1

votes

How do I stop judging a person based on what s/he eats for breakfast?

Answered on September 12, 2014
Created May 11, 2012 at 1:56 AM

This is a random question. My job requires me to have a lot of 1:1 meetings with strangers. Usually, it's a meeting over breakfast or lunch. It is SO hard not to judge people based on what they choose to put in their mouth! I have seen four types:

1) Low-fat strawberry yogurt, a wholewheat toast and orange juice breakfast 2) Bacon/sausage, eggs and vegetables, milk 3) Hash browns, pancakes swimming in maple syrup, caramel latte 4) Black coffee

When I see type 1, I automatically think USDA. I assume this person is very difficult to work with. S/he is conservative, close-minded, self-centered and just no fun. I think of Type 2s as people who are educated, reliable, sensible and flexible. Type 3s are drug addicts. Type 4s are rare and sexy. I would definitely ask their numbers.

How do I stop judging? It's making my work unnecessarily difficult. Have you judged anyone based on the breakfast of choice?

1d02c0c2fa9946de88d8f24e81ca1cf6

(215)

on May 20, 2012
at 11:23 AM

Yeh. That was a joke. Of sorts. But, to break it to you gently, good judging is good (and I susepct you do it all the time) and bad judging is bad.

Fd70d71f4f8195c3a098eda4fc817d4f

(8014)

on May 12, 2012
at 01:19 AM

Exactly. Like I said, when I think about what I used to eat, I could just slap myself upside the head. But you know what? We just didn't have the right information at the time. That doesn't make us stupid, or weak-willed, or undisciplined. Just misinformed.

92d67b02a709cad2250f10848f9178e6

(2422)

on May 11, 2012
at 10:41 PM

You are right. Thanks for the clarification. I need to question my own thoughts like I question what I eat... Good point!

870fdea50f2a9f1cd2890c8e22549300

(2056)

on May 11, 2012
at 10:17 PM

A thought that is *very* open to question is that the person eating a strawberry yogurt is closed-minded, conservative, and just no fun. That's a pretty complete narrative to come from a very thin slice of information.

870fdea50f2a9f1cd2890c8e22549300

(2056)

on May 11, 2012
at 10:15 PM

Not everything you think may be true. Your breakfast is certainly "different," and current science believes it is "better," but twenty years from now the most current scientific thinking may be different. So your thought that the breakfast is "better" may be only provisionally true. It may also be better for *you* than for someone else who needs a different mix of nutrients.

92d67b02a709cad2250f10848f9178e6

(2422)

on May 11, 2012
at 10:14 PM

Oh by the way, I used to be in the low-fat, whole-grain crowd... That makes me embarrassed.

92d67b02a709cad2250f10848f9178e6

(2422)

on May 11, 2012
at 10:11 PM

I see your point and I thank you for putting things in a different perspective. What do you mean by not believing in my own thoughts? To be honest, I still think my breakfast is better than what others are eating, and I know I am right based on scientific evidence.. I don't have all the answers but the difference is that I am willing to test and question what I am putting in my mouth...

92d67b02a709cad2250f10848f9178e6

(2422)

on May 11, 2012
at 10:06 PM

Thank you for your thoughtful response. You are right. I think my judgmental attitude comes from my paleo pride.... I need to fix this. Thanks!

92d67b02a709cad2250f10848f9178e6

(2422)

on May 11, 2012
at 10:04 PM

Thank you so much for the thoughtful and thorough response. It really puts things in a new perspective. I just want people to question what they are eating...

870fdea50f2a9f1cd2890c8e22549300

(2056)

on May 11, 2012
at 02:56 PM

I would upvote this answer a hundred times if I could.

5ef574d7893bc816ec52e04139e9bc09

(6097)

on May 11, 2012
at 02:29 PM

This is the only appropriate answer.

92d67b02a709cad2250f10848f9178e6

(2422)

on May 11, 2012
at 01:29 PM

I can't see how judging people based on how much money they have is less bad than judging them on their breakfast... :/ Judging is judging is judging...

Ce41c230e8c2a4295db31aec3ef4b2ab

(32566)

on May 11, 2012
at 08:29 AM

lol, coffeesnob!

8fbbf720caae616b07d3a8a12e59093f

(56)

on May 11, 2012
at 05:30 AM

Can't you meet up someplace other than Coco's?

92d67b02a709cad2250f10848f9178e6

(2422)

on May 11, 2012
at 03:56 AM

It's relieving that I am not the only one!

92d67b02a709cad2250f10848f9178e6

(2422)

on May 11, 2012
at 03:54 AM

okay here is my 5.

92d67b02a709cad2250f10848f9178e6

(2422)

on May 11, 2012
at 03:54 AM

haha I do have a thing for older men...

1296f5fecd084f101d7c5fbe013f07eb

(1213)

on May 11, 2012
at 02:43 AM

I know a lot of Type 4s...the majority of elderly patients I have, lol. Rare. Sexy. Just teasing! But really, I find that particular group loves coffee and coffee only for breakfast, though some will *maybe* take it with a pastry.

