10

votes

Paleo Babby Shower (Question for a friend)

Answered on August 19, 2014
Created September 19, 2011 at 4:32 PM

My friend is having her second Paleobabby! We are very excited, but the issue she is having is that most of her friends and family, who are kind and loving people, are sort of forcing a traditional babby shower on her. My friend would like her paleobabby shower gifts to be handmade items and/or gifts of great food like gift certificates to places that sell shell fish, organs, grassfed beef, etc. My friend's main priority is to start her babby off with a HEALTHY foundation of good food and a few quality clothing items and not tons of Carter's rompers.

Unfortunately, my friend's babby shower planners are much more interested in buying what they want to buy for her, and less interested in getting gifts that the paleomama really wants and needs.

How would you let people know, without hurting feelings or making people think you are crazy/weird, that this is what you want (the organs, the beef, the oysters, the awesome handmade Etsy babby items) without hurting their feelings? How do you help people get over their desire to buy cute Target babby shiz that you don't even want?

Thanks!

5e36f73c3f95eb4ea13a009f4936449f

(8280)

on September 27, 2011
at 08:19 PM

Heh, exactly. I don't think it is the way you really would want to be portrayed.

499f188c87c6980742b9ba98caa6f563

(683)

on September 27, 2011
at 06:29 AM

How is babby shower born? How girl get presents?

1fc9c11cf23b2f62ac78979de933ad83

(2435)

on September 26, 2011
at 05:35 AM

I've never heard of this, but I dare say I like the sound of it!

1fc9c11cf23b2f62ac78979de933ad83

(2435)

on September 26, 2011
at 05:32 AM

Ooooh, Liking the donation idea!

1fc9c11cf23b2f62ac78979de933ad83

(2435)

on September 26, 2011
at 05:29 AM

I get annoyed when the registry info is not on the invitation. Call me tacky.

1fc9c11cf23b2f62ac78979de933ad83

(2435)

on September 26, 2011
at 05:25 AM

Jess, take a step back and hear the joke for what it was.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on September 20, 2011
at 12:42 AM

I love that you know what the "in thing now for baby showers" is. Heh.

0dbd7154d909b97fe774d1655754f195

(16131)

on September 19, 2011
at 10:20 PM

Well you may have a point there. She is more of an egg eater anyway - she does have laying hens, so more layers would be welcome. Plus the choline in egg yolks is very beneficial for developing baby brains.

306aa57660d911781231f8090c2a5619

(3808)

on September 19, 2011
at 09:20 PM

Really? Live animals that require care and eventual slaughtering as a cute baby shower gift? I guess if local regulations allow and both the giver and recipient are on board with the idea...

Ce41c230e8c2a4295db31aec3ef4b2ab

(32564)

on September 19, 2011
at 07:05 PM

I think the real question is: Is etiquette Paleo?

Ce41c230e8c2a4295db31aec3ef4b2ab

(32564)

on September 19, 2011
at 06:28 PM

She could stand up for herself and refuse the shower. Good practice for parenting two & setting boundaries!

C835934198ffe146cb90eebc22c6b8d8

(844)

on September 19, 2011
at 06:06 PM

yeah with my first baby we have a big baby shower. People bugged me to make a registry. I registered at two common places and all of 4 people bought of our list OR got a gift card. Hubby and I were stuck buying everything we needed really close to my due date. I just had a second baby 3 months ago and I refused a shower this time around.

78972387772c994caa78513a83978437

(2290)

on September 19, 2011
at 05:58 PM

Honeymoon registry-- Honeyfund.com! I used it for my bridal shower/wedding to help pay for our honeymoon and my husband and I raked in about $600! I was surprised at how many people liked the idea

78972387772c994caa78513a83978437

(2290)

on September 19, 2011
at 05:57 PM

Honeymoon registry-- Honeyfund.com! I used it for my bridal shower/wedding to help pay for our honeymoon and my husband and I raked in about $600! I was surprised at how many people liked it

6b72eeb3f0c98b487f712efcb5092c90

(293)

on September 19, 2011
at 05:29 PM

Yep. Etiquette says no info on registries or gift requests in the invitation. Guests who want that kind of information are supposed to contact the host/ess.

