's opinion, seeing how it is their child, not just hers. I mean... maybe all that should have been discussed before having a baby, but still... if I had a strong preference, I would hope that just because they are not my boobs that my opinion would still have some good weight to it, being the Daddy.

F9013a3c7944d40c983e955f3cc83627

(320)

on July 30, 2012
at 07:16 PM

+1 for ranting after all. :) i was feelin' the heat too.

9
6a11bd17d85c6267127b0c9694bf7517

on July 24, 2012
at 07:00 PM

As far as milk supply goes... its all about supply and demand. The more she feeds/pumps, the more she will make. I successfully breastfed twins while active duty in the Marine Corps. I did have to supplement a bit, but its not hard. You do HAVE to want to do it, its easy to quit if you aren't 100% committed. Donated breast milk is fine... however, you can't just walk into the store and buy it. I have never seen milk banks provide it to anyone who was not extremely ill or premature. Why in the world would you give it cows milk? That's like a calf getting dog milk or something. Breast milk is meant to be an infant food for HUMAN babies. I SO do not won't to be rude... but it sounds like your wife needs to do a lot more in educating herself. Egg yolks are not a high allergen which is why they are commonly used as a first food. Any allergic reaction is generally caused by the egg white.

9
510bdda8988ed0d4b0ec0b738b4edb73

(20888)

on July 24, 2012
at 06:53 PM

If you post this on the mommy blogs, they'll be all supportive no matter what option you choose. And that's all fine, but I'm going to be a bit of a jerk here. I don't mean to be, but there are things that are ideal for the health of baby (mom's milk) and things that are worse (everything else). Granted it may be hard to schedule or do, especially if she has a full time job. But that doesn't change what's the best thing for the baby. Sometimes you just have to inconvenience yourself to set the baby up for later.

My wife did 100% breast milk with a full time job for 6 months. Now we do breast milk plus solids; never did any formula. It can be done, it's just not as easy as whipping up some formula.

Rather than worrying that she won't produce enough, give it a try and see if what happens first. If it turns out there's not enough, then check out Chris Kresser's Health Baby Code, it has some recipes for formula.

Also, egg yolk is totally fine, all the allergens are in the white. That was our first food, and what Chris Kresser recommends too.

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on July 25, 2012
at 01:52 AM

Not where I live!

81fca18329e68e227cdfef3857bfef96

(1320)

on July 24, 2012
at 08:00 PM

I had a coworker who fed her infant breast milk and worked full time. She just closed the door to her office and pumped away. When she was done, she would put the milk in the refrigerator. She carried a cooler on her at all times. In the end, it seemed like a small inconvenience and a minor disruption compared to the overall benefit.

3846a3b61bc9051e4baebdef62e58c52

(18635)

on July 24, 2012
at 06:59 PM

Ditto. It takes effort, but she really needs to put it in. My wife worked full time night shift as a nurse AND pumped for a year so that I could feed our son while she was at work through the night. Tell her to "suck it up buttercup"....;)

510bdda8988ed0d4b0ec0b738b4edb73

(20888)

on July 25, 2012
at 01:28 AM

Actually it's federal law that your employer provide you time and space to pump until your child is 2yrs old.

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on July 25, 2012
at 01:25 AM

Not everyone has the luxury of pumping in an office or in a hospital where there is plenty of room to set up a pumping station and store milk. Pumping at work should be commended, but it isn't just difficult for some women, it's impossible.

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on July 25, 2012
at 01:52 AM

Besides that, sometimes all they provide is a bathroom stall.

D1908552223e8a97b17f02a90cf795bf

(487)

on July 25, 2012
at 03:26 PM

Where do you live that this is not allowed?

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on July 25, 2012
at 04:00 PM

The new US law says that employers must provide "reasonable" break time to pump breastmilk for up to 1 year. This law doesn't apply to companies with less than 50 employees. This is a step forward, but doesn't mean that all women who want to pump can, nor does it mean that they are going to get all the time they need to pump. Some states have laws that give more rights to lactating moms, my state does not.