35b2cb4d450e5288895c255dfdfff35d

(5828)

on May 11, 2012
at 02:43 AM

Love it! Great clip.

31381cfeb5d6da6fc75f80ab68e041ea

(560)

on May 11, 2012
at 02:14 AM

-1 PLEASE do not inflict pain on yourself as a training habit. that is NOT how you should teach yourself anything and reinforces all sorts of things that are not positive. i do agree with the first part of this comment, though. i usually find i judge others less if i am secure in myself and accepting of my flaws. maybe you should examine your own issues thoroughly and see how that encourages you to extend grace to others? also, don't forget that most people really don't know any better when it comes to food.

78cb3c4f70de5db2adb52b6b9671894b

(5519)

on May 11, 2012
at 02:09 AM

I'm having a difficult time not judging you.

1edb06ded9ccf098a4517ca4a7a34ebc

(14952)

on May 11, 2012
at 02:04 AM

hahahaha. Wow that's awesome.

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7 Answers

best answer

11
Ce41c230e8c2a4295db31aec3ef4b2ab

(32566)

on May 11, 2012
at 02:00 AM

92d67b02a709cad2250f10848f9178e6

(2422)

on May 11, 2012
at 03:54 AM

okay here is my 5.

Ce41c230e8c2a4295db31aec3ef4b2ab

(32566)

on May 11, 2012
at 08:29 AM

lol, coffeesnob!

5ef574d7893bc816ec52e04139e9bc09

(6097)

on May 11, 2012
at 02:29 PM

This is the only appropriate answer.

1edb06ded9ccf098a4517ca4a7a34ebc

(14952)

on May 11, 2012
at 02:04 AM

hahahaha. Wow that's awesome.

35b2cb4d450e5288895c255dfdfff35d

(5828)

on May 11, 2012
at 02:43 AM

Love it! Great clip.

best answer

6
Fd70d71f4f8195c3a098eda4fc817d4f

(8014)

on May 11, 2012
at 03:24 PM

I guess my question to you would be, what did you eat for breakfast before coming to Paleo? (Or maybe you ate the very, very best stuff since the day you had control over your own food supply.)

I don't mean to be snarky, but I think the best advice I can give you is to please remember where you started. Most of us came to this way of eating after eating all kinds of different diets -- low calorie, low fat, processed foods out the wazoo. When I think back to what I used to eat for breakfast, it makes me cringe. (Bagels, low-fat margarine, soy milk, cold cereal, etc. And I thought I was doing the right thing!) Thank goodness for old cells dying off and new ones replacing them, so eventually all that cr@p leaves your system and you're literally like a whole new person. :)

Try to go easy on people. Not everyone is as fortunate as us to have found this way of eating, and even more, to understand why it works so well and why the conventional nutritional wisdom is such utter garbage.

And if you're only seeing those people for the one meal on the one day, you have no idea what they do during the rest of their life. Maybe when they go out for breakfast they decide they're gonna treat themselves (for the pancakes doused in syrup crowd), or maybe they're having a bad morning and just want something sinful. (Self-medicating with sugar, yes, but who are we to judge someone who's just trying to make it through?) And of course, all things considerd, we can't fairly judge or blame the fat-free yogurt/juice/skim milk crowd. Unless you know better, everything you see and hear tells you that is a "good breakfast."

As for trying to "convert" people over, there are plenty of threads about that...(and why it's generally a waste of time and energy.)

92d67b02a709cad2250f10848f9178e6

(2422)

on May 11, 2012
at 10:04 PM

Thank you so much for the thoughtful and thorough response. It really puts things in a new perspective. I just want people to question what they are eating...

92d67b02a709cad2250f10848f9178e6

(2422)

on May 11, 2012
at 10:14 PM

Oh by the way, I used to be in the low-fat, whole-grain crowd... That makes me embarrassed.

Fd70d71f4f8195c3a098eda4fc817d4f

(8014)

on May 12, 2012
at 01:19 AM

Exactly. Like I said, when I think about what I used to eat, I could just slap myself upside the head. But you know what? We just didn't have the right information at the time. That doesn't make us stupid, or weak-willed, or undisciplined. Just misinformed.

6
1ea8d17bad42dc54fb7a8a178e3db309

on May 11, 2012
at 02:15 PM

I handle judging what people eat like I handle judging most things people do. I was once in a different place and now I???m here. Most folks goes through an evolution in their thinking or doing over time on a variety of things. Just because I may be better at ???eating??? than other people, I am probably (and likely) worse at other things than the person sitting across from me at other things. They may be a better parent or spouse or worker or any myriad of other important things. So I know there is like many important things I could learn from this person that are far more important than what they eat. And that???s that.

92d67b02a709cad2250f10848f9178e6

(2422)

on May 11, 2012
at 10:06 PM

Thank you for your thoughtful response. You are right. I think my judgmental attitude comes from my paleo pride.... I need to fix this. Thanks!

