2

votes

Hack my relationship: Addicted to Paleo?

Answered on September 12, 2014
Created March 16, 2012 at 7:54 PM

I am currently in a long distance relationship with a fellow Paleo-er - we live very far apart and I am starting to see the following problems become increasingly worse after the Paleo lifestyle was adopted by my SO:

1) Extreme obsession with eating healthy and correctly - ie. constant intermittent fasting, eating healthy oils by the spoonful as a meal daily, taking over 25 different type of supplements a day, no cheats at all (not even fruit)

2) Extreme obsession with work - ie. 12 hours a day of work, minimum, obsession with perfection, no contact during the workday at all, works until 10pm at least 3 days a week.

Between work and Paleo, it seems like there is no time for me. Before Paleo came into our lives, neither of these were major issues. Is this the result of Paleo or is this an addictive personality?

Has anyone else had this problem?

6120c989fd5b69f42a0834b69b87955b

(24553)

on March 17, 2012
at 10:09 AM

Just a thought, and perhaps a paranoid and impractical one considering the distance factor, but have you dropped by unannounced during business hours to check the vibe? The look on their face if you drop by will be pretty telling. Is there anyone in the office your S.O. is trying to impress, and hence the sudden dedication to job and appearance. It could be trying to impress the boss for a raise, or it could be someone taking advantage of your distance getting flirty. The gut usually knows with these things, if you feel like you are being pushed out of the picture, you probably are.

1a98a40ba8ffdc5aa28d1324d01c6c9f

(20378)

on March 17, 2012
at 05:47 AM

We do have a joke though. We call it working half days...

1a98a40ba8ffdc5aa28d1324d01c6c9f

(20378)

on March 17, 2012
at 05:42 AM

Working 12+ hour days for years can get to your health... I know first hand it is not optimal for your health...

6670b38baf0aae7f4d8ac2463ddc37c0

(3946)

on March 17, 2012
at 02:42 AM

IMHO, sounds like if it wasn't Paleo, it would be something else.

Cd717290eb43a6e17061f9920deed977

(1267)

on March 16, 2012
at 11:19 PM

Yeah, it's more Paleo to hang around and socialize. Ya know, gossip, play, or just daydream. Typical hunter/gatherers spend maybe, 3 hours a day, tops, on what we would consider work, right? Something like that.

D3495cd9e3e7173f24e1dbee40774573

on March 16, 2012
at 10:37 PM

I think Eric means paleo man didn't sit in an office until 10pm. Modern hunter gatherers spend much less time 'working' than us westerners.

D3495cd9e3e7173f24e1dbee40774573

on March 16, 2012
at 10:36 PM

Alex, has work got more stressful? Maybe the obsession with paleo is a way of coping with other stresses, trying to over control things outside work...

0bc6cbb653cdc5e82400f6da920f11eb

(19245)

on March 16, 2012
at 09:52 PM

It is the personality.

Da09792b69ef4076fc6bcec75d53ee84

(10)

on March 16, 2012
at 09:49 PM

Interesting you say it's not Paleo... can you elaborate? This might be a good thing to bring up...

Ebb10603524dd22621c1155dd7ddf106

(19150)

on March 16, 2012
at 09:32 PM

A very good point, @jenny j

C513f1dba19e01bbd7e0f4f12b243a97

(670)

on March 16, 2012
at 09:07 PM

Yeah, this is totally where I'm at now. Need to take steps back and remember that I'm aiming for overall improvement, not godliness. For me it was a result of the paradigm shift from veganism, which is rather strict in nature too.

Da09792b69ef4076fc6bcec75d53ee84

(10)

on March 16, 2012
at 08:06 PM

I should also ask... how do I approach this with my SO? Talking results in fights every time.

Da09792b69ef4076fc6bcec75d53ee84

(10)

on March 16, 2012
at 08:05 PM

We've been together for almost 3 years. Prior, work was not as big of a priority - same job and everything, nothing major, just a corporate gig at a huge company (J&J). Huge on the SAD though - fast food was a big deal. Very thoughtful and sweet as a SO.

518bce04b12cd77741237e1f61075194

(11577)

on March 16, 2012
at 08:02 PM

"Be glad it was paleo"- actually, any obsession with food can easily become self-inflicted harm, doesn't matter how healthy the food is, it's the relationship with it.

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6 Answers

4
96bf58d8c6bd492dc5b8ae46203fe247

(37227)

on March 16, 2012
at 08:26 PM

I don't disagree with greymouser and Jaych, but I'd say if paleo is still fairly new to your SO I don't think it's very unusual to go through a few phases--including a rabid/dogmatic one--along the way.