8
0a9ad4e577fe24a6b8aafa1dd7a50c79

on July 24, 2012
at 06:59 PM

Buy Gut and Psychology Syndrome for her and let her read the chapter on pre-natal care, post-natal care and breastfeeding. It's sort of a tough love no sugarcoating guide to nursing mothers who need to realize that baby formulas are chemical-laden crap and breast milk is the only food on this planet specifically designed for humans.

http://bodyecology.com/articles/benefits-of-breastfeeding

1da74185531d6d4c7182fb9ee417f97f

(10904)

on July 25, 2012
at 12:09 PM

This right here is it ^^

7
Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

on July 25, 2012
at 12:52 AM

Ryan, as another poster said, formula is not poison (and breastmilk is not a cure-all). Yes, breast milk is the best thing for a baby, but it doesn't trump the mother's health and/or well-being.

I breastfed my first baby and became pregnant 9months postpartum, breastfed through my pregnancy and then tandem nursed for a year before my oldest weaned. I continued for another 9 months until my youngest weaned. That's a lot of breastfeeding. I'm only saying this to let you know that I'm a huge advocate of breastfeeding, but only for a mother who is interested in doing it.

There is so much pressure on moms to do things perfectly. Issues with breastfeeding (including reluctance to BF) are often contributors to postpartum depression (no fun). Go easy on her and just give her support. Formula might not be ideal, but it isn't the end of the world either. If she can BF in the first few days without supplementing, that's great. If she can BF beyond a year, even better, but don't pressure her. With enough support, she might find that pumping isn't as hard as she thought it would be.

If you need good breastfeeding resources, check out le leche league's website or www.kellymom.com. I think the best way to be successful at breastfeeding is to have all the information you need before the baby is born.

And FWIW, with all the breastfeeding I did, I still had babies with allergies and ear infections and I struggled with my own issues due to breastfeeding. It isn't all roses.

Good luck.

6120c989fd5b69f42a0834b69b87955b

(24553)

on July 25, 2012
at 04:36 AM

Agreed on the ear infection thing. I think the breastmilk is protective against ear infection statements are a bit overblown, we still had four in the first year.

C8b2136ef95ba6aac211825ff38cc0e9

(971)

on July 31, 2012
at 03:21 AM

I wish I could upvote this twice.

D5d982a898721d3392c85f951d0bf0aa

(2417)

on August 01, 2012
at 03:37 AM

Me too. Sanity shall prevail!

4
516aa41fccd08d5a8625bd26b76f2fec

on July 25, 2012
at 05:43 AM

Have her read the ingredients on the label. If that doesn't convince her, I don't know what will.

4
1407bd6152d9fdbc239250385159fea1

on July 24, 2012
at 06:54 PM

I'm sure mothers, well, females in general, will be better able to comment on this matter, so may I suggest listening to the podcasts in which Sarah Fragoso & Co. talk about pregnancy, breast-feeding, etc.

3
3cdc762b2ae30b4ca3529f011ccac174

on July 31, 2012
at 01:54 AM

I worked on Wall St. for 15 years, during which time I saw many ambitious women think they'd drop the kid, hire a nanny, take 2 weeks off work, and go back to the boardroom. What happened instead 70% of the time was that once she first suckled the baby in the hospital, it was all over: they were arranging for 6 month leaves and experienced a deep emotional need to breastfeed the baby and be a full-time mom. 3 of the women I knew never came back - they ditched their Wall St. salaries to stay at home. Everything changes the first time the child nuzzles your breast after birth. That moment may completely change your wife's attitude, esp. if they have great support at the hospital for the first contact. So make sure your wife has that and then sit back while millions of years of evolution take their course and Mommy Mania sets in.

3
C4134ed417dbc0a6b79ab2cee32632d3

(1811)

on July 24, 2012
at 10:01 PM

I think that first & foremost, it's about support. Support is lacking in most of the Western world.

Anyway, some others have said it much better than I can. But just to let you know that my 3.5 year old son is snuggled next to me right now. Bed sharing & still Breastfeeding.

I'm a SAHM and we get better maternity rights than the USA, so I can't really compare.

Here's some more reading for you and her to do: http://www.analyticalarmadillo.co.uk/2010/10/ask-armadillo-whats-in-breastmilk-but.html?m=1

I think it's important to understand the difference between breastmilk and formula! And to understand the implications of formula feeding an infant. Gut flora being the main issue.