870fdea50f2a9f1cd2890c8e22549300

(2056)

on May 11, 2012
at 02:56 PM

I would upvote this answer a hundred times if I could.

0
870fdea50f2a9f1cd2890c8e22549300

(2056)

on May 11, 2012
at 02:30 PM

I've thought a lot about this question since I saw it. I think it's a really great one.

I am doubtful that you can stop thoughts by an effort of will.

I think what you can do is, when you catch yourself in these thoughts, examine the thoughts with what is sometimes called "unconditional friendliness," and observe them. You can also try challenging the thoughts and the conclusions that you draw from the thoughts. You don't have to believe your own thoughts.

You could turn it around and think, "How might they [each category described] be judging MY breakfast negatively? Could they be right? Could they be wrong? Could we both be wrong? Do I believe I have all the answers? Why do I believe that? Do they believe they have all the answers? How much of food choice is driven by taste versus nutrition? Do I believe my tastes are better than those of others? If I think someone is difficult to work with will that make me difficult to work with?" Etc. etc. etc.

You've obviously already made some headway in this process.

Be careful about the trap of judging yourself for judging others. And then judging yourself for judging yourself for....

870fdea50f2a9f1cd2890c8e22549300

(2056)

on May 11, 2012
at 10:17 PM

A thought that is *very* open to question is that the person eating a strawberry yogurt is closed-minded, conservative, and just no fun. That's a pretty complete narrative to come from a very thin slice of information.

92d67b02a709cad2250f10848f9178e6

(2422)

on May 11, 2012
at 10:41 PM

You are right. Thanks for the clarification. I need to question my own thoughts like I question what I eat... Good point!

870fdea50f2a9f1cd2890c8e22549300

(2056)

on May 11, 2012
at 10:15 PM

Not everything you think may be true. Your breakfast is certainly "different," and current science believes it is "better," but twenty years from now the most current scientific thinking may be different. So your thought that the breakfast is "better" may be only provisionally true. It may also be better for *you* than for someone else who needs a different mix of nutrients.

92d67b02a709cad2250f10848f9178e6

(2422)

on May 11, 2012
at 10:11 PM

I see your point and I thank you for putting things in a different perspective. What do you mean by not believing in my own thoughts? To be honest, I still think my breakfast is better than what others are eating, and I know I am right based on scientific evidence.. I don't have all the answers but the difference is that I am willing to test and question what I am putting in my mouth...

0
1d02c0c2fa9946de88d8f24e81ca1cf6

on May 11, 2012
at 07:34 AM

The trick here - as with all habits - is to swap this (frankly) very bad habit for one that is merely bad, and then to swap that bad habit for one that is slightly bad. And so on. The end goal being some benign or constructive habit. Might I be allowed to suggest a course of habit replacement? Remember, the goal is a habit that is appropriate and sensible.

Judging people on their breakfast choice > on their looks > on their intelligence > on their goodness > on their aura > on how much money they have.

92d67b02a709cad2250f10848f9178e6

(2422)

on May 11, 2012
at 01:29 PM

I can't see how judging people based on how much money they have is less bad than judging them on their breakfast... :/ Judging is judging is judging...

1d02c0c2fa9946de88d8f24e81ca1cf6

(215)

on May 20, 2012
at 11:23 AM

Yeh. That was a joke. Of sorts. But, to break it to you gently, good judging is good (and I susepct you do it all the time) and bad judging is bad.

0
5dabc07bbde16f1cd3b56ea77929c56b

on May 11, 2012
at 02:41 AM

Omg I do this too. I'm so mean in my head about what people eat. And I was one of those people!!! Crap I've been all 4 types. Its mainly the ones that say "I'm trying to get healthy" but then drink a soda or eat chips. I just roll my eyes.

92d67b02a709cad2250f10848f9178e6

(2422)

on May 11, 2012
at 03:56 AM

It's relieving that I am not the only one!

0
76026e8ef496039d5075440ff731aa0d

on May 11, 2012
at 02:07 AM

"How do I stop judging? It's making my work unnecessarily difficult. Have you judged anyone based on the breakfast of choice?"

The realization that you are not infallible is a good place to start...also, as far as I know, you're not Gregory House, mostly because he's a fictional character...but I think the best thing you can do, which is positive reinforcement through pain..rubber band around the wrist and every time you judge someone, pull it back as far as you can and BLAMO???it???ll also give the people you???re sitting with a reason to judge you while you???re at it. ..Equal playing field.Truth.

31381cfeb5d6da6fc75f80ab68e041ea

(560)

on May 11, 2012
at 02:14 AM

-1 PLEASE do not inflict pain on yourself as a training habit. that is NOT how you should teach yourself anything and reinforces all sorts of things that are not positive. i do agree with the first part of this comment, though. i usually find i judge others less if i am secure in myself and accepting of my flaws. maybe you should examine your own issues thoroughly and see how that encourages you to extend grace to others? also, don't forget that most people really don't know any better when it comes to food.

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