0dbd7154d909b97fe774d1655754f195

(16131)

on September 19, 2011
at 05:03 PM

Baby chicks! What a great idea!I agree with consigning the extras. It is so pointless to hang on to all of that stuff - like I did.

5e36f73c3f95eb4ea13a009f4936449f

(8280)

on September 19, 2011
at 05:03 PM

Ah, thanks, I missed it. My only exposure to "babby" was that youtube video, which makes it look pretty negative.

0dbd7154d909b97fe774d1655754f195

(16131)

on September 19, 2011
at 05:02 PM

You are right on about gift giving. I have had 2 babies and I just had a yard sale. I must have sold 10 packs of unopened receiving blankets and prolly 10 bibs. Sometimes gifts can be more of a burden for the receiver.

66e6b190e62fb3bcf42d4c60801c7bf6

(12407)

on September 19, 2011
at 04:42 PM

babby= inside joke

0dbd7154d909b97fe774d1655754f195

(16131)

on September 19, 2011
at 04:42 PM

Thanks! In the real world it may be baby - on Paleohacks it is for sure babby. Ask Jack Kronk. After all this site is where I was schooled in the use of the word prolly.

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14 Answers

10
1fc9c11cf23b2f62ac78979de933ad83

(2435)

on September 19, 2011
at 04:58 PM

People want to give something cute. Give them examples of cute things. Baby chicks (so she can eat them later) a bunny (so she can eat it later) a bib that says "my dad's a cave hottie".

Honestly, the closest you're gonna get is this statement: We don't really need anything because we kept the stuff from the last baby. What we could really use is CASH, (be clear not gift cards, or at least gift cards to somewhere you shop. Somewhere they'll actually go, too. ex: Nob Hill/Raley's. They have great organic selection for a mainstream grocery)

Tell them, that if they buy you clothes, you'll have to sell them off to get cash so you can get what you actually need. Can't really put that in the invite, but she can sure as hell tell her mom and sisters, who will likely be giving the majority of the gifts anyhow.

Another idea: Amazon.com's universal wish lists. Anything sold online can be added to it, including steaks from US wellness meats.

She's gonna get a bunch of Carter's regardless. It's how baby showers work.

306aa57660d911781231f8090c2a5619

(3808)

on September 19, 2011
at 09:20 PM

Really? Live animals that require care and eventual slaughtering as a cute baby shower gift? I guess if local regulations allow and both the giver and recipient are on board with the idea...

0dbd7154d909b97fe774d1655754f195

(16131)

on September 19, 2011
at 05:03 PM

Baby chicks! What a great idea!I agree with consigning the extras. It is so pointless to hang on to all of that stuff - like I did.

0dbd7154d909b97fe774d1655754f195

(16131)

on September 19, 2011
at 10:20 PM

Well you may have a point there. She is more of an egg eater anyway - she does have laying hens, so more layers would be welcome. Plus the choline in egg yolks is very beneficial for developing baby brains.

1fc9c11cf23b2f62ac78979de933ad83

(2435)

on September 26, 2011
at 05:25 AM

Jess, take a step back and hear the joke for what it was.

7
6b72eeb3f0c98b487f712efcb5092c90

on September 19, 2011
at 05:26 PM

There is no nice way to tell people what to give you as a gift. The best your friend can do is register for things she considers appropriate/useful, and then exchange things if she needs to. Or, your friend could ask for a specific type of shower, say a diaper shower, for example, or a shower where no one brings gifts but works together to make a creative gift such as a baby quilt.

It would be, I think, appropriate to let those who ask about gifts know that the family has specific dietary needs and that gift certificates to "insert-name-of-appropriate-store-here" would also be a good gift. Using an Amazon.com registry is, I think, a brilliant idea.

In addition to selling things your friend gets that she can't/won't use, she might consider donating them to a shelter to help other moms and babies who aren't so fortunate.

1fc9c11cf23b2f62ac78979de933ad83

(2435)

on September 26, 2011
at 05:32 AM

Ooooh, Liking the donation idea!