3
6120c989fd5b69f42a0834b69b87955b

(24553)

on July 24, 2012
at 08:14 PM

Many of the problems babies face from formula are because they are exclusively formula fed. If she is nursing while at home, and supplementing whenever she falls short pumping with formula, that child is going to be much better off than an exclusively formula fed baby. If you want to take the initiative, you can make your own higher quality formula with directions from the Weston A. Price Foundation, but if your wife is squeamish about partially cooked egg yolk, raw milk or raw liver probably aren't going to get the green light. Whatever you do, do not use soy based formula, it has been known to cause intestinal bleeding and hormone problems in babies.

Breastfeeding isn't an all or nothing endeavor, it is about supply and demand. Formula isn't poison, it is just a less than perfect substitute. Her breasts are going to be doing all the work, and her career and reputation are on the line (even if there isn't outright discrimination, many workplaces suffer from soft discrimination against mothers who take the time to pump), so unless she can stay home for an extended period of time to establish a full time breastfeeding regimen, and pump a lot during that time to store up milk, back off dude.

I'd only go the donor milk route if she isn't able to produce any milk. You can sometimes find another mother you can trust, I've been a milk donor directly to a family who wasn't able to produce, and it was an amazing experience. I however wouldn't make myself anyone's wet nurse just because they had made other choices, so I doubt you'll get many volunteers (and never hire anyone to provide milk directly for pay, it can change the dynamic in dangerous ways). The medically prescribed donor milk costs $3/ounce, and has been pasteurized, so certainly not an ideal option.

About the egg yolk as a first food, there are slight but real concerns about salmonella, and she has the right to refuse to take that risk. I am skeptical about the need to tread so carefully into first foods anyway, it is kind of a weird modern thing. Just puree or chew up small amounts of what you are having for dinner. If the baby is still nursing even part time at that point they will already be familiar with the flavors. I'm pretty sure we do kids a disservice by giving them only bland foods to start, when they have the capacity to enjoy a whole palate of flavors, just like we do. I do believe it is important to wait until teeth are coming in, and the baby is actively trying to grab food off your plate before starting solids because they lack the necessary enzymes to break down solid food before that.

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on July 25, 2012
at 12:59 AM

What a wonderful answer. Well said.

6120c989fd5b69f42a0834b69b87955b

(24553)

on July 25, 2012
at 06:33 PM

And...if you do find yourself sent out on an errand to buy formula, I would suggest ANYTHING other than Similac (that is the one I saw the most reflux with). Earth's Best Organic still isn't fabulous, but I find its ingredient list to be far less offensive.

6120c989fd5b69f42a0834b69b87955b

(24553)

on July 25, 2012
at 06:27 PM

Another consideration, is how expensive formula really is, if your wife is working to bring in income, and not because she loves her job, unless she has a really high paying job, between daycare, formula, and extra sick days for both mom and baby from the depressed immune function from sleep deprivation and stress, it can be wash or less on the income front. I encourage people to take as much time as possible off because 3-6 months of nursing on demand at home will ensure a stronger milk supply and better let down when she wants to pump later.

6120c989fd5b69f42a0834b69b87955b

(24553)

on July 25, 2012
at 06:06 PM

Don't get me wrong, it is far from ideal, but formula was used almost exclusively by our parents' generation, and it saves the lives of infants where there is no other option. It can certainly cause reflux, lifelong digestive issues, and knocks a handful of IQ points off, but of all the children I have nannied and doula-ed who were formula only, none died or were even sickly other than reflux in few, which would have been the case if it was actually poison, they have all grown up to be strong, healthy, and beautiful children. The ones who were given the occasional formula, are also fine.

1da74185531d6d4c7182fb9ee417f97f

(10904)

on July 25, 2012
at 12:15 PM

I disagree. Conventional formula, as in anything other than donor milk or a home made formula IS poison it has more AGE's in it than a McDonalds big Mac meal. That's not even counting the GMO dha, the gmo corn syrup, or the artificial, un-absorbable forms of minerals and vitamins in it like iron, that just feed pathogenic gut bacteria. Breastmilk is not ideal. It is not ideal. It's normal. Formula is a processed, powdered food substance. Let's not be anything but honest here. Not making people feel guilty is screwing with the greatest tool we have for fundamental change.