After the novelty wears off I think many people (and me) relax as paleo shifts from the new experiment to the focal point to a basic part of everyday life.

I have no clue where your relationship is headed--I'd say paleo is not likely to be the make-it/break-it factor.

C513f1dba19e01bbd7e0f4f12b243a97

(670)

on March 16, 2012
at 09:07 PM

Yeah, this is totally where I'm at now. Need to take steps back and remember that I'm aiming for overall improvement, not godliness. For me it was a result of the paradigm shift from veganism, which is rather strict in nature too.

3
Ebb10603524dd22621c1155dd7ddf106

(19150)

on March 16, 2012
at 08:00 PM

Addictive personality. Paleo just filled in a needed gap. Be glad it was Paleo, and not something like self-inflicted-harm (e.g. cutting).

Ebb10603524dd22621c1155dd7ddf106

(19150)

on March 16, 2012
at 09:32 PM

A very good point, @jenny j

518bce04b12cd77741237e1f61075194

(11577)

on March 16, 2012
at 08:02 PM

"Be glad it was paleo"- actually, any obsession with food can easily become self-inflicted harm, doesn't matter how healthy the food is, it's the relationship with it.

1
B4e1fa6a8cf43d2b69d97a99dfca262c

(10255)

on March 16, 2012
at 09:13 PM

25 different suppliments a day?!?!?! perhaps there is some kind of toxicity playing a role in the personality change. suggest some blood work so your SO can see "how much they have improved"

1
4b05d725a8332e8e917a4ca58b6e8a1e

(1239)

on March 16, 2012
at 08:01 PM

It's not Paleo causing these behaviors. Restrictive diets (not say Paleo is inherently restrictive, but it can be made to be) like the one your significant other seems to be practicing can tend to attract a certain personality type. It wouldn't matter if your SO was practicing Paleo, eating vegan, doing Atkins, or doing some cabbage soup plan. I bet the behavior would be present in any of those, especially since your SO seems to have the same behavior in relation to work habits.

How long have you been together? What were your SO's behaviors prior to adopting this lifestyle?

D3495cd9e3e7173f24e1dbee40774573

on March 16, 2012
at 10:36 PM

Alex, has work got more stressful? Maybe the obsession with paleo is a way of coping with other stresses, trying to over control things outside work...

Da09792b69ef4076fc6bcec75d53ee84

(10)

on March 16, 2012
at 08:05 PM

We've been together for almost 3 years. Prior, work was not as big of a priority - same job and everything, nothing major, just a corporate gig at a huge company (J&J). Huge on the SAD though - fast food was a big deal. Very thoughtful and sweet as a SO.

0
0cddf17fbd678b897beeace676b0df92

on March 16, 2012
at 10:16 PM

Anything taken to the extreme has a danger of becoming an obsession. IMO, if its not interrutping your life then don't worry about it. But, if you aren't having fun or not living your life, then I'd urge you to rethink what you're doing. For me, I used to work crazy long hours but not anymore. I burnt out and now choose to have a life with people and new experiences.

Best of luck to you!

0
1a98a40ba8ffdc5aa28d1324d01c6c9f

(20378)

on March 16, 2012
at 09:19 PM

Have fun. Enjoy life. There is nothing Paleo about working long hours... It is sometimes necesary. I won't call anyone out that is working hard and long hours. It is just not optimal. My current long work hours are not optimal...

Cd717290eb43a6e17061f9920deed977

(1267)

on March 16, 2012
at 11:19 PM

Yeah, it's more Paleo to hang around and socialize. Ya know, gossip, play, or just daydream. Typical hunter/gatherers spend maybe, 3 hours a day, tops, on what we would consider work, right? Something like that.

1a98a40ba8ffdc5aa28d1324d01c6c9f

(20378)

on March 17, 2012
at 05:42 AM

Working 12+ hour days for years can get to your health... I know first hand it is not optimal for your health...

D3495cd9e3e7173f24e1dbee40774573

on March 16, 2012
at 10:37 PM

I think Eric means paleo man didn't sit in an office until 10pm. Modern hunter gatherers spend much less time 'working' than us westerners.

1a98a40ba8ffdc5aa28d1324d01c6c9f

(20378)

on March 17, 2012
at 05:47 AM

We do have a joke though. We call it working half days...

Da09792b69ef4076fc6bcec75d53ee84

(10)

on March 16, 2012
at 09:49 PM

Interesting you say it's not Paleo... can you elaborate? This might be a good thing to bring up...

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