7
5e36f73c3f95eb4ea13a009f4936449f

(8280)

on September 19, 2011
at 04:40 PM

To be honest, there's a saying for this. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Just like promoting paleo diets to those that aren't ready, you're dealing with an all around losing proposition. Sell off the stuff you can't use (it's not like it lasts long with the speed babies grow).

Also, it's baby, not babby. See: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll-lia-FEIY

0dbd7154d909b97fe774d1655754f195

(16131)

on September 19, 2011
at 04:42 PM

Thanks! In the real world it may be baby - on Paleohacks it is for sure babby. Ask Jack Kronk. After all this site is where I was schooled in the use of the word prolly.

66e6b190e62fb3bcf42d4c60801c7bf6

(12407)

on September 19, 2011
at 04:42 PM

babby= inside joke

5e36f73c3f95eb4ea13a009f4936449f

(8280)

on September 19, 2011
at 05:03 PM

Ah, thanks, I missed it. My only exposure to "babby" was that youtube video, which makes it look pretty negative.

5e36f73c3f95eb4ea13a009f4936449f

(8280)

on September 27, 2011
at 08:19 PM

Heh, exactly. I don't think it is the way you really would want to be portrayed.

499f188c87c6980742b9ba98caa6f563

(683)

on September 27, 2011
at 06:29 AM

How is babby shower born? How girl get presents?

6
Fe29f6658ce67c1ecc4a22e960be7498

(2997)

on September 19, 2011
at 05:57 PM

Spread the word that every cute onesie should include the gift receipt. That way you can ooh and ahh at all the inappropriate gifts, then return them later in exchange for babby pemmican. Keeping the ones from relatives who you just KNOW are going to ask about their gift later. :-)

6
1da74185531d6d4c7182fb9ee417f97f

on September 19, 2011
at 04:44 PM

How about have every bring a gluten free frozen frozen dish to the party for her to put in her freezer for those first sleepless weeks.

You can also have her sign up for a baby registry so she only gets what she wants. I found the baby registry very helpful so we didn't get a bunch of ridiculous plastic toys and instead got what I needed... like a ring sling, muslin blankets, cloth diapers, etc

5
3874fa3e7624fb3134013c43766b6eba

(110)

on September 19, 2011
at 11:50 PM

Has your friend considered a blessingway celebration instead of a traditional baby shower? I attended a blessingway this past winter for a Mum expecting her second child, and wanting very much to be connected to her pregnancy and have a natural home birth delivery.

Just mentioning blessingway or saying the party will be "along those lines" will get the guests doing some reading on the topic (as it is not a mainstream event). One of the main points covered on any website is that it's not a party to outfit the baby-to-be in a bunch of cheezy newborn outfits - it's to celebrate the new Mum's upcoming journey and celebrate her. Gifts are appropriate but thought must go into them to be appropriate. Some of us gave the Mum-to-be freezer foods to offset the household work, or generic supplies for when the baby arrived, but there was not a single Target/Carter's/brandname anything brought into the house.

It's "out there" but so is Paleo to most of my the people I've come across in my world who cannot believe I'm happy not eating grains ;-)

1fc9c11cf23b2f62ac78979de933ad83

(2435)

on September 26, 2011
at 05:35 AM

I've never heard of this, but I dare say I like the sound of it!

5
66e6b190e62fb3bcf42d4c60801c7bf6

on September 19, 2011
at 04:42 PM

i think the in thing now for baby showers, bridal showers and housewarmings are to send out "wish lists" in the invitation. i won't comment on if that is in good taste or not, but it's not unheard of these days and would solve your friend's conundrum quite nicely, imho.

the little paleo stuff that would be very useful for a new mom could be things like fermented clo and butter oil. also, gift certificates to grassfed meat suppliers would also be nice.

7e746be2f0e550a8cd7df881322ae705

(18701)

on September 20, 2011
at 12:42 AM

I love that you know what the "in thing now for baby showers" is. Heh.

4
306aa57660d911781231f8090c2a5619

(3808)

on September 19, 2011
at 07:38 PM

For the shower itself, take initiative in planning it so that you can control the menu (which it sounds like maybe you've done already).