Ecb90bbbd5a15868b2592d517a4a5e82

(280)

on July 30, 2012
at 09:26 PM

"Many of the problems babies face from formula are because they are exclusively formula fed." Yes! The doctors convinced my mom to switch to formula for me, arguing it was "safer, more nutritious, healthier, and more modern." They basically told her in 1975 that breast-milk was a disgusting, dirty dangerous option. Sad. As a result, I ended up 2-in shorter than my siblings, with tummy aches & colic constantly as an infant, endless ear infections, & likely with less math skills compared to my siblings. My whole life I battled weight issues that no one else had. Why do this to your kid?

3
D41fcf8a3e7f2fa31c7a9c444a505f3f

(362)

on July 24, 2012
at 07:10 PM

I recall a Robb Wolf podcast in which a father to be was inquiring about paleo baby formula since his wife would have to go through operation one month after giving birth which would make it impossible to breast feed her child.

Here is the link: http://robbwolf.com/2011/11/08/the-paleo-solution-episode-105/

If you don't want to listen to the podcast you can also read the transcript.

Another resource could be Chris Kresser's The Healthy Baby Code

2
61844af1187e745e09bb394cbd28cf23

(11058)

on July 24, 2012
at 08:38 PM

I worked full time and breast fed until my milk dried up at 7 months. It was definitely difficult, but I managed and survived. It is so much better for the baby to drink breast milk than it is some powder concocted in a lab. Unless he was awake before I left for work, I pumped and left a fresh bottle in the fridge. I pumped several times during the day and saved it in storage bags in the freezer. When I got home at night and was able to actually nurse, it was a bonding moment for both of us and helped the stress of my day melt away.

Nothing about kids is a convenience, but they are definitely blessings. Unless there is a medical/physical reason to avoid breast feeding, I really encourage your wife to give baby the best start in life possible. There are several resources Karen mentioned that should be explored. This is a decision that both you and your wife should reach together. "Her breasts, her decision" is bullshit.

61844af1187e745e09bb394cbd28cf23

(11058)

on July 25, 2012
at 12:00 PM

"Sanity" falls into the physical/medical reasons for not breast feeding. The health of the child should come before Mom's "don't think I can do it/it's too inconvenient" attitude.

61844af1187e745e09bb394cbd28cf23

(11058)

on July 25, 2012
at 12:32 PM

It isn't her decision to make on her own. I'm sick of the "a woman has the right to decide EVERYTHING for her own body" rhetoric when it involves another human being that didn't ask to be brought into this world. It took two to make that baby.

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on July 25, 2012
at 12:58 PM

If it's a matter of life or death for that baby that's another story. I've seen several moms try their hardest (myself included) to be perfect, breastfeed, baby-wearing, homemade baby food, cloth diaper, clean house, wholesome meal. It is EXHAUSTING! This can easily contribute to all sorts of postpartum or perinatal disorders. If a mom makes the choice not to breastfeed, I firmly believe it is important to respect her decision and have faith that she is the best person to make those decisions based on her limits. Until my husband can find a way to BF and give birth, I'll make those decisions!

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on July 25, 2012
at 12:56 AM

You're right, "her breasts, her decision" is bullshit. It should be "her breasts, her body, her health, her sanity, her decision."

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on July 25, 2012
at 12:27 PM

This is a very good way to take power away from women. A woman absolutely has the right to refuse to breastfeed based on the fact that it's too inconvenient. We need to be confident in the fact that a woman is smart enough and knows herself well enough to make those decisions for herself. Give a woman all the BFing info to be successful at it and then let her make her own decisions! I'm a huge supporter of BFing, but even more so, a supporter of empowering women to make the decisions that are right for them.

61844af1187e745e09bb394cbd28cf23

(11058)

on July 25, 2012
at 01:23 PM

You are entitled to your opinion, as am I. For the first 6 months or so, there is no baby food to make OUTSIDE of the woman's body. Hubby can help with diapering, bathing, etc, and should be part of the feeding decision. We're clearly never going to agree on this topic.

