6

votes

How to create a better relationship with food...

Answered on August 19, 2014
Created November 26, 2012 at 6:47 PM

I haven't got a good relationship with food. I've been in denial for the most part, but now I've finally had to realise how bad it's getting.

I started paleo about a month ago. First week - felt great, had lost weight. But I was a little...TOO obsessive. Then, I went out with my friends and I ate some bad food, and now I'm hooked again, but that's not all.

Whenever I eat a piece of junk, I feel like I've let everyone down. I've let my parents down because they bought me coconut oil and it's expensive, and they believed in me to lose weight, to prove conventional wisdom wrong...and I failed. I've also let myself down. I tell myself, I'll always be fat and disgusting if I can't even stop myself.

Then I eat some more, because screw it. I eat till I'm sick, then I try and make up for it. It lasts a day, maybe? Then the nighttime, all I do is eat. I'm ridiculous. 5 bars of chocolate is not an exaggeration for me.

I promise myself that "this is the last night; tomorrow, I'll start afresh" but it never happens. One bad thing happens to me, and boom, I'm binging. I'm eating this after a white chocolate binge, actually.

And I feel guilty, because I haven't got a bad life, not like some people. Some people have awful lives! And I feel upset because I feel ugly and fat, because I feel lonely? It's just a viscous cycle.

I know how bad this food is for me...I just can't stop. Doesn't help that I love eating.

I haven't told anyone this. Not even my closest friends know how bad my relationship with food is. They just think it's funny how I can "eat all I want but not gain weight" yet I'm not at a good weight.

I just need some help, and I needed some place to vent, because it's really getting to me. It's really getting me down. I almost cried in school today...

089dd41b18fbb95ebb5347cded708d98

(5635)

on November 27, 2012
at 01:27 AM

it's hard to talk to people about it who haven't experienced it. it really takes over all your thoughts. definitely check the book out. i still have the writing exercises taped to my wall just to remind me how far i've come.

Ed7403e397077dd1acdbf25c7f6e56ce

(3452)

on November 26, 2012
at 08:46 PM

Alright, you played a sport and didn't like it. Fine. I'm the same way. Clean kennels at the local Humane Society. Read to old folks at the nursing home. Find an older person in your neighborhood to help out around their house. You see? Cultivate a life that others will look up to and respect. That is where self worth comes from. Try things until something sticks.

Ed7403e397077dd1acdbf25c7f6e56ce

(3452)

on November 26, 2012
at 08:34 PM

The physio-aspect is a valid point, but ebrady was pretty clear about her thought process and the emotional obstacles she's dealing with.

66a7ef84ed129bba4ea2dc3aea26f67f

on November 26, 2012
at 07:40 PM

Thank you. I did do that for two weeks, it's just getting back on the wagon and forgiving myself, and knowing it's ok to eat junk once in a while (not binge, just to eat a piece of cake at a party of something - I used to worry myself sick for two days if I ate cake/bread)

66a7ef84ed129bba4ea2dc3aea26f67f

on November 26, 2012
at 07:38 PM

I find it so difficult to talk about things; I think that's one of my main problems. I try to talk to my friends but as I'm about to say how I feel I just either freeze up or start talking about random crap. I'll have a look at that book - that quote is amazing.

66a7ef84ed129bba4ea2dc3aea26f67f

on November 26, 2012
at 07:37 PM

I had a hobby. I didn't stick to it, because I felt ridiculous everytime I participated (It was a sport) and it just made me crave food even more. But thanks for the advice anyway. And VB, how would I know that it's bacterial overgrowth? I think it's just me, psychologically, considering I'm around 15 pounds overweight.

F5a0ddffcf9ef5beca864050f090a790

(15515)

on November 26, 2012
at 07:26 PM

I had over ten hobbies and I still had junk food cravings. In my case it was bacterial overgrowth. Sometimes it is not in your head, it is in your gut. But I like how you said "you define yourself by the food you eat". I think we define ourselves by the food our bacteria eats. We are better than that.

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5 Answers

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4
089dd41b18fbb95ebb5347cded708d98

(5635)

on November 26, 2012
at 07:00 PM

hey ebrady. i have suffered from an eating problem, too. i'd say there were two main things that helped me. first was seeing a therapist. i realized that my eating problem was all about control because i felt out of control on other aspects of my life. food was the one thing i could control. and second, my therapist gave me a book called "making peace with food." it really helped me a lot. there are good writing activities in the book that make you realize how much of a great person you are. it's a pretty cheap book since it's older, but my library has it, too.

http://www.amazon.com/Making-Peace-Food-Yourself-Obsession/dp/006096328X

there was a quote in it that really stuck with me- "i finally wanted to be free more than i wanted to be thin."

66a7ef84ed129bba4ea2dc3aea26f67f

on November 26, 2012
at 07:38 PM

I find it so difficult to talk about things; I think that's one of my main problems. I try to talk to my friends but as I'm about to say how I feel I just either freeze up or start talking about random crap. I'll have a look at that book - that quote is amazing.