As far as gifts, they can't really do much beyond creating a registry, and either including it in the invitation or giving it to those who ask, depending on what is considered acceptable within the circle being invited (and this may vary - Great Aunt Patty may be offended by the inclusion of a registry, while younger friends may expect one). Use a universal registry site, and include cutesy things from Etsy and the meat and so forth, but also make sure to include things that can be found in brick-and-mortar, widely available stores in a variety of price ranges, with a mix of cutesy and practical (bonus points if they overlap). Chances are they can find something. Think creatively - we requested and received a case of disposable wipes (Seventh Generation). We mainly use cloth diapers and wipes, but disposable wipes are good for when we're out of the house, both for diapers and for wiping hands and faces (not just baby's), plus they're good to have on hand for emergency preparedness/camping purposes (again, not just for baby).

If they do make a registry and use a site that allows for some sort of note at the top (I think most do), I think it's perfectly acceptable to say something along the lines of "As this is our second baby, we already have most of what we need, but we'd love handmade heirlooms" or something along those lines. Another creative way around it is to request that guests bring a children's book that they love to build a library for the baby.

I was able to head off unnecessary gifts by talking about what we already had when it came up naturally in conversation, in facebook statuses, and so forth. "Wow, I have enough hand-me-down clothing for surprise triplets!" and that sort of thing. I still got some gift clothing, but not much.

I would NOT request frozen meals, potluck food, or anything like that unless the people involved have a clear understanding of the family's diet or they're willing to eat whatever is provided. The dietary restrictions go far beyond "gluten free", and even GF is difficult for many people to understand. Don't ask people to put time and money into something the family won't be able/willing to eat. If people really want to provide food, perhaps provide recipes/websites with acceptable, inexpensive, easy to prepare options.

4
Ed983a42344945b1ff70fd9597a23493

on September 19, 2011
at 06:20 PM

I gave up on my extended family in this way years ago...when people give my family gifts that don't work for us, I return them if possible, sell them as a second choice, and give them away as a third choice. Even when my family actually asks what we would like, it's about a 50/50 chance that they will get what we ask for. We always thank them, and show appropriate gratitude...

4
2c8c421cf0e0c462654c7dc37f8b9711

(2729)

on September 19, 2011
at 06:10 PM

If she communicates her desire for the stuff she will really use (not in the invitation, but on the registry, which she can tell people about if they ask), then she stands a chance of getting at least a couple of the things she wants, from her close friends. Her great-aunt Margaret is still going to buy her a bunch of cheap overly-gendered baby gear from Target, though. That's just how it works. What's her address? I'll knit that babby a loincloth better than anything on Etsy.

4
78972387772c994caa78513a83978437

on September 19, 2011
at 05:19 PM

Realize that even if you make a registry or gift list, you're still only going to get about half of the things you actually want. Also, I've learned a long time ago not to trust my family or friends to give me the food that goes into my body (minus my husband who eats the way I do).

There really isn't a 'tactful' way to guide people into buying what you want.. kinda have to just tell it like it is. If people don't like it, tell them you only want their presence and not their presents.

And keep the receipts!

4
C835934198ffe146cb90eebc22c6b8d8

on September 19, 2011
at 04:57 PM

In my experience people almost NEVER buy gifts off the registries. They always buy stuff THEY want to buy. Which in my mind is ridiculous. The whole point of a baby shower is the get together with close friends and family and celebrate the beginning of a new life in the world...AND to get the momma and baby things they might need/want. NOT what YOU want them to have or what YOU think they might need. Is it possible for her to talk to the people throwing her shower and tell them what she would like? If they aren't willing to budge on the idea of a traditional shower then I agree with BeingVenus and have them bring frozen meals (gluten free), or at least attempt a registry with natural things she would like for the baby and herself. I think it is at least worth a shot having her talk to the people throwing the shower. They might be willing to bend a little hehe.

C835934198ffe146cb90eebc22c6b8d8

(844)

on September 19, 2011
at 06:06 PM

yeah with my first baby we have a big baby shower. People bugged me to make a registry. I registered at two common places and all of 4 people bought of our list OR got a gift card. Hubby and I were stuck buying everything we needed really close to my due date. I just had a second baby 3 months ago and I refused a shower this time around.