4ef079c57d2140bba4dbf4e30240a645

(4413)

on July 31, 2012
at 07:08 PM

Many I think this will be a more meaningful dialogue to stay on the one topic here - that of "refusing to breastfeed based on inconvenience" Those are your words, I think (?) and that whole notion is what I take issue with. I think anyone here who says they are not going to judge a woman who goes into pregnancy and parenthood with that mindset is not being honest.

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on August 01, 2012
at 11:49 AM

I don't think that "refusing to BF based on inconvenience" is a good thing, but it is none of my business and not my place to judge other moms. Every mom has strong convictions about something re: their own kids. For example, I have strong opinions on carseat safety. My kids rear-faced until 3 and 2.5yrs. I think it's just as important as BFing. I have friends who think keeping your kids rear-facing that long is stupid. My point is that not everyone thinks BFing is as important as you do. If they don't see it as important, they won't make it a priority and that's their prerogative. They might

D5d982a898721d3392c85f951d0bf0aa

(2417)

on August 01, 2012
at 03:48 AM

So...my friend who couldn't go off her prescription meds and thus had to formula feed should have not had her gorgeous, absolutely adored, and remarkably well-socialized daughter? She wanted a child. She is giving her child SO MUCH MORE EFFORT than I see 99% of people give. I think she picked her battles wisely, myself.

4ef079c57d2140bba4dbf4e30240a645

(4413)

on July 30, 2012
at 07:28 PM

Mandy, If a woman is "refusing to breastfeed based on the fact that its too inconvenient" I have to wonder why she is having children. That sounds harsh yes but kids are one "inconvenience" after another for at least 18 years. I don't mean to sound self-righteous but let's be perfectly honest here - not everyone is cut out for the non-stop inconveniences of parenting & a women who "refuses to breastfeed because its inconvenient" sounds not well equipped to raise children. MAJOR RED FLAG. I would say men beware - if that is the stance the mother of your (future) children is taking. Yikes

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on August 01, 2012
at 11:54 AM

judge you for not having the same convictions about things they find important too. I really wish moms would give each other a break.

4ef079c57d2140bba4dbf4e30240a645

(4413)

on July 31, 2012
at 07:10 PM

Mandy I think this will be a more meaningful dialogue if we stay on the one topic here - that of "refusing to breastfeed based on inconvenience" Those are your words, I think (?) and that whole notion is what I take issue with. I think anyone here who says they are not going to judge a woman who goes into pregnancy and parenthood with that mindset is not being honest.

Ae3b7ea9f3755af32287825db8d98796

(2022)

on July 31, 2012
at 06:46 PM

You are all entitled to your opinions, and I respect them. I just think that it's a slippery slope to start judging other mothers on their parenting choices. Saying that a mother who doesn't want to breastfeed is ill-equipped to raise children is similar to saying that a mother who chooses to work outside of the home when it isn't a financial necessity, is ill-equipped. A mother who lets her kids watch TV before 2yrs in order to make dinner could be considered ill-equipped. This judgement gets women nowhere and it's dangerous. We all have our short-comings (unless you are perfect- I am not).

4ef079c57d2140bba4dbf4e30240a645

(4413)

on August 01, 2012
at 07:19 AM

syrahna I have a strong suspicion that your friend would have happily been "inconvenienced" by the chance to breastfeed her daughter. Please note that my contention here is very specific... I am not generalizing to working mothers, or television or whether or not its a good idea to contaminate a newborn with Rx meds!

61844af1187e745e09bb394cbd28cf23

(11058)

on July 31, 2012
at 08:59 PM

Mandy, expecting any parent to do things that are inconvenient is a no-brainer and isn't taking any power away from anyone. Inconvenience is a justifiable reason to go to the park near your home instead of the one across town. It is not a justifiable reason to use lab concocted formula on your defenseless baby.

61844af1187e745e09bb394cbd28cf23

(11058)

on August 01, 2012
at 04:07 AM

Seriously? MEDICALLY necessary, syrahna. READ THE ACTUAL WORDS.