089dd41b18fbb95ebb5347cded708d98

(5635)

on November 27, 2012
at 01:27 AM

it's hard to talk to people about it who haven't experienced it. it really takes over all your thoughts. definitely check the book out. i still have the writing exercises taped to my wall just to remind me how far i've come.

3
F5a0ddffcf9ef5beca864050f090a790

(15515)

on November 26, 2012
at 07:04 PM

I know exactly how you feel. I have been there. One thing you need to know - this vicious cycle can be stopped, it is not going to last forever.

I don't know if I can offer you any advice. One thing I would look into is you could have some kind of problem that causes you to crave junk food. Could be gut dysbiosis, could be something else. I do not know all of your symptoms. I really think you should go to the doctor to see if there is a reason you crave junk food. I had SIBO and did not even know it.

I would start by following these rules:

  1. Eat foods high in nutritional density, the ones you love. Make sure to schedule them in. I would eat liver once per week and kale, broccoli - you don't have to but make sure to research those foods. See what works for you.

  2. Eliminate processed foods. That covers pretty much all junk food. It was easy for me - I got really sick eating those.

  3. No sugar. Eat berries, fruit and nuts instead.

  4. Plan your meals. Think ahead of time. Bring a snack if you need to.

  5. Eat whole food. Meat, fish, eggs, butter, vegetables, berries, fruit, even "safe starches" if you like them.

  6. Whatever you do - do not feel bad after food binges. Remember - it is not you, it is a biochemical reaction. Your body is starving for nutrients and something gets in the way of you absorbing them. Just say to yourself - oh, well. I will work on it, it is a process.

Forgive yourself. It is going to be alright. You are worthy all the efforts - you have the whole life ahead of you.

66a7ef84ed129bba4ea2dc3aea26f67f

on November 26, 2012
at 07:40 PM

Thank you. I did do that for two weeks, it's just getting back on the wagon and forgiving myself, and knowing it's ok to eat junk once in a while (not binge, just to eat a piece of cake at a party of something - I used to worry myself sick for two days if I ate cake/bread)

1
Ed7403e397077dd1acdbf25c7f6e56ce

on November 26, 2012
at 07:00 PM

This might sound mean, but I'm being sincere so please read it that way.

You need a hobby. Something social. Something to be proud of. If it sounds corny, it's probably perfect. Volunteer work?

Basically you need to cultivate some positive sources of identity and self-image. You define yourself by the food you eat.

Also, it never hurts to find someone to talk it out with. Counselors, support groups, mentor...

Ed7403e397077dd1acdbf25c7f6e56ce

(3452)

on November 26, 2012
at 08:34 PM

The physio-aspect is a valid point, but ebrady was pretty clear about her thought process and the emotional obstacles she's dealing with.

F5a0ddffcf9ef5beca864050f090a790

(15515)

on November 26, 2012
at 07:26 PM

I had over ten hobbies and I still had junk food cravings. In my case it was bacterial overgrowth. Sometimes it is not in your head, it is in your gut. But I like how you said "you define yourself by the food you eat". I think we define ourselves by the food our bacteria eats. We are better than that.

66a7ef84ed129bba4ea2dc3aea26f67f

on November 26, 2012
at 07:37 PM

I had a hobby. I didn't stick to it, because I felt ridiculous everytime I participated (It was a sport) and it just made me crave food even more. But thanks for the advice anyway. And VB, how would I know that it's bacterial overgrowth? I think it's just me, psychologically, considering I'm around 15 pounds overweight.

Ed7403e397077dd1acdbf25c7f6e56ce

(3452)

on November 26, 2012
at 08:46 PM

Alright, you played a sport and didn't like it. Fine. I'm the same way. Clean kennels at the local Humane Society. Read to old folks at the nursing home. Find an older person in your neighborhood to help out around their house. You see? Cultivate a life that others will look up to and respect. That is where self worth comes from. Try things until something sticks.

0
E6c14efded576a0bea38a2fe2beced6a

on November 26, 2012
at 08:53 PM

Put a cheat jar in the kitchen. Every day you follow your plan %100 put 5$ in. After 30, or whatever time frame you choose, take the money and do something just for yourself.

If at any point you cheat, take the money in the jar and donate it. In cash, and in person.

Like most people there is no real consequence to cheating. You won't be sick for a month, or in the bathroom for days, or end your night of indulgence in the hospital. You need to create a real consequence.

Some people have tried this by using a quarter a day, or even a dollar, but I tell them it has to be real, and has to really really hurt. Until you can get over the hump of cravings and the like you need to set up a system that will cost you more than whatever few moments of enjoyment you think you are getting from cheating.

0
Ed7403e397077dd1acdbf25c7f6e56ce

on November 26, 2012
at 08:32 PM

Also, remember that your parents care about you. If they're supporting your attempts at making changes that much is clear. A lot of people don't have that

They don't want you to feel poorly or guilty about yourself for not meeting your goals.

Also, consume as much information as you can. Research Paleo, veganism, slow carb, supplements, anything & everything you can read.

Knowledge first, decision-making will follow.

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