0dbd7154d909b97fe774d1655754f195

(16131)

on September 19, 2011
at 05:02 PM

You are right on about gift giving. I have had 2 babies and I just had a yard sale. I must have sold 10 packs of unopened receiving blankets and prolly 10 bibs. Sometimes gifts can be more of a burden for the receiver.

3
27e79ef3308bb5f2d7bd04ee7eea7b79

(2038)

on September 19, 2011
at 05:23 PM

Initially, I was tempted to say "registry with U.S. Wellness, Tropical Traditions, etc. - and people will get the hint."

But then I remember what all the advice columnists say about specifying gifts you want for showers, weddings, etc. In one word: Don't. It's plain bad manners. Registry information isn't supposed to be included on the invitation card. Asking for cash instead is the height of tackiness/rudeness.

Maybe the real question here should be: Are shower gifts Paleo? :-)

Honestly, just let the guests give what they want to give. If they ask for gift ideas, though, then you have full leeway in saying exactly what the mother-to-be wants.

These are examples from a Carolyn Hax chat (for a wedding shower, but the same applies to all showers), here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2010/06/04/DI2010060403694.html

Bethesda, Md.: I received a wedding invitation recently that had "Monetary gifts preferred" written on the bottom in big letters. No question, just wanted to let everyone know that the apocalypse is nigh.

Carolyn Hax: Eh, that particular harbinger announced itself years ago, and we're all still here, more or less.

Hope you sent regrets. That's really the best weapon against the trend--especially since all the yowling we do about it in this forum doesn't seem to have made a dent.

D.C. Area: My soon-to-be-married son mentioned they would like to receive monetary gifts toward a honeymoon. I told him it was absolutely unacceptable to put that on any type of invitation. However, I have heard of a "honeymoon registry" (I have not mentioned that to him yet - I want to check it out more before putting that but in his ear). Is it acceptable to add include a "honeymoon registry" with the standard department store registries so guests have more options?

Carolyn Hax: It is absolutely unacceptable to put any registry information in with an invitation. Registries exist not for the enrichment of the couple, but solely for the convenience of the guests, who might prefer to give stuff vs cash, but who don't want to spend their cash on stuff the couple doesn't want. This information should be provided (by the bride, groom or family/close friends of) solely upon request.

It is a really, really narrow set of parameters, and, full disclosure, I don't even like those any more. I used to feel pretty neutral about registries (keep em out of the invitations, but otherwise go for it--I even had one myself), but now--after years of reading about and witnessing their abuse--I wish they'd just disappear. If you don't know what the couple wants, write a check. With that one sentence, all registry justifications go away. Now if only the registries themselves would go away ...

Oh right, you had a question. If he and his intended -need- some things, then they can put them on a regular registry. It is not cool to ask the guests to send them on a honeymoon. If you get asked by close friends what the couple would like, you can use your judgment on saying, "Cash always fits." Really--it has to be people you trust not to find that offensive.

78972387772c994caa78513a83978437

(2290)

on September 19, 2011
at 05:57 PM

Honeymoon registry-- Honeyfund.com! I used it for my bridal shower/wedding to help pay for our honeymoon and my husband and I raked in about $600! I was surprised at how many people liked it

Ce41c230e8c2a4295db31aec3ef4b2ab

(32564)

on September 19, 2011
at 07:05 PM

I think the real question is: Is etiquette Paleo?

6b72eeb3f0c98b487f712efcb5092c90

(293)

on September 19, 2011
at 05:29 PM

Yep. Etiquette says no info on registries or gift requests in the invitation. Guests who want that kind of information are supposed to contact the host/ess.

78972387772c994caa78513a83978437

(2290)

on September 19, 2011
at 05:58 PM

Honeymoon registry-- Honeyfund.com! I used it for my bridal shower/wedding to help pay for our honeymoon and my husband and I raked in about $600! I was surprised at how many people liked the idea

1fc9c11cf23b2f62ac78979de933ad83

(2435)

on September 26, 2011
at 05:29 AM

I get annoyed when the registry info is not on the invitation. Call me tacky.

1
1fc9c11cf23b2f62ac78979de933ad83

(2435)

on September 26, 2011
at 05:36 AM

On second thought, something like a honeymoon fund would be good, except to pay for a doula. Wouldn't that be awesome? I should create this...

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