1
17f816c3f053f2aab1eb95df494c8fc5

on July 30, 2012
at 07:01 PM

I breastfed my son for the first year, but was also blessed to work in an environment where pumping was part of my scheduled day. When I did have trouble with supply, I supplemented with goat's milk as needed (yes even the powdered or canned goat's milk is better than formula IMHO. Being able to relax knowing he was getting the best I could give him made it easier to up my supply. But it is also a huge committment, and a personal choice. My husband and I decided I would breast feed prior to our son's birth, but it was always ultimately MY decision.

1
Cfe88f41d0f90c6355a58eddbe78c9f8

on July 24, 2012
at 10:29 PM

It's not the end of the world if you have to use formula. It's a less-than-perfect substitute, but there are times when it is necessary. My wife wanted to breastfeed, but due to an illness (both for herself and the baby), it didn't happen. Formula has its place and shouldn't be bashed to extreme.

There are other benefits to formula feeding that make it worth considering: as a father, I was thrilled to be able to participate in the feeding, I felt a closer bond to my child (although, surely my wife felt less of a bond than she would have with breastfeeding), and it took a lot of the stress away as we could easily have meals ready for my daughter any place any time. Look closely at the different brands out there--do your research on the 'organic' brands, as they sometimes aren't as good as they claim to be--and consider all of your options.

Nutritionally and biologically, breastfeeding makes the most sense and should definitely be done whenever possible. But emotional and physical issues should not be immediately overruled in this consideration.

As for egg yolk, we started with that, and this was before we knew anything about the Primal/Paleo movement. It just seemed to make sense. Every food is a risk for a baby, but there's no reason they can't eat the same stuff you do if you prepare it for them. Be aware of possible allergies and watch for reactions. Again, there's nothing intrinsically wrong with canned baby foods--they're just less nutritious and more expensive, but they are convenient and offer good variety. Look for ones without pasta/rice/sugar when the time comes for those. I always made a point to taste anything I was going to feed my daughter--if I wouldn't eat it, neither should she.

Cfe88f41d0f90c6355a58eddbe78c9f8

(868)

on July 24, 2012
at 11:30 PM

What about mom feeling broken down and physically ill and sleep-deprived and nauseous and an emotional wreck because she's being bombarded by well-intentioned nurses who tell her to 'just keep trying' and 'you're doing everything right, just push through it', while dad wonders if there's anything he can do to help? I'm just saying, formula has its place. Many people breastfeed with relatively few difficulties, but there are some for whom the experience is quite far from the idealized image on promotional posters. Dad feeling good for being able to help out is just a small plus.

61844af1187e745e09bb394cbd28cf23

(11058)

on July 25, 2012
at 01:24 PM

Dad feeling good about helping out and feeling hurt because his tits don't produce milk for feeding are two VERY different topics.

61844af1187e745e09bb394cbd28cf23

(11058)

on July 24, 2012
at 11:14 PM

Dad feeling left out because Mom is breast feeding is NOT a good reason to use formula and jeopardize baby's health. If there is a medical or physical reason, fine. Otherwise, Dad needs to put his big boy panties on and get over it.

4ef079c57d2140bba4dbf4e30240a645

(4413)

on July 30, 2012
at 07:20 PM

yeah breastfeeding can be difficult but so is parenting and if its hard work well - that's ok. If there are difficulties, that's OK too. Its not a reason to give up.

1
Fd70d71f4f8195c3a098eda4fc817d4f

(8014)

on July 24, 2012
at 08:55 PM

You can start here:

WAPF - Children's health

If you scroll down, you'll see an overwhelming # of links, not all of which are relevant here. When you and/or your wife have a chance, I'd take a look at 39, 45, 49, & 19. (Yikes...sorry there are so many, but they're all good stuff.) There are a bunch of links for info on homemade formula too, if you do end up "needing" to go that route.

98bf2ca7f8778c79cd3f6c962011cfdc

(24286)

on July 24, 2012
at 11:39 PM

+! for the links to the homemade formula. I hope the OP will try it.

0
B8592e62f9804ddabae73c1103d6bcb9

(1956)

on July 25, 2012
at 02:25 PM

Much better than commercial formula is this home-made one: http://www.westonaprice.org/childrens-health/recipes-for-homemade-baby-